God please take my life

[spiderman1917]

The world's misery ,all of the ugly things that happen and all the ugliness within myself and other people is chronically bombarding my mind, taking me to another awful world when I'm supposed to be focusing on other things , making it impossible for me to hold a job ,and sometimes I don't even hear what the person in front of me is saying because I'm so bombarded psychologically with the world's misery.

Some of it is PTSD I think.  It has been making my life impossible for quite a few years now.  I suppose having no family or friends in the area doesn't help.

I wish I had died as a child before being corrupted and I pray God move me to a state of grace and take my life

[kwikphilly]

Blessings spiderman.......

     I'm sorry you are struggling so at this time & I could only hope you will choose to see the glass half full,the world is a beautiful place ,,,,,,,,,,,just choose to look at a picturesque sunset & understand that all that awesome beauty was PUT THERE purposely for YOU,,,,,so were the birds that sing wonderful melodies in the wee hours of the morning or snow capped majestic mountains,colorful trees & flowers in  all their glorious splendor or the vast blue ocean ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,look around you at what God has prepared just for us & be thankful for each new day by His New Mercy,,,,,you just cannot focus on miserable people & evil,,,,,,,,,,you have to see what is good

  I will tell you & I do hope to encourage you & give you HOPE I have had terrible battles with health issues over the years,many years ago there was a time I said your very same prayer,over & over ,every night ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,& I got an answer,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,The answer was loud & clear,not condemning but in a very Loving Way I heard "How dare you ask Me that & do not ever ask that of Me again because until you have fulfilled the Plans I have for you,,,,,,,you will not come home!!!!"    I will not go into all the details but what happened that night changed everything,I became very grateful for the things I do not have (eg:a wheelchair,a seeing eye dog,oxygen tank,prosthetic limbs,etc......)I felt so bad for asking such a thing of my Father WHO is ALWAYS with me every step of the Way,,,,as He is with you,,,,,,,,,

 Friend,make it a daily routine of talking with God,giving Him Praise each morning & usher in His Presence(He inhabits our Praise),read the Word & ask the Holy Spirit for Wisdom & Understanding,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,perhaps God has allowed you to not have friends or family around at this time to draw nearer Him * have you to Himself?                Praying for you,Praise the Lord                   With love-in Christ,Kwik

[1to3]

Spiderman, seems you are under spiritual attack. ( check Ephesian6)

Like quick sand if you react to it, you just keep sinking further and further, but if you stay still, you stop sinking.

If you can become objective from what thoughts are attacking you, you can disable them

meaning if you can just remain still in Christ and not panic but just look at these thoughts as they are outside you, like passing clouds, they do not belong to you

and have no more power than you allow to give them, if they can't get into you , all they can do is just leave.

There is a passage in the bible in James 7:4 that says: Resist the devil and he will flee,

also resent not the devil just observe what he is trying to do without any anger or fear and he will leave.

I say this : do not resent the devil, just look at him objectively, because that is what he wants you yo feel, anger, resentment, fear. Don't give him that power.

Like the wicked witch of the west of Oz, without any power given to it, he will just burn up by his own combustion.

also there is another passage, God will never give us more than we can handle. found in:1 Corinthians 10:13

He will always show us a way to flee and escape the devil.

Use the Sword of the spirit= The Word of God as your defense against spiritual attacks: (that becomes your spiderman venom/weapon lol )

Like:

Isaiah 54:17

17  "No weapon formed against me shall  prosper"

 

 

Being in recovery, you are just beginning to learn the tools needed to fight against the enemy.

These tools are to be applied everyday in all walks of life, for the rest of your life.

These are tools of wisdom, they will help you survive this mad world and all its chaos.

 

Easy does it, you are not alone, one day at a time, keep it simple, be still and let go and let God.

 

Recovery from trauma is life long. Everybody has their own healing to deal with, and make the best of.

 

It takes time to heal, be gentle with yourself and give yourself the time to heal.

Remember H.A.L.T. hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Take care of those needs .

First thing first always.

Always God first along with the tools of recovery you have received from recovery programs as well as from the Holy Bible.

 

 Find a good christian role models that you can look up to and perhaps follow their lead.

About finding work? Are you ready for work or do you need more healing time? Only you can answer that.

