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Belle8327

Looking for Christian Advice/Newbie

26 posts in this topic

I am a soon to 33 year old woman that is currently seperated from my spouse. He started off lieing to me about doing drugs and I ended up finding several different things in my house. I had to choose between my kids and my husband at that time as he was on drugs and I his ex wife had been calling dfs on him. The officer told me that if drugs were found in my house that I would lose my children. I ended up moving into a house by myself with me and my children. We have now been seperated for 2 years but I still love him very much and we still spend time together every now and then. He still hangs out with the people that does drugs though. I am at my end of the rope. I have prayed non stop for something to happen to where we can have our family back together again. I am however scared that he is still using and I just can't let him move back in only to do drugs and be in the same situation I was in before. Please someone tell me what Jesus would do in these circumstances. I am at a loss here. I read my Bible constantly but I am still searching for an answer to this question. Any Christian advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Hi l and welcome! I have been where you are. Just stand your ground and pray and seek God. Please just take care of the chidren. Find a good church. You cant talk to an addictand until he ..stops his addiction he will destroy every one in his life. Only when he is sober/clean can you go into counseling. It didnt work out for me. I an praying it goes better for you. God bless.

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It sounds like you are doing what you should be doing, separate from him / still love him, be there for him, praying for him, but not allowing him to be in your home if he is still a user. It can be rough, really rough, been there have a hat and two t-shirts.....but keep the faith!! Draw closer and closer to God - pray ceaselessly - and continue on. I am sure it's a burden, but on another point, your spouse is going to have to be accountable as well....witness to him, get him into a treatment center, whatever it takes....even jail if need be. It does not mean you don't love him, it's quite contrary to that. You can be tough, and still do it with love and grace - 

 

Mat 11:27  All things are delivered to Me by My Father. And no one knows the Son except the Father. Nor does anyone know the Father except the Son, and the one to whom the Son will reveal Him.
Mat 11:28  Come to Me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Mat 11:29  Take My yoke on you and learn of Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and you shall find rest to your souls.
Mat 11:30  For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.

 

2Co 12:8  For this thing I besought the Lord three times, that it might depart from me.
2Co 12:9  And He said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore I will rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may overshadow me.
2Co 12:10  Therefore I am pleased in weaknesses, in insults, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am powerful.

 

God Bless,

Hip
 

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Please someone tell me what Jesus would do in these circumstances. I am at a loss here. I read my Bible constantly but I am still searching for an answer to this question. Any Christian advice would be greatly appreciated.

I'm certainly not qualified to speak for Jesus, but I can tell you what I think he would do.....    I think he would take care of the children, for they really can't care for themselves in this world today......    and I certainly would not want DHS taking care of them.

 

your husband is going to have to make decisions and you should not make it easier for him to continue doing drugs.

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Thank you all for you kind words of encouragment and welcomes. I am so glad to have found a great website that has such a great support system as this one. I have been going through a lot and I use to talk to my mom about everything and she passed away. My dad is still there but he isn't like my mom was where I could just talk and talk..my dad gets on the bored side. haha

 

So thank you all for all of your replies! It means a lot to have other's there willing to listen and help out as they know how.

 

I really didn't have time to tell my full story as I was at work and on my lunch break when I found this site.

 

