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Warrior777

Remarriage after divorce

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Are you reiterating your comparison?

 

It's not in the Bible...it may be your personal belief, but it is not in the Bible.  That comparison is not in the Bible. and so on

 

Oh, I use scripture all the time....but I prefer to keep it in context

 

 

BTW, I am not angry or hurt or offended...not all all...

Good point Seven. :thumbsup:

"We must not seek to bind the consciences of other Believers with the private convictions that arise out of our personal walk with God. Even if you believe God has led you in developing those convictions, you still must not elevate them to the level of spiritual principles for everyone else to follow." - Jerry Bridges

 

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I simply no longer believe God expects us to stay with a spouse that is unfaithful to the marriage covenant and I believe there are more ways then one to break that covenant

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I have stayed away from this thread because it is personal for me. However, it seems that people love talking in hypothetical situations these days. But this is real and affects real people with real feelings. So let me put a face to this conversation so people don't have to use a hypothetical.

 

My situation with this is simple. When me and my now ex-wife got married she was following no religion and I was a satanist. During our marriage I got saved, she did not. Long story short, she left me telling me she had been sleeping with other people and wanted to be with one of them and also she didn't agree with Christianity, she wanted to follow Wicca or witchcraft as most would call it. I begged her to stay and she would not. After a few years, she decided she wanted to marry another guy she had hooked up with, which meant she needed to divorce me. I fought the divorce but she went through with it and divorced me against my will. I am a single Father of 2 kids ( yes I got the kids ) if I was to find someone and remarry, would it be a sin? Why or Why not.

 

I ask for responses but I am not sure if I will respond much because of this being so personal for me. I  hope everyone understands. 

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As your wife committed adultery, even the naysayers against divorce would agree you can remarry.  In fact many would state adultery is THE reason for being allowed to divorce

and remarry.

 

The Bible also states that if the unbeliever wishes to leave...let them...Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.  I Cor 7:15

 

However, I have no problem with you wanting her to stay...I can understand that.

 

That's the black and white answer...and this is not hypothetical for many here..

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Yes

 

And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."  Matthew 19:9 (NASB)

 

Yes, I Think You Can

 

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Genesis 2:18

 

~

 

I have stayed away from this thread because it is personal for me. However, it seems that people love talking in hypothetical situations these days. But this is real and affects real people with real feelings. So let me put a face to this conversation so people don't have to use a hypothetical.

 

My situation with this is simple. When me and my now ex-wife got married she was following no religion and I was a satanist. During our marriage I got saved, she did not. Long story short, she left me telling me she had been sleeping with other people and wanted to be with one of them and also she didn't agree with Christianity, she wanted to follow Wicca or witchcraft as most would call it. I begged her to stay and she would not. After a few years, she decided she wanted to marry another guy she had hooked up with, which meant she needed to divorce me. I fought the divorce but she went through with it and divorced me against my will. I am a single Father of 2 kids ( yes I got the kids ) if I was to find someone and remarry, would it be a sin? Why or Why not.

 

I ask for responses but I am not sure if I will respond much because of this being so personal for me. I  hope everyone understands. 

 

:thumbsup:

 

Personally,

 

and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.” Mark 10:12 (NASB)

 

I Believe

 

Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. 1 Corinthians 7:15

 

God Is The Number One Romantic Both In

 

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. Genesis 2:21-22

 

And Out Of This Universe

 

And there shall be no more curse: but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it; and his servants shall serve him: And they shall see his face; and his name shall be in their foreheads. Revelation 22:3-4

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I know that if I am wrong on the following then there are plenty of mature knowledgable christians on here to correct me and I always welcome correction when I am shown to be wrong. 
I know we are all human and can make mistakes at times.  I am not talking about those who make a mistake that they truely repent of and would never do again.  I know there have been times when I have got angry over something my husband has said or done and then later realised I was wrong.

 I have always looked to the bible to guide me on how we are to treat our family members and what is godly behaviour toward them.  One verse that has always struck me as powerful over this is: 1Ti 5:8  But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.  I am no Greek scholar but Strongs definition of the term 'provide not for' is:

 

προνοέω
pronoeō
pron-o-eh'-o
From G4253 and G3539; to consider in advance, that is, look out for beforehand (active voice by way of maintenance for others; middle voice by way of circumspection for oneself): - provide (for).  This suggests to me that we should always have the welfare and wellbeing of our family first and formost in our thinking and actions toward them.  I do understand we all make mistakes and are not perfect yet so I am not talking about someone who has made a dreadful mistake and is turely repentant and would never do it again but two questions do occur to me over this verse:

1) Is someone who is committing adultery truely looking out for family first?

