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Sight

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Different than my last post. My folks are getting older, and I've grown bitter and defeated over the years.

 

I've been banned from 3 different chat sites, and 5 different chatrooms. I've picked fights with other Christians, tested people on their convictions, and tried to force people to prove Jesus is competent.

 

I've put the spirit to the test, I've demanded proof of blessings and miracles, I have mocked and cursed the name of the LORD as a born-again Christian...and today, I am bitter, ruined, defeated, and vengeful.

 

All my friends are more successful than I am in every way. Married, money, children/not yet, on their way to buying homes...and I am on the precipice of being broke. Some of them are also born-again Christians.

 

I come to you a jaded, vengeful, blood-hungry monster ready to pick a fight with any Christian who tries to talk me down...but no, I now come to you as someone trying to hold that side back, and hope that Jesus can actually do something to restore everything I lost.

 

My parents are hurting. I yelled at my mom, and she Cried. My dad is struggling with his Parkinsons. I HELD GOD ACCOUNTABLE AND CURSED HIM 100+ times for what he did to my family. Right now, I am broken, and unsure if God will fix any of it.

 

How do I escape this fury? How do I flee from the hate? Please dont give me run of the mill answers. This time, I'm trying to breathe and escape this venomous fury. What does God want? Why does he keep me in hell?

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Blessings Sight

    What does God want,,,,nothing really except that you accept Himself ,Jesus as Lord & Savior.....you seem to know what He did on the cross for everyone except YOU ........He does not keep you in hell,this earth & life is not even close to a foreshadow of what hell & eternal t7orment is....what he keeps is YOUR LIFE,you are alive & well,you keep yourself in y our own private hell,I'm so sorry to say....

Jesus can & will set you free of the bondage you are in but only when you forsake the flesh,let go of self(self pity & loathing is also pride)   I've suggested several times that you seriously go to the book of John(the beginning)....at the foot of the cross & repent with a sincere & earnest heart,,,willing to forsake SELF,,,your perception of what Blessings are  seems to me to be distorted,temporal,carnal     To grow in spirit one musty f irst Receive the Heart & Mind of Jesus to view Eternal things,they are Precious.....that is where you find the True TREASURE..................Get into Gods Word,renew your mind that He may transform you into that nEw Creature waiting to be BORN                 With love in Christ,Kwik

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On 9/23/2016 at 11:04 PM, Sight said:

Different than my last post. My folks are getting older, and I've grown bitter and defeated over the years.

 

I've been banned from 3 different chat sites, and 5 different chatrooms. I've picked fights with other Christians, tested people on their convictions, and tried to force people to prove Jesus is competent.

 

I've put the spirit to the test, I've demanded proof of blessings and miracles, I have mocked and cursed the name of the LORD as a born-again Christian...and today, I am bitter, ruined, defeated, and vengeful.

 

All my friends are more successful than I am in every way. Married, money, children/not yet, on their way to buying homes...and I am on the precipice of being broke. Some of them are also born-again Christians.

 

I come to you a jaded, vengeful, blood-hungry monster ready to pick a fight with any Christian who tries to talk me down...but no, I now come to you as someone trying to hold that side back, and hope that Jesus can actually do something to restore everything I lost.

 

My parents are hurting. I yelled at my mom, and she Cried. My dad is struggling with his Parkinsons. I HELD GOD ACCOUNTABLE AND CURSED HIM 100+ times for what he did to my family. Right now, I am broken, and unsure if God will fix any of it.

 

How do I escape this fury? How do I flee from the hate? Please dont give me run of the mill answers. This time, I'm trying to breathe and escape this venomous fury. What does God want? Why does he keep me in hell?

I too headed down the path of destructive bitterness.  One day I called the employee assistance hotline at work and one thing led to another and I came face to face with others who were like me except that they had recovered from their torment.

I didn't need someone preaching at me about Jesus.  I needed someone who actually had Christ in them who could show me Jesus.

I didn't need to read the bible.  I needed people who were walking letters from God that I could see, feel, hear and touch.

