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I am a 24-year-old Caucasian woman blessed with wonderful parents and a boyfriend. My parents are Catholic. My 26-year-old boyfriend (let's call him Joe) and I have been dating for nearly 2 years and he is just the biggest sweetheart I know. We both love each other very much. I met Joe in college right before my junior year - he was getting ready to graduate. Joe landed a very good job right after graduating from college. He works very hard, has a very positive outlook on life, and holds a very good attitude. My parents were thrilled that I met someone who got a job right out of college. Seeing this as a sign of approval, I invited Joe over for dinner with my parents and up until that evening, I have always had an amazing relationship with my parents. Next morning, my parents told me that Joe is not the right person for me because he's Muslim.

 

Joe introduced me to his parents soon enough, and they welcomed me with open arms. They know I'm Catholic and they have absolutely no issues with me dating their son. They are very good people and do not harbor hatred toward non-Muslims. Joe and I often talk about our religious beliefs, and jokingly asked him if I was required to become a Muslim before getting married. He said, "No, you would be converting for the wrong reasons, even though I know you have good intentions. You don't have to change your faith because of me." A while back, I asked Joe's mother why she was so approving of this relationship. Her answer: We just want our son to be happy. 

 

In the two years I've been with Joe, he has tried very hard to please my parents and still continues to do so. He told me he has no problems attending my family's events/gatherings. Last year, my parents invited me to a family event they were hosting around Christmas time. I asked if Joe could join us and they said no. As a result, I had to decline the invitation. This was the first time I did not attend a family event hosted by my parents. I did not spend Christmas with my family last year. I also did not spend Easter with them this year.

 

This year is coming to an end and I know I won't be able to spend Thanksgiving/Christmas with my family yet again. I have tried talking to my parents to give Joe a break, but they refuse to do so. They say they love me very much and would do anything to keep me happy. They just don't approve of Joe and think I can do better. Hearing this from my parents hurts me very much and I just end up crying as a result.

 

Joe has supported me in every step of the way and takes very good care of me. He's always there to put a smile on my face when I need it, calls me every day when he's at work, takes me out every weekend - you name it. Everything he does tells me that he is husband material and I know he will ask me to marry him in the near future. I have such a rocky relationship with my parents, and at this point, I love Joe more than I love my parents.

 

What can I do to get my parents to accept my boyfriend for who he is? How can I get them to understand that not all Muslims are bad, that the actions of a group of terrorists/extremists does not speak for the rest of the Muslim world? 

Edited by Hannah W
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Hi and welcome Hannah. So, you don't live under their roof? It is evident that they are looking out for you and love you dearly. Islam and the Qur'an defines people who doesn't live under Sharia Law and the Qur'an as infidels, that is my opinion based on what I have learned. Islam and Christianity are diametrically oppose so is Middle-eastern and Western cultures.  I can't offer much help, but if my daughter would come home and say something she is very much in love with a Islamic believing man it would be very disheartening to me to say the least. I believe you would have trouble plus grieve your parents. Sorry, that is my belief.

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Hi Hannah! :emot-wave:  It was nice to meet you in chat! :)

 

I notice you identify as Catholic. I live in an area where almost everyone is Catholic (South Louisiana). My husband was an alter boy and actually wanted to become a priest before discovering girls as a teenager! LOL Forgive me if this query is unnecessary, but in my area unfortunately much of what's practiced is strictly a cultural thing. You know how it is, kids are brought up a certain way, that's just always the way it's done, etc Before I could feel comfortable chiming in on a romantic relationship, I was just wondering, what's your relationship with Christ like? Do you remember the moment you accepted Him as Savior, stuff like that. So much of what I would say to your question really would hang on how this, our most important relationship, is.

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Hi and welcome Hannah. So, you don't live under their roof? It is evident that they are looking out for you and love you dearly. Islam and the Qur'an defines people who doesn't live under Sharia Law and the Qur'an as infidels, that is my opinion based on what I have learned. Islam and Christianity are diametrically oppose so is Middle-eastern and Western cultures.  I can't offer much help, but if my daughter would come home and say something she is very much in love with a Islamic believing man it would be very disheartening to me to say the least. I believe you would have trouble plus grieve your parents. Sorry, that is my belief.