2) Is somone who is abusing their family truely looking out for their family first?

To be honest I don't see how they could be.  If that is the case then this verse does tell us that they have denied the faith and anyone that denies the faith is an unbeliever no matter what they call themselves.  Their fruits have given them away as to what they truely are in their hearts.  Jesus does back us up in this when he tells us the two great commandments: Mat 22:37  Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
Mat 22:38  This is the first and great commandment. Mat 22:39  And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.


Is abuse showing love for your family? No it is not.  Is adultery showing love for your spouse/family?  No it is not.  Abuse and adultery do not show the fruit of the Spirit either: Gal 5:22  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,Gal 5:23  Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law; Eph 5:9  (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth).  What is good and righteous about abuse and adultery?  Nothing.  So if I am right then an abuser or an adulterer is denying the faith and no more than an unbeliever trying to pretend to be a believer so in that case this verse would apply: 1Co 7:15  But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

 

I do believe that Jesus gives us the verses about divorce as He knows that the reasons for divorce can, often, can lead us away from Him and all Gods promises.

 

These are just my own opinions fwiw.

   


   
    



 

Edited by Nyoka

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The 1 Cor. 7:15-16 passage is the basis of my thought. If the spouse has left you and married another, was that person a believer and have they continued in the faith (he who endures to the end shall be saved). It would seem to me that if they were an unbeliever, you are free to remarry. (In such case the believing spouse is no longer bound to the other.)

The problem is that a person who has been so deeply wronged has a lot of baggage to bring into the next marriage, and will need Christian counseling quite often. Our baptist pastor married a woman who had been divorsed under such circustances. They went through years of counseling to work it all out. He also was having trouble being ordained because he had married a divorsed woman. But it was decided in favor of ordination on the basis of her innocence in the situation leaving her free to remarry.

Willa

 

Thanks for your reply.

The case you are talking about in Cor. is a clear case of an unbeliever leaving, so divorce is permitted here but does it automatically imply that remarriage is allowed in this circumstance? It doesn't really say. It just speaks about not being bound to the unbeliever anymore (unequally yoked) in a covenant. If combined with the scripture in Matt 5 it doesn't seem that it indicates a freedom to remarry unless there was also adultery involved with that unbelieving spouse?

It seems to me if a person is no longer bound by a covenant, she is them free to remarry. If a person marrys some who is in covenant with another there would be adultry. But where there is no longer a covenant there can't be adultry. That is how my mind is reading it.

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There is no simple answer. Was the bible created for man or man for the bible? According to Paul the things that were written down were for our learning. When I was immature in my faith I was very perverse and legalistic in my application of the scriptures to any life situation. Everything God did has been out of love as God is love. There is a time to marry, a time to divorce, a time to remarry as well as a time to stay unmarried after divorce. Love is the answer. One might think that divorce and remarriage can never be the way of love. Let that one alone to live by their conscience. For them to do so cannot be love. Love has done a great many things. Love sent a whole nation into captivity and dispersed among the nations. Love flooded a world to save 8 people alive. Love knows when to say when. Love knows when to say yes or no. Follow after love in everything. We live in perilous times and love demands we act according to the best interest of all involved including ourselves. So whatever we do with marriage, divorce and remarriage it must be done in love. Let no man tell you that you cannot do what love demands because of some silly legalistic narrow view of God through a personal perception of scripture viewed as dogma because they think so. Live according to love as God gives you ability. Wouldn't it be grand if no one ever divorced? God bless all who marry!

 

I get what you are saying and in many cases things need to be balanced out, but this is very dangerous ground you are walking on with this. What does legalistic really mean? Yes we do need to do everything in love, but we need to do it with God's will and word in mind - always! Love demands to follow scripture - God's will - to the best way we can, especially where scripture is known for a matter:

 

John 14:15, 21 

If you love Me, keep My commandments.

He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.

 

 

John 15:10 If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.

1 John 5:1-3 Whoever believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves Him who begot also loves him who is begotten of Him. By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and keep His commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome.

