What to do?

[MotherofOne]

I am not in an ideal situation. Currently, I live with my boyfriend and we have a baby together, he is three months old. Since having our son I have felt strong conviction to turn my life to Christ and be a Biblical example of  a mother and raise my child to know and love Christ. Unfortunately, my boyfriend doesn't see eye to eye. Because of my strong conviction that we should not live together unmarried and that I want to be more involved in a Christian community, and follow Christ completely, we have talked about splitting up. However, if we did I would have no where to go and I would have nothing. I am a stay at home mother, my bf does all of the working and so we only have one vehicle as we only saw the need for one because the plan was always for me to be a sahm. The vehicle is registered in his name. I also cannot get a job and save up to move out of the house because his work hours are crazy and change every week and I haven't been able to find a job that would work with his changing schedule so I could have the car when he wasn't etc. Also, around here there are no open spots for infant daycare until next year. So even if I could find that miracle job, I'd have no one to watch my child. I do have my step mother that has agreed in the past that she would watch the baby, but only 2-3 days out of the week. The only real option I have came up with is to stay with her,  but she lives an hour a way and is pretty manipulative and has lied, lied, and lied again to my face and I don't think I could  manage to do that. On top of that, she would not help with transportation so I still wouldn't have a viable way back and forth to work if I did stay with her. she also lives out in the middle of no where, so if I did stay there I would not even be able to walk back and forth to work. (I don't blame her for having boundaries with what she will and will not do for me, she's grown and done raising kids and shouldn't have to drive anyone around or help raise another one at this point) I don't have any other family that is capable of taking me in at this point. My dad lives states away, he has to live separate from my step mother for work. and my mother is not in the picture. My grandparents live somewhat further away, about an hour and a half and I can't put all of this stress of having a baby in their house on them at their age, that'd be pretty unfair of me. This is my situation that I have put myself into and nobody should have to take it upon themselves to help me out. I don't have access to any money but my boyfriends and he is not willing to help me leave, he is actually quite upset that I have taken this route. I would like to see myself living with my son in our own apartment, being an active member of a church community, having a steady job, and being able to provide for him on my own so that I could honor God and not live with someone unmarried. (my bf also refuses to get married at this point) I also see myself in the future getting a degree in Biblical studies and hopefully working for a ministry doing something like counseling or youth ministry. Does anyone have any advice for my situation or any resources to help me obtain this goal? If nothing else, prayers are totally accepted!

[kwikphilly]

Blessings MotherofOne....

   Welcome to Worthy,I'm so happy you are here & Praise the Lord for leading you to us!!!! Please understand that firstly"I love you"...you are my Sister in Christ and all I will ever desire is to encourage ,support & point you to the Word of God....BUT(lOL),I will never sugar coat anything or pat you on the head & say' Aww,poor thing".....As Sisters we must be honest and help one another to stand on our Position of Victory & share the Wisdom & Understanding from Holy Spirit!!!

   I hear a whole bunch of excuses Sister,I am a mother of one also,I was divorced shortly after my son was born & I did just fine as a single parent.....actually I d id quite well & neither me or my son ever "wanted" for anything.....that is because of Jehovah Jireh,my Provider,my Rock,my Refuge,my Strong Tower,my Living Redeemer,Praise Jesus!!!

   I don't know where you live but every state in the USA has the Dept of Children & Families,whether your boyfriend likes it or not he is responsible to support his son & the gov't will see to it that he does & in the meantime you will get assistance ,they will be sure to get child support from the father of y our child but that does not have to be your problem,they assist you and you do not have to worry about any dead beat dad,they do   Child Support Enforcement takes care of that,so the 1st thing you must do is establish child support,if your boyfriend wants to volunteer payments that is wonderful  but I wouldn't advise it because it doesn't sound like he would be very supportive when you leave or have him move out,go through the State   If you want you can PM me & I can help you to find the advocacy you need in your area,,,,an advocate is best,like Women in Distress for example...they are not just there for abused women & can point you to other organizations

   You have nothing to fear,you will never be alone & God opens doors that you don't even know exist,you simply have to Trust Him & beat the pavement,you have lots to do & the sooner you get moving the quicker you can start living a life more Abundant as a Born Again Believer should live......you know you are unevenly yoked & that relationship seems to be going nowhere Sis,don't let anything be an obstacle for you .....you are the daughter of God Most High,nothing is impossible for the King of kings,Lord of lords......

