LadyKay Posted June 11, 2016 Group: Royal Member Followers: 12 Topic Count: 385 Topics Per Day: 0.10 Content Count: 7,692 Content Per Day: 1.93 Reputation: 4,809 Days Won: 3 Joined: 05/28/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted June 11, 2016 Mother in law issue Again! Okay so this is what happen. This past Monday me and my daughter went over to my mother in law's house. I told her that if she wants and needs help with the yard work or work around the house; to call and let us know. And me and my daughter will come help. She said she had painting to do but did not say when she was going to be painting and I did not think to ask. When we left to come home I told her to let us know and me and my daughter will help out. So........We went on home and the rest of the week went by and I never heard from my mother in law. She did not call or email me telling me she was doing anything that she wanted help with. Well today. She emails my husband and tells him that me and my daughter were suppose to show up to help her paint this week but we never did. She then went on to say that she thinks that I don't want to work. My husband try to explain to her that if she wants something done and she wants help with it, she needs to let people know when! He told me he knows that I went over to her house and offered to help her with yard work. And that he understands that she needs to let people know what and when she wants done. But she is not doing that. I told my husband that if she thought I was suppose to be there and didn't show up, she could have called and ask me why I was not there. I said even if she called and yelled at me for not being there I would a have known there was an issue and would have gone over to help her. But I have gone this whole week thinking that there were no issues until now when she emails my husband telling him that I don't want to work. I don't know? I'm just getting tired of it all. Stuff being said about me behind my back by this person. I don't know??? I'm just tired. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezra Posted June 11, 2016 Group: Royal Member Followers: 16 Topic Count: 134 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 8,142 Content Per Day: 2.35 Reputation: 6,612 Days Won: 20 Joined: 11/02/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted June 11, 2016 5 minutes ago, LadyKay said: I'm just tired. Take a vacation -- a long one -- from your mother-in-law. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted June 11, 2016 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,991 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,689 Content Per Day: 11.81 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted June 11, 2016 1 hour ago, Ezra said: Take a vacation -- a long one -- from your mother-in-law. That sounds like a good suggestion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningGlory Posted June 11, 2016 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1,022 Topics Per Day: 0.16 Content Count: 39,193 Content Per Day: 6.11 Reputation: 9,977 Days Won: 78 Joined: 10/01/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted June 11, 2016 I'll go with peep and Ezra, LK. Her being your MIL does not give her control over you. I would not help such a person with anything, nor visit her or talk to her. I had a MIL like that and I never saw her again after a big blow up and she lived another twenty years. I simply wrote her off as nonexistent. I know that might not work for you but at least put a lot of daylight between you and that woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walla299 Posted June 11, 2016 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 9 Topic Count: 92 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 2,164 Content Per Day: 0.66 Reputation: 1,727 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/19/2015 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/10/1961 Share Posted June 11, 2016 Have to add that there's some good advice here. Sometimes the only thing we can do with toxic people in our lives is love them from a distance. I've had to deal with folks like that before and keep a large amount of space will help you stay sane. We're supposed to serve others, but that does not mean we are to be door mats. Keep praying for them, but maintain a safe distance for yourself and your family. I have a family member that hasn't acknowledged my (and a few others) existence in over 20 years in a positive way. Now she's finally wondering why no one will talk to her, and her behavior is beginning to change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningGlory Posted June 11, 2016 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1,022 Topics Per Day: 0.16 Content Count: 39,193 Content Per Day: 6.11 Reputation: 9,977 Days Won: 78 Joined: 10/01/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted June 11, 2016 12 hours ago, walla299 said: Have to add that there's some good advice here. Sometimes the only thing we can do with toxic people in our lives is love them from a distance. I've had to deal with folks like that before and keep a large amount of space will help you stay sane. We're supposed to serve others, but that does not mean we are to be door mats. Keep praying for them, but maintain a safe distance for yourself and your family. I have a family member that hasn't acknowledged my (and a few others) existence in over 20 years in