 

The truth is some people are so broken by trauma, they may never be able to hold down a full time job, those have to rely on social disability .

Others find part-time work, others volunteer at their own pace. Whatever the case, go by your own pace.

Its a matter of survival and you need to go by what will work best for you in order to survive and get better.

 

You seem bright, I don't know how old you are, but in terms of Jobs, what about becoming a pizza maker or working at an ice cream shop? or working on a farm, milking cows? or learning how to make cheese?, learning to sheer sheep? working at a botanical garden? volunteering in an animal zoo,  just thoughts...

In these places you can learn the trade and even perhaps on day own your own pizza business or ice cream shop or other. These are just examples, but there are many different possibilities if you have the energy and drive to get ahead.

 

The world has always had misery, just we see it more in our face everyday, but its always been .

You need to keep to horse blinders on and focus on your goal and always first your goal in Christ Jesus.

Whatever it may be, keep those blinders on so that you make your path clear towards your destination, despite of all that is going on around you.

 

God gave you life for a reason.

However small that reason my appear to some, it is reason enough because you received the miracle of life.

 

Last evening, I was down myself and could not do much, I happened turn on the t.v. to  P.B.S. and watched a documentary on Japanese Snow Monkeys ~ Nature Documentary

The beauty of nature, also the sadness . They are both part of life here on earth. Even the snow monkeys have had to learn the best way to cope with the life they were given. Sometimes their life is in danger, sometimes their life is in pleasure,  but yet they continue on.

And so must we also continue on.

After the Snow monkey documentary , they showed another documentary :Secrets of the Dead The Lost Gardens of Babylon PBS  quite interesting,  and with the technology of today, they have been able to map out were a king 700 B.C.E. designed an elaborate garden with aquaducts

In the documentary the main researcher Stephanie Dalley,  a British scholar of the Ancient Near East. . she must have been in her seventies, and yet she was very lucid, and full of life.

I look around and say wow! some people are truly blessed with brains and capabilities. thank goodness for those being able to do from production to completion of a documentary. All the people that where necessary, in front and behind the scenes to make it all come together.

Not everyone can be the master chef, but even so, everyone can do something in contributing to a greater goal if they want to.

Finding something to live for despite all the trouble all around.

It is part of survival to do so.

And even if we do not become great scientist, or great archaeologist, we still can have something to contribute to life, even if its just a smile or a helping hand to some creature in need.

Making a gratitude list of the things we have, can help us SEE with a clearer more balanced perspective .

Best wishes to you in Gods Mercy and Grace.

1to3

 

 

 

 

 

[spiderman1917]

45 minutes ago, 1to3 said:

Spiderman, seems you are under spiritual attack. ( check Ephesian6)

Like quick sand if you react to it, you just keep sinking further and further, but if you stay still, you stop sinking.

If you can become objective from what thoughts are attacking you, you can disable them

meaning if you can just remain still in Christ and not panic but just look at these thoughts as they are outside you, like passing clouds, they do not belong to you

and have no more power than you allow to give them, if they can't get into you , all they can do is just leave.

There is a passage in the bible in James 7:4 that says: Resist the devil and he will flee,

also resent not the devil just observe what he is trying to do without any anger or fear and he will leave.

I say this : do not resent the devil, just look at him objectively, because that is what he wants you yo feel, anger, resentment, fear. Don't give him that power.

Like the wicked witch of the west of Oz, without any power given to it, he will just burn up by his own combustion.

also there is another passage, God will never give us more than we can handle.

He will always show us a way to flee and escape the devil.

Use the Sword of the spirit as your defense against spiritual attacks:

Like:

Isaiah 54:17

17  "No weapon formed against me shall  prosper"

 

 

Being in recovery, you are just beginning to learn the tools needed to fight against the enemy.

These tools are to be applied everyday in all walks of life, for the rest of your life.

These are tools of wisdom, they will help you survive this mad world and all its chaos.

 

Easy does it, you are not alone, one day at a time, keep it simple, be still and let go and let God.

 

Recovery from trauma is life long. Everybody has their own healing to deal with, and make the best of.

 

It takes time to heal, be gentle with yourself and give yourself the time to heal.

Remember H.A.L.T. hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Take care of those needs .

First thing first always.

Always God first along with the tools of recovery you have received from recovery programs as well as from the Holy Bible.

