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emekrus

“Finding a Life Partner”

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“House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a PRUDENT WIFE is from the LORD.” Proverbs 19:14

For about four years, I had been discreetly and prayerfully searching for a lady to marry, but all my efforts were to no avail. Many a time, based on my utopian ideal on what a perfect wife should be, I’ll get into a relationship- only to be disappointed after some months…

And before the brake up, I must have wasted some resources, including time and energy. Until recently, God clearly revealed my wife to me. And since I got into relationship with this lady from the Lord, I can’t imagine ever being able to get (on my own discretion) a lady as prudent and lovely as she is for a wife.

And ever since my breakthrough, I have learnt great lessons from my own experience, which I have been using to counsel my friends who are still scouting for a perfect life partner.

Hence, I feel led by the Holy Spirit to share my lessons with folks who may as well be searching for a heavenly life partner in the interim. So they can hit right at their covenant life partners and avoid the grievous mistake and consequences of choosing a stranger for marriage.

“How Can I Find a Heavenly Life Partner?”

As I discuss with most of my friends, who are searching for life partner, I have always discovered one hindrance which have prevented them and so many believers (including my very self then), from getting the direction of God for a life partner.

Just like me then, they have been earnestly praying to God to reveal the perfect person to them. Which I believe is the best and wisest thing to do, when a believer is looking for a life partner. Because according to our opening scripture, “A prudent wife (including husband- if I may add), cometh from the Lord.”

Because, we as humans are very incapable of knowing and choosing the right person that will help us fulfil our God-given visions. But the hindrance here is that, these my friends (like me then), after praying, are not open-minded to the perfect will or choice of God.

After praying, we put God’s opinion aside, and bring out our blueprint to scrutinize the person before we choose. In short, even in the place of prayers, we start giving God our criteria. For instance, if it’s a man asking God for a wife, he petitions God with all manners of conditions…

Conditions such as: she must be very beautiful; tall and slim in shape. She must have gap in-between the teeth. She must have big breast and buttocks. Must come from a particular tribe… and the list goes on and on. If we’re to get God’s perfect counsel, we must open our hearts to God, for whomever he wants to give to us. Then after God reveals the person, we can then confirm spiritually (not carnally), if truly the person is from the Lord.

My friend and Christian Brother, who came to me recently for counsel, concerning choosing a life partner, is a perfect case study.

He told me he had been praying for a life partner. That he wants God to reveal his life partner to him. Then almost immediately, he started recounting to me, what he is expecting from the wife. He said the girl must be working… and other conditions…

Then I told him plainly that God cannot show him a wife. Because he has already made up his mind on what he wants. As he heard that, he agreed with me, and even shared with me that there is a lady he feels nudged to speak to concerning marriage, but he was not comfortable with her fat stature.

He agreed that the girl was a good Christian and has the fear of God, from his relationship with her. But just that he was uncomfortable with the fatness. It was then I counseled him to be totally opened to whomever God wants him to marry, if he must get married to God’s perfect will for him.

Recently he just called me that he has gotten all the convictions from God, he needed to go ahead and approach the said lady for marriage.

You see, if you want God to reveal to you your perfect life partner, you must completely zero out your mind in your request, else God will not speak to you. Because God knows better, than speak to you when you will not accept his counsel…

If God must speak to you concerning marriage, you must wholeheartedly say; “God reveal to me the right person you want me to marry; I will marry her regardless of anything. I just want nothing but your perfect will. I don’t care her shape, status, height, color, education, tribe or anything.”

I told someone that if God revealed a cripple, or a deaf mute to me to marry, as I confirm very well its God, I’ll go ahead with the marriage no matter how hard it seems…

Many Christians only end up marrying God’s permissive will, because they won’t allow God show them his perfect will. And even if he did, they won’t accept it if the person does not meet their criteria. Hence, there are so much struggles, even breakages in many marriages. Including Christian Marriages.

