Help- Familiy Situation

[disciplehelovestoo]

3 hours ago, CJAS said:

Thank you for responding. I understand your point because I think about that side of things too. It's just that every time I decide to forgive my mom this happens again. Of course it must be also because I expect things to change every time I try to start over with her... and in the beginning she ALWAYS acts like she changed and even speaks about how bad she feels when she remembers the things she did... but then she does it all over again.  And it all comes at the same time, the men she sees, the partying, the neglecting of my brothers, her behavior turns immature (she is a professional in a field where behavior and image play a big role and she brings all this to her job)   Our relationship has turned into this cycle... I really wish I could do as you say, I hope I can soon, but i KNOW no matter what I'll get hurt by her again and see my brothers living all this I went through.

as long as you expect her to change, you'll be a part of her cycle - you must change in order to break free of sharing this cycle with her.  your hurt comes from unfulfilled expectations you have of her - first, you have to realize that God's forgiveness is not based on her performance; but right now, yours is - you've got to be mindful of His unconditional forgiveness as you deal with her in order to avoid receiving hurt; you have to learn to forgive her before she disappoints you.

you're looking at her actions; try looking at her heart - she's 'looking for love in all the wrong places' as the song says, and therefore she isn't finding it - but she is looking for love, and God IS Love, so she's looking for God - if you can see it this way, it will help you minister to her more effectively.  God wants someone to show her unconditional love through - and you're a good candidate for Him to use - remember that it's the goodness of God that causes lasting change, not the harshness of the law of performance.  strive to treat her as you would if she was actually meeting your expectations now; look for opportunities to tell her about God's unconditional love, and focus on helping her to come into fellowship with Him - His intervention is the only thing that will cause her to change, and He needs someone in a flesh body to speak and act through.

as you shift your focus from how she affects you and others, to how you can affect her through selfless love, you'll become less and less susceptible to receiving hurt from her, and more effective at showing God's goodness to her.

God has faith in you; that's why He chose you - agree with Him! 

[alien224]

Praying. I would if possible look for a good Christian councillor. God is with you.

[kwikphilly]

Blessings CJAS

    I have not read the replies so if it has been said,forgive the repetition,,,,,,,,,,,,Here is the biggest problem that I can see..........

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? I've had therapy, they do help, but nothing heals. I KNOW it will never heal.

No,you certainly will not ever heal with this type of thinking,,,,,,,Can y8ou heal,of course you can,,,,is ANYTHING too hard for God,is there ANYTHING too big ,too powerful,too far gone or too difficult for the ONE Who Created us & the universe from nothing at all,,,,,NO!!!

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King James Bible
But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.
                                                                                                         Matthew 19:26

You say you are a Christian,,,,is Jesus your Lord & Savior? To let Him "Lord" over your life you must forsake "self",(mind ,body ,emotion ) in order to live "Saved" you must again,surrender 'self",,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,just because we say the words "Jesus is my Lord & Savior" we must renew our minds to embrace the New Creature in Christ Jesus that is waiting to be "set free' but the "old man" is your hindrance,,,,,does that ean your soirit does not have the guaranteed seal of Redemption,no,not at all    a person can be Saved & still live bound to everything they were bound by before receiving our Lord,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,you must 'renew your mind' & know,believe,trust,have boldness & confidence in all the things God says in His Word

We are afforded the "Position of Victory" to stand on by the Blood of Jesus,He has given us His Authority to use freely,,,,,,all these "Blessings" are ours by the grace of God,they are undeserved,unmerited,freely given us by the Grace of God  & the Power of the Holy Spirit by & through our Prec ious Jesus,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,do you believe that? Do you trust that?

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King James Bible
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
                                                                                                                          Philippians 4: 13

I'm sorry you went through what you did,it is unfair & very sad but everyone goes through something(some more,some less),,,,,,dearest Sister,that is life,,,,,we have no control over what others do & say but we can (because of Jesus) live FREE & unaffected by it ,,,,,but you have to 'let it go",,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,turn it over to God ,is He not the One Who can change the lives of others,situations,circumstances? Give it ALL to Him,,,,Trust Him

Renew the mind,,,,,,first you must get rid of that pity party "woe is me" thinking ,,,,I WILL NEVER HEAL,,,,,says who? The enemy ,that's who & he is the father of lies,,,,,,,start seeking a nearer relationship with our Lord,the One Who holds nothing against you,Who forgave you & remembers "no More" & W#ho loves you exactly as you are,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,He took your place on that cross,yes....YOU!

