Elderly Neighbor Who Became Intrusive

[MorningGlory]

MorningGlory,

Firstly, I never said this woman had any power over me or my family. I never said I owed her anything either. That is nowhere in my post or comments to other responses. Thank you.

Secondly, as far as me "making her WAY too important", as you put it, is not correct either. It seems as if you have misunderstood this entire forum and the reason for my post. I only posted this issue to receive Biblical advice/wisdom/understanding, from my fellow Christian brothers and sisters on how to handle this situation and stay within God's rules. Also, I was curious as to whether or not anyone has ever dealt with this, since I am new to this particular experience of having an overbearing neighbor. As it turned out, 2 individuals have been through this and gave very helpful advice, letting me know I am not alone. They also responded with a lot more tact than you. I did not think that someone with a WORLDY point of view would even bother to "Jump In", as you said.

I thought this was a Christian forum, for people with a Christian heart.

Thirdly, when I mentioned her taking it out on my brother, I did originally say that she gave him the cold shoulder when he tried to greet her. In other words, she was not as friendly to him as she used to be, seemingly trying to get back at me for my actions toward her. Everyone else seemed to understand that............

Going forward, I would appreciate it if you and others who may share your point of view, did not respond. I am trying to change for the better, not worse. Thanks.

 

 

If you don't want opinions or others' points of view, don't post your problems.  I gave you mine and I will continue to post on any thread I please.  Oh, btw, this IS a Christian forum and Christians DO have opinions.  I think I understand your post for what it is.     

[MorningGlory]

 

 

 

 

Welcome to Worthy!

I guess Because I was brought up with an open door policy and am accustomed to people knocking on the door and dropping everything for a cup of coffee I find it strange that you would become upset with someone who is lonely and seeks your friendship looking at you as a daughter. No one that I know needs to call first and ask if they can come over..they are welcome to stay for dinner and share in what is provided...what an opportunity to show the love of Jesus to a lonely person. She indicated this by welcoming you when others did not and you found them cold and unwelcoming. A wave and turning to your work may have sufficed. If you wantedto work let her talk and you continue to work. A coffee with a smile and telling her how busy you were going to be and gently telling her you would have no time for visiting would not have been so hurtful to her. Showing God's love..is she a Christian..invite her to church...yes I know someone who would take advantage but saying I'm sorry can you get someone else or another time would not be so hurtful...you may need her one day....people like that are better than neighbourhood watch!! Enjoy her do not repel her.

Well, this is strange for me because I was not raised with an, "Open Door Policy". My family and I have never run an open house for people to feel free to come by whenever they choose. We require people to visit on our terms, by notifying us via telephone first, because it is our home, not theirs!

Good for you if you feel the need to allow people to dictate your time.

I WILL NOT allow anyone of any age to make me feel obligated to them. Even though she was the only person in the community that was friendly to me and my loved ones when we first moved in, that does not give her license to be manipulative and overbearing. Also, just because she is my elder and very lonely, does not make her innocent. Older people are not exempt from being held accountable for their actions. God does not play favorites, and he sees everybody for who they really are and what their true intentions are.

When you mentioned, and I quote, " An opportunity to show the love of Jesus to a lonely person", had you fully read my original post, you would have seen that I tried that in the beginning. My mother advised me to take her a token of appreciation this past Christmas. This woman was the one who insisted that I come into her home, and she walked me through her entire house, showing me all of her personal belongings. That, in my eyes was not nescessary or appropriate. She did not know me well enough at all, and vice versa.

Not long after that, this lady began overstepping her boundaries and stalking my every move! It was extremely awkward and annoying. Maybe YOU would enjoy that, but I did not.

Also, what makes you so sure she looks at me as a daughter? Her ways and actions suggested to ME that she thought of me as someone she could take advantage of. If you have never been through this, YOU have absolutely no idea what it's like to feel sought after by a person who has become fixated on YOU in an unhealthy manner. Especially someone you barely know.

YOU are assuming that she is a sweet, innocent and harmless, little old lady. I have dealt with her, and if I barely know her, YOU most certainly know even less than I do about this woman. Easy for you to be so judgemental. YOU have an, "Open Door Policy", I DO NOT.

As far as me needing her one day, I do not depend on PEOPLE, I depend on GOD to provide for me and my family and watch over us. I was not raised to be a clingy and needy person. The Lord Jesus Christ has always, always been there for me and my loved ones, through thick and thicker. I know He will continue to be there. People come and go!

I do not owe her coffee or anything else. Besides, she has never offered me or my loved ones anything except intrusiveness.

I refuse to be a doormat. Thank you.