So there you have it! To choose a perfect life partner, ask God to show you. After praying, as you go about searching, just be open-minded to whomever God reveals to your heart…

And I must add here, that a woman is not to find a husband, it is the man that should find her. The bible says; “He who finds a wife”. The man is to find the wife through God’s guidance, while the woman, as the man comes speaking, she should ask him for some time to pray for confirmation.

And to confirm the voice of the Lord concerning the revelation of a life partner, I advise a minimum of two different witnesses of the Holy Spirit, before making a move or acceptance.

Personally, before I was totally convicted to speak to my fiancé, I had up to three witnesses from the Holy Spirit. Then as I got into the relationship, I have received more confirmations from the Lord.

Before I moved, I dreamt about her thrice, but the face was not specific. Although I saw on those three occasions that she was light in complexion. I even went ahead telling my course mates that my wife to be is light in complexion.

Then after some time, I heard her name clearly in my heart, with God telling me, she likes me so much. Finally, before I spoke to her concerning marriage, the Holy Spirit convicted me with a scriptural revelation as I read a Christian literature.

So in choosing a life partner, you must be fully convinced by the voice of God in your spirit (heart), then you move based on your conviction or convictions as the case may be. Because it is your convictions from the Lord that will enable you hang on in the marriage, regardless of whatever challenges you may come across.

You will not make the wrong choice in choosing your life partner, in marriage, in Jesus precious name!

Remain Blessed!

Emeke Odili.

 

 

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Guest shiloh357

I have found all I need in Jesus.  Total fulfillment.  A wife cannot offer anything to me in terms of happiness and fulfillment that Jesus has not already provided.

 

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I don't believe that denying what we want is all the answer, because some of the instincts we have, promote the best offspring. It is natural to choose someone who is symmetrical, healthy, tall, straight, strong, intelligent, sociable etc.

If we are prepared to compromise and marry whatever, then the risks of bringing deformed and sick children into the world are higher.

One of the first obligations to God is to look after our body temple, and not to produce inferior offspring to curse the world more than it is. Another important obligation is the matter of faith, which we all know creates compatibility and harmony in the home. And the third factor is culture. Stick with your own if possible.

If we take the attitude of marrying the first thing that comes under the radar, then we will get just that. Like the donkey and the dragon in Shrek. 

I think, the idea of praying for a partner and getting that prayer answered is a myth that churches have promoted, as an answer to the overwhelming desperation young people have about a relationship, thanks to the entertainment industries. People are lovesick, and cannot wait to fulfill their sentimental and imaginary side.

I agree what you have put forward about not being too interested in our wishes which are sometimes selfish and unrealistic, nevertheless, I think we should aim high, and be fair to the one we think we want to marry, by not allowing them to marry us if we are incompatible and inferior.

The trouble with the world is that most couples are mismatched, and the reason for this is that there is a massive rush to be hitched, and if the eligible don't hurry, they'll be left with shelf material, meanwhile, the mismatched pairs are already seeking divorce, while the loners, have the option of marrying second hand goods.

It is possible that Christians have overrated the importance of having a partner as well, and that behind this is a sex driven society. So the gonads are making the choices and not the heart and mind. 

So in such a world, is God interested in fulfilling people's desires on that level? I question that.

Many people are obsessed about a relationship and honestly believe that their lives will be far better off with the 'right' partner, and so they pray for the 'right partner.' I think the truth is that, if you are the right partner yourself, then you are naturally compatible with many people, not just one, or a selection, but thousands.

In fact, if you like loving, you will like many different people, and find something loving about each. There doesn't have to be a 'right' partner for you, because anyone can have a happy life with you. If you need someone 'special' to love, like a movie star to mother you, you are probably a really boring person anyway, and when you find your 'right' partner - then the two of you will be doubly boring. There are many fine examples of that.

The biggest pre-commitment questions should be "Is our love for God the same? Are we heading in the same direction, with the same intentions of decreasing suffering in the world, and allowing our family unit to be an example of Christian virtues?"

Whether you both like tennis or not is more important for matchmaking shows, but in real life, it makes little difference to the success of the relationship. Everyone is different anyway, and it glorifies God when we learn how to live in harmony, by making compromises, sharing, allowing space for new ideas, and showing interest in each other's lives.

