Relationship advice needed

[Willa]

I had a friend who fled from Texas to Washington state to escape her muslim husband. He had threatened to take her children from her and go to Turkey so she has been hiding from him. She was not a strong Christian either. She fled from here again with their children and I don't know where she is now. He became much different after they were married and treated her like property.

However, I can tell you what it is like to be married to a non believer. The fact divided us. He acted like he would go to church with me before we were married but something always prevented it. We were married 11 years before he gave his life to Jesus and repented from sin. It was horrible, lonely, filled with arguements; I compromised trying to make my marriage work, but he would not allow me to attend church and tore up my bibles. He was nothing like this before marriage. I am sure that the Holy Spirit was convicting him of sins, but he blamed me for his discomfort. When we had children I knew I wanted to become a good example for them, and to do that I needed to become a strong, committed Christian.

2 Corinthians 6:14a,c Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.--and what communion has light with darkness? 15 And what accord has Christ with Belial (satan)? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?

I made a lot of excuses why this didn't apply to me. I even thought he was a believer who just didn't attend church. Please don't make the same mistake I made. People don't go to heaven because they are good. Those who rely on the blood of Christ to justify them and change them will go to heaven.

[clean]

I am a 24-year-old Caucasian woman blessed with wonderful parents and a boyfriend. My parents are Catholic. My 26-year-old boyfriend (let's call him Joe) and I have been dating for nearly 2 years and he is just the biggest sweetheart I know. We both love each other very much. I met Joe in college right before my junior year - he was getting ready to graduate. Joe landed a very good job right after graduating from college. He works very hard, has a very positive outlook on life, and holds a very good attitude. My parents were thrilled that I met someone who got a job right out of college. Seeing this as a sign of approval, I invited Joe over for dinner with my parents and up until that evening, I have always had an amazing relationship with my parents. Next morning, my parents told me that Joe is not the right person for me because he's Muslim.

 

Joe introduced me to his parents soon enough, and they welcomed me with open arms. They know I'm Catholic and they have absolutely no issues with me dating their son. They are very good people and do not harbor hatred toward non-Muslims. Joe and I often talk about our religious beliefs, and jokingly asked him if I was required to become a Muslim before getting married. He said, "No, you would be converting for the wrong reasons, even though I know you have good intentions. You don't have to change your faith because of me." A while back, I asked Joe's mother why she was so approving of this relationship. Her answer: We just want our son to be happy. 

 

In the two years I've been with Joe, he has tried very hard to please my parents and still continues to do so. He told me he has no problems attending my family's events/gatherings. Last year, my parents invited me to a family event they were hosting around Christmas time. I asked if Joe could join us and they said no. As a result, I had to decline the invitation. This was the first time I did not attend a family event hosted by my parents. I did not spend Christmas with my family last year. I also did not spend Easter with them this year.

 

This year is coming to an end and I know I won't be able to spend Thanksgiving/Christmas with my family yet again. I have tried talking to my parents to give Joe a break, but they refuse to do so. They say they love me very much and would do anything to keep me happy. They just don't approve of Joe and think I can do better. Hearing this from my parents hurts me very much and I just end up crying as a result.

 

Joe has supported me in every step of the way and takes very good care of me. He's always there to put a smile on my face when I need it, calls me every day when he's at work, takes me out every weekend - you name it. Everything he does tells me that he is husband material and I know he will ask me to marry him in the near future. I have such a rocky relationship with my parents, and at this point, I love Joe more than I love my parents.

 

What can I do to get my parents to accept my boyfriend for who he is? How can I get them to understand that not all Muslims are bad, that the actions of a group of terrorists/extremists does not speak for the rest of the Muslim world? 

Hi, Dawn

Be careful when deciding whether or not to stay involved with your boyfriend.

 

Muslim scripture teaches that a husband can strike a wife.  (Koran 4:34)

 

I used to play with two brothers when I was a kid. There dad was a Muslim and I think their mom was a Buddhist. At least one of the brothers used to get beat very badly by their dad and the parents ended up getting divorced because of abuse issues. The boy ended up being abused even worse after the divorce, though. A lot of abusers don't abuse while dating, many start abusing after the honeymoon or during the first pregnancy of the marriage.  One of the common red flags of potential abusers is trying to separate you from family or friends, so that you will be isolated as the relationship goes forward. They also call constantly to try to know what you are doing and who you are around.

 

So you have amazing parents, you have had an amazing relationship with your parents, yet now you have a rocky relationship with them because of this relationship? Maybe your parents are just concerned for you and your wellbeing. I hope you consider these things and pray to God about helping you to discern what you should do.