   Don't worry about daycare,I am sure there are people & places that can help,God Will lead you & Direct your path when you rely & depend on Him for everything but I tell you this....Renew your mind & start thinking positive,Eternal Minded....these are just circumstances,a temporary situation & God is not a god of circumstance....He changes circumstances,peoples hearts & presents all kinds of opportunities

Quote

King James Bible
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.             Romans 8:28
 

                                                                                                                                                     With love-in Christ,Kwik

[enoob57]

13 hours ago, MotherofOne said:

I am not in an ideal situation. Currently, I live with my boyfriend and we have a baby together, he is three months old. Since having our son I have felt strong conviction to turn my life to Christ and be a Biblical example of  a mother and raise my child to know and love Christ. Unfortunately, my boyfriend doesn't see eye to eye. Because of my strong conviction that we should not live together unmarried and that I want to be more involved in a Christian community, and follow Christ completely, we have talked about splitting up. However, if we did I would have no where to go and I would have nothing. I am a stay at home mother, my bf does all of the working and so we only have one vehicle as we only saw the need for one because the plan was always for me to be a sahm. The vehicle is registered in his name. I also cannot get a job and save up to move out of the house because his work hours are crazy and change every week and I haven't been able to find a job that would work with his changing schedule so I could have the car when he wasn't etc. Also, around here there are no open spots for infant daycare until next year. So even if I could find that miracle job, I'd have no one to watch my child. I do have my step mother that has agreed in the past that she would watch the baby, but only 2-3 days out of the week. The only real option I have came up with is to stay with her,  but she lives an hour a way and is pretty manipulative and has lied, lied, and lied again to my face and I don't think I could  manage to do that. On top of that, she would not help with transportation so I still wouldn't have a viable way back and forth to work if I did stay with her. she also lives out in the middle of no where, so if I did stay there I would not even be able to walk back and forth to work. (I don't blame her for having boundaries with what she will and will not do for me, she's grown and done raising kids and shouldn't have to drive anyone around or help raise another one at this point) I don't have any other family that is capable of taking me in at this point. My dad lives states away, he has to live separate from my step mother for work. and my mother is not in the picture. My grandparents live somewhat further away, about an hour and a half and I can't put all of this stress of having a baby in their house on them at their age, that'd be pretty unfair of me. This is my situation that I have put myself into and nobody should have to take it upon themselves to help me out. I don't have access to any money but my boyfriends and he is not willing to help me leave, he is actually quite upset that I have taken this route. I would like to see myself living with my son in our own apartment, being an active member of a church community, having a steady job, and being able to provide for him on my own so that I could honor God and not live with someone unmarried. (my bf also refuses to get married at this point) I also see myself in the future getting a degree in Biblical studies and hopefully working for a ministry doing something like counseling or youth ministry. Does anyone have any advice for my situation or any resources to help me obtain this goal? If nothing else, prayers are totally accepted!

"This is my situation that I have put myself into and nobody should have to take it upon themselves to help me out."

As you have said ~  so it is! As I read your excellent Communication this thought here   It will not be easy for you and as my sister has said it won't be accomplished by excuses.... We do not say this to you to be mean but to prepare you for what lies ahead! Your awareness of this is a positive direction and KNOW this-> that adversity is The Lord's Way to strengthen your resolve to draw near to Him :
James 4:8
8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.
KJV
Ps 73:28
28 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.
KJV
prayed... Love, Steven

 

[Jayne]

I'd like to offer you some practical viewpoints of your situation and some practical solutions.

[1]  You are not in this pickle because you are living with a man outside of marriage.  It's true, this is not God's plan for humanity and you and he have violated this and I am glad that you are convicted to change, but there are countless MARRIED women, married Christian women in your same situation.