 

Hi there! Thank you for responding. No, I do not live with my parents - I live in an apartment. I know they are trying to look out for me, but I'd like them to give him a chance. I have dated two supposedly Christian men before Joe and neither of them turned out to be responsible, trustworthy, show good judgement, or exhibit any positive characteristic needed for a stable relationship. An individual's faith does not tell the whole story in these times. Joe was born and raised in the United States, but he is an Indian-American and not from the Middle East.

 

If Joe was forcing his religious beliefs onto me, believe me, I would not even be asking for advice here - I would have to break up with him. But he does the opposite - he asks me about my beliefs and tries to learn more about our faith while practicing his own. Regardless, I do respect your opinions and thank you for your advice! :)

 

Hi Hannah! :emot-wave:  It was nice to meet you in chat! :)

 

I notice you identify as Catholic. I live in an area where almost everyone is Catholic (South Louisiana). My husband was an alter boy and actually wanted to become a priest before discovering girls as a teenager! LOL Forgive me if this query is unnecessary, but in my area unfortunately much of what's practiced is strictly a cultural thing. You know how it is, kids are brought up a certain way, that's just always the way it's done, etc Before I could feel comfortable chiming in on a romantic relationship, I was just wondering, what's your relationship with Christ like? Do you remember the moment you accepted Him as Savior, stuff like that. So much of what I would say to your question really would hang on how this, our most important relationship, is.

 

Hi again, Chloe! It was nice meeting you as well! I am not a devout Catholic, but my parents are. They were raised differently.

 

I don't want to say there is no relationship between Jesus Christ and me, and like I mentioned above, I'm not as religious as my parents. Part of this has to do with the community in which I was raised as well as the approach. I was never sent to catholic school, but I was taught to read the Bible frequently. I do care enough about the faith and follow certain guidelines. I am a virgin and will remain one till I am married. I go to church regularly. In summary, I won't say I have a very strong relationship with Christ, but it definitely isn't weak.

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http://www.shafiifiqh.com/maktabah/relianceoftraveller.pdf

 

You should download this and read the whole thing very carefully.   If your boyfriend is a Sunni Muslim, this is the law he must strive to live under.....   you will find that your standing and rights as a person pretty much dissolve into a second or third class person....    Should you marry, it is automatic that your children will be Islamic.

 

 

You should also read the Koran in the order it was written.....  I don't have that at hand right now, but it's important that you should know it and in the proper order it was given to Mohammad.

 

If you can go along with these documents you might be happy in your life.....  

I truly don't understand how, but that's for each of us to decide.

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http://www.shafiifiqh.com/maktabah/relianceoftraveller.pdf

 

You should download this and read the whole thing very carefully.   If your boyfriend is a Sunni Muslim, this is the law he must strive to live under.....   you will find that your standing and rights as a person pretty much dissolve into a second or third class person....    Should you marry, it is automatic that your children will be Islamic.

 

 

You should also read the Koran in the order it was written.....  I don't have that at hand right now, but it's important that you should know it and in the proper order it was given to Mohammad.

 

If you can go along with these documents you might be happy in your life.....  

I truly don't understand how, but that's for each of us to decide.

I have read bits of the Koran, but also extensively read Islamic scriptures (hadith as they are called by the Muslims) that were based on the teachings of Mohammed. I am well aware of the consequences of marrying a Muslim, but my boyfriend is very laid back when it comes to his faith. He doesn't eat pork, but he doesn't pray five times a day like his faith dictates he should (he does pray when he can). I'm not saying there isn't a chance I'll be treated as a second/third class citizen, but there's a very good chance that I won't. 

 

My boyfriend's faith isn't concerning to me like it is for my parents - what concerns me is how he treats others around him. Treat others as you would like to be treated - that's the Golden Rule. It's known to exist in Christianity, Islam, and just about every religion out there. Everyone loves my boyfriend but my parents. His family, friends (mutual ones also), and even coworkers have nothing bad to say about him. If he can treat others right, then why can't my parents?

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I don't know, Sister, I think that it is kinda of risky. What if he has radical Islam in his closet, near of kin. Have you heard of Honor killing, where if a man's daughter dishonors the family that he has the right and responsibity to kill her.

Do you actually want your Children to be raised Islamic and not raise Christians, I know that he said he isn't interested in making converts. I just pray that one day you don't wish with every fiber of your being that you could relive this day. I fear for you and your parents, your boyfriend and his parents may not be a threat to life, but may be a threat culturally to your children raising them up to honor Allah.