I did not find relief in the pew but rather walking side by side with men and women who walk with God.

In the end I learned that the principalities and powers, the rulers of darkness in high places kept me in the dark.  I stayed angry because of all the things I did not know.  I was a vessel of wrath fitted for destruction waiting to erupt on anyone anytime.  I had no way to process my resentments until I was taught by people who had processed their own.

If you are serious about wanting to get over being angry, there is a solution.  It actually involves self searching, ego reduction and the leveling of pride.  It has zero to do with anyone else changing but you.  I learned that I needed to be able to change myself to meet conditions no matter what they were but I had to be taught how to do so.  I couldn't just wish myself changed.  The bible is full of instructions on what to do to form a relationship with God and as a result have him conform us to the image of his son.  The only thing preventing us is us.

Are you ready to actually use the power to become one of the sons of God that is freely given to all who will receive Jesus as King?

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Don't go to the Lord to find wealth or an easy life. Go to the Lord to find love. God knows the most embarrassing thing you've ever done, the worst thought you've ever had, the most hateful act you've ever committed. God knows every single thing about you - and yet He still loves you more than anyone else in this world could. God doesn't promise us a good life on this earth, but He does promise us love and eternal life in paradise after this world passes away.

If you come to know God, since He is love (1 John 4:8), you will come to know love. God will give you what you NEED, not always what you want. Sometimes the two are very different from each other. I guarantee that if you let God work in your life and surrender to God - which isn't an easy thing to do, but you CAN DO IT - you will see a big difference in your own attitude, for the better. If you've got all the money in the world yet you don't have love, you have nothing. If you have no money whatsoever but you have love, you have everything.

I used to be a very hateful person. I used to give people dirty looks all the time, I disobeyed my parents, I cussed people out often, etc.  but ever since I've turned to God, my life has taken a U-turn from the wrong direction to the right direction.

If you turn to God, He will give you what you need - love. And you can make reparations from there. You can repair those broken relationships. You might even be able to get a good job if people see that you have a good attitude. And most of all, God will bless you. Just remember, blessings from God often turn out to look different than what we've expected.

I'll definitely be praying for you! God bless ya.

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On 9/23/2016 at 9:04 PM, Sight said:

Please dont give me run of the mill answers.

Sight,

I can understand what you are going through.  Here's what you can do (along with what others have suggested):

1. Read and meditate on the book of Job to see that God sends very serious afflictions and losses on those he deems righteous. In Job's case, God ultimately restored and doubled everything for Job. We don't know how long it took, but it could not have been for a great length of time.

2. Go back to God for help again and again as long as He gives you life. Just tell Him that you need his help desperately.

3. Ask God to send you a genuine Christian friend (unlike Job's friends) or an angel.  A person who will understand your spiritual anguish and actually do something practical and tangible to get you back on your feet.

4. Anticipate opportunities which God may place in your path in order to give you the means to deal with your problems.

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On 9/24/2016 at 8:34 AM, Sight said:

How do I escape this fury? How do I flee from the hate? Please dont give me run of the mill answers. This time, I'm trying to breathe and escape this venomous fury. What does God want? Why does he keep me in hell?

I know how difficult this situation this must be for you, Sight, and I am sorry to hear about it. I encourage you to lay your situation before the Lord in prayer, opening your heart to Him as honestly and straightforwardly as you can. And, remember the words of the man who brought his epileptic son to Jesus for healing: "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24). Christ honored that tortured cry of faith, small and weak as it was. I believe He'll do the same for you. I just said a prayer for you, and I really hope you will feel better soon. Good luck.

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Thank you for your adevice and concern. Between the last post and now, I've grown spiritually.

 

However, this is still not good enough. It will never be good enough, and I just spoke in tongues only a few weeks ago (after eight years of wondering whether I was baptized by the HS or not), and even when I pray in tongues, nothing changes.

 

I'm reading scripture. Praying. Playing worship music. Nothing works. I'm 27, about to turn 28. I was saved at 20. Right now, I have begun not to care anymore. Yes, I know Jesus, and I was baptized in the Holy spirit, and can speak in tongues.