 

 Find a good christian roles model that you can look up to and perhaps follow their lead.

About finding work? Are you ready for work or do you need more healing time? Only you can answer that.

 

The truth is some people are so broken by trauma, they may never be able to hold down a full time job, those have to rely on social disability .

Others find part-time work, others volunteer at their own pace. Whatever the case, go by your own pace.

Its a matter of survival and you need to go by what will work best for you in order to survive and get better.

 

You seem bright, I don't know how old you are, but in terms of Jobs, what about becoming a pizza maker or working at an ice cream shop? or work on a farm, milking cows? or learn how to make cheese?, learning to sheer sheep? working at a botanical garden? volunteering in an animal zoo,  just thoughts...

In these places you can learn the trade and even perhaps on day own your own pizza business or ice cream shop or other. These are just examples, but there are many different possibilities if you have the energy and drive to get ahead.

 

The world has always had misery, just we see it more in our face everyday, but its always been .

You need to keep to horse blinders on and focus on your goal and always first your goal in Christ Jesus.

Whatever it may be, keep those blinders on so that you make your path clear towards your destination, despite of all that is going on around you.

 

God gave you life for a reason.

however small that reason my appear to some, it is reason enough because you received the miracle of life.

 

Last evening, I was down myself and could not do much, I happen turn on the t.v. to  P.B.S. and watched a documentary pn Japanese Snow Monkeys ~ Nature Documentary

The beauty of nature, also the sadness . They are both part of life here on earth. Even the snow monkeys have had to learn the best way to cope with the life they were given. Sometimes their life is in danger, sometimes their life is in pleasure,  but yet they continue on.

And so must we also continue on.

After the Snow monkey documentary , they showed another documentary :Secrets of the Dead The Lost Gardens of Babylon PBS  quite interesting,  and with the technology of today, they have been able to map out were a king 700 B.C.E. designed an elaborate garden with aquaducts

In the documentary the main researcher Stephanie Dalley,  a British scholar of the Ancient Near East. . she must have been in her seventies, and yet she was very lucid, and full of life.

I look around and say wow! some people are truly blessed with brains and capabilities. thank goodness for those being able to do from production to completion of a documentary. All the people were necessary, in front and behind the scenes to make it all come together.

Not everyone can be the master chef, but even so everyone can do something in contributing to a greater goal if they want to.

Finding something to live for despite all the trouble all around.

It is part of survival to do so.

And even if we do not become great scientist, or great archaeologist, we still can have something to contribute to life, even if its just a smile or a helping hand to some creature in need.

Making a gratitude list of the things we have, can help us SEE with a clearer more balanced perspective .

Best wishes to you in Gods Mercy and Grace.

1to3

 

 

 

 

 

I shouldnt say I don't have friends in the area.  There are people who care , it's just their associated with the treatment center I went through and the halfway house.

I don't feel there is much we can do for each other..

Thank you all for what you said and your prayers.   No, I am not a victim because my sins I have done this.  Sad thing is , people who spend their life from childhood to my current age of 28 on drugs and alcohol and displaying disturbing sociopathic behavior and in and out of jail and psyche wards rarely ever get well.

 Regarding work , I just don't know. Right now I'm in too much Outpatient Treatment to have a job.

I did some volunteer work at the food shelves yesterday and many things were triggered in my mind to go to awful places and seeing in my mind the most awful things human beings do to each other and the most horrible emotions went along with it.

I was unable to focus.

Thanks be to God this journey is short.

Edited March 24, 2016 by spiderman1917

[spiderman1917]

3 hours ago, kwikphilly said:

Blessings spiderman.......

     I'm sorry you are struggling so at this time & I could only hope you will choose to see the glass half full,the world is a beautiful place ,,,,,,,,,,,just choose to look at a picturesque sunset & understand that all that awesome beauty was PUT THERE purposely for YOU,,,,,so were the birds that sing wonderful melodies in the wee hours of the morning or snow capped majestic mountains,colorful trees & flowers in  all their glorious splendor or the vast blue ocean ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,look around you at what God has prepared just for us & be thankful for each new day by His New Mercy,,,,,you just cannot focus on miserable people & evil,,,,,,,,,,you have to see what is good