Edited September 18, 2014 by clean

[Qnts2]

I will echo a lot of what everyone else is saying.

 

First, you will not be able to force your parents to accept your boyfriend. Possibily the only thing you can do is to find out what their concerns are. Since, your parents are Catholic, they will be very concerned about any children, as the children will be Muslim per Islamic laws. Since they will be Muslim, they can not be baptised, which presents a real fear and issue for those who are of Catholic belief.

 

As you consider your relationship with your boyfriend, and possible marriage, do keep in mind that people change. As people get older, they tend to view religion as more important in their lives. Having children also tends to increase the view that religion is needed. With that in mind, look carefully at Islamic beliefs and see if it is something you can live with for the rest of your life (as marriage is a lifetime committment). If your boyfriend wants to move to India, for Muslims, polygamy is legal. You husband will have the rule of the house so what he says will go. If he is a nice person, he will consider you in his decisions, but when two people have different ideas and views, someone must comprimise. In Islam, the rule is the husbands and you will be expected to submit. If you love him so much, you can live with this for the rest of your life, then you have your answer. If you have doubts, take your time.

[gdemoss]

I am a 24-year-old Caucasian woman blessed with wonderful parents and a boyfriend. My parents are Catholic. My 26-year-old boyfriend (let's call him Joe) and I have been dating for nearly 2 years and he is just the biggest sweetheart I know. We both love each other very much. I met Joe in college right before my junior year - he was getting ready to graduate. Joe landed a very good job right after graduating from college. He works very hard, has a very positive outlook on life, and holds a very good attitude. My parents were thrilled that I met someone who got a job right out of college. Seeing this as a sign of approval, I invited Joe over for dinner with my parents and up until that evening, I have always had an amazing relationship with my parents. Next morning, my parents told me that Joe is not the right person for me because he's Muslim.

Joe introduced me to his parents soon enough, and they welcomed me with open arms. They know I'm Catholic and they have absolutely no issues with me dating their son. They are very good people and do not harbor hatred toward non-Muslims. Joe and I often talk about our religious beliefs, and jokingly asked him if I was required to become a Muslim before getting married. He said, "No, you would be converting for the wrong reasons, even though I know you have good intentions. You don't have to change your faith because of me." A while back, I asked Joe's mother why she was so approving of this relationship. Her answer: We just want our son to be happy.

In the two years I've been with Joe, he has tried very hard to please my parents and still continues to do so. He told me he has no problems attending my family's events/gatherings. Last year, my parents invited me to a family event they were hosting around Christmas time. I asked if Joe could join us and they said no. As a result, I had to decline the invitation. This was the first time I did not attend a family event hosted by my parents. I did not spend Christmas with my family last year. I also did not spend Easter with them this year.

This year is coming to an end and I know I won't be able to spend Thanksgiving/Christmas with my family yet again. I have tried talking to my parents to give Joe a break, but they refuse to do so. They say they love me very much and would do anything to keep me happy. They just don't approve of Joe and think I can do better. Hearing this from my parents hurts me very much and I just end up crying as a result.

Joe has supported me in every step of the way and takes very good care of me. He's always there to put a smile on my face when I need it, calls me every day when he's at work, takes me out every weekend - you name it. Everything he does tells me that he is husband material and I know he will ask me to marry him in the near future. I have such a rocky relationship with my parents, and at this point, I love Joe more than I love my parents.

What can I do to get my parents to accept my boyfriend for who he is? How can I get them to understand that not all Muslims are bad, that the actions of a group of terrorists/extremists does not speak for the rest of the Muslim world?

Hi, Dawn

Be careful when deciding whether or not to stay involved with your boyfriend.

Muslim scripture teaches: "Good women are obedient.... As for those whom you fear disobedience, admonish them and send them to beds apart and beat them. Then if they obey you, take no further action against them." (Koran 4:24)

I used to play with two brothers when I was a kid. There dad was a Muslim and I think their mom was a Buddhist. At least one of the brothers used to get beat very badly by their dad and the parents ended up getting divorced because of abuse issues. The boy ended up being abused even worse after the divorce, though. A lot of abusers don't abuse while dating, many start abusing after the honeymoon or during the first pregnancy of the marriage. One of the common red flags of potential abusers is trying to separate you from family or friends, so that you will be isolated as the relationship goes forward. They also call constantly to try to know what you are doing and who you are around.

So you have amazing parents, you have had an amazing relationship with your parents, yet now you have a rocky relationship with them because of this relationship? Maybe your parents are just concerned for you and your wellbeing. I hope you consider these things and pray to God about helping you to discern what you should do.

Can you link to a source for your quran quote. I am not finding anything like that in 4:24.

