I am suffering alone and lost

[realchild]

I am a 23 year old male who lives with his parents, struggling with my family at the moment. I have been isolated. Over the years with minor conflicts with them I felt more and more distant and an outcast. I have no friends and have a very introverted personality. No I am not gay, but the way they treat me now feels like I have no place in the entire family anymore. Sorry to say that but my family is very hostile and homophobic. We developed a bad relationship. I cannot keep my door locked and go to work without my nephew or other members breaking in and taking things either. This is a problem within a family of 53 members.

This problem developed in 2012. I appeared very paranoid to my mother because I complained so much about this hate I felt from other members. She didn't see anything wrong with THEM and felt I developed a mental illness. I was hospitalized for paranoia for a month and felt like I was losing my mind over why my family besides my parents developed a hate for me. I began taking medication and was released, feeling like there wasn't a difference made with medication. I even was taken off by my doctor six months later because he saw me doing better, but I still didn't feel like it helped and only got better because of the length of time. I eventually worked through two other jobs up into 2014. I discovered my family members started stealing again while I was working. My mother still won't believe me, and was put back on medicine by my doctor. I had talked every single detail over to my Christian counselor. I have been talking to her since 2013. At first she did feel I had some paranoia tendencies but after sessions we began to uncover the truths of my issue with the family. We noticed my anxiety risen when around family and thanksgiving week was approaching. She recently told me about a medicine that could help with my anxiety that's organic and better than what my psychiatrist used. 

After she gave me the medicine, about halfway into thanksgiving week I had the greatest epiphany about my situation. I have been hospitalized for a month and prescribed three different medications in consecutive order, even had two different psychiatrists work with me for assumed "paranoia" based mental illness and I have not felt anything change in my life over three years. My counselor recommends me a med for anxiety and I form concrete thoughts about my situation within the family and calm down all within a week. I understand that I have hindered relationships with family members by being weird and introverted, and as a 23 year old male it is a major turnoff. I know the toxic relationships with family members and now is past the point of fixing it. Every time there is a family meet I get a lot of anxiety because of the animosity in the air. My family is what drives my anxiety. I found that having as much isolation from most members and living normally, like working again with co-workers gave me some strength. I even kept close to the word and read the bible through much of the storm in my life. But again I met that problem with toxic members, but with a clear mind. I know my nephew goes through my room and I even confronted him and his mother about it. He still keeps up his behavior and the mother claims his character can't be controlled. This really concerns me now that I don't have privacy at home anymore, and it's not only him doing this. Things just go missing and my mother claims it's not him even though she can't make a reason for the mysterious disappearances. I identified my family as toxic and a threat to my mental life. 

The stress and anxiety they put into my life has stopped me from doing many things. I already have a hard time working, worrying what else they will steal while I am away for 10 or more hours. Their odd behavior with me I didn't understand at first but, through deep reading around I found out was passive aggressive behavior, usually made by toxic people. I really want to get out the house asap because another holiday or gathering with the family will cause severe problems to me. My mother is nice and only sees the good in people. That isn't a problem and I like her for being her. I have had problems with privacy and to be honest, I had stuff on my computer and in my room you expect a guy my age would have, so when they snooped my room much stuff was gossiped. It also changed their characteristics with me. For instance one of my cousins (the one who named me) became very nasty the moment the gossip reached her. One dinner when she was over, she sat next to me. When she got full she asked if I wanted her food. I said no, but she completely dumped her plate into mine while I was eating. It was very offensive and she did it with a smile. Later that night I was washing the dishes and she decided to come into the kitchen and grabbed a bowl and poured ice into it. Right in the middle of me washing dishes she poured ice right into the dishwater and went back upstairs without saying a word. This hostile character has formed with many members, but it's such underlying and passive aggressive, I appear paranoid when I complain to my mother who is the only one who loves me.

Right now I don't think I can make it. I will have to cancel plans of continuing college and find a way to get away. I quit so many jobs because everyday I work more stuff in my room goes missing. My mother is too social and my mind cannot handle it when she invites family over. It's so worse I am paranoid about my social life in the future. How will I get a wife, and explain my situation about my family to her as well with any friend I make? I literally lost friends on facebook because my family inned them on my situation in the family. I don't have anyone to talk to since my therapist informed me of an upcoming second deductible of $350. It feels like I am the stepping stool of shame in the family. I am inexperienced with no street smarts and feel that I may end up homeless soon because my anxiety is too much of a toll on my mother as well.