  I will tell you & I do hope to encourage you & give you HOPE I have had terrible battles with health issues over the years,many years ago there was a time I said your very same prayer,over & over ,every night ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,& I got an answer,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,The answer was loud & clear,not condemning but in a very Loving Way I heard "How dare you ask Me that & do not ever ask that of Me again because until you have fulfilled the Plans I have for you,,,,,,,you will not come home!!!!"    I will not go into all the details but what happened that night changed everything,I became very grateful for the things I do not have (eg:a wheelchair,a seeing eye dog,oxygen tank,prosthetic limbs,etc......)I felt so bad for asking such a thing of my Father WHO is ALWAYS with me every step of the Way,,,,as He is with you,,,,,,,,,

 Friend,make it a daily routine of talking with God,giving Him Praise each morning & usher in His Presence(He inhabits our Praise),read the Word & ask the Holy Spirit for Wisdom & Understanding,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,perhaps God has allowed you to not have friends or family around at this time to draw nearer Him * have you to Himself?                Praying for you,Praise the Lord                   With love-in Christ,Kwik

There is beauty out there.

I saw a teacher walking across the street with some children. I saw a strong Christian and mother in her.  She may not have been Christian, but either way, she silently spoke a sermon to me about motherhood and the battle between good and evil, and that what is good and beautiful shall Triumph.

Edited March 24, 2016 by spiderman1917

[Kan]

8 hours ago, spiderman1917 said:

The world's misery ,all of the ugly things that happen and all the ugliness within myself and other people is chronically bombarding my mind, taking me to another awful world when I'm supposed to be focusing on other things , making it impossible for me to hold a job ,and sometimes I don't even hear what the person in front of me is saying because I'm so bombarded psychologically with the world's misery.

Some of it is PTSD I think.  It has been making my life impossible for quite a few years now.  I suppose having no family or friends in the area doesn't help.

I wish I had died as a child before being corrupted and I pray God move me to a state of grace and take my life

I like you Spiderman. It must be a trial to be in your shoes...I'm worried about you.

PTSD often leads to ADHD, the inability to focus when its important.

 

You need all the help you can get with your physical health, because it affects your emotions as well.

Check with your doctor, it is likely you need vitamin B complex, vitamin D, and a range of colloidal minerals. Because the brain and nervous system use minerals to work.

Eat nutritious meals, fresh fruits and vegetables, nuts, and grains. Avoid sugar, tea and coffee at all costs, eat very little meat, or none at all, white bread and refined foods, old and hard cheese, black pepper, pickles and ketch up. Because these are acid forming in the body, have less food value, are harder to digest and irritate the stomach and intestines. Fish is good for you because of omegas. Use cream cheeses, ricotta, yogurt, etc instead of yellow and blue cheese.

Have regular exercise where you can sweat it out. Have a cold shower after a hot shower or bath. This stimulates the nerves and circulation, and gives your mind relief. Have long warm or hot if you like, baths, for about an hour or more. Read the KJV in portions you can handle, it will help cure the ADHD. And don't listen to or watch the news, movies or ads. Let your mind be settled and get used to having a break. 

Eat three regular meals a day, and nothing in between, except water and drinks. Soft drinks are irritating to your kidneys and adrenal glands. Alcohol is a poison.  

The thing with trauma and troubles in life, is that when they are over, we have strong habits and tendencies to carry them with us. We do that because (subconsciously) we want to be able to control them and have another turn at doing better. But what we end up doing is creating them in anther way, either in our minds or in the environment, which includes other people who unfortunately have to put up with our reactions and actions, which aren't always appropriate.

You seem to be able to look at yourself objectively, which is good. So don't be surprised to find yourself thinking and feeling awful, it is part of your life and thinking, it is real and true, but now also up to be challenged by a new life.

[spiderman1917]

36 minutes ago, Kan said:

I like you Spiderman. It must be a trial to be in your shoes...I'm worried about you.

PTSD often leads to ADHD, the inability to focus when its important.

 

You need all the help you can get with your physical health, because it affects your emotions as well.

Check with your doctor, it is likely you need vitamin B complex, vitamin D, and a range of colloidal minerals. Because the brain and nervous system use minerals to work.

