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As a new christian I have been having a hard time with bitterness in my heart. When someone would hurt me in the past I would try and hurt them back.  I had been praying for said person and speaking to said person how much their behavior hurts me and they apoligize but keeps doing things that hurt me.  I feel as through they will never stop. The bible states to forgive over and over but when is enough, enough?  It waseasy to forgive the first time but now that it has happened a few more times I have this bittness in my heart that wont go away. I have read book, prayed, spoken to a friend but nothing seems to help.  I dont want to have this bittness because it is causing relationship problems.

 

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Blessings Jessica,,,

    Welcome to Worthy,,,,I'm sorry you are struggling right now with this heart matter,it is pretty hard to move forward & heal your heart when you are in a relationship with someone who continues to do hurtful things or say hurtful things ,of course my first suggestion would be to sever the relationship,,,,,

    How many times? Well,Jesus was very clear on that when He was asked the dsame question,,,,,

Quote

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.       Matt 18:21-22

ALWAYS,would be the answer,there is no forgiveness "quota" or limit,just as Gods Forgiveness is unlimited to us.....we ask,we are Forgiven    But do we keep doing the same thing we asked forgiveness of or do we repent(wanting to change)

     So,we need to access the Power of the Holy Spirit to help us with our heart condition,to be repentant or forgiving,,,,,,with true forginess there is no bitterness,no resentment,,,,,these things only hurt YOU if they are not forsken

     How do we forsake bitterness & resentment? WE are really not capable of this & that is why we need the Heart & Mind of Jesus,we must give all of our "self" to Him.......Why are we hurt in the first place,usually because someone else is not loving us as we want them to,they are not telling us what we want to hear or they are not the person we would like them to be,,,,,So,you see,,,even though they may be mean or hurful there is still an awful lot of "ME" in all of it,,,,,these are the type of people we do not need to fellowship with,they are not encouraging,uplifting,supportive,considerate or loving,most likely not a CHristian & the Lord told us it is better not to partake of them,unequally yoked,,,,,

    Without knowing more about the other person it is hard to advise,this is an important issue & you do need to address it,,,,& we do want to help 

                                                                                                                      With love-in Christ,Kwik

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They may say the words they are "sorry," but if they are truly sorry, shouldn't their actions reflect that? Repentance doesn't mean to just apologize every time you repeatedly do something, it means quite literally 'to turn' from what you were doing and actively work to not continue with the wrong.

God tells us in Matthew 10:16 to be "as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." (Although the verse was specifically addressing persecution, it explains how our reaction should be when people come against us.) So, yes, we should be forgiving and kind. However, we need to also be shrewd - wise in our judgements/decisions to know when we forgive and can reconcile the relationship and when we forgive and sever the relationship.

You said you are praying for the person... that is wonderful. Are you just praying that the person doesn't do 'that' again or to see how much it hurts you? Is this person a Christian? Pray for their salvation if they are not, pray for them to work out their salvation if they are. Pray for healing - for yourself, for the person, for the relationship (whether that means it's restored or severed).

I have been hurt very deeply by others - abused and traumatized. I have experienced forgiving someone and nothing changed so the relationship had to be severed. It had been in my heart to forgive, but to completely forgive took a little bit of time.. so I prayed for God to help me forgive. Then one day, out of the blue while singing worship music, the burden was lifted... I truly and completely forgave. I have also experienced forgiving someone who then did change as evidenced by the change in their actions, and the relationship was restored. Pray for wisdom, discernment, and guidance. Pray for God to help you truly and completely forgive and let go of the bitterness.

You have already expressed how much it hurts you and that did not move the person to change. Do you know about the "Cycle of Abuse" (it's usually referenced to domestic violence situations, but also holds true for different forms of abuse in various relationships. You have the "explosion" where one person hurts the other in some way. Then there is the "honeymoon" phase with apologies, promises, and forgiveness and/or denial. Then, it starts all over again with the "tension building" phase when you sense things are leading up to another explosion so you try to diffuse it. Then you're back to the explosion.

 

Cycle-of-Violence.jpg

Edited by seraph
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I really enjoyed what you wrote. The words did speak to my heart.  

This person is a Christian btw.  I am a true believer that actions speak louder than words. Guess that is why I am bitter.