 

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I don't believe that denying what we want is all the answer, because some of the instincts we have, promote the best offspring. It is natural to choose someone who is symmetrical, healthy, tall, straight, strong, intelligent, sociable etc.

If we are prepared to compromise and marry whatever, then the risks of bringing deformed and sick children into the world are higher.

One of the first obligations to God is to look after our body temple, and not to produce inferior offspring to curse the world more than it is. Another important obligation is the matter of faith, which we all know creates compatibility and harmony in the home. And the third factor is culture. Stick with your own if possible.

If we take the attitude of marrying the first thing that comes under the radar, then we will get just that. Like the donkey and the dragon in Shrek. 

I think, the idea of praying for a partner and getting that prayer answered is a myth that churches have promoted, as an answer to the overwhelming desperation young people have about a relationship, thanks to the entertainment industries. People are lovesick, and cannot wait to fulfill their sentimental and imaginary side.

I agree what you have put forward about not being too interested in our wishes which are sometimes selfish and unrealistic, nevertheless, I think we should aim high, and be fair to the one we think we want to marry, by not allowing them to marry us if we are incompatible and inferior.

The trouble with the world is that most couples are mismatched, and the reason for this is that there is a massive rush to be hitched, and if the eligible don't hurry, they'll be left with shelf material, meanwhile, the mismatched pairs are already seeking divorce, while the loners, have the option of marrying second hand goods.

It is possible that most worldlings including Christians have overrated the importance of having a partner, and that behind this is a sex driven society. So the gonads are making the choices and not the heart and mind. This results in a society like Sodom, where things took place which are not good to mention. But God turned them into crispies.

So in such a world, is God interested in fulfilling people's desires on that level? I don't think so.

Many people are obsessed about a relationship and honestly believe that their lives will be far better off with the 'right' partner, and so they pray for the 'right partner.' I think the truth is that, if you are the right partner yourself, then you are naturally compatible with many people, not just one, or a selection, but thousands. In fact, if you like loving, you will like many different people, and find something loving about each. There doesn't have to be a 'right' partner for you, because anyone can have a happy life with you. If you need someone 'special' to love, like a movie star to mother you, you are probably a really boring person anyway, and when you find your 'right' partner - then the two of you will be doubly boring.

So on what basis is a marriage supposed to start? A choice, to love one and one only, because they have chosen the same with you. The right partner is the one you choose to love and one who appreciates that. The biggest pre-commitment questions should be "Is our love for God the same? Are we heading in the same direction, with the same intentions of decreasing suffering in the world, and allowing our family unit to be an example of Christian virtues?"

Whether you both like tennis or not is more important for matchmaking shows, but in real life, it makes little difference to the success of the relationship. Everyone is different anyway, and it glorifies God when we learn how to live in harmony, by making compromises, sharing, allowing space for new ideas, and showing interest in each other's lives.

 

Let me just ask you a question- and I want you to be very honest with me here. Suppose you or a relative happens to be on the disadvantaged side of your choice, what will you advice? Everyone should avoid you? Never consider you good enough for marriage?

Remember, do to others as you would have them do to you. Just turn around the table to yourself, and just make it a food for thought.

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I have found all I need in Jesus.  Total fulfillment.  A wife cannot offer anything to me in terms of happiness and fulfillment that Jesus has not already provided.

 

You are right shiloh.Some people feel like they are lost without a wife/husband but then they do not know what total fulfillment really is.Jesus has all we need.But if He wants us to have a spouse he will make that very obvious.And that goes for you too Shiloh.We can not give God a deaf ear to his plan he has for our lives.

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First of all, it is God's will that most (if not all) of His people marry, have children, and fulfil what was given to Adam and Eve -- be fruitful, multiply and replenish the earth.