You are in this pickle because you have discounted the meaning of stay-at-home-mother and have allowed your human capital to drop to zero.  I'll be 55 in a couple of days and I have seen more women than I would like to talk about who love their husbands and their husbands love them, but the women are 110% woefully dependent on their husbands to the point where when the death of a husband comes or the unfortunate divorce comes, the wives cannot take care of themselves or their children.  I'm not saying this is you, but I know several women who:

• cannot balance a checkbook
• do no know anything about the family insurance, important papers, and such
• do not own a car and could not pump gas own their own anyway
• don't contribute to ANY decision-making
• wouldn't know how to purchase anything costly such as a car, home, or burial plots and know nothing of banking practices

Do you see how if you left today that you would be totally dependent on society to even feed your child?  That's the relationship you have with this man.  Whether the two of you ever marry or not, your understanding of how you view what a SAHM mean needs to drastically change.

Far too many well-meaning and loving couples put the mother in a place of outright crippling dependency.  And that is not what a SAHM mother entails.

 

[2]  This isn't going to be easy.  Here's what I suggest.

• Call your local police department and ask if your local battered women's shelter takes in women who aren't battered, but who are just homeless.  Since you have an infant, maybe they will or maybe there is another agency who would take you in temporarily.  Ask them for your local women's crisis counselor, legal aid society (free legal aid), or churches they know of that help homeless people.
• Get ready to apply for public assistance.  In your situation, there's no shame in that.  The shame is making it a lifestyle.  But until you can get a job - and there should be job counseling available through the unemployment office - taking this money is no shame to you.
• At the unemployment office, check on jobs that you can do at home.  It would keep having to use child care services at bay for a while.
• Be prepared for your boyfriend to possibly put up a fight about financially supporting you and the baby if you decide to leave.  Because you are not married, he may not see the need to support you and he may be very hurt if he truly loves you. 
• Call some local churches or ask you doctor if he knows of some competent counselors who do not charge or maybe would not charge.  You and he need some counseling - marital and otherwise.
• You may need to live with your step-mother temporarily.  You may need to work from home while at her house.
• You are going to have to take the initial step and do SOMETHING in invest in your own human capital.  If not, five years from now, you will be in the same place.

You have my prayers and come back and talk to us.

•  

Edited August 29, 2016 by Jayne

[missmuffet]

Blessings to you and welcome to Worthy motherofone,

No you are not in an ideal situation. I am glad that you have strong convictions regarding a man and woman living together before marriage. There is help out there for you if you should choose to leave the situation you are in. You might call a Church and tell them a little bit about the situation you are in. They may be able to direct you. Your significant other has you where he wants you now. You are totally dependent on him and he knows it. Is he controlling? Ever abusive? It will take a lot of prayer on your part. Tell God what is on your heart and ask Him to guide and direct you in this situation. I will pray for you

[BK1110]

Welcome!

It sounds like the ladies have the practical advise handled here, so I'll just remind you to stay in the word and in prayer every single day. Pray to God for His will to be done, for Him to provide a way for both you and your son. Pray for God to move in your boyfriend's heart, for the Holy Spirit to awaken a desire for truth and change in him, and to use you as a good testimony to him of God's truth and love. If possible at all, connect with a local body of believers; if you can get a phone number from a local church, many of them have shuttle services that will provide you transportation to and from church on Sunday, or they can arrange for a member nearby to help you with that (and of course, virtually all churches have free childcare). Again, just keep trying, and ask God to provide a way; it is His will for you to connect with the church if at all possible.

God bless you on your journey!

[Guest bonnieschamberger]

God is for you you are His beloved! I could fill a novel with all the miraculous things God has done for me I left my husband over 5 years ago after finding out about his affair(he was also an unbeliever) and my family completely abandoned me and said I should have stayed with him because he had more money than me and he had a home but my God my Father said I could go and He would go before me and let me tell you He definately has!I had to be on public assistance for a while and oh my I just cant begin to tell you all the ways He came through with exactly what I needed when I needed it and then some.I never knew I could feel so married to God.I would lose all of them all over again just to be where I am with God.He goes before you and I will be praying for you!

