At Less My Husband Took My Side

[kwikphilly]

Well Lady Kay,,,,,,I'm sure sorry that you have a MIL like this but the fact of the matter(imo) is that although she seems to want to stir up trouble that she is looking for attention,not from you or her grand child but from her son,,,,,,,some people do not know or understand that you basically "get what you give" & so their attempts at getting what they desire are done in a most negative way,,,,,,she could have very easily emailed or called YOU but she didn't ,she contacted her son,the one she wants to be loved by & does not know how to "give" & "receive",,,,it's pretty sad really & I think that YOU have nothing to do with her disfunctinality,,,,,,it seems,by your husbands statement"kshe has always been this way"

Sis,I don't agree with the others here only because she is your husbands mother,surely it is most logical & the easiest re-course for you to simply keep your distance but that is not the best solution in consideration of your hubby,is it? How would he feel about you having nothing to do with his mom? I think this really has to be a mutual decision or just put her on your "pay no mind" list,,,,,,,you know her M.O.,you know her responses & her unpleasantries,,,,,,can't you just ignore it,for your husbands sake?As a Christian,"No,you don't have to be a doormat" but are her words really stepping on you? Do they cause pain or affliction? No,both you & your husband know that the things she says are untrue & even downright "mean" sometimes.....so what?Pay her "no mind",,,,,,it would be even worse,I think,for her to be excluded from special occasions,holiday get togethers etc,,,, for your husband,she is his mother,,,,,,,I think these kind of life changing decisions are more his to make & not yours alone,,,,,,,,,,,,,everyone can give you a lot of advice but they are not talking about their loved ones mother,the one HE .loves....

If it were me,I don't think these occasional insults & interactions could bother me in the least,you don't have to live with her,there is enough distance from the sanctity of having separate residences,,,,,,,next time just ask your husband when she expects you to come,let them sort it out since she contacts him,,,,,& just show up,do what you came to do & expect it will not have been good enough,,,,,,,,,,,,,,or don't offer because it seems nothing you will ever do will please her,,,,but she is not the one you hope to please,is she? You do the things you do because you love your husband                                    With love-in Christ,Kwik

 

[Guest Butero]

This was a clear case of lack of communication.  She assumed you knew she wanted help right away, and you were expecting her to tell you when she was going to begin painting.  She seems like the type of person you have to make sure every detail is set in stone before you leave.  There is clearly nothing you can do about this incident because it has come and gone, but next time, try getting an absolute commitment on the date and time she needs assistance and see if that helps.  It is obvious you did nothing wrong and were sincerely intending to help.  I am glad your husband recognized that and took your side. 

[RustyAngeL]

On 6/10/2016 at 10:40 PM, MorningGlory said:

I'll go with peep and Ezra, LK.  Her being your MIL does not give her control over you.  I would not help such a person with anything, nor visit her or talk to her.  I had a MIL like that and I never saw her again after a big blow up and she lived another twenty years.  I simply wrote her off as nonexistent.  I know that might not work for you but at least put a lot of daylight between you and that woman.

I never had to deal with in laws but from what my husband said I would have love his mom and dad and they would have loved me.  Sometimes I feel like I missed something.