[clean]

 

 

I am a 24-year-old Caucasian woman blessed with wonderful parents and a boyfriend. My parents are Catholic. My 26-year-old boyfriend (let's call him Joe) and I have been dating for nearly 2 years and he is just the biggest sweetheart I know. We both love each other very much. I met Joe in college right before my junior year - he was getting ready to graduate. Joe landed a very good job right after graduating from college. He works very hard, has a very positive outlook on life, and holds a very good attitude. My parents were thrilled that I met someone who got a job right out of college. Seeing this as a sign of approval, I invited Joe over for dinner with my parents and up until that evening, I have always had an amazing relationship with my parents. Next morning, my parents told me that Joe is not the right person for me because he's Muslim.

Joe introduced me to his parents soon enough, and they welcomed me with open arms. They know I'm Catholic and they have absolutely no issues with me dating their son. They are very good people and do not harbor hatred toward non-Muslims. Joe and I often talk about our religious beliefs, and jokingly asked him if I was required to become a Muslim before getting married. He said, "No, you would be converting for the wrong reasons, even though I know you have good intentions. You don't have to change your faith because of me." A while back, I asked Joe's mother why she was so approving of this relationship. Her answer: We just want our son to be happy.

In the two years I've been with Joe, he has tried very hard to please my parents and still continues to do so. He told me he has no problems attending my family's events/gatherings. Last year, my parents invited me to a family event they were hosting around Christmas time. I asked if Joe could join us and they said no. As a result, I had to decline the invitation. This was the first time I did not attend a family event hosted by my parents. I did not spend Christmas with my family last year. I also did not spend Easter with them this year.

This year is coming to an end and I know I won't be able to spend Thanksgiving/Christmas with my family yet again. I have tried talking to my parents to give Joe a break, but they refuse to do so. They say they love me very much and would do anything to keep me happy. They just don't approve of Joe and think I can do better. Hearing this from my parents hurts me very much and I just end up crying as a result.

Joe has supported me in every step of the way and takes very good care of me. He's always there to put a smile on my face when I need it, calls me every day when he's at work, takes me out every weekend - you name it. Everything he does tells me that he is husband material and I know he will ask me to marry him in the near future. I have such a rocky relationship with my parents, and at this point, I love Joe more than I love my parents.

What can I do to get my parents to accept my boyfriend for who he is? How can I get them to understand that not all Muslims are bad, that the actions of a group of terrorists/extremists does not speak for the rest of the Muslim world?

Hi, Dawn

Be careful when deciding whether or not to stay involved with your boyfriend.

Muslim scripture teaches: "Good women are obedient.... As for those whom you fear disobedience, admonish them and send them to beds apart and beat them. Then if they obey you, take no further action against them." (Koran 4:24)

I used to play with two brothers when I was a kid. There dad was a Muslim and I think their mom was a Buddhist. At least one of the brothers used to get beat very badly by their dad and the parents ended up getting divorced because of abuse issues. The boy ended up being abused even worse after the divorce, though. A lot of abusers don't abuse while dating, many start abusing after the honeymoon or during the first pregnancy of the marriage. One of the common red flags of potential abusers is trying to separate you from family or friends, so that you will be isolated as the relationship goes forward. They also call constantly to try to know what you are doing and who you are around.

So you have amazing parents, you have had an amazing relationship with your parents, yet now you have a rocky relationship with them because of this relationship? Maybe your parents are just concerned for you and your wellbeing. I hope you consider these things and pray to God about helping you to discern what you should do.

Can you link to a source for your quran quote. I am not finding anything like that in 4:24.

 

Hi gdemoss, sorry to all who read it, I accidently put the wrong verse for it at first, I meant 4:34 instead of 4:24.

Edited September 18, 2014 by clean

[gdemoss]

I am a 24-year-old Caucasian woman blessed with wonderful parents and a boyfriend. My parents are Catholic. My 26-year-old boyfriend (let's call him Joe) and I have been dating for nearly 2 years and he is just the biggest sweetheart I know. We both love each other very much. I met Joe in college right before my junior year - he was getting ready to graduate. Joe landed a very good job right after graduating from college. He works very hard, has a very positive outlook on life, and holds a very good attitude. My parents were thrilled that I met someone who got a job right out of college. Seeing this as a sign of approval, I invited Joe over for dinner with my parents and up until that evening, I have always had an amazing relationship with my parents. Next morning, my parents told me that Joe is not the right person for me because he's Muslim.