[RustyAngeL]

On 8/28/2016 at 5:31 PM, MotherofOne said:

I am not in an ideal situation. Currently, I live with my boyfriend and we have a baby together, he is three months old. Since having our son I have felt strong conviction to turn my life to Christ and be a Biblical example of  a mother and raise my child to know and love Christ. Unfortunately, my boyfriend doesn't see eye to eye. Because of my strong conviction that we should not live together unmarried and that I want to be more involved in a Christian community, and follow Christ completely, we have talked about splitting up. However, if we did I would have no where to go and I would have nothing. I am a stay at home mother, my bf does all of the working and so we only have one vehicle as we only saw the need for one because the plan was always for me to be a sahm. The vehicle is registered in his name. I also cannot get a job and save up to move out of the house because his work hours are crazy and change every week and I haven't been able to find a job that would work with his changing schedule so I could have the car when he wasn't etc. Also, around here there are no open spots for infant daycare until next year. So even if I could find that miracle job, I'd have no one to watch my child. I do have my step mother that has agreed in the past that she would watch the baby, but only 2-3 days out of the week. The only real option I have came up with is to stay with her,  but she lives an hour a way and is pretty manipulative and has lied, lied, and lied again to my face and I don't think I could  manage to do that. On top of that, she would not help with transportation so I still wouldn't have a viable way back and forth to work if I did stay with her. she also lives out in the middle of no where, so if I did stay there I would not even be able to walk back and forth to work. (I don't blame her for having boundaries with what she will and will not do for me, she's grown and done raising kids and shouldn't have to drive anyone around or help raise another one at this point) I don't have any other family that is capable of taking me in at this point. My dad lives states away, he has to live separate from my step mother for work. and my mother is not in the picture. My grandparents live somewhat further away, about an hour and a half and I can't put all of this stress of having a baby in their house on them at their age, that'd be pretty unfair of me. This is my situation that I have put myself into and nobody should have to take it upon themselves to help me out. I don't have access to any money but my boyfriends and he is not willing to help me leave, he is actually quite upset that I have taken this route. I would like to see myself living with my son in our own apartment, being an active member of a church community, having a steady job, and being able to provide for him on my own so that I could honor God and not live with someone unmarried. (my bf also refuses to get married at this point) I also see myself in the future getting a degree in Biblical studies and hopefully working for a ministry doing something like counseling or youth ministry. Does anyone have any advice for my situation or any resources to help me obtain this goal? If nothing else, prayers are totally accepted!

What my sister Kwik said is excellent advice. She is very wise and can be a wellspring of advice. As long as you live in this situation and keep depending on your boyfriend and bow to everything he wants, God cannot work fully.  

You are no way alone.  What you see yourself doing is more then possible because all things are possible with God.  

I lost my husband 8 years ago and the first year I had zero income.  I waited over a year to get my veterans benefits from Steve's time in the service.  I did not have to make a house payment because I had a moratorium on our mortgage.  If I had not had that I could have lost our home.  Thank God He was  right there.

God works in all things and when things seem the most impossible that is when our Heavenly Father really shines.  

Do whatever you have to do to get out.  Kwik is right, your boyfriend will have no excuse not to pay for child support and the state will see that it is done.  Things will fall together when you step out in faith.  Trust Him and watch Him work!

Blessings, RustyAngeL

[missmuffet]

On 8/29/2016 at 11:52 PM, RustyAngeL said:

What my sister Kwik said is excellent advice. She is very wise and can be a wellspring of advice. As long as you live in this situation and keep depending on your boyfriend and bow to everything he wants, God cannot work fully.  

You are no way alone.  What you see yourself doing is more then possible because all things are possible with God.  

I lost my husband 8 years ago and the first year I had zero income.  I waited over a year to get my veterans benefits from Steve's time in the service.  I did not have to make a house payment because I had a moratorium on our mortgage.  If I had not had that I could have lost our home.  Thank God He was  right there.

God works in all things and when things seem the most impossible that is when our Heavenly Father really shines.  

Do whatever you have to do to get out.  Kwik is right, your boyfriend will have no excuse not to pay for child support and the state will see that it is done.  Things will fall together when you step out in faith.  Trust Him and watch Him work!

Blessings, RustyAngeL

What kwik said about the father of the child having to support his child is correct. Unless he skips outside the U.S. Then it is sometimes very hard to get them. Many dads do this.