 

Everyone around me, Christian or not, is winning. Money, relationships, experiences. God gave to these others abundantly, and gave me the short end of the stick. Every single time.

 

Let me make it perfectly clear: I believe in the LORD, but I am very sure I don't like him. Yes I'm saved. Yes, I am baptized in the Holy spirit. I don't care. My life has not really progressed or beared positive fruit, and I don't think of the LORD as qualified to fix it all. I don't like God. He disrespected me countless times, and expects a relationship from me, while he keeps me from enjoying life, keeps blessing others, and keeps angering me to no avail

 

 I read Scripture. I speak in tongues. I don't see anything manifesting. I'm not trying to insult anyone. I love and appreciate you and your faith.

 

But, if God keeps me stuck, in pain and gasping for air, and doesnt start blessing me supernaturally...it's only a matter of time until I explore freemasonry and negotiate with the occult for a fair compensation of my time trying to seek the LORD. I am not joking.

 

I am not loyal to those who do not provide for me. That includes God

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Also. In addition go the aformentioned...I'm at a group weekend event with some members of my mentor's business group. I've noticed a progressive shift in their attitude towards me.

 

I'm respected, but no one seems to connect with me. Only the losers and social misfits in my group flock towards me. And I hold a GREAT GREAT offense at the LORD for this. I will never forgive Jesus for lumping social losers around me. I will willingly rebel against the LORD for this alone. This one aspect of my life.. I judge God by, among other things. As you can tell, my life is greatly offended.

I can't seem to compete or match achievements. I can't seem to hang. Everything, to me, it's God's fault, as far as ik concerned. I honestly believe God is purposefully sabotaging my efforts to create a living for myself. To me, God is the enemy, not my ally.

 

I am feeling very sad and unwanted right now. I trusted God, and he turned his back on me.

 

Not trying to fight. This is how I feel, and what I see. I don't love God even though I accepted him, was saved, and got baptized by the holy spirit. I feel like God cheats me, and likes to play games with my fate and treat me like dirt 

 

What am I to expect from the LORD?

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Blessings Sight....

   Hello my friend.....we have have a couple of talks & I am very glad to see you keep trying,you keep letting out your real feelings & that is the only way to get t o the TRUTH.....many will not like what they hear because of our passionate Love for Christ,it is heartbreaking.....'but we are here to Embrace you,display Christ Love through us & do our best to work through this with you..... if only you could see that our Loving Father has lead you here to His Family so He could LOVE YOU through us

   My friend,I don't see that without love there is anyway to accept Jesus.....Jesus said(IF) you love Me in John 14:15-31.....even the demons simply "believe" & that is not gall there is to it.......let's just say that one CAN.....well,then I believe you must First Understand & BELIEVE that YOU ARE LOVED.....that is why I say over & over to read the book of John,Understand by the Wisdom of Holy Spirit(Ask,ask,ask)how He Loves YOU,personally,intimately

   As we have discussed briefly,it is the spirit of "pride" (FLESH) that is hindering you from Receiving Hos Love & the ability to love your very own self because of WHO you are in Christ.....everything else is carnal,temporal.....it seemns these are the things you covet,long for & desire? You MUSTY REnew your mind or you will be stuck in neutral like this,zero progress

   As far as "speaking in tongues"............well,many do believe that without the presence of this gift there is no evidence of the Baptism of the Holy Spirit,that is not my belief & then we also must test the spirits,,,,,just because someone babbles inaudible sounds does not mean it is from God         

                                                                                                                        With love-in Christ,Kwik

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On ‎10‎/‎1‎/‎2016 at 8:21 AM, Sight said:

He disrespected me countless times, and expects a relationship from me,

I think you are on the perfect path-- don't change a thing- continue in your attitudes and doing what you are doing, and if in fact you are genuinely saved the Lord will allow you to become broken enough for you to call out to him for mercy in submission-- then he will show himself to you in a way that you will accept! it is not unusual for him to use "tough love" to reach our hearts

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