Severing A 16 Year Adulterous Marriage

[Walty]

11 hours ago, Openly Curious said:

It is not the will of God to divorce your current wife.  Do you not think God can forgive a person who has had a divorce in their past and give them a new start in life.  Do you actually think you will be more righteous to put your wife away for no reason other than her past marriage?   You have admitted that both of you have repented and now are living for God does it not bring any reasoning to your current walk That God Hates Divorce?  Will you then sin against her by putting her away without a cause?    

I agree. I studied how much God hates divorce. He only puts up with it because of our (humanity) sinful nature and unbelief. 

I deeply feel that it would be against God's will if I was to break up my marriage.  So, maybe I'm under some spiritual attack. Doesn't the devil use scripture against us? He used scripture again to Jesus himself in the wilderness.  This marriage-divorce-remarriage thing really has gotten me down. I honestly feel at times I'm not it the will of God. The devil can easily use scripture, take it out of context a little to condemn God's children. Am I right?

Good works doesn't help earn anyone into heaven, so does evil works "sin" doesn't warn anyone into hell. It's rejecting Jesus's gift of salvation. But, where does repentance come in?

[missmuffet]

17 hours ago, Walty said:

Please forgive me, i typed this up from my phone. I don't know where to begin. Right now, my marriage is not on the rocks. Matter of fact, it's been very beautiful recently since both my wife and I have rededicated ourselves to the work of the Lord. Knowing how much I love my wife, it grieves my heart to even bring this point up, yet it seems I am facing a undeniable truth, that the woman who I am in love with, and is wonderfully faithful to me, shouldn't be married to me.

See, this is my first marriage. This is her second marriage. She was very young when she was married before. In her early twenties. She married a man who was trying to be a musician. For seven years she was his wife. He never held down a real job, and was caught up in drugs. She ended up leaving him mostly because of drugs. Please keep in mind, at this time in her life she professes to be a Christian. 

*[[Mat 19:9]] KJV* And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Years later, I came into the picture and married her.

At the time I married her, I was running from God. I wasn't in a good place. When I was very young, in my teens, I was a Christian serving God. Later, I went to a bible college to become a preacher. Afterwards, I went to California to help build a Church.

One day I just left. I ran. I admit I stopped praying and reading the Bible. My spiritual life was non existences. It was during this dark time of my life where I "shacked" up with this woman for well over a year. I then thought I should marry her. 

Forteen years later, God tugged on my heart reigns. God told me to "clean house". My wife and I started to go to church. Now today, both her and I are Christians. 

Am I living in a adulterous marriage? Should I repent of my doings 15 years go and sever my marriage? I love my wife, but I love God more! I know ending my marriage would be devastating to her! It also would grieve my heart infinitely! 

So you had an affair with another woman for one year while you were married to your wife? Where was your wife during this time? She knows about this? It sounds like Satan got a hold of your for awhile. God never left you but you left Him. God will forgive you for your infidelity if you pray to Him and ask for forgiveness. He will also forgive you for marrying a woman who was previously married. Is your wife willing to forgive you for your past affair? No, you should not divorce your wife because of your past sins. God forgives and forgets. But then from here on your must do away from your sinful life and have a daily relationship with God.  We are suppose to love God over anything else in our lives. Love your wife as Christ loves the Church.

Be sure and put on that armor Ephesians 6:13-17

[missmuffet]

12 hours ago, Yowm said:

So it sounds   as if neither were Christians before. When you came to Christ all your sins were washed clean. 

Most of us had dungy backgrounds before being born anew.  You asked for forgiveness, receive it and continue in the marriage that the Lord is blessing the both of you in.

Yes, that is putting it mildly. I had a "dungy" background before I came to the Lord

[other one]

7 hours ago, Walty said:

I repeatedly asked her if he was in anyway unfaithful. She continues to say it wasn't. It was because of not supporting the marriage, and of drug use. 