Eat nutritious meals, fresh fruits and vegetables, nuts, and grains. Avoid sugar, tea and coffee at all costs, eat very little meat, or none at all, white bread and refined foods, old and hard cheese, black pepper, pickles and ketch up. Because these are acid forming in the body, have less food value, are harder to digest and irritate the stomach and intestines. Fish is good for you because of omegas. Use cream cheeses, ricotta, yogurt, etc instead of yellow and blue cheese.

Have regular exercise where you can sweat it out. Have a cold shower after a hot shower or bath. This stimulates the nerves and circulation, and gives your mind relief. Have long warm or hot if you like, baths, for about an hour or more. Read the KJV in portions you can handle, it will help cure the ADHD. And don't listen to or watch the news, movies or ads. Let your mind be settled and get used to having a break. 

Eat three regular meals a day, and nothing in between, except water and drinks. Soft drinks are irritating to your kidneys and adrenal glands. Alcohol is a poison.  

The thing with trauma and troubles in life, is that when they are over, we have strong habits and tendencies to carry them with us. We do that because (subconsciously) we want to be able to control them and have another turn at doing better. But what we end up doing is creating them in anther way, either in our minds or in the environment, which includes other people who unfortunately have to put up with our reactions and actions, which aren't always appropriate.

You seem to be able to look at yourself objectively, which is good. So don't be surprised to find yourself thinking and feeling awful, it is part of your life and thinking, it is real and true, but now also up to be challenged by a new life.

Thanks!  Very wise advice

I don't know about the diet that you recommend but fish and yogurt sounds worth trying.

What about penut butter?

[MorningGlory]

Spiderman, I can't give you better advice than what the others here have given you.  It's absolutely spot on.  I am going to pray for you to see God in your life, pray every day and continue your treatment.  You can be one of those who go on to a good life; just read up on King David.  He was a mess and did awful things over and over again and yet, God brought him around.  Bless you.

[Kan]

3 hours ago, spiderman1917 said:

Thanks!  Very wise advice

I don't know about the diet that you recommend but fish and yogurt sounds worth trying.

What about peanut butter?

The digestive system shares the nervous energy and blood supply of the body. The other two main functions are the brain and muscles. Learn how to balance these three, and give each equal care. They like to work separately and not all at once, so don't read and eat while walking on the treadmill, if you know what I mean.

So if you are going to sleep or study (brain work) or do heavy exercise (muscle work) it does not pay to eat heavy foods, but to make sure that the meal has been mostly digested before.

Foods take from a couple of minutes to five or more hours to digest, so that may help to decide what and when to eat something.

From easy to hard to digest - fruit, fresh greens, cooked fruit, raw vegetables, cooked vegetables, fish, rice, beans and legumes, milk, eggs, white and light cheese and milk products, cereal, pastry, bread, nuts, peanuts, white meat, red meat, hard cheese, fat, fried oils.

The people who live the longest and have the happiest minds, are the ones who tend to eat the easy foods.

The other trick is, foods will be acid forming or alkaline forming once digested. The body prefers about 70 % alkaline. That's easy, the scale is the same as the above. Alkaline is in the blue and acid in the red. Sugar, refined foods and food preservatives are mostly in the red.

90 % of diseases are caused by an over acid condition in the body. Guess why so many people get sick and die early? Check out what is mostly in the supermarket trolleys and understand the cause of suffering.

God wants us to be healthy, - Adam and Eve had a diet of fruit, nuts and grains, and after the fall, God advised them to eat veggies as well, because their bodies were breaking down. But God never recommended meat, although He allowed it, because of the threat of hunger after the flood.

 

 

 

 

 

[gdemoss]

I remember getting sober.  It was horrible!  I remember wanting to die (at least I thought that is what I wanted.) I said, I feel horrible.  Then I heard some guy said, that's good.  I would be worried about you if you did all those things you said you did and didn't feel bad.  He said, I found out that I really didn't want to die but that I wanted to die to the way I had been living. I had lived a life driven by fear, self delusion, self pity and self seeking.  It was appropriate that I feel bad.  Then I was told that I was a negative person who needed a positive way of life that would help me turn everything around.

I followed instructions taken out of Mathew 5-7, 1 Cor 13 and the book of James and I was redeemed from all the horrific feelings of despair, mental anguish and horrible apartness I always felt.  I found a sense of peace and belonging.  I began to be interested in ministering to others needs.  It's awesome. Thank God.  Sober time turned out to be my best friend.