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smileyj.

Long distance relationship problems help me please

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Praying~!

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13 hours ago, smileyj. said:

Hello,  and I'm 22 year old Christian female and been in the church for my whole life. So to make a long story somewhat short I met the guy through social media he was from Iowa and I'm from California and he drove all the way down here to meet me and we hit it off we contacted so well not on physically but mentally, emotionally and spiritually and it was something I never felt before and as young Christians we are dating to marry and my concern for our relationship that might be a problem is the fact that he's living in Iowa and that's somewhere I know I wouldn't be happy living there and we talked about and got into a huge argument about it and he didn't think it was fair for me to make that decision but at the same time if we get married God also wants me to be happy and in a place that I feel comfortable and where I'm able to grow which I feel and have read that Iowa is not a place for much opportunity for me and also him and he's so comfortable there but I feel like these are the things we have to talk about so I can know from the beginning so we can figure out
What we are gonna do. Not only
To mention that we are an interracial couple so that as well can put a strain on our relationship. I need advice on what to do 

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It is somewhat risky to meet a marriage partner through social media. It sometimes works out and it can also be a disaster. How long have you known this person? Can you say that you know him well? That you know all about his family and his history? It seems like it would be difficult to really know someone if you have that much distance between you.

You say that you would not be happy living in Iowa. This statement sounds self serving. Isn't marriage all about compromise and sacrifice and wanting to be together because you are in love with the person and you want to spend the rest of your life with them?

Yes,interracial marriages can be complicated. I think you should give this whole relationship to God and pray a lot for God to give you direction.

Welcome to Worthy :)

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14 hours ago, smileyj. said:

To mention that we are an interracial couple so that as well can put a strain on our relationship. I need advice on what to do 

Smiley,

Welcome.  Even though you have made just one post, I will respond. For the moment put aside the interracial issue (since God also puts it aside). In order to arrive at a wise decision, you need to focus on some key issues:

1. Is this young man a genuine Christian, and is he committed to doing the will of God in his life?  Does he have the maturity to make wise decisions even if it means sacrifice on his part?  Is he a *mama's boy* and is that why he is comfortable?

2. Are you committed to doing God's will in your life, regardless? Do you have the maturity to make the right decisions?

3. Are you both prepared to (a) pray and ask God to show you where you should be? (b) seek mature Christian counsel to help you make that decision? (c) make the Kingdom of God your first priority, which means where and how could you both serve God best?  

According to Scripture, the wife goes where the husband lives (a la Rebekah), but the real issue is where does God want you both to be. What are your spiritual gifts (for both of you)? What are your present ministries (if any)? What is God's plan for your life and his?  These things have to be discussed and prayed over.

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10 hours ago, bopeep1909 said:

It is somewhat risky to meet a marriage partner through social media. It sometimes works out and it can also be a disaster. How long have you known this person? Can you say that you know him well? That you know all about his family and his history? It seems like it would be difficult to really know someone if you have that much distance between you.

You say that you would not be happy living in Iowa. This statement sounds self serving. Isn't marriage all about compromise and sacrifice and wanting to be together because you are in love with the person and you want to spend the rest of your life with them?

Yes,interracial marriages can be complicated. I think you should give this whole relationship to God and pray a lot for God to give you direction.

Welcome to Worthy :)

I fully agree with bopeep.  It already sounds as if there is problems because you had as you put it, "a huge argument."  If that happens over where your going to live then I would say this relationship is already in big trouble. 

I would not even consider marriage until you have visited each other several times, talked, (not argue).  Interracial marriage is a whole other problem.  I don't see any problem with it but that is something else you need to think about.

It sounds if you are in a hurry and just want to be married.  My suggestion......... Do a lot of praying, seeking God, both of you.  My gut feeling, it doesn't sound good.  You are only 22 and have lot's of time don't rush it.  I was 30 when I met and married my husband.  We had 25 wonderful years. I lost him eight years ago, but the wait until 30 was so worth it.  You don't have to wait until your 30 but give this a lot of thought.

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Blessings smiley.....

   Am I to assume you are a Christian? I'm a little confused why you are posting in the Seekers Lounge? In any event you are saying you are a christian & I am hoping this fellow is too,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I think I just may be qualified to answer your questions because my hubby is from Australia,going back & forth is no easy task for either of us but the decisions about EVERYTHING are not OURS to make,we ask God in EVERY SITUATION,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,& do as He leads,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,so where is the problem? I think you are starting out on the wrong foot,perhaps?

   Where to live should not be an issue for anyone if God brought 2 people together,when you love someone what is the difference where you are?I can relate to this very well because I really would not choose to live anywhere but America(if it were MY choice) but if Almighty God pointed me to Australia or Kalamazoo then that's where I would be headed & my hubby would be right there beside me,no matter where.....

