storybook Posted September 18, 2016 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 12 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 7 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/15/2016 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 18, 2016 Thank you both Cobalt1959 and Ezra for your helpful, informative comments and providing clarification. *heavy sigh* now I have to sort out my plan to move forward. I would be so grateful if you could pray for God to bless me with an extra dose of love, support, guidance during this time. Again, many thx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Deidre* Posted September 18, 2016 Group: Senior Member Followers: 9 Topic Count: 30 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 521 Content Per Day: 0.17 Reputation: 608 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/03/2015 Status: Offline Share Posted September 18, 2016 How could he hide his true self for 9 years of dating, though? That's a long time. I'm not advocating divorce, but if this is how the rest of your life is going to be...and he is refusing to change (he might not be capable of change, honestly)...maybe it's time to think about that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Robert Posted September 18, 2016 Share Posted September 18, 2016 Honestly, it makes me wonder if there is something he is hiding that he is ashamed of. It's easy to hide when "courting" someone, but not so easy when you're married. In any event, if that were the case it is still no excuse for him to treat you this way, storybook. Speculation isn't going to heal your hurt, and the first thing you should do is tend your hurts with the Lord's love and care. Ezra and several others have given you solid advice here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
storybook Posted September 18, 2016 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 12 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 7 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/15/2016 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 18, 2016 9 hours ago, *Deidre* said: How could he hide his true self for 9 years of dating, though? That's a long time. I'm not advocating divorce, but if this is how the rest of your life is going to be...and he is refusing to change (he might not be capable of change, honestly)...maybe it's time to think about that? I agree, it is easy to hide when courting, seeing someone 1-4 times a week it's easy to be 'on' when you're with them, but when you're married one can't wear the mask. Yes, he was hiding something with shame attached to it - insecurity, low self-esteem, bouts of depression ... he stopped inviting me to his place, I took it he was just being thoughtful coming to my place to see me, after we married I found out he was dealing with depression and his place showed it. He was ashamed and didn't want me to see the clutter and mess that consumed his place. I felt like he undermined my trust by not telling me. 11 hours ago, petula said: since praying about this, I have an ' impression ' of a very sad and lonely man, who very much wants to improve but doesn't believe he is able, he must have done some good things, have you told him you appreciate specific things that he has done May he doesn't believe he's able, but then why doesn't he seek/initiate help? *Deidre* may be right - he may not be capable of change. Yes, I have told him things I appreciate, but sometimes I think his low self-esteem gets in the way of believing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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