 

This is written all over the Bible. God really emphasizes to keep scripture, by this we know that we are walking in Love. If we are not "legalistic" the way I understand it you are using the term, then we can very easily be off track and on a dangerous course where our deceived and sometimes wicked hearts lead us to, especially when our minds are not renewed and we think we are walking in love, so it must be the right way, so let's take scripture not so seriously (it's an easy pitfall this way).... - In the end we have to be guided by/through (rightly applied!) scripture to be in the will of God, because that's were the will of God is known and should we get a personal word from God, it still has to line up with scripture.

 

Again, scripture is very clear when divorce is allowed, that was not so much my original question (except the one about the remarried couples). Any other way or form that we veer away from that or make up our own rules (when and what is allowed and create special cases) we are in danger of walking off the path into sin.

And this is why I started this thread, to find out the truth behind the issue of remarriage so not to veer off into a path that is out of God's will, not only for me, but most likely millions of others that are confronted with the same questions (who also want to do the right thing), since with this issue of remarriage it is not so clear in some cases, but it is very clear in others (e.g.divorce) and where that is known we have to abide by it, because if we don't, then we are actually walking OUTSIDE of Love - since the opposite is also true:" He who does not keep my commandments does NOT love Me and is NOT abiding in My love!"

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this one is too easy
 
For the woman which hath an husband is bound by thelaw to her husband so long as he liveth; but if thehusband be dead, she is loosed from the law of herhusband.
Romans 7:3So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if herhusband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.

 

 

So then, what if her husband commits adultery, is she then loosed from the law of her husband? And then if so, is she allowed to remarry while her husband is still alive?

If the woman commits adultery, can the husband loose her from his law and then marry another while his wife is still alive?

What if nobody had committed adultery in that case and the wife had left and divorced the husband, is he free to remarry? What if the husband had just left and divorced her, is she then free to remarry?

(For the previous case): What if the wife had remarried, is he free to remarry? What if the husband had remarried already after the divorce is she free to remarry?

 

The answers have to line up with all known scriptures - Still that easy?...

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Sin leads to Hell and death. We should not willfully sin after receiving knowledge of the truth. However, I will not ask who ascends or descends. I am not the deciding factor for one's salvation. However, you should have clean hands and a pure heart. You should also work out your salvation with fear and trembling... no?

Divorce is not adultery. We are talking about remarriage and what is adultery. 

Although this is a sensitive issue, there is a simple answer. And Jesus gives it. He did not say it's complicated when asked, did He?

 

 

The issue is in evaluating this discussion on marriage, divorce, and re-marriage one must take a look at the entire flow of Scripture.

Again, let me rephrase my question.

If a person divorces and re-marries yet they claim Jesus Christ as Savior are they going to face eternal death (hell)?

God bless,

GE

 

 

 

I think I already answered this question several times in my posts and answers to others, please reread my posts for it, thanks.