   The entire planet belongs to God,& so do we,.,,,,,life can be so uncomplicated if we just ask for HELP & have a willing & obedient heart ,mind & spirit    I think the  2 of you had better ask a much more important question,,,,,,each of you,,,,,"Is this the woman YOU have for me,Lord?"   "Is this the man YOU have for me Lord?"     If you are a Christian then pray the Heart & Mind of Jesus & begin to focus more o your relationship with our Lord,there are 3 parts to every couple(God,him & her),,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,To God be the Glory              With love-in Christ,Kwik

 

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I am not sure if smilely will be back or not But i have some experience in this situation. I am not one to easily be swept into love my heart does not simply fall for any girl I have been with very few girls in my life not just because in my past girls were not into me because of my looks but even as I got older and girls seemed to be more interested in me I intentionally turned several down because they wanted to date me just to date me but if I was to date anyone I wanted the real thing I didn't want a girl to have one I wanted true love and so for many years I was single. i did not fret if I would ever meet the right girl or if I would be single for the rest of my life because I just had a sense of knowing that if the right girl for me is indeed out there God would eventually bring her and I together so i simply set my hearts focus on seeking him out desiring with every fiber of my being a much deeper bond and connection and relationship with him.

 

in time as i was doing on a Christian forum I go to I met a girl who went by artsy steph, she and I had a lot of fun chatting both about God and about our geeky things we enjoy as well. even though we had never been able to meet face to face as she is in arizona and I Oklahoma I began to develop feelings for her and apparently she as well in all honesty shye was the one to make the first move and I gladly accepted. usually the knight in shining armor as she calls me is the one to ask the girl out but it was the opposite however regardless we were officially dating. as time went by both she and I began have deeper feelings for each other, i found myself beginning to truly fall in love with this girl and such feelings were new to me and she expressed to me how she felt the same way. Both of us who have never truly been in love began to feel true love for the first time.

 

I made sure the entire relationship was based and founded on God he had to come first her second me last and Stephanie not only agreed this is how it should be but would often tell me how much she has grown and become closer to God from being with me. now about a year later I find myself fantasizing having a life together with her marrying her having a place together maybe even at one point when we are financially stable and know for sure we can afford it and if it is God's will raising a family together and I told her of this only to find how she was shocked because she had been doing the very same thing.

 

never would ever consider making a life together with just any girl but with her I find myself doing it without meaning to. I do not expect there to be no fights or arguements between us we may even butt heads in anger sometimes I know it is not going to be like a lot of relationships in which people imagine a lovey dovey love and relationship and life with no strife anger or arguments troubles or even times when in which our relationship is truly strained and tested in fact I expect all of this.

 

if and when we ever are able to have a life together such as this in those times our relationship may bend but will not break not just because it is true love but because our love is based and founded on God. in the hard times when life is tough and she is feeling tired and sad and life is beginning to break her even if she takes her frustrations out on me my arms will always be there for her i want to not only help her get through the storms of life but I intend to uphold her to encourage her to make her stronger bit by bit

and there will be times in which I too lose all strength and will need her to help me to stand as well. she and i both have spoken about all of this and we both agree. sadly we have never been able to meet physically we have spoken on skype we text and talk often on the forums but for now we have neither the money or a way to be together but we trust God and are living prove that long distance relationships can in fact work although there will come a time in which actually being together face to face is needed but it will have to be on his time not ours

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May God continue to bless your relationship HeartSearcher. It truly is a wonderful thing when you love someone like that. I know the feeling, and though with my situation the only difference is he only sees me as his closest friend, I know exactly what you're going through and have to trust completely in God. I pray everything continues to go well for you and you two manage to meet someday.

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Read Ezra's advise again, I'd like to add from personal experienc,e it is so so difficult at times to know what is the wise thing to do when your emotions get involved & emotions do get involved wether we like it or not. Long distance relationships are extremely difficult almost impossible.  With out the day to day interaction, its hard to know how the other person is going to react in certain situations that arise. You truly don't know there mood swings & if you can handle them unless you have spent the time over a long period. As Ezra also pointed out a biblical wife should be led by the husband & he wants to live there.

Be careful you are not in love with the Idea of being in love & we all desire to love & be loved. My wife left after 20years of marriage I thought I had the perfect marriage, at the time I thought I would die & never find anyone like her again but I have & am happily married to the most loving person. 

God bless

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Race is not important in most places mixed race couples are readily accepted. I suppose there are some backward areas where they still have an attitude, but I haven't seen it especially not in California. If you're brave enough to get involved with a person outside of your race you must be strong enough to counter any resistance you might get. The people that have attitude problems are not Godly because it's not Godly to have an attitude like that.

As far as where to live as concerned, I'm with you of course,  I am from California so I understand how you feel 100%. You have to be comfortable and he has to be comfortable too. So in my opinion, this is your biggest stumbling block. You will have to work it out between the two if you. I've never been to Iowa maybe it's not as bad as you think?

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