Well, that is a gray area in my point of view, however we all make mistakes....   if you are well settled in marriage and everything going well and she wasn't being taken care of before, I personally would put it all behind me and get on with life......

i would think that the Devil is pushing this on you to destroy what you have in this life.  If it was really wrong for you to be together, I would think he would put on a bit of guilt on you both.....

[nebula]

Here is something I have come to learn over the decades.

The commands to love God and love your neighbor as yourself are the sum of the Law and the prophets [paraphrased], correct?

As such, it is beneficial to read all laws and rules through the eyes of "how is this an expression of loving God, loving others, or loving yourself? 

I say loving yourself because to "love your neighbor as yourself" you have to love yourself. I mean, if you do not love yourself, what does "love your neighbor as yourself" look like?

Therefore, when you read the laws/rules about divorce, you have to ask yourself how divorce violates love? The answer is easy, of course. 

But what if the marriage is such that it is more loving to end the marriage? I know a lot of people will go up in arms at the very thought of that suggestion! Sadly, though, I discovered that after the severe pain of my own parents' divorce began subsiding that everyone was much better off than we were before. (I don't want to smear my parents by the details, but the marriage was damaging - sad to say about the people that gave me life, but it is true.)

Now ask yourself how is it loving for you to divorce your wife? How is it loving to abandon her because she got herself into a bad marriage she had to get out of long before she came to know the Lord?

You see, so many Christians are so bent on "the rules" that they have forgotten "how to love." 

 

With that said, please read these Biblical analysis on the matter:

http://www.rockymountainministries.org/mythbusters/17-mythbusters/56-marriage-and-divorce-myth-1-does-god-hate-divorce-marriage-and-divorce-myth-1-does-god-hate-divorce.html

https://dannimoss.wordpress.com/articles/abuse-in-the-christian-home/what-the-bible-really-says-god-hates-divorce/

[FresnoJoe]

On 9/9/2016 at 9:17 AM, Walty said:

Beautiful scripture, and I try my best'est to forgive much. Yet, God will not change his Word in Matthew 19 for no one. His word is eternal. 

I've been praying and praying regarding this issue. I even thought about asking God to give me some type of sign that I know I'm not living in a adulterous marriage, yet my mind go to this scripture:

Matthew 16:4 A wicked and adulterous generation seeketh after a sign; and there shall no sign be given unto it, but the sign of the prophet Jonas. And he left them, and departed.

It says "adulterous generation"! There are a lot of people who are living in sin.  Remember when Jesus sat by the well of water speaking to the Samaritan woman in John 4:18?  

John 4:18 For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly.

OMG! I need clarity on this! Even though it will be mightily grievous, should I repent of my sinful actions and end my marriage?

Yes Indeed Beloved, This Generation Is Surely Whoring After Other gods

A wicked and adulterous generation seeketh after a sign; and there shall no sign be given unto it, but the sign of the prophet Jonas. And he left them, and departed. Matthew 16:4

But What That Has To Do With Your Little Lamb God Lent You

As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Psalms 103:12

To Treasure And To Adore

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22

Beats Me

Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. Proverbs 5:18-19

~

Beloved,

Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Colossians 3:19

Be Careful

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; Ephesians 5:25

Of Who Gives

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: Ephesians 5:28-29

You Marital Advice

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12

Love, Your Brother Joe

[Openly Curious]

21 hours ago, Walty said:

I agree. I studied how much God hates divorce. He only puts up with it because of our (humanity) sinful nature and unbelief. 

I deeply feel that it would be against God's will if I was to break up my marriage.  So, maybe I'm under some spiritual attack. Doesn't the devil use scripture against us? He used scripture again to Jesus himself in the wilderness.  This marriage-divorce-remarriage thing really has gotten me down. I honestly feel at times I'm not it the will of God. The devil can easily use scripture, take it out of context a little to condemn God's children. Am I right?