Proverbs 25:17

Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour's house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee.

Verse 17. - Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour's house; literally, make thy foot precious, rare; Septuagint, "Bring thy foot sparingly (σπάνιον) into thy friend's house," The proverb seems to be loosely connected with the preceding, as urging moderation. Do not pay too frequent visits to your neighbors' house, or make yourself too much at home there.

 

 

You seem so angry and defensive.  Trying to tell people off who don't agree with you, or post things you take issue with, is not a Christ-like attitude. When you post your personal problems here, expect people to respond.

[OneLight]

JesusIsLove, I have learned that in every situation where I find myself "uncomfortable", God is trying to do something in my life.  Reflecting back on this situation, what do you think God is trying to tell you?  How do you see Him changing you to be more like His Son?

[ncn]

"Adopt an elderly person now, my witness of HIS LOVE goes beyond my privacy"

 

 

My door is always open, good food, a shoulder to cry on and a prayer, or just a chat. 

 

I live on a foundation ,have about 207 neighbours and they all know that.

Yet my neighbour is also someone up the road or across the pond. 

 

What example are we showing our youngsters?

Sorry but when we turn someone away, we have lost the plot.

 

Mar 12:31

 And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these. 

 

1Co 13:2  And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. 

 

[JesusIsLove]

MorningGlory,

Firstly, I never said this woman had any power over me or my family. I never said I owed her anything either. That is nowhere in my post or comments to other responses. Thank you.

Secondly, as far as me "making her WAY too important", as you put it, is not correct either. It seems as if you have misunderstood this entire forum and the reason for my post. I only posted this issue to receive Biblical advice/wisdom/understanding, from my fellow Christian brothers and sisters on how to handle this situation and stay within God's rules. Also, I was curious as to whether or not anyone has ever dealt with this, since I am new to this particular experience of having an overbearing neighbor. As it turned out, 2 individuals have been through this and gave very helpful advice, letting me know I am not alone. They also responded with a lot more tact than you. I did not think that someone with a WORLDY point of view would even bother to "Jump In", as you said.

I thought this was a Christian forum, for people with a Christian heart.

Thirdly, when I mentioned her taking it out on my brother, I did originally say that she gave him the cold shoulder when he tried to greet her. In other words, she was not as friendly to him as she used to be, seemingly trying to get back at me for my actions toward her. Everyone else seemed to understand that............

Going forward, I would appreciate it if you and others who may share your point of view, did not respond. I am trying to change for the better, not worse. Thanks.

 

If you don't want opinions or others' points of view, don't post your problems.  I gave you mine and I will continue to post on any thread I please.  Oh, btw, this IS a Christian forum and Christians DO have opinions.  I think I understand your post for what it is.     

Yes, I did post my issue seeking advice. GODLY/BIBLICAL advice. Thank you very much. Not someone giving WORLDY advice, suggesting that I never acknowledge the existence of this woman again, as you said.

Do you honestly think your advice to me was from a Christian standpoint? You even said you were going by the way YOU would handle it. Think about what YOU said! YOU did not give advice that comes from the Bible/God's word. Again, it was WORDLY.

Furthermore, I did not tell you not to respond to other threads. I asked you not to respond to mine, since we obviously do not agree. Even if you do continue commenting on my post, it doesn't mean I have to accept what YOU say!

As far as, "Understanding my post for what it is ", as you said, you understood what you felt was relevant to YOU!

[JesusIsLove]

Welcome to Worthy!

I guess Because I was brought up with an open door policy and am accustomed to people knocking on the door and dropping everything for a cup of coffee I find it strange that you would become upset with someone who is lonely and seeks your friendship looking at you as a daughter. No one that I know needs to call first and ask if they can come over..they are welcome to stay for dinner and share in what is provided...what an opportunity to show the love of Jesus to a lonely person. She indicated this by welcoming you when others did not and you found them cold and unwelcoming. A wave and turning to your work may have sufficed. If you wantedto work let her talk and you continue to work. A coffee with a smile and telling her how busy you were going to be and gently telling her you would have no time for visiting would not have been so hurtful to her. Showing God's love..is she a Christian..invite her to church...yes I know someone who would take advantage but saying I'm sorry can you get someone else or another time would not be so hurtful...you may need her one day....people like that are better than neighbourhood watch!! Enjoy her do not repel her.

Well, this is strange for me because I was not raised with an, "Open Door Policy". My family and I have never run an open house for people to feel free to come by whenever they choose. We require people to visit on our terms, by notifying us via telephone first, because it is our home, not theirs!

Good for you if you feel the need to allow people to dictate your time.

