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What Not to Say to Someone Who Has Been Hurt By Church


gerbilwoman

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What Not to Say to Someone Who Has Been Hurt By Church

6 misguided responses to spiritual abuse.
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/what-not-say-someone-who-has-been-hurt-church#Fey5Sj6959Do1Ut6.99

 

 

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12 hours ago, Yowm said:

Some good advice  in the link, but one reminder for someone who is going through the 'Church wringer' is to keep your eyes on Jesus...that's one word the article never mentions. :)

Yes, it does have some good advice.  I personally have been hurt by the church and at first it was hard for me to keep my eyes on Jesus but I am learning.

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  • 6 months later...

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On 7/12/2016 at 1:43 PM, gerbilgirl said:

What Not to Say to Someone Who Has Been Hurt By Church

We accuse others of being unjust to us because they robbed us of some physical good, but we are being much more unjust by depriving them of the spiritual good that is theirs right (after all, Jesus died to call sinners to repentance - Matt 9.12,13). Jesus already ordained His love for them in us (Psalms 23: 6), and this is what all creation expects of the children of the Eternal (Rom. 8:19-22). Jesus has already enabled us to help them in their afflictions and besiege of Ha-Satan (1Peter 5:8,9). But, instead of humiliating ourselves beyond what we were humbled (1Peter 5:5-7) and set ourselves up to give to the individual more than he hoped to wrench from us (Matt 5:38-42), we resented and resisted the goodness and mercy of the Spirit of Jesus in us (see John 15:9; Rom 11.22).

The only reason Jesus allows anyone to sin against us is because He can show himself to the person through us (see Matt 9.12,13). Therefore, when we resent someone, we are, in fact, rebelling against Jesus. After all, it was He who gave us such a mission. Hence Jesus said:

 

·        "Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come! It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones. Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him. And the apostles said unto the Lord, Increase our faith. And the Lord said, If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you. But which of you, having a servant plowing or feeding cattle, will say unto him by and by, when he is come from the field, Go and sit down to meat? And will not rather say unto him, Make ready wherewith I may sup, and gird thyself, and serve me, till I have eaten and drunken; and afterward thou shalt eat and drink? Doth he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I trow not. So likewise ye, when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do."(Luke 17:1-10).

·        "For I say unto you, That except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 5:20).

 

If we do not forgive we run the risk of remaining under eternal torment:

 

·        “Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.” (Matthew 18.32-35).

May Jesus free us from the curse of spending our life hating the one for whom He died.

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I agree that we must forgive to be healed.  That does not mean to put ourselves back in danger.  Paul warns the church about Alexander the Coppersmith who did much harm to him.  We also need to warn the church about people who are harmful, especially physically harmful or who betray us.  We are told to consider ourselves blessed if we are harmed or persecuted for Christ's sake, or when they say false things about us.

Mat 5:10  Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Mat 5:11  "Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Mat 5:12  Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.  

We are told that we would be treated in the same way they treated Jesus.

The fact remains that we may be traumatized by the event, even in shock.  It depends on what happened.  These people need love and support.  

A year after we were married our apartment was partly gutted by a fire, and we were trapped by the fire hoses and had to watch it burn in the middle of the cold October night. We were in shock for some years, hubby having nightmares and I sobbing each time I saw a nighttime house fire on TV.  But when it happened I told my pastor about it, and he said "your should be thankful you are alive".  It was true.  But it didn't deal with the fact that I had no clothes but a bathrobe and a pair of shoes, and hubby had a pair of jeans, no shoes shirt or jacket.  We awoke at my parents house to find we had no comb or brush, toothbrush, or other basics.  Relatives gave us their clothes.

Sometimes immediate needs have to be dealt with first.  It is like preaching the Gospel to a starving man without giving him food and water. He has to have his basic needs met before he can think straight.  So an abused person needs love and support to start healing emotional scars.  Trust needs to be built again but that may take years.  And we must choose to forgive asking God's help, allowing Christ in us to say "Father, forgive them, they know not what they do"; what is humanly impossible is possible by the Spirit of Christ within us.  

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Had I been hearing about it I wouldve helped you.  Every church should put money away from all that xould contribute each month to an emergency fond for such circumstances or if someone needs assistance.  

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14 hours ago, Abby-Joy said:

The tragic thing is, that most Christians do not know how to walk with those who've been through trauma, or loss, abuse, etc ... they put a time limit on healing, rather than just showing compassion, love, and gentle counsel ... and I mean counsel that isn't based in blame, shame, and guilt-tripping.  A lot of that is done by throwing a bunch of scripture at someone rather than listening, and waiting on the Lord for the right words... or when no words are needed, a hug, or some compassionate action is best ... much better than preaching at them.  (rant) 

The truth is... once we become Christians, we aren't exempt of feelings and human emotions that God created us with.  We feel ... we hurt... we are not robots devoid of any feeling.  Even Jesus weeps....

 

On the other hand, eventually God does bring healing into our lives.  So now I will hit you with some Scripture.  We are told that the reason we go through horrible things and trials is so that we can help others with the same things that were helpful to us.  So you may end up in a chaplaincy program.  Our area has one that is run by a Lutheran organization but it is non denominational.  They give courses on counseling and reaching out to those who have suffered great loss and hurt.  Sometimes part of the healing comes by reaching out to those who are also hurting.  I know one person who couldn't handle it because it caused her to relive the past.  (So she poured her heart out to me.)  But people were attracted to her because they knew from her testimony that she would understand.  The advantage of the chaplaincy program is that they have someone to counsel them in those hard moments as well.  It has been very effective and also has group therapy and support groups in addition to the one on one counseling.  

2Co 1:3  WEB  Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort;  2Co 1:4  who comforts us in all our affliction, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, through the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.  2Co 1:5  For as the sufferings of Christ abound to us, even so our comfort also abounds through Christ.  2Co 1:6  But if we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation. If we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer.  2Co 1:7  Our hope for you is steadfast, knowing that, since you are partakers of the sufferings, so also are you of the comfort.

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