I pray everyday over this. I almost overcame this storm in my life but things got much worse. I can't keep rejecting jobs in fear of being away of home too long. Everyday I worry about how much my family views me as a sick person. I made a full confession about it on another site, but I worry that my new therapist will see me as paranoid when I fully confess. Is this a punishment to be looked at as paranoid when I fully confess the truth, and the family gets away with their torture? I hid the truth and decided to confess to my therapist, but didn't go into detail like explaining from full detail. I thought of putting my stuff into a storage unit but was scolded by my mother about the idea. Right now I feel isolated by my family and have the attention of their wicked behavior. My appetite changed as well as my hygiene. I really don't want to be alone forever to avoid family. I screwed my relationship and feel haunted by family. I am an artist and lost my desire to do anything, I am not at the level to express this pain either. I call on God in this dark time of loneliness. I read between the bible and two other books about right believing and a purpose driven life since last summer. This is too critical of a point in my life to be facing this obstacle, yes I brought it upon myself and as much as I think about moving on confessed and forgetting my sin, my future looks very lonely and full of hate. I can't wipe the minds of my family and they will expose me to anyone I know. As a person who has no friends or close family members besides parents, this is a very painful experience to always have been alone and hated for a mistake. This is something I am battling alone and faith is hard to see, but the only thing I am looking foreword with.

Heres some ideas to try.

 

Find paid work: Even the least amount of work still makes money.

Pay rent for your room: You'll feel you have renters rights.

Get a lock for your door: You'll keep the gremlins out.

Google your familys psychological behaviour: You'll learn whats wrong with them and how to deal with them.

Follow your interests: Then you'll find new friends.

Edited March 24, 2015 by realchild

[NostalgiaGuy]

Dear users, my father just passed last night. He was a great father, vietnam vet, and a cool husband who joked around in his stages of dementia. I am in deep grief and need to know how to live life from now. The days feels like blank slates and family has been supportive. I really fear for my mother because she's really in denial about it while her mother is dying as I speak. The double dose of grief made her hate her own life now. Do I need to make another thread because all my issues of this thread has come to a halt after my dad's passing?

What do I do?

[Guest]

Dear users, my father just passed last night. He was a great father, vietnam vet, and a cool husband who joked around in his stages of dementia. I am in deep grief and need to know how to live life from now. The days feels like blank slates and family has been supportive. I really fear for my mother because she's really in denial about it while her mother is dying as I speak. The double dose of grief made her hate her own life now. Do I need to make another thread because all my issues of this thread has come to a halt after my dad's passing?

What do I do?

 

~

 

Then Job got up and tore his robe. He shaved his head, and then he threw himself down with his face to the ground. He said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will return there. The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. May the name of the Lord be blessed!” In all this Job did not sin, nor did he charge God with moral impropriety. Job 1:20-22 (NET)

 

Praying~!

[1to3]

Dear NostalgiaGuy

(You are not alone)

God is with you.

 

So Sorry to hear about your fathers passing.

I to lost my father when I was 13 years of age, and then my mother when I was 38 years of age.

Both were  really sad times, when I did not think that I could go on, but God showed me that He was and is there for me

In between that , I have experienced other loses. Just last week my mothers brother passed away.

These times of grief have also been circumstances, that brought me to consider more deeply, the true meaning of life.

Through it all, God was and is there.

 

This time is an opportunity to draw closer to God. God will respond to your drawing closer to Him.

I hope that you mother also can view this time as an opportunity to draw closer to God.

 

In my deep griefs, God has sustained me and shown me He is there despite the sadness,the grief, the struggle.

 

In everything there is a season

 ‎Ecclesiastes 3:1,2

In Everything There is a Season

1There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven-- 2A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.…

 

The resurrection of Christ Jesus is our hope and strength.

 

John 16: 3233

32"Behold, an hour is coming, and has already come, for you to be scattered, each to his own home, and to leave Me alone; and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me. 33"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."

 

When my Mom passed, it felt as if  my safety net was removed.

A bible verse that helped me a lot was:Philippians 4:6

 

Philippians 4,5,:6,7

 

…5Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.

 

6Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

 

7And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 

 

 

 

 Don't despair, God will see you through.

 

Your sister in Christ Jesus. -Praying-

[Guest Thallasa]

This is the best post here  ,very Wise indeed . I think that your family are very strange and that there is a problem with boundaries .

 

We all have a right to our own space ,without which we cannot grow to be adults,and anyone who does not respect  these

 

boundaries is being 'aggressive' . If your mother needs to have you there than you must tell her in no uncertain terms, that if she 

 

 does not keep the cousins out of your rooom ,you will leave ,and you must mean it .

