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My Girlfriend Broke Up With Me - Don't Know What To Do


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My girlfriend just broke up with me a few days ago, and I don't know what to do. We broke up because I was not there for her during critical points in her life, she thinks I may cheat on her in the future, and that she wants to be single so she can focus on her career. I think I just need some direction on what to do in my life. I don't feel sad, upset, angry... I just feel nothing and I don't know why.

My girlfriend (now ex) and I are in our late 20s. My first relationship ended as I cheated with my second girlfriend. My second relationship ended as I was too involved with work. My just now ex girlfriend has had several past relationship, and her two most recent ones involved the guy cheating on her.

I met my girlfriend about 3 years ago. We quickly became good friends and started dating. We dated for 2 months but she broke up with me as she was afraid that I would cheat on her and that I was not a Christian. She utterly destroyed me as I literally stopped functioning from all the pain for months and months. I didn't know what else to do so for the first time ever I tried turning to God for help and he brought me peace. Since then I've been learning more about Christianity and slowly becoming a devoted Christian.

Half a year after we broke up, I reached out to her and we restarted our relationship again:) The first 8 months were very difficult as I was so afraid I would loose her again. But we worked really hard and I felt like we had a strong foundation. Since then, I felt like the relationship has been pretty solid minus a feel bumps along the way. We had grown deeper together, and I have opened myself up to her in a way I have never done before. She was my ultimate best friend and companion, and I looked up to her for my Christianity guidance (minus my church friends, pretty much all of my other friends are atheists or anti-religious).

Last weekend we got into an argument and things weren't the same since then. She asked me to help her with something, but instead of giving her a straight answer I got mad at her instead for another issue. That argument sparked why she wanted to break up with me. She was very considerate and understand that I am under a lot of pressure at work to meet project deadlines so she waited until the weekend to break up with me. Our breakup was very calm and just involved chatting about her decision.

It has been a few days since we have broken up and I am completely lost. I didn't show up to work today, and don't think I'll be able to go into work tomorrow. I haven't left the house, or talked to anyone except God. I barely have an appetite, and I can't focus on any of my hobbies. I really miss my girlfriend, and oddly I feel that this breakup makes me realize how much I really love her. I was really lucky to have had a relationship with such a wonderful girl. I felt like I have always been very independent in my previous relationships but now without her I feel lost.

One thing about me is that I am an extremely hard worker and I don't ever give up in anything I believe in until I have exhausted all realistic possibilities. I like to have a general plan to the direction in my life - like the next steps I'll take. I still have my hobbies and career that I want to focus on, but I'm trying to decide what I should do with my ex girlfriend. I feel like that we have so much untapped potential together, but at the same time I feel like she deserves someone much better then me. I don't know if I should respect her wishes in breaking up or if I should chase her again. I have tried asking God for guidance, but I'm still relatively new to being a Christian so I feel like my connection is him is not very strong. I guess I just don't know what to do.

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Welcome~!

~

Praying~!

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First of all welcome, you'll find many supportive and loving people in this forum to talk to.

I'm so sorry you went through such a break up, it can be so difficult to know what to do when your plans go awry, but if that happens it's often because the plans we have for ourselves are different to what God wants for us. I commend you for asking God for help in your life, as this can be hard to do, but often the most difficult thing is learning to be patient and to listen to God. It can be an acquired skill, but once you stop trying to be headstrong and try and make the answers you think you have work, then the real healing and faith begins.

Unfortunately the short answer on what you do about your girlfriend, no one can really answer for you. I think how you're feeling might be an indication you need to work on your relationship with God first, and let what comes naturally happen with your girlfriend once you know a bit more about yourself. It seems as if your girlfriend has her own trust issues, and this may mean she too needs to do some healing, so in that case she needs time and understanding. You can't heal other people though if they're just not ready, the only person you can change is you and be the best version you can be.

I find often that once I 'fix' an issue in my life with God, all the rest falls into place. I personally never pray for anything for myself in particular like a husband (would be nice lol), because I accept that only God knows best for me. I once begged Him to let me get back with a boyfriend who was abusive to me, believing I couldn't be without him, and I did, and got more of the same. Ever since then I have let God take control and what happens, happens. But that's just my personal philosophy.

I wish well and will pray you find your way (which I knwo you will). God bless you and keep you.

Emily

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Blessings Sam

    Welcome t o Worthy,sorry about your girlfriend problems but let' s put that on the back burner,just for a moment,okay?

Quote

learning more about Christianity and slowly becoming a devoted Christian.

I'm a bit more concerned about " who" or "how"  you are LEARNING about Christianity & what it means to you to be a DEVOTED Christian,let us begin there so we have a good Understanding,,,,, devotion or dedication to Christianity or any WORKS of our own does not lead us to the Grace of God,Reconciliation or grant us any kind of forgiveness    If you are "learning" about Christianity I dso ;hope your "church friends"  are pointing you in the right direction,to the foot of the cross

   You can learn all about doctrines & all about Jesus and that means little,Christianity is a Personal & Intimate Relationship with God,,,,,only through  FAITH in the knowledge of WHO Jesus is,knowing HIM...not ABOUT HIM    All the "devotion" needed was by Him,He is sop devoted to YOU that HE took y our place on that cross because HE LOVES YOU.....there is no Relationship with God but through Christ Jesus,in Him,by Him & through Him....that is Christianity,......& Faith comes by hearing the Word of God.....