This all started about 2 years ago when I found him in the garage with a spoon and lighter. I still today am not 100% sure what was in there but he said it was pain pills but he was using it to shoot up in a needle. That was when all my trust was gone. It was horrible to see such a tight knit family pull away like a button on a shirt. So ever since then we have really went down hill. I have 2 step children who I barely see now as their mom moved them away to Columbia with her new husband, my husband and I have 2 small children together and I have a child from a previous marraige as well. So all together we had 5 children. After my husband started doing drugs we lost our house, he lost his job as a Chiropractor and didn't work for about a year. He finally does have a job but it's not nowhere what he was making as a Chiropractor. Nevertheless I am very happy that he does have a job. After we lost our house we moved into a duplex and Justin had went to rehab for a month and he came back and said he was all better and moved in with us at the duplex. Things was great until I found another needle and then another and he got into a rage and punched a whole in the wall at the duplex because I didn't believe him about the needles being old like he would always say. So he ended up moving his stuff out of the duplex and into his mom's house. He has now lived with her for a year and half and he has constantly been asking to move back in here. I will not let him however because even some of the nights that we have stayed together I have either found him talking to his friends that do drugs that he said he was no longer talking to or I would find needles and he would say they are old. I have went through this for a very long time now. I have lost a lot of people in my life including my sister and the stress is weighing me down. Now my gram is in the hospital as well. I have developed social anxiety as well over the last year and it's hard for me to even leave my house as I get anxiety so bad. I know this has to do with all of the stress that I have been under. I am not trying to say that I am a perfect Christian by any means though. I have had my down falls and have really messed up along the way as well, not in the drug dept but I have asked God for forgiveness and have turned my life around. I have told Justin to go to teen challenge but there is always an excuse. He wonders why I can't trust him and it's because I keep finding things for me to not be able to. It takes only a few seconds for trust to be broken but a lifetime to regain it.  Sorry that this is so long but I wanted to tell my story in it's entirity (if I spelled that right). I love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and I know that he will be with me through this all which is why I will continue praising him through all of these storms in my life. Thank you all for reading! :biggrin2: Any and all comments are welcome.

 

Hi l and welcome! I have been where you are. Just stand your ground and pray and seek God. Please just take care of the chidren. Find a good church. You cant talk to an addictand until he ..stops his addiction he will destroy every one in his life. Only when he is sober/clean can you go into counseling. It didnt work out for me. I an praying it goes better for you. God bless.

 

 

It sounds like you are doing what you should be doing, separate from him / still love him, be there for him, praying for him, but not allowing him to be in your home if he is still a user. It can be rough, really rough, been there have a hat and two t-shirts.....but keep the faith!! Draw closer and closer to God - pray ceaselessly - and continue on. I am sure it's a burden, but on another point, your spouse is going to have to be accountable as well....witness to him, get him into a treatment center, whatever it takes....even jail if need be. It does not mean you don't love him, it's quite contrary to that. You can be tough, and still do it with love and grace - 

 

Mat 11:27  All things are delivered to Me by My Father. And no one knows the Son except the Father. Nor does anyone know the Father except the Son, and the one to whom the Son will reveal Him.
Mat 11:28  Come to Me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Mat 11:29  Take My yoke on you and learn of Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and you shall find rest to your souls.
Mat 11:30  For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.

 

2Co 12:8  For this thing I besought the Lord three times, that it might depart from me.
2Co 12:9  And He said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore I will rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may overshadow me.
2Co 12:10  Therefore I am pleased in weaknesses, in insults, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am powerful.

 

God Bless,

Hip
 

 

 

 

Please someone tell me what Jesus would do in these circumstances. I am at a loss here. I read my Bible constantly but I am still searching for an answer to this question. Any Christian advice would be greatly appreciated.

I'm certainly not qualified to speak for Jesus, but I can tell you what I think he would do.....    I think he would take care of the children, for they really can't care for themselves in this world today......    and I certainly would not want DHS taking care of them.

 

your husband is going to have to make decisions and you should not make it easier for him to continue doing drugs.

 

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Hello Belle and welcome to Worthy.

 

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  Ephesians 6:4  I definitely agree with the others, yes your marriage is important but just as you decided, your children are very important, and not only might you lose them, but your husband, would have provoke them to wrath.  I would be the richest man in the world if I received a dime for every time I have heard this next verse misquoted: Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  Ephesians 5:22    This is a verse that many men quote, and act like they are lord and master, but the smart wife will reply, yes dear just you remember the command given to you:  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it;  Ephesians 5:25  Basically any man who loves his wife as Christ loved the church will not lorded it over her.