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      As we finished part one of our look at Jacob, the grand deception was complete. Do you think Rebekah and Jacob gleefully danced around the campfire that night as they celebrated how well they pulled it off? Hardly, for Esau, as you will see, has every intention of killing Jacob once Isaac is dead.
      Notice how there is no concern on the part of Esau for how this will affect his mother. And, all this evokes another question, is it possible for Esau to regain his birthright? I don't think so, at least not in God's eyes. 
      Cheating not only Esau but your father as well, you would think that Jacob would be gone already, but only minutes from now Issac calls Jacob before him and commands him to not a wife from the same cluster of women that Esau had chosen from. Isaac directs Jacob to Laban, Rebekah's brother. Maybe, Isaac knows full well what kind of man Laban can be considering the backhanded maneuver Rebekah has just pulled on Isaac.
      With that said, let's continue on.
      I mentioned in the previous post, that Esau did not take this selling of the birthright serious. If he had
      Wouldn't it seem logical to say something to Isaac? Wouldn't Isaac have known?  Why would Esau bother to respond Isaac as though there was not a problem? “As soon as Isaac had finished blessing Jacob, when Jacob had scarcely gone out from the presence of Isaac, his father, Esau his brother came in from his hunting.” Jacob logically only has seconds to get out of Esau's presence, and, his fathers.
      Genesis 27:30-37 ESV As soon as Isaac had finished blessing Jacob, when Jacob had scarcely gone out from the presence of Isaac, his father, Esau his brother came in from his hunting. He also prepared delicious food and brought it to his father. And he said to his father, "Let my father arise and eat of his son's game, that you may bless me." His father Isaac said to him, "Who are you?" He answered, "I am your son, your firstborn, Esau." Then Isaac trembled very violently and said, "Who was it then that hunted game and brought it to me, and I ate it all before you came, and I have blessed him? Yes, and he shall be blessed." As soon as Esau heard the words of his father, he cried out with an exceedingly great and bitter cry and said to his father, "Bless me, even me also, O my father!" But he said, "Your brother came deceitfully, and he has taken away your blessing." Esau said, "Is he not rightly named Jacob? For he has cheated me these two times. He took away my birthright, and behold, now he has taken away my blessing." Then he said, "Have you not reserved a blessing for me?" Isaac answered and said to Esau, "Behold, I have made him lord over you, and all his brothers I have given to him for servants, and with grain and wine I have sustained him. What then can I do for you, my son?"
      The deception is pulled off, and now you would think that Jacob has to flee, an exile. And Esau is the reason.
      Genesis 27:38-41 NASB Esau said to his father, "Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me, even me also, O my father." So Esau lifted his voice and wept. 39) Then, Isaac, his father answered and said to him, "Behold, away from the fertility of the earth shall be your dwelling, And away from the dew of heaven from above. 40) "By your sword, you shall live, And your brother you shall serve; But it shall come about when you become restless, That you will break his yoke from your neck." 41) So Esau bore a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing with which his father had blessed him; and Esau said to himself, "The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob."
      So Rebekah calls Jacob in once again.
      Genesis 27:42-45 NASB Now when the words of her elder son Esau were reported to Rebekah, she sent and called her younger son Jacob, and said to him, "Behold your brother Esau is consoling himself concerning you by planning to kill you. 43) "Now, therefore, my son, obey my voice, and arise, flee to Haran, to my brother Laban! 44) "Stay with him a few days, until your brother's fury subsides, 45) until your brother's anger against you subsides and he forgets what you did to him. Then I will send and get you from there. Why should I be bereaved of you both in one day?"
      But Jacob still hasn't left. To make matters worse, we now learn of Esau's wives and what grief they are causing Rebekah.
      Genesis 27:45 NASB until your brother's anger against you subsides and he forgets what you did to him. Then I will send and get you from there. Why should I be bereaved of you both in one day?"
      In response to Rebekah, Issac calls Jacob in once more.
      Genesis 28:1-5 NASB So Isaac called Jacob and blessed him and charged him, and said to him, "You shall not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan. 2) "Arise, go to Paddan-aram, to the house of Bethuel your mother's father; and from there take to yourself a wife from the daughters of Laban your mother's brother. 3) "May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and multiply you, that you may become a company of peoples. 4) "May He also give you the blessing of Abraham, to you and to your descendants with you, that you may possess the land of your sojournings, which God gave to Abraham." 5) Then Isaac sent Jacob away, and he went to Paddan-aram to Laban, son of Bethuel the Aramean, the brother of Rebekah, the mother of Jacob and Esau.
      While Isaac's command is that he get a wife from Laban's daughters, we don't see anything that tells us he knows what he is looking for. Jacob, in a sense, stumbles upon Rachel, and she is a vision of how a girl should look. He wants her and is willing to work for her to get her. There is an irony here in that Rachel, is not an accident by any means, for Laban, her father is Jacob's uncle. (Consider: If Rebekah knew how to be devious it only makes sense that Laban, Rachel's father, would also know how to be underhanded.)
      Jacob makes no effort to negotiate for her but tells Laban that he will work seven years for her. (That timeframe may be significant on several levels. Seven is the number of perfection, redemption, and a theme that recurs throughout scripture.)
      It may be essential to consider Rachel's age at this time. I doubt he would have pursued her if he did not think she was old enough to marry.
      “Joseph married at about age 30 (Gen_41:45). This was old by Egyptian standards, since most males were still only boys when they married. Yet it is clear that a boy had to be not only sexually mature but also able to provide for his wife and thus settled in his occupation before he married. Girls seem to have married between about twelve and fourteen. They did not have to wait until established in a career. Some royal marriages, occurring for dynastic or other political reasons, took place when the individuals were very young. For example, Tutankhamen died at the age of eighteen or nineteen after a nine-year reign and marriage, so he must have been nine or ten when married.”
      NELSON'S Bible Manners & Customs, How the People of the Bible Really Lived,
      Howard F. Vos, THOMAS NELSON PUBLISHERS
      Jacob does not do what many desperate men would do, and rape her, he waits the seven years. He then goes to Laban and demands that she be given to him for he has paid for her.
      Laban deceives Jacob just as Jacob had deceived Esau and gave him Leah.
      Laban makes a statement here, in response to Jacob's shock and disappointment, that I never noticed before.