  Begin filling your mind & spirit with the beautiful Word of God ,seek Him & ask Him to help you 'let go",,,,,,,,,He is right there ready & waiting for you to ask..........................Be blessed                                          With love-in Christ,Kwik

[Ezra]

 

On 04/04/2016 at 3:33 PM, CJAS said:

What do I do !? Please help. Thank you.

CJAS,

It is evident from your post that you have had a terrible relationship with your mother since you were a little child.  I trust your brothers are not little children but grown men, and can handle their own issues.

Given the circumstances (and from what we can gather) here is what you must do to maintain your sanity and your Christian testimony:

1. Both you and your husband should invite her to some neutral zone where you can sit down and talk to her (e.g. a restaurant).

2. When you meet, tell her frankly that this meeting is to establish a new basis of relating to each other. In other words, you are taking control of this situation.

3. Tell her that if she is indeed a Christian, she must genuinely repent of her sins and be converted (Acts 3:19). No ifs, ands, and buts.

4. Tell her that until and unless there is a real change in her attitudes to you and your brothers, and her lifestyle, neither you nor your husband will have anything to do with her (1 Cor 5:11).

You will then have to stick to your commitment, and not show any weakness. If you fail to do so, then blame yourself.  At the same time, once you have made this solemn commitment, tell the Lord that you are truly sorry for hating her, but now you will shut her out of your life and move on. This may seem harsh on the surface, but if she is being controlled by demons or Satan, and you continue to be in her orbit, you can be sure you will be the one who suffers (and possibly your marriage).

As to your husband, since he is trying to made amends for his past sins and failures, the best thing you can do is ask him if he is truly finished with his old ways.  If he is, then put them behind you.  In order strengthen your spiritual unity, you should meet with a mature Christian brother once a week, and study the Word together.  During that time, you can always bring up personal issues, and what the Bible says about resolving them.

[disciplehelovestoo]

 

On 4/6/2016 at 1:37 PM, CJAS said:

Thank you for responding. I understand your point because I think about that side of things too. It's just that every time I decide to forgive my mom this happens again. Of course it must be also because I expect things to change every time I try to start over with her... and in the beginning she ALWAYS acts like she changed and even speaks about how bad she feels when she remembers the things she did... but then she does it all over again.  And it all comes at the same time, the men she sees, the partying, the neglecting of my brothers, her behavior turns immature (she is a professional in a field where behavior and image play a big role and she brings all this to her job)   Our relationship has turned into this cycle... I really wish I could do as you say, I hope I can soon, but i KNOW no matter what I'll get hurt by her again and see my brothers living all this I went through.

if she's under pressure to act different from her nature at work, she will be prone to act different from her nature in the opposite way when she's not at work.  maybe you just need to accept the fact that you aren't likely to get the behavior you want from her in this life; if you can adjust your expectations, you'll automatically adjust your reactions as well.

Mat 5:43-48 BBE
(43)  You have knowledge that it was said, Have love for your neighbour, and hate for him who is against you:
(44)  But I say to you, Have love for those who are against you, and make prayer for those who are cruel to you;
(45)  So that you may be the sons of your Father in heaven; for his sun gives light to the evil and to the good, and he sends rain on the upright man and on the sinner.
(46)  For if you have love for those who have love for you, what credit is it to you? do not the tax-farmers the same?
(47)  And if you say, Good day, to your brothers only, what do you do more than others? do not even the Gentiles the same?
(48)  Be then complete in righteousness, even as your Father in heaven is complete.
 

 

[kwikphilly]

Blessings CJAS

      I was just thinking about you,haven't heard from you since you posted this Thread,,,,,,,we do truly care about you & if you are reading it would be just wonderful to get an update,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I sincerely HOPE that you have considered the things we suggested & that your circumstances are far better

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King James Bible
Casting all your care upon Him; for he careth for you                                            1 Peter 5:7             

                                                                                                                            With love-in Christ,Kwik