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What do you think about Boundaries?


GoldenEagle

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Have you heard of boundaries? What do you think about them.

 

Due to the length of this thread here's a Summary or Table of Contents of what I'd consider the primary, useful content of this thread:

  1. Understanding "Christian Counseling" as described by 5 types of counselors in this post about an article in 1975 by Gary Collins in Christianity today.
  2. Understanding "Christian Counseling" from the 4 views in this post.
  3. Examples of unhealthy boundaries from the book "Boundaries" here in this post.
  4. Law #1 The Law of Sowing and Reaping: When God tells us that we will reap what we sow, He is not punishing us; He’s telling us how things really work. Cause and effect. Key passages: 2 Corinthians 9:6-8 and Galatians 6:7 – 8 
    1. What I learned here. Our actions have consequences. Someone will bear them. Don’t interrupt this law by regularly bailing others out.
  5. Law #2 The Law of Responsibility  “You are responsible for yourself, I am responsible for myself.” Key passages: Galatians 5: 13-14, John 15:12, and Philippians 2:12-13 
    1. What I learned here. We are responsible to, not for each other. We are to love one another, not be one another.
  6. Law #3 The Law of Power God gives you the power to do many things. Key passage: Romans 7: 15-23 
    1. What I learned above on this post. We do not have power over other people. We hardly have enough power over ourselves. God has power over everyone.
  7. Law #4 The Law of Respecting {Others' Boundaries} If we love and respect people who tell us ‘no’, they will love and respect our ‘no’.
  8. Law #5 The Law of Motivation Freedom first, service second. Besides the fear that we will lose love and the fear that people will be angry with us, other false motives keep us from setting boundaries.
  9. Law #6 The Law of Evaluation. We need to evaluate the effects of setting boundaries and be responsible to not for the other person. Deciding how to set boundaries is difficult because it requires decision making and confrontation, which may cause pain to someone you love. But, just because someone responds to your boundaries with hurt or anger does not mean you should avoid setting healthy boundaries.
  10. Law #7 The Law of Proactivity. In the physical world, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. This is also true in the spiritual world.(See Romans, 5:20, 7:5-6, Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:21) 
  11. Law #8 The Law of Envy. The Bible speaks strongly against the envious heart (James 4:2). When you feel envy, ask God to help you understand what you resent, why you do not have what you are envying, and whether you truly need it. Ask Him to show you how to get there or grieve what you cannot have and be content with what you do have!
  12. Law #9 The Law of Activity Human beings are responders and initiators. We respond to invitations and push ourselves into life. But many times we have boundary problems because we lack initiative, we are passive. Being proactive is the God-given ability to propel ourselves into life.
  13. Law #10 The Law of Exposure Boundaries are really about relationships and love. The Law of Exposure says that your boundaries need to be made visible to others and communicated to them in relationship. We have boundary problems because of our fears about our relationships.
  14. @missmuffet linked an article here on this post about spiritual boundaries.
  15. What are the different types of Boundaries? See this post here as a suggested list.
  16. @kwikphilly gives examples of Boundaries in the Bible here on this post.
  17. An explanation of Neuthetic Counseling (so-called Biblical Counseling) method can be seen here.
  18. @shiloh357 gives an example of an unhealthy relationship lacking bounders here on this post.

 

 

 

I've been reading "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life Book" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

Here are some thoughts on the book. 

81gR1f+xA-L.jpg

Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. 

Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: 

A. Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances. 

B. Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions. 

C. Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others. 

D. Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator.

Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. 

When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask: 

1. Can I set limits and still be a loving person? 

2. What are legitimate boundaries? 

3. What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries? 

4. How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? 

5. Aren't boundaries selfish? 

6. Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries? 

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.

God bless,
GE

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I think healthy boundaries can play an important role in a Christian's life. Boundaries are all about protection and safety. They are all about self control. They are also all about saying NO. It teaches us to be appropriately assertive.

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I have that book.  Have not read it from cover to cover and bought it because a family member has no boundaries lol!

I think it is a really good book but maybe not for everyone.

 

and no, boundaries are not selfish!

Edited by natasha
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15 hours ago, GoldenEagle said:

Have you heard of boundaries? What do you think about them.

This is a secular concept designed for self-protection. Christians have to find their answers in Scripture, which speaks only of geographical boundaries.

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1 hour ago, Ezra said:

This is a secular concept designed for self-protection. Christians have to find their answers in Scripture, which speaks only of geographical boundaries.

I think that boundaries can play an important part in not only the secular world but also among Christians.

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17 hours ago, GoldenEagle said:

Have you heard of boundaries? What do you think about them.

I've been reading "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life Book" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

Here are some thoughts on the book. 

81gR1f+xA-L.jpg

Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. 

Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: 

A. Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances. 

B. Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions. 

C. Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others. 

D. Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator.

Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. 

When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask: 

1. Can I set limits and still be a loving person? 

2. What are legitimate boundaries? 

3. What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries? 

4. How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? 

5. Aren't boundaries selfish? 

6. Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries? 

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.

God bless,
GE

I really believe the only book you need on boundaries is the Bible.  But that is just my opinion.

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If  were to read a book about boundaries I would search the Bible and a Christian author. I would not take secular advise. This book that GE is referring to is a Christian book.

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50 minutes ago, Yowm said:

I could overstep my 'boundaries' and 'push a few buttons'. LOL ...but naww. 

Ask away bro :D

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20 hours ago, missmuffet said:

I think healthy boundaries can play an important role in a Christian's life. Boundaries are all about protection and safety. They are all about self control. They are also all about saying NO. It teaches us to be appropriately assertive.

 

I think that boundaries can play an important part in not only the secular world but also among Christians.

Hiya Miss! ?

So you are in favor of healthy boundaries.  How do healthy boundaries offer protection and safety? How does this play out on a day-to-day basis?  From a practical standpoint that is… 

What is the importance of saying no?

 Why do you think that boundaries are important for Christians?

God bless, GE

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8 hours ago, natasha said:

I have that book.  Have not read it from cover to cover and bought it because a family member has no boundaries lol!

I think it is a really good book but maybe not for everyone.

 

and no, boundaries are not selfish!

 Hiya Natasha! ?

 Can you give an example of how her family member was not respecting boundaries? 

 Why do you think the book is not for everyone? 

Why do you think some people believe the boundaries are selfish?

 God bless, GE

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