a positive way. Now she's finally wondering why no one will talk to her, and her behavior is beginning to change. If ostracizing such a person brings about a change for the better, that's great. There is also the fact that LK's MIL may be showing signs of encroaching dementia, depending on her age. I hope that wouldn't be the case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walla299 Posted June 11, 2016 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 9 Topic Count: 92 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 2,164 Content Per Day: 0.66 Reputation: 1,727 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/19/2015 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/10/1961 Share Posted June 11, 2016 1 hour ago, MorningGlory said: If ostracizing such a person brings about a change for the better, that's great. There is also the fact that LK's MIL may be showing signs of encroaching dementia, depending on her age. I hope that wouldn't be the case. I've been told that its not dementia in that persons' case. She seems to have finally awakened to the fact that no one in the family wants to be around her because she's been asking why. A couple of folks told her in no uncertain terms, from what I've been told! No, it wasn't me - rather it was my brother and his wife in Australia. The problem is an aunt that lives in the US . . . keeping distance doesn't have to mean living on another continent, but that's how things worked in our case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyKay Posted June 11, 2016 Group: Royal Member Followers: 12 Topic Count: 385 Topics Per Day: 0.10 Content Count: 7,692 Content Per Day: 1.93 Reputation: 4,809 Days Won: 3 Joined: 05/28/2013 Status: Offline Author Share Posted June 11, 2016 2 hours ago, MorningGlory said: There is also the fact that LK's MIL may be showing signs of encroaching dementia, depending on her age. I hope that wouldn't be the case. Well maybe. But this sort of thing has been going on ever since I married my husband. I guess what I am annoyed with is that instead of emailing me, or even calling me up and yelling at me about it. She went around me and email the issue to my husband. I mean if she understands enough to email it to him, she could have email me about it. My husband explain to me that when he was growing up he had the same issues that I am having with his mother. That she won't explain what she wants done then gets made when you don't do what she wanted done. And when you say "well you need to explain what needs done" she just says "well your suppose to know what needs done." (sigh) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esther4:14 Posted June 11, 2016 Group: Senior Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 11 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 603 Content Per Day: 0.19 Reputation: 628 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/07/2015 Status: Offline Share Posted June 11, 2016 27 minutes ago, LadyKay said: Well maybe. But this sort of thing has been going on ever since I married my husband. I guess what I am annoyed with is that instead of emailing me, or even calling me up and yelling at me about it. She went around me and email the issue to my husband. I mean if she understands enough to email it to him, she could have email me about it. My husband explain to me that when he was growing up he had the same issues that I am having with his mother. That she won't explain what she wants done then gets made when you don't do what she wanted done. And when you say "well you need to explain what needs done" she just says "well your suppose to know what needs done." (sigh) Unfortunately, difficult people do get dementia, and it can make them even more ornery. So, it is possible that she exhibiting symptoms of early dementia, which is a broad diagnosis and can just as easily mean she is experiencing normal signs of old age and not early signs of something more progressive like Alzheimer's. But, her method of handling this situation seems to be more habitual and it hurts when your in laws exclude you from conversation like your not really part of the family, or like she is almost criticizing her son for his choice in marrying you by bringing this issue up with him and not with you directly. It is something I think about a lot because I have a son. I could just never imagine behaving the way some women behave to their daughters in-laws when my son gets married someday. To me, it would still seem that I should be the example for a young girl the same age as my son. Just a tiny girl in comparison to myself. I just can't imagine the way some women treat young girls. It doesn't seem right to me at all. So, I am sorry this is happening to you. It is unfair, but I am glad your husband recognized this and defended you so you dont have to feel completely isolated from the discussion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woundeddog Posted June 12, 2016 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 6 Topic Count: 44 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,370 Content Per Day: 0.25 Reputation: 1,054 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/21/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/18/1868 Share Posted June 12, 2016 as long as your husband knows you try I wouldnt worry about Mom-- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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