The decision and consequence's are yours, I say more, God bless you.

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I don't know, Sister, I think that it is kinda of risky. What if he has radical Islam in his closet, near of kin. Have you heard of Honor killing, where if a man's daughter dishonors the family that he has the right and responsibity to kill her.

Do you actually want your Children to be raised Islamic and not raise Christians, I know that he said he isn't interested in making converts. I just pray that one day you don't wish with every fiber of your being that you could relive this day. I fear for you and your parents, your boyfriend and his parents may not be a threat to life, but may be a threat culturally to your children raising them up to honor Allah.

The decision and consequence's are yours, I say more, God bless you.

 

I have indeed heard of honor killings, which mainly occur due to differences in moral values. It is quite prominent in the Middle Eastern and certain South Asian countries. It is something I definitely do not want to experience.

 

Your fear is absolutely justified. I'll be honest - I'm not really keen on raising my children under the Islamic faith, but I would pick that over the choice of letting them go astray and turn to atheism and such. The last thing I want my children to believe is that God does not exist. 

 

My boyfriend and I haven't talked about this in detail, but I will when I have enough time to talk to him about it. Thank you and God bless!

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I don't know, Sister, I think that it is kinda of risky. What if he has radical Islam in his closet, near of kin. Have you heard of Honor killing, where if a man's daughter dishonors the family that he has the right and responsibity to kill her.

Do you actually want your Children to be raised Islamic and not raise Christians, I know that he said he isn't interested in making converts. I just pray that one day you don't wish with every fiber of your being that you could relive this day. I fear for you and your parents, your boyfriend and his parents may not be a threat to life, but may be a threat culturally to your children raising them up to honor Allah.

The decision and consequence's are yours, I say more, God bless you.

 

I have indeed heard of honor killings, which mainly occur due to differences in moral values. It is quite prominent in the Middle Eastern and certain South Asian countries. It is something I definitely do not want to experience.

 

Your fear is absolutely justified. I'll be honest - I'm not really keen on raising my children under the Islamic faith, but I would pick that over the choice of letting them go astray and turn to atheism and such. The last thing I want my children to believe is that God does not exist. 

 

My boyfriend and I haven't talked about this in detail, but I will when I have enough time to talk to him about it. Thank you and God bless!

I hear you, and we must make our own decision, my decision, if I had had children would be that they would be Atheists rather than Islamic.

Again, God bless!

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http://www.shafiifiqh.com/maktabah/relianceoftraveller.pdf

 

You should download this and read the whole thing very carefully.   If your boyfriend is a Sunni Muslim, this is the law he must strive to live under.....   you will find that your standing and rights as a person pretty much dissolve into a second or third class person....    Should you marry, it is automatic that your children will be Islamic.

 

 

You should also read the Koran in the order it was written.....  I don't have that at hand right now, but it's important that you should know it and in the proper order it was given to Mohammad.

 

If you can go along with these documents you might be happy in your life.....  

I truly don't understand how, but that's for each of us to decide.

I have read bits of the Koran, but also extensively read Islamic scriptures (hadith as they are called by the Muslims) that were based on the teachings of Mohammed. I am well aware of the consequences of marrying a Muslim, but my boyfriend is very laid back when it comes to his faith. He doesn't eat pork, but he doesn't pray five times a day like his faith dictates he should (he does pray when he can). I'm not saying there isn't a chance I'll be treated as a second/third class citizen, but there's a very good chance that I won't. 

 

My boyfriend's faith isn't concerning to me like it is for my parents - what concerns me is how he treats others around him. Treat others as you would like to be treated - that's the Golden Rule. It's known to exist in Christianity, Islam, and just about every religion out there. Everyone loves my boyfriend but my parents. His family, friends (mutual ones also), and even coworkers have nothing bad to say about him. If he can treat others right, then why can't my parents?

 

Love truly is blind.....   we all have to make our own decisions and all have different levels of knowledge about things. 

Your question was how to get your parents to accept your boyfriend, and my answer was that you shouldn't even try.  It wasn't in those words but that is what it really says.......   if you are going to go out on this very dangerous road in life, you should not require your parents to approve when they know better..... 

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