Joe introduced me to his parents soon enough, and they welcomed me with open arms. They know I'm Catholic and they have absolutely no issues with me dating their son. They are very good people and do not harbor hatred toward non-Muslims. Joe and I often talk about our religious beliefs, and jokingly asked him if I was required to become a Muslim before getting married. He said, "No, you would be converting for the wrong reasons, even though I know you have good intentions. You don't have to change your faith because of me." A while back, I asked Joe's mother why she was so approving of this relationship. Her answer: We just want our son to be happy.

In the two years I've been with Joe, he has tried very hard to please my parents and still continues to do so. He told me he has no problems attending my family's events/gatherings. Last year, my parents invited me to a family event they were hosting around Christmas time. I asked if Joe could join us and they said no. As a result, I had to decline the invitation. This was the first time I did not attend a family event hosted by my parents. I did not spend Christmas with my family last year. I also did not spend Easter with them this year.

This year is coming to an end and I know I won't be able to spend Thanksgiving/Christmas with my family yet again. I have tried talking to my parents to give Joe a break, but they refuse to do so. They say they love me very much and would do anything to keep me happy. They just don't approve of Joe and think I can do better. Hearing this from my parents hurts me very much and I just end up crying as a result.

Joe has supported me in every step of the way and takes very good care of me. He's always there to put a smile on my face when I need it, calls me every day when he's at work, takes me out every weekend - you name it. Everything he does tells me that he is husband material and I know he will ask me to marry him in the near future. I have such a rocky relationship with my parents, and at this point, I love Joe more than I love my parents.

What can I do to get my parents to accept my boyfriend for who he is? How can I get them to understand that not all Muslims are bad, that the actions of a group of terrorists/extremists does not speak for the rest of the Muslim world?

Hi, Dawn

Be careful when deciding whether or not to stay involved with your boyfriend.

Muslim scripture teaches: "Good women are obedient.... As for those whom you fear disobedience, admonish them and send them to beds apart and beat them. Then if they obey you, take no further action against them." (Koran 4:24)

I used to play with two brothers when I was a kid. There dad was a Muslim and I think their mom was a Buddhist. At least one of the brothers used to get beat very badly by their dad and the parents ended up getting divorced because of abuse issues. The boy ended up being abused even worse after the divorce, though. A lot of abusers don't abuse while dating, many start abusing after the honeymoon or during the first pregnancy of the marriage. One of the common red flags of potential abusers is trying to separate you from family or friends, so that you will be isolated as the relationship goes forward. They also call constantly to try to know what you are doing and who you are around.

So you have amazing parents, you have had an amazing relationship with your parents, yet now you have a rocky relationship with them because of this relationship? Maybe your parents are just concerned for you and your wellbeing. I hope you consider these things and pray to God about helping you to discern what you should do.

Can you link to a source for your quran quote. I am not finding anything like that in 4:24.

Hi gdemoss, sorry to all who read it, I accidently put the wrong verse for it at first, I meant 4:34 instead of 4:24.

Interesting text. Thank you for the correction.

[GodwithacapitalG]

Hey Hannah! You seem to a kind hearted person who is just so hurt by your parents discomfort for your boyfriend. If I was to offer any advice it would be on the basis of what are your values Hannah and I mean deep, deep values. Do you value honesty? and courage? Do you value Jesus? If you answered yes to all of these things the next question would be how much do you value these things? Would you die for these things? I mean do you value them that much? Hannah only you know the answer. I can also offer you some perspective into why your parents are behaving the way they are. DO you want the down right dirty and disgusting truth? Hannah they are simply scared to death for you. Your parents don't see today but they see forever. You guys may be happy now but lets be honest I am pretty sure there are many relationships that you can have that can make you feel so good especially in the beginning. The parts about him having a good job and etc is all physical and if your are Christian we know that God is not worried about the physical every battle to God is spiritual. It is principles vs principal, value vs value and belief vs belief because ultimately that is what satan is after. The physical part is good now but what will happen when your spirit isn't feeling right like when the serious conversations begin to be had for example if you guys have kids and you want your child to learn about Jesus our God and creator of the world and your husband is disagreeing with you saying he was just another human being like me and you. Do you think that will be an issue? God seems to clearly tell through the bible not to mix principles up and not as a vindictive authoritarian but as a friend. He is saying if you want to live a happy life be with someone who sees happy the same as you. Someone who values what you do! God knows that marriage is a spiritual partnership made for growth. The question is how can you two grow spiritually when you guys believe differently. Now if within yourself you are 100% sure God has told you this is what he wants for you then forget the approval of your parents and what I said. After all GOD IS ALWAYS FIRST! However, Hannah I have a feeling the true reason you might be upset with your parents is the fact that you think they might be right. You don't want to spend 30 years of your life with this person and begin crying one day " God you were  right!" Just be sure about your decision.