 

Belle you have done a wonderful job, and it is up to you whether to let your husband depart or stay, but continue to pray for him.  You have shown yourself to be a woman of virtue,          Proverbs 31:10-31. 

14)  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

15)  But if the unbelieving departeth, let him depart.    A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases; but God hath called us to peace.

16)  For how knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shall save thy husband?  or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

I Corinthians 7:14-16

Considering your circumstances I would say that God is will please with your actions, praying that your husband overcomes this addiction.

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Hello Belle and welcome to Worthy.

 

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  Ephesians 6:4  I definitely agree with the others, yes your marriage is important but just as you decided, your children are very important, and not only might you lose them, but your husband, would have provoke them to wrath.  I would be the richest man in the world if I received a dime for every time I have heard this next verse misquoted: Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  Ephesians 5:22    This is a verse that many men quote, and act like they are lord and master, but the smart wife will reply, yes dear just you remember the command given to you:  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it;  Ephesians 5:25  Basically any man who loves his wife as Christ loved the church will not lorded it over her.

 

Belle you have done a wonderful job, and it is up to you whether to let your husband depart or stay, but continue to pray for him.  You have shown yourself to be a woman of virtue,          Proverbs 31:10-31. 

14)  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

15)  But if the unbelieving departeth, let him depart.    A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases; but God hath called us to peace.

16)  For how knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shall save thy husband?  or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

I Corinthians 7:14-16

Considering your circumstances I would say that God is will please with your actions, praying that your husband overcomes this addiction.

Thank you 19Duggarfan! You are so kind. I am so happy to have found this site as I have been looking for guidance on what I should be doing. I have felt as though I am doing it all wrong and then sometimes I feel right where I should be and then there are times where i get down again and think that God would not want me to exclude my husband from living with us. Thank you for clarifiying the above for me. I really think I am right where God wants me to be for the time being. I just hope and pray that Justin will put his family first and get help. I know that with people that have addictions though that it is hard to let it go. I just pray that he can so that we can be a family again one day. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. God Bless you!

Belle

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Hi Belle

It's interesting we the same age and I've been down this road myself.

Hosea is a great place to start in the bible for an answer

Hosea managed to get his wife back and sorted out her lust for prostitution...but what I can tell u, it would appear ur husband is addicted to crystal meth and it is one of the worst drugs to get addicted to...

I don't know the full dynamics of your custody situation...but if I was u learn what Hosea had to do to his wife...cut him off from seeing the kids for a year and get him into a proper rehab...finally understand your enemy...find out everything u need to know about crystal meth do ur research.

Keep the faith

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Hi Belle

Firstly I want to say that I hope you know that you are a beautiful daughter of the Father. He loves you so much and nothing will or can ever change that. Roman's 8:35-39 tells us that nothing can ever separate us from the love of God.

I think the only thing I would like to add is from Roman's 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

You may not see it but its a promise you have to claim and believe. Even though the circumstances you find yourself in may dictate otherwise.

Jesus offered to exchange his burden for yours. Yours is heavy his is light. Claim that too. He is your strength and your shield.

Trust in him he is not a liar. It is God's responsibility to change your husband and not yours. Just pray for wisdom and trust in him and his promises even if your head tells you otherwise.

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Dear Belle,

Welcome my dear sister in CHRIST!!!

 

I'm going to join my voice with those of Hippie & {{{{Alien}}}]},

sometimes tough love is the only road open to us.....I have heard it said & it bears out to be true...

You can take the bottle out of an alcoholics hand,BUT if he isn't ready to take the bottle out of his own hand then it's all for nothing...

In other words {{{Belle}}},it's got to be his choice...if he's not ready to do this..then you need to do what is best for your kids and yourself.

continue to pray for him,but don't allow him access to you or your children.

 

GBU Sweet Sister!!

 

~~~Miss~~~

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