Good works doesn't help earn anyone into heaven, so does evil works "sin" doesn't warn anyone into hell. It's rejecting Jesus's gift of salvation. But, where does repentance come in?

Yes the devil will use scripture against us he will twist it and add lies within the truth just as he did to Jesus in the wilderness and has done from the beginning.  Satan is a liar and nobody will listen to a known liar in this world would they?  It should be that way as believers when it comes to Satan He Is A Liar and when he comes to confuse us we shouldn't listen to him as he is the author of confusion.  But it is Christ who is the author and finisher of our faith.

Doing what is right or good according to scripture in this life being righteous.  Doing what is wrong (sin, wickedness, evil bad deeds or works) in this life disobeying the scripture is being unrighteous in this world.  If you sow good things then you will reap everlasting life.  If you sow evil things and wrong doings in this world the you will reap eternal damnation (Galatians 6).

Repentance comes in only with a godly sorrow working in our hearts.  One can be sincerely sorry for something they have done wrong at a particular time.  But then turn around the next day and do the very same thing all over again and again being truly sorry each time they do the wrong but they never come to true repentance.  Being sorry isn't repentance.  True repentance comes with having a godly sorrow for the wrong you have done in your life.  It is having remorse before God and others for the wrong you did.  Godly sorrow working in our hearts says I'm sorry for my sins (wrong doing) and does not do it again as there is remorse with repentance go and sin no more.  Repentance spoken about in the scripture come with godly sorrow working in one's heart with remorse that turns them away from wrong doing.

I'm sorry the devil has gotten you weary in this battle but scripture tells us that if we resist the devil he will flee from us.  He will come back to fight against us again but having the armor of God on he will have a much harder time in the next battle.

[GoodFruit]

21 hours ago, Walty said:

 So, maybe I'm under some spiritual attack.

BINGO!  You mentioned that you and your wife are re-committing your lives back to Christ and trying to grow strong in Him.  This is when Satan attacks us the most.  He's trying to play the guilty card with you and make you think you are doing something wrong and God's gonna be mad at you.  Classic deceit and lie from the father of all lies.  Be sober and alert, the devil prowls around like a lion looking for someone to devour!  If you feel like you have sinned by marrying your wife, you cannot undo the sin.  It's already been committed.  Divorcing your wife doesn't undo what you think you did wrong, instead it only causes you to sin again.  God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16)   Also read 1 Cor. 7:10.  You stated you love your wife and from what I can assume based on the info you provided, you have had a happy 16 yrs. together.  How can you not see that as a blessing from God?  If you have repented for what you think you have done wrong, then repent and accept Christ's forgiveness, grace, and mercy.  Some sins have consequences that will affect the rest of your life and you just can't change the results.  God can and does use sinful situations to His glory.  Keep mind that Solomon is the product of what started as an adulterous relationship between David & Bathsheba.  Jacob fathered the Tribes of Israel by four different women.  God knows your heart and your desire to honor Him and your wife.   

I do have one other question for you though, are you the only other man your wife has been with from the time she was divorced to the time you and her got together?

 

  

Edited September 11, 2016 by GoodFruit

[Wayne222]

If you divorce your wife because of what christ said That Would Be A Mistake On Your Part.He said this in truth but you did not know about it when you married and were not right with God anyway. He has forgiven you already.Your marriage is clean. 

[RustyAngeL]

On 9/9/2016 at 0:01 PM, Yowm said:

So it sounds   as if neither were Christians before. When you came to Christ all your sins were washed clean. 

Most of us had dungy backgrounds before being born anew.  You asked for forgiveness, receive it and continue in the marriage that the Lord is blessing the both of you in.

Yowm has my vote.  Continue and have a blessed marriage.  My husband was divorced too.  He married me and became a believer.  We had a wonderful 25 years before he passed away.  I wouldn't have given him up for anything in this world.

Blessings, RustyAngeL