      And Laban answered It is not done thus in our country, to give the younger before the elder. Genesis 29:26 Brenton)
      As that particular pastor exclaimed: "this had to cut Jacob like a knife, as this is precisely what Jacob and his mother had done to Esau.” And, Uncle Laban may well have been told of it. If not, it is amazing how the Holy Spirit puts words in your mouth.
      According to the pastor, the premise behind all this is that Jacob, a broken man, (I am not so sure he could understand that for a long time,) pursues Rachel, the vision of perfection, in hopes that she would heal him and make him a better man. I am not sure I see all that, but it makes sense, as most men do just that. While the hope of finding something that calms the inward brokenness he feels may be going on in the back of his mind, it is not directly noted in scripture; many things aren't, and yet the more in-depth answers and subjects are there if we pursue them.
      One of the things that I see in scripture is that God is in control, regardless of how lousy the circumstances seem to be.
      The pastor said, “that God gives us examples of people who are messed up so that we can know what not to do.” If that theory is correct, then why would God tell Israel, explicitly, not to learn from the surrounding nations, for the surrounding nations were doing everything wrong, worshiping idols, and sacrificing their children to gods. While I might argue that learning from my neighbor how to work with Iron could be a necessity that would allow a civilization to create water pipes. However, there is often a hazard in close associations, especially with those not so grounded, as it can cause us to be drawn away by the deviant and those used by Satan. Along with that, I have had several acquaintances that claimed to be Christians. One, it turns out, was in a men's home (the men's home is somewhat irrelevant except that you can make an obvious assumption - and that is that the person from the home has had some mighty struggles in the past.) While the leadership of the men's home had mandated church services and Bible studies they had to attend, they could not seem to get the world out of this brother. He, in a short period, took a job on the night crew, and I rarely saw him after that. His reattachment to the world seemed to grow and he left the group home he was a part of.
      You shall make no covenant with them or with their gods. They shall not dwell in your land, lest they make you sin against Me; for if you serve their gods, it will surely be a snare to you. (Exodus 23:32-33 AMP)
      And you shall consume all the peoples whom the Lord your God will give over to you; your eye shall not pity them, neither shall you serve their gods, for that would be a snare to you. (Deuteronomy 7:16 AMP)
      You didn't merely live by their ways and act according to their disgusting practices, but in a very short time, you acted more corruptly than they in all your ways. (Ezekiel 16:47 CJB)
      Is it the person becoming the snare? Perhaps, but what we do know is that Satan will deceive you through any means possible. In some cases, it might be an innocent but attractive looking woman.
      Yes, Jacob's life is one huge psychodrama. He is a liar, a cheat, and a general a mess; he does not even seem to slow down all those years later when he meets Esau again. But there is a method to God's madness. God seems to use broken people; he even seeks them out. He seems to find pleasure in lifting them up and healing them. On the plus side, our savior is a descendant of the line from Jacob.
      My point: That no matter how messed up the narrative, or, our story is, we can and should glean as much as we can from each one, for it is God's story. Sure, you think it is all yours, but it is never anything less than God's plan, you merely get to be a part of it.
      "For I know what plans I have in mind for you,' says Adonai, plans for well-being, not for bad things; so that you can have hope and a future. " (Jeremiah 29:11 CJB)
    • By clouds5
      Hello friends,
      I decided to at least write in some forum and ask for help/guidance. Here's my situation, I'm not looking for pity or being shamed, I just want to share my story and maybe some of you guys has an idea what I could do/pray for, or something like that:
      I'm a man, 33 years old. Married since 5 years. About 2-3 years ago I was working a good job and doing education on the side so I could continue working in the field. Short version: I failed my studies and had to change my field of work. I took it pretty hard because the circumstances were messy and I was doing very well in my job - only the grades were an issue. Anyway I was a mess for a while but I knew God had a path for me.
      During that time my wife, who was dealing with depression earlier in her life, started developing an eating disorder. When we realized it was time to do something about it was already pretty severe. I prayed for her and I tried anything to help her anyway I could, encourage her, help her make plans on how to eat enough, went to therapy with her etc. But nothing really helped. She played her therapists, she lied to me and to herself. And after ~2years of ED (eating disorder) in our lives, it started to take a heavy toll on our relationship (I'm not blaming her btw, it's the sickness that's causing this).
      I tried to lecture her, she started to tell me things that were not true etc. She temporarily lost her fertility (body shuts down reproductive systems when there is not enough food) and with it, the rest of what was left in terms of sexual desire (we don't have kids!). And me, as a guy who enjoys the more chubby kind of females had a real hard time finding her anorexic body attractive.
      About 3 months ago she finally decided it's time to go to a rehab clinic to really concentrate on getting better. The fact that she wanted to do that of her own volition, was like a miracle. All was looking well for a while. But she's on break now from the clinic and it seems to me like nothing really changed. She didn't really gain weight and she still has her eating habits.
      Anyway. I mentioned I have a new job now and I'm teaching on the side. My life apart from my wife is amazing right now! BUT. I met this woman in a seminar, also married - getting neglected and hit by her husband (human beings are messed up I tell you...), and we immediately clicked and felt connected. We had amazing talks and it was a "healing experience" for both of us, I'm 100% certain that God made us run into each other. But now I'm afraid we're getting almost too close... yay... :/
      I believe what we've been doing is called an "emotional affair" (having an affair without the physical component). Well, we just met this evening before I started writing this and after talking for a while we started comforting each other and finally went to the couch and just held each other in embrace for over an hour. Nothing sexual, no kissing or anything - just intense hugging and a little crying. I have to be honest, it was the most wonderful, blissful experience I had in almost all my life. After a while I started shaking all over my body because of all the happy hormones and that feeling of being loved and sheltered...
      Now I have no idea what to do. I don't want to leave my wife. I don't want to have an affair but I was craving being close to someone so much... And I really can't tell my wife about it - that could make her kill herself (literally).
       