My prayers are for them to hear what the lord is saying to them, understand how hurtful their behavior is, praying that Satan stays away from oir family, to guide me in how to handle said situation, make me the wife i need to be for him, help me to forgive said behavior.  

 

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3 hours ago, JessicaD said:

As a new christian I have been having a hard time with bitterness in my heart. When someone would hurt me in the past I would try and hurt them back.  I had been praying for said person and speaking to said person how much their behavior hurts me and they apoligize but keeps doing things that hurt me.  I feel as through they will never stop. The bible states to forgive over and over but when is enough, enough?  It waseasy to forgive the first time but now that it has happened a few more times I have this bittness in my heart that wont go away. I have read book, prayed, spoken to a friend but nothing seems to help.  I dont want to have this bittness because it is causing relationship problems.

 

If you ask God to search your heart and get rid of that bitterness He will do that. You first need to forgive that person. It is not easy at times but with God's help it can be done. If we let that unforgiveness linger it only causes bitterness in our heart. And it can get worse.

God knows how much that person has hurt you. As humans our first response is to get back. But the Bible tells us we need to give that person to God who hurt us and give God that vengeance. You never have to see that person again. God does want us to be a doormat and continue to be abused. They have lost your trust. If someone is abusive or unkind...forgive....give that person to God and then walk out of their life. They have shown you that they are not a friend. Sometimes it seems like our prayers bounce off the ceiling but they do not. God hears everyone of our prayers. But then we need to sit back and see how God answers our prayers. His timing is not like our timing.

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Blessings Jessica...

    Okay,that helps a lot,,,,,,,you did say you were recently Saved(a year or so) & hubby?   Well,sweet Sister.....it is all new,a TRANSFORMATION takes place as you(& hubby) begin to "renew your minds",,,,,,you both have work to do and as you grow in your Faith & walk with Jesus many changes will take place,,,,,you obviously are going to pray a softening of the heart(the Heart of Christ) to learn to let go of your own heart to REceive His,,,,,Hubby has to pray the Mind of Christ,becoming more mindful of his words & more considerate of you (by letting go of his carnal mind)

    I have some suggestions,since you are both Christians you understand that you are One Flesh & ONE in Christ,Christ must always be in the center of your lives,Praise together,Pray together & Worship together besides each your own,,,,,,,I would suggest going to church together & find a good church that offers Christian couples Ministries,groups & counseling,,,,,,there are many good non-denominational churches that can really offer great support,Bible Study together is fantastic,,,,,perhaps therev is a Calvary Chapel in your area,they are usually a good "teaching" church,they don't veer off Scripture (in my experience),try different ones together & see what fits you both

                                                                                             With love-in Christ,Kwik

And remember,,,it takes 2 to Tango-lol

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Yes forgiveness is key, but also do not waste energy with people who simply do not wish to meet you halph way and are destructive to your well-being.

The bible does say like its been already mentioned, to not be unequally yoked.

also it says not to cast pearls to swines: Matthew 7:6

and the other is that if your message of Christ has not been accepted to dust yourself off and walk away.

Luke 9:5 ,Matthew 10:14

Edited by 1to3
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we are in Church and are on an outdoors ministry together, strong group of christian friends but the problem is that somethings are happening behind closed doors and no one knows about them. I have asked him to get help with a strong christian brother but he is ashamed of his struggle or he makes up excuses as to why he behaves in that manner.   He apolgizes for what he has done and i know he is ashamed and is sorry until the next time. Does thatmake sense?  I see where he is trying sometimes and then I see where he throws up his hands and doesnt care how it makes others feel.  

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At the elementary school I worked at, I often heard the teachers tell the kids, "Sorry means you don't do it again." Yes, we all slip up and can make a repeated mistake, but from a Christian it should not be a predictable cycle. There is a difference between what is a sinful mistake and what is a sinful character.

If, as you say, he is a Christian, then he should love you as Christ loves the church... that means humbling himself beyond the shame in order to seek help to treat you as you should be treated. Matthew 12:33 says we will know their character by their actions: "Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad; for a tree is known by its fruit." A good tree will occasionally produce a piece of bad fruit as a bad tree can occasionally produce a piece of good fruit... that atypical fruit can cause us confusion, stealing our peace... look at the overall fruit and that will reveal his heart/spirit. I do believe anyone can change; however, not all choose to change. I will be praying for you both.

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Thank you

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