I WILL NOT allow anyone of any age to make me feel obligated to them. Even though she was the only person in the community that was friendly to me and my loved ones when we first moved in, that does not give her license to be manipulative and overbearing. Also, just because she is my elder and very lonely, does not make her innocent. Older people are not exempt from being held accountable for their actions. God does not play favorites, and he sees everybody for who they really are and what their true intentions are.

When you mentioned, and I quote, " An opportunity to show the love of Jesus to a lonely person", had you fully read my original post, you would have seen that I tried that in the beginning. My mother advised me to take her a token of appreciation this past Christmas. This woman was the one who insisted that I come into her home, and she walked me through her entire house, showing me all of her personal belongings. That, in my eyes was not nescessary or appropriate. She did not know me well enough at all, and vice versa.

Not long after that, this lady began overstepping her boundaries and stalking my every move! It was extremely awkward and annoying. Maybe YOU would enjoy that, but I did not.

Also, what makes you so sure she looks at me as a daughter? Her ways and actions suggested to ME that she thought of me as someone she could take advantage of. If you have never been through this, YOU have absolutely no idea what it's like to feel sought after by a person who has become fixated on YOU in an unhealthy manner. Especially someone you barely know.

YOU are assuming that she is a sweet, innocent and harmless, little old lady. I have dealt with her, and if I barely know her, YOU most certainly know even less than I do about this woman. Easy for you to be so judgemental. YOU have an, "Open Door Policy", I DO NOT.

As far as me needing her one day, I do not depend on PEOPLE, I depend on GOD to provide for me and my family and watch over us. I was not raised to be a clingy and needy person. The Lord Jesus Christ has always, always been there for me and my loved ones, through thick and thicker. I know He will continue to be there. People come and go!

I do not owe her coffee or anything else. Besides, she has never offered me or my loved ones anything except intrusiveness.

I refuse to be a doormat. Thank you.

Proverbs 25:17

Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour's house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee.

Verse 17. - Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour's house; literally, make thy foot precious, rare; Septuagint, "Bring thy foot sparingly (σπάνιον) into thy friend's house," The proverb seems to be loosely connected with the preceding, as urging moderation. Do not pay too frequent visits to your neighbors' house, or make yourself too much at home there.

You seem so angry and defensive. Trying to tell people off who don't agree with you, or post things you take issue with, is not a Christ-like attitude. When you post your personal problems here, expect people to respond.

Who are YOU to tell ME what a Christ-like attitude is?! I never asked anyone to agree with me, I asked for good, sound, Godly advice, which I was not given by you or the other individual you are defending.

Edited April 17, 2015 by JesusIsLove

[JesusIsLove]

"Adopt an elderly person now, my witness of HIS LOVE goes beyond my privacy"

My door is always open, good food, a shoulder to cry on and a prayer, or just a chat.

I live on a foundation ,have about 207 neighbours and they all know that.

Yet my neighbour is also someone up the road or across the pond.

What example are we showing our youngsters?

Sorry but when we turn someone away, we have lost the plot.

Mar 12:31

And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

1Co 13:2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

You seemed to miss the part in my original post when I mentioned how I gave the lady a token of my appreciation during Christmas, and how I did try to reach out to her in other ways.

She simply overstepped her boundaries.

I have a right to say who does and does not come onto my property, and whom I do and do not choose to share my life or time with.

You're entitled to your opinion, and I am entitled to mine. God bless.

Edited April 17, 2015 by JesusIsLove

[ncn]

 

"Adopt an elderly person now, my witness of HIS LOVE goes beyond my privacy"

My door is always open, good food, a shoulder to cry on and a prayer, or just a chat.

I live on a foundation ,have about 207 neighbours and they all know that.

Yet my neighbour is also someone up the road or across the pond.

What example are we showing our youngsters?

Sorry but when we turn someone away, we have lost the plot.

Mar 12:31

And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

1Co 13:2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

You seemed to miss the part in my original post when I mentioned how I gave the lady a token of my appreciation during Christmas, and how I did try to reach out to her in other ways.

She simply overstepped her boundaries.

I have a right to say who does and does not come onto my property, and whom I do and do not choose to share my life or time with.

You're entitled to your opinion, and I am entitled to mine. God bless.

 

 

Yes, you do have any right that you wish to enforce but does that make it the right path? 

 

A person is not there just at Christmas time, what would happen if GOD said,. not receiving prayers today, 

not listening, come back next week? 

 

Do you think Jesus would have said to someone , sorry you have overstepped your boundaries, don't have time today? 

 

We are called to be Christ like , 

 

1Jn 2:6  He that saith he abideth in him ought himself also so to walk, even as he walked. 