      [e]
      Since I cannot find the reply button I'll edit my post. First of all thank you for your answers.
      If it were that simple. Cut ties, it's a sin, don't do it. I'm too weak for that right now. I know it will lead to pain, probably. But I already am in pain most of the time. Basically, I'm completely separated from my wife emotionally and physically and I fought for like two years to prevent that. My wife told me a few days ago that it's pretty clear to her that it's my fault that she started developing an eating disorder. I wasn't stable enough for her etc... Just to clarify what's the state of our relationship is she is completely absorbed by her ED-thoughts.
      I want to work on my marriage and improve it (it's what I'm trying to do since all this started, we already went to therpy and everything) but as long as we don't have a common ground to build from I don't see the way.
      Btw: I cannot completely cut ties with this woman, we are gonna meet semi-regularly because of our jobs for at least another 1-2 years.
       
      [e2] @Abby-Joy "All that to say ...I needed my husband's love, understanding, prayer, support. He wasn't there for me like he should have been."
      I'm trying to do all that and been trying for the past years. It's just that I'm a human being too, you know. I also have my weaknesses and a difficult past and my strength has its limits. That's no apology for anything - i know the scripture well enough. I have problems with addiction myself - as almost any human has... right? I only recently stopped smoking for example and I could only do that because of the support and faith that other woman had for me. But thank you for encouraging me to go another round.
      This is all very very hard and it's times like these when I understand why Paul said it would be best if we would live alone and concentrate full on the Lord.
       
      [e3] I'll think about someone I could talk to at my church... I came here because I have a hard time talking to people about these topics. It's well known in our church that she has an ED. And a lot of people come to me and ask me how we are etc. especially now that she's at a clinic. But I feel most of them come because that's what you do, not because they actually want me to open up. I usually tell what they want to hear, you know. And since I didn't have a single male father figure in my life I have a hard time talking to males anyway... But that's another topic
      -->Thank you for offer Abby-Joy talking to her. Who knows, maybe I'll pm you about that when the time is right. I don't think that I have to be afraid that she would commit adultery, she's pretty much asexual since all this started. At least that's how she behaves. I'm not sure if I still know her well enough though. She has changed soo much since we first met each other. I think the environment of our marriage (the first years) allowed her to start dealing with certain things from her past (much like you described) and then everything turned sideways.
      Thank you all so much for your replies, really helps me a lot even just writing here.
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