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I feel lonely and I need prayers and inspiration/ideas


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Hello.

I have not hat much luck with people. I dont have anyone with whom I could spend my time. I have longed for 5 years to have friends with whom I could spend my time. At first I was alone because I was different from others. In high school my classmates used to get drunk on they're free time but I didnt do that so I suffered loneliness. When I when to university I started to have conversations with course mates but none of them really became a friend who would invite me over for some fun. On my 2nd year I became a Christian. I know people from local churches. I talk to them and I attend home groups but that's really just once a week so It's not quite much. I have not found friends with whom I would go and hang out on city. I see how others post photos on facebook how they have one hanging out. But no one have asked me to join. It looks to me that they have they're own gang and they are not interested in inviting new people. It hurts to watch and makes me even feel more lonely. In 2 last years I have have one more big problem. I long to find a girlfriend but I cannot seem to find one. I know most of girls around my age in local churches. Most of them already have boyfriend. Those who dont have one yet dont seem to be interested in me or it could be that I have not just spoken right words to them. I want to be loved and cared and I want someone whom I could love just as Christ loved His church. I am kinda depressed now. I dont know where to find one, what to do about it or what to tell to girls who I like and are single. For now I dont even have a friend who is girl, not even talking about girlfriend. I just have that feeling that that I am gonna be single forever and I wont I would have to spend all the beautiful summers that God has blessed me with alone, having no one (except Jesus of course) with me. This is just burning like a fire in me and I cant see water anywhere in my sight.

I am looking for suggestions/prayers/everything that could help.

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Praying! Don't lose hope.

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Praying~!

 

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I’ve had a lot of lonely times of my life, so I have a soft spot for the lonely in my heart.  Just remember that you have worth—it’s only that you haven’t found someone suitable to connect with, but they are out there.  There are online sites to help you make friends in your own area, but when you are fragile, if others are cruel, reaching out can be especially hurtful.  There are so many years to find a girlfriend—just don’t get discouraged.  Sometimes, girls will initiate a relationship with you if you befriend them (which you can start doing by spending more time around females and expecting or wanting nothing from them.  It can help you learn about how they think and what they are looking for in a mate).  After you have befriended a girl (or preferably more than one), wait, and let them know you would date them (at the right time, without coming on too strong) or see if one might approach you in this manner.  Lean on Jesus, and ask him for help, and persistently pray to him to bring the right person or people for you to love as He loved the church and to love you in return.

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Thanks for advise.
 

After you have befriended a girl

I dont know how good friends shall I be. For me,  I can talk to them after service/youth night but they dont invite me to have fun with them or to other events they're taking place. Nor do I invite them. Many I have known about year or more but still it does not happen. Not sure what to make of it. Shall it happen while we are still just friends or shall I wait til it's time to get her to be girlfriend? For now 90% of my conversations with them is "Hi, how are you" and then answering to that question with few sentences and sometimes talk about today's service.  I am not sure what girls like to talk about...

Other thing is that I am kinda afraid to ask them out because I dont want to look like someone who is desperately looking to date someone. I am not sure if I am right or wrong with it...
 

and let them know you would date them

I am not exactly sure when it is right time for it. Should I already be spending time with her or is it fine to invite her cafee just with intention to get to know her better? To me asking girl out looks already like asking her to date me and that's what holds me back. Other thing is that I am kinda afraid to be ashamed by her rejection. Well I have not asked anybody to date with me yet so I dont actually know how stupid/silly feeling it would be but it doesnt seem good.

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Besides praying for you I can assure you we have all been in lonely places as you describe.  But I do ask the Lord to free you from depression and self-pity as that will just make things worse.  People most often are not drawn to those who don't show a marked interest in them.  That is just the way it goes.   You need to pray and ask the Lord to enable you to see the bigger picture and, believe me, He will do that.  You can come out of this and flourish.  But relationships don't come like the wind blows.  They need work and nourishing.  Trust God to begin connections as you pray.  And take them slow and easy.  The enemy of your soul would like to trip you up by connecting you with those who will not be good examples to you..whether Christians or not.   Stay involved in your groups.  Don't give up. 

 

 

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Praying that you find Jesus as the total friend you seek. I know people who are married and are lonely. A close relationship with our Lord is the answer and asking Him to fill the emptiness in your heart and life with what He wants for you and being content to wait on Him will ease your pain of loneliness. Try smiling at a people...everyone responds to a friendly smile and that may lead to a comment that may lead to a coffee and friends with whom you may share your love of Jesus. Who knows where that may lead.....but in all things let Jesus take the lead in your life and find contentment within yourself. 

Welcome to Worthy ....

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 But I do ask the Lord to free you from depression and self-pity as that will just make things worse. 

 Well I have to say that the day after I posted this request I just got peace about it. On the day I posted this request I was crazy about it, I was completely hopeless, and and I was feeling that that it's gonna be so forever. I am not sure how to interpret this peace...

try smiling at a people

That's probably an other thing. That's so true what You said. I need to change more in that than I could with my own strength.

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Thanks for advise.

No problem.

After you have befriended a girl

I dont know how good friends shall I be.

You can get better at it with practice.

For me,  I can talk to them after service/youth night but they dont invite me to have fun with them or to other events they're taking place. Nor do I invite them.

Service/youth activities are a good way to interact with girls and start to meet them.  At least at my youth group, they encouraged activities that got guys and girls to interact (like being on teams together, shaving cream fights, etc).  Another thing is, if you are having fun and enjoying yourself (doing something unrelated to them but around them), that sometimes makes girls more likely to want to be around you.  Are there any other groups that you know of where you could join and get more interactions with Christian girls?  Maybe you could do some volunteer work or work for a Christian organization where there are people your age or join a singles Christian group.

Many I have known about year or more but still it does not happen. Not sure what to make of it. Shall it happen while we are still just friends or shall I wait til it's time to get her to be girlfriend? For now 90% of my conversations with them is "Hi, how are you" and then answering to that question with few sentences and sometimes talk about today's service.  I am not sure what girls like to talk about...

 

If they seem receptive to talking to you (and say, not wanting to end the conversation), you could ask them about their interests.  You can also just study them by quietly watching how other guys in your group interact with their girlfriends, or if the subject of dating comes up in youth group activities, listen to what the girls say.  Also, you could try to do some reading of books about Christian dating, and maybe that would help you get some ideas.  Some guys will even read sites, books, or magazines meant for girls their age to try to understand them better and what they are looking for in males (but Christian ones would be better).

 

Other thing is that I am kinda afraid to ask them out because I dont want to look like someone who is desperately looking to date someone. I am not sure if I am right or wrong with it...
 

and let them know you would date them

I am not exactly sure when it is right time for it. Should I already be spending time with her or is it fine to invite her cafee just with intention to get to know her better? To me asking girl out looks already like asking her to date me and that's what holds me back. Other thing is that I am kinda afraid to be ashamed by her rejection. Well I have not asked anybody to date with me yet so I dont actually know how stupid/silly feeling it would be but it doesnt seem good.

Don’t ask, then, if you don't feel ready.  Some girls like to be the one to ask you out.  Just try to get comfortable around them and don’t let them feel like you have an agenda of asking them out, or you might feel rejected.  Good luck.

Edited by ethrayn
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