[JesusIsLove]

JesusIsLove, I have learned that in every situation where I find myself "uncomfortable", God is trying to do something in my life. Reflecting back on this situation, what do you think God is trying to tell you? How do you see Him changing you to be more like His Son?

I understand what you are saying, and you are correct. The Lord Jesus Christ does sometimes bring forth uncomfortable situations in order to try and change us for the better and make us like Him. Also to show us the errors of our ways. I am open to that, and in other responses I've given to Biblical advice such as yours, I did acknowledge this.

I made everyone aware in my original post, that I spoke to the The Lord Jesus Christ in prayer, and asked him for forgiveness regarding my actions toward my elderly neighbor.

I take from this, God may have been trying to teach me to step outside of my comfort zone, and befriend a lonely, elderly person. In my defense, as I have been saying repeatedly, I tried that. The lady began overstepping her boundaries and becoming fixated on me in a peculiar way. That was when I chose to turn her away. Not anytime before this.

I was more than willing to be her friend, within reasonable boundaries.

I do believe that God gives us opportunities to show kindness to others in need, but I'm also believe that God does not necessarily require us to be a doormat for people to walk all over and be manipulated.

Sometimes, it's quite possible that certain situations, as well as people, are not sent from God, and he tells us when it is time to step away from that person and/or situation. Especially when He sees that we have put for an effort to be as kind and generous as we can be to others.

Thank you for giving Biblical advice. God bless.

Edited April 17, 2015 by JesusIsLove

[JesusIsLove]

"Adopt an elderly person now, my witness of HIS LOVE goes beyond my privacy"

My door is always open, good food, a shoulder to cry on and a prayer, or just a chat.

I live on a foundation ,have about 207 neighbours and they all know that.

Yet my neighbour is also someone up the road or across the pond.

What example are we showing our youngsters?

Sorry but when we turn someone away, we have lost the plot.

Mar 12:31

And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

1Co 13:2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

You seemed to miss the part in my original post when I mentioned how I gave the lady a token of my appreciation during Christmas, and how I did try to reach out to her in other ways.

She simply overstepped her boundaries.

I have a right to say who does and does not come onto my property, and whom I do and do not choose to share my life or time with.

You're entitled to your opinion, and I am entitled to mine. God bless.

 

Yes, you do have any right that you wish to enforce but does that make it the right path? 

 

A person is not there just at Christmas time, what would happen if GOD said,. not receiving prayers today, 

not listening, come back next week? 

 

Do you think Jesus would have said to someone , sorry you have overstepped your boundaries, don't have time today? 

 

We are called to be Christ like , 

 

1Jn 2:6  He that saith he abideth in him ought himself also so to walk, even as he walked.

I did extended kindness to this lady even after Christmas by engaging in friendly conversation with her and exchanging phone numbers with her so she could call me if she needed me. I suggested that she call me and did tell her she was welcome at my home as well.

I expected her to use common sense and have common courtesy, knowing that it's impolite to come and ring someone's doorbell without calling to let them know you are coming first, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. That is why I gave her my phone number. Besides, I don't live alone like she does, and I have other family members to consider. She should have thought about that as well.

She never called me at all. Not once.

She decided to manipulate the situation by coming to my home unannounced and stalk every move I made otherwise.

I posted all of the above originally. Please read my original post before passing judgement on me and trying to make me out to be unreasonable in God's eyes. That's the tone you have set.

Have you ever been stalked, sought after and manipulated by anyone you tried to befriend? If not, you don't know how this feels, and only God can judge. Not you or anyone else.

Even if you have experienced this, your way and my way of seeing and doing things are obviously, totally different. That's why God made everyone individually. We are not the same.

I am more than aware that we are to be there for others whether it is Christmas or not. I gave that scenario because during that time frame, my family and I were still considered newcomers to the neighborhood, had only spoken to her from a distance, and began to notice and appreciate the fact that she did acknowledge us. We also felt sorry for her. I made it a point to reach out to her, at the suggestion of my mother.

It just happened to be Christmas at that particular time. Plain and simple.

As far as I know, there is nothing in the bible that says we need to allow others to manipulate us. We are to forgive trespasses, which I have done. I have also asked God to forgive mine.

Furthermore, every situation and person that enters our life is not always of God. That's why he gives us discernment so we can protect ourselves from people who take advantage of our kind nature.

Again, you're entitled to your opinion and I am entitled tom mine.

Truthfully, God's opinion is the only one that hold weight. If He disagrees with me, and he just might, HE will let me know and I will take heed to His advice.

I will not argue this any further. Keep going if you wish.