All the apostles were married, and Paul may have been a widower. Scripture is very clear that marriage is God's will, NOT celibacy (and forbidding to marry is a doctrine of demons), and the younger widows are encouraged to marry for a very good reason.  Christ and His apostles attended the marriage in Cana of Galilee to show that God blesses marriage, and indeed there will be the Marriage of the Lamb in the future.  That is God's view of marriage.

But some Christians have this naive notion that God will simply drop a spouse into their lives, and they can simply sit around and do nothing. If nothing happens then they claim it was not God's will.  We can pray all we want, but if we do not take the initiative and do our part, we will end up with nothing. One of the best examples of how God leads and guides and yet requires a serious commitment from men is in the story of how God provided a bride for Isaac.

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I have found all I need in Jesus.  Total fulfillment.  A wife cannot offer anything to me in terms of happiness and fulfillment that Jesus has not already provided.

 

That's a good thing too,  in the case of a person who does want to marry , because many people impose that unachievable task upon their spouse and that is ONE of the many reasons some marriages fail.  Only the Holy Spirit can us contentment, fulfillment and give us inner peace --no other person can do that.

A person may not want to marry but as a Christian we need to seek God's plan for our lives.We either want to do what we want to do or listen to the Holy Spirit.The problem is that many do not seek God for these choices.They end up with someone God does not want them to be with.Then we run into all kind of problems.I think a person will be at peace and will feel that if they are where God wants them to be rather being single or married.

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One thing for sure is that God knows the desires of our hearts and he knows that if we are still single and if we want to remain that way or we want to seek a spouse.  God will in his timing bring the person he has for us into our lives to cross our paths.  There are so many examples of this very fact in the Bible.  One doesn't have to go to extremes to find their spouse to be because as I said God has perfect timing.  But in our watching and waiting for that mate to come into our lives we should remain in a prayerful state and remain sensitive to the Holy Spirit.  God hasn't called everyone to marriage nor has he called everyone to singlehood.  But either way one desires in there life know that God's plans and ways are higher than our ways and plans so trust HIM and he will provide.

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It goes without saying that Christians should only marry Christians.

I can remember telling our son that what a woman looks for is a best friend.   So he started praying that God provide someone that he had known for at least a year and had as a friend.  God provided a girl he had known for several years but  had never considered her for marriage.  They had worked together on the worship team at church as well as having lunch together at his place of employment.  They had been in the young adults group at church and in Bible school.  But God had to open his eyes to see her.  They have been married for 20 years.  Our other son would not date someone who was not a Christian.  So he started inviting a girl he liked to group activities with other Christians.  Then he invited her to the young adults group.  Afterward she poured out her heart to him, and her past, and he led her in the sinners prayer.  They were married within a year and also have been married 20 years.  However, they have had lives of severe trials illness and pain that they have met with God's help

 God provides someone who will complement us in abilties, providing strength where we are weak.   But that person also may be sent into our lives to refine us!   Becoming one is a growing and refining process that takes time and committment.  As both people become more like Christ they merge into the One that God created them to become.  

A gifted evangelist admitted that he and his wife go out as a team to approach people about Christ.  She is the silent partner and prayer warrior.  

To make a marriage work, both have to pliable in God's hands.  That takes meakness and humility.  God will help us to become those things through life's hardships.  I do encourage married couples to pray aloud for each other's needs and concerns and for others.  That is a very strong binding force that knits their hearts together.

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Guest shiloh357

I have found all I need in Jesus.  Total fulfillment.  A wife cannot offer anything to me in terms of happiness and fulfillment that Jesus has not already provided.

 

You are right shiloh. Some people feel like they are lost without a wife/husband but then they do not know what total fulfillment really is.Jesus has all we need.But if He wants us to have a spouse he will make that very obvious.And that goes for you too Shiloh.We can not give God a deaf ear to his plan he has for our lives.

I am not anti-marriage.  I just don't need it.  If I were to get married, there would be no pressure on a wife to fulfill some pie-in-the-sky, unrealistic expectation.   So many go into marriage with ridiculous expectations and when their spouse can't live up to their unrealistic fantasy of what marriage is supposed to be, suddenly everything goes south and the marriage hits the rocks.

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