[Guest Thallasa]

Firt of al I want to say how sorry I am ,and feel for you in your pain and loss .Death is the ultimate pain .It makes us

 

feel grey and , as we live through those that we love ,and this is what puts colour into our lives . Jesus knew this, He knew

 

how pained we are when we lose those we love to death ,and so He came to tell us that if we can hang on to Him ,we will overcome

 

death and meet again with those who have passed away .He loves you ,and your dad,and your mother . No one can comfort you like

 

He can so talk to Him about how you feel ,say exactly what is in your heart. Cry too as HHe will eventually wipe away your tears.

 

If need be find an image that appeals to you ;I am not protestant and think that for some good images, have benefits ,as well

 

as christian songs .    

[Guest BacKaran]

Dear real child, 

I pray you can relate to my situation and perhaps out can help you.

I was wondering who am I and what was my porridge in life at the age of 26. Being the middle child of five, I have an older brother, older sister, younger sister n younger brother. Both brother are six years older than me and six years younger than me. The are divided by a wide age span and live in two different worlds. 

I felt out of place, like the black sleep until I was on, 30s. I read a book about changing you life script. This was to help me in my job and I followed the script, the book tells you what to do over the course of months to get s raise. If all else fails, one needs to find another job so I did.

I decided to change my family script. I needed to practice response to my sisters requests and set boundaries and stand up for myself as an adult. Family doesn't treat friend like they treat their friends cuz you're "family". 

My family dynamics are such that I am ...WAS... the scapegoat, they joke and poke fun at me, bring up all my sins from the past until I applied changing the family script. 

Pm and we can chat cuz it's a process but when you focus on God and the bible, you can over come issues. For me, that meant distancing myself from my family and avoiding issues like money, looks and God and politics. Since they saw me as a scapegoat with no college degree, they disavow anything i have to say cuz I'm not educated. I'm very educated in regular daily life and have a great relationship with God, I left the worldly things behind and yes, I see the world from s biblical view while they live in the fallen world with a secular view.

I only need to honor my parents until they die. The bible days nothing about honoring family/siblings that abuse you. cut down jokes, total disrespect and just mean conversations are not what a person needs to live in life. I'm a widow and they have"fulfilled" their duties to me, meaning they attended the funeral and cleaned out my hubby's clothes before i was ready to do that.. And which means I am on own now, six years later.. God has met my every need and there is a challenge for you to overcome. How can you be yourself and be an adult unless you are on your own? 

Keep trying to find a job so you can get your own place. If you need to work three part time jobs, do it so you can move out.

 

Perhaps college can wait? Check out all you options and ask questions from college counselors.

Ask God to lead you to a great church. You can look up expository churches on Google in your state. I have found Baptist churches to be more bible focused than some others.

Perhaps change your therapist or doctor. I had one who said if I can't help you within 6-12 visits, I'm not doing my job and I will give you to my more experienced therapists. He was a life saver. I'm on meds for depression and anxiety and will never be without them as they are working for me. Ask your therapist if you can take a MMPI test. It's called the Minnesota multi phasic inventory test. You answer the questions, which dig deep for honest answers, I needed a box of Kleenex to finish the test. It will tell the therapist where you are mentally.

"The road leads traveled " is a great book you canLife on the internet or ask your therapist if they have a copy. I also bought books on family shame and guilt. I learned my family is big into that because of their religion. 

You can change the family script with Gods help, with the support of other Christians on this site and with a book called Life scripts. It's a book for the work world and issues but I ended up using it to change my family script, it's s wonderful help!

 

Death is very hard, you may be in a fog for a short time it a long time. My mom died and a year later my husband, my grieving lasted three years. I could deal with sleep, work. Eat sleep and church. Let yourself grieve, there no time limit.

 

Take a deep breath, pray and take one day at a time. Today is all we have so let's make it thru today.

Write a lists of proud and cons of all your issues..

College

Work

Remain living at home or move out?

Get a roommate or no

Then take one at a time giving skill your concerns to God.

The devil wants to suck the life out of people add he knows his time is short. Leaning on God for everything makes living a better place to be, in His preference.

 

Blessings to you and feel free to pm me anytime. Karan?

Edited October 29, 2016 by BacKaran

[cherubim]

On March 24, 2015 at 4:23 AM, realchild said:

Heres some ideas to try.

 

Find paid work: Even the least amount of work still makes money.

Pay rent for your room: You'll feel you have renters rights.

Get a lock for your door: You'll keep the gremlins out.

Google your familys psychological behaviour: You'll learn whats wrong with them and how to deal with them.

Follow your interests: Then you'll find new friends.

Wow - sounds like some of the finger-pointers in my ex-family. They are certainly violating you by going into your room It sounds like an unhealthy situation. Can you apply for temporary SSI until you can find a job?  I don't necessarily know that things will get better in those family dynamics that are obviously unhealthy.