   Okay ,back to the girlfriend(now ex)   I am going to give you the exact same advice I gave my own child,my son & the same advice I would give anyone who has their hearts & minds focused on secondary things.......give it a try but it must be in all sincerity & with an earnest heart,& God knows your heart my friend.......

    God MUST be FIRST & FOREMOST in our lives ,Jesus must LORD our lives,,,,,,,we must be totally reliant & dependent on Him if we want a life filled with Peace,Love,Joy,Comfort......it is a completeness that cannot be FILLED by any human    This girl may or may not be the one God has for you & "good for her" that she is not willing to be with a non-Christian......I don't know anything much about her but I do know a lot about living a life more Abundant in Christ and that in this world we see that one plus one equals 2.....God has much more for us than this w4orld offers,one plus one equals 3 PLUS,a half & a half does not equal a whole,it leaves a whole     When you have a complete person in Christ & put them together with another complete person in Christ you wind up with a DOUBLE PORTION,make sense?

   Sometimes God allows us to have broken relationships & achy hearts,it is simply a red flag to warn us that something is missing,there is a void and He draws us unto Himself,,,,,let Him Fill your void & change the desires of your heart,I promise you cannot find greater JOY than in His Grace & LOVE,,,,,,then,if SHE is "the one" then no mountain or ocean will get in Gods Way of His Will for you.....you do have to listen for guidance & direction though but really,TRUST GOD

I will tell you very briefly,no promise that this will happen to you......my son took my advice,he sought Gods Face,he turned all his attention to having a Relationship in Jesus...he asked Holy Spirit to reveal to him his own heart & change it if he had the wrong desires..........out of the blue,some months later,the ex called & said she could not stop thinking about him,,,,,today they are married with 3 kids      And I tell you this,if he did not "get the girl" it wouldn't have mattered because he found completeness,FREE in Jesus!                                   With love-in Christ,Kwik

 

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15 hours ago, SamLeeBR423 said:

It has been a few days since we have broken up and I am completely lost. I didn't show up to work today, and don't think I'll be able to go into work tomorrow. I haven't left the house, or talked to anyone except God. I barely have an appetite, and I can't focus on any of my hobbies.

Sam,

Welcome. Even though you have only one post, I will give you my feedback.  We all will have situations where we are utterly devastated. This may not be the only one. But since you have talked to God, ask Him to give you strength to function in spite of your situation. Life goes on in spite of disasters, so as long as you have life, keep living.

15 hours ago, SamLeeBR423 said:

I don't know if I should respect her wishes in breaking up or if I should chase her again.

Since you have had a reasonably solid relationship in the past, and since it was your behavior and your failure to properly prioritize your time, what you should do is (1) sit down and write what you need to communicate, (2) apologize sincerely for your failures, (4) confirm and affirm that you love this person without any reservations, (5) state that you wish to resume your relationship at a better level and (6) ask for a meeting to get back on track.

If she loves you sincerely, she will forgive you and move forward.  If she does not, then you will know this for a fact, and you will need to move on.

Since you are a workaholic, you will have to change this and maintain a proper balance between work and personal time. If you are not prepared to do that, then don't expect any good results.

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17 hours ago, SamLeeBR423 said:

My girlfriend just broke up with me a few days ago, and I don't know what to do. We broke up because I was not there for her during critical points in her life, she thinks I may cheat on her in the future, and that she wants to be single so she can focus on her career. I think I just need some direction on what to do in my life. I don't feel sad, upset, angry... I just feel nothing and I don't know why.

My girlfriend (now ex) and I are in our late 20s. My first relationship ended as I cheated with my second girlfriend. My second relationship ended as I was too involved with work. My just now ex girlfriend has had several past relationship, and her two most recent ones involved the guy cheating on her.

I met my girlfriend about 3 years ago. We quickly became good friends and started dating. We dated for 2 months but she broke up with me as she was afraid that I would cheat on her and that I was not a Christian. She utterly destroyed me as I literally stopped functioning from all the pain for months and months. I didn't know what else to do so for the first time ever I tried turning to God for help and he brought me peace. Since then I've been learning more about Christianity and slowly becoming a devoted Christian.

Half a year after we broke up, I reached out to her and we restarted our relationship again:) The first 8 months were very difficult as I was so afraid I would loose her again. But we worked really hard and I felt like we had a strong foundation. Since then, I felt like the relationship has been pretty solid minus a feel bumps along the way. We had grown deeper together, and I have opened myself up to her in a way I have never done before. She was my ultimate best friend and companion, and I looked up to her for my Christianity guidance (minus my church friends, pretty much all of my other friends are atheists or anti-religious).

Last weekend we got into an argument and things weren't the same since then. She asked me to help her with something, but instead of giving her a straight answer I got mad at her instead for another issue. That argument sparked why she wanted to break up with me. She was very considerate and understand that I am under a lot of pressure at work to meet project deadlines so she waited until the weekend to break up with me. Our breakup was very calm and just involved chatting about her decision.

It has been a few days since we have broken up and I am completely lost. I didn't show up to work today, and don't think I'll be able to go into work tomorrow. I haven't left the house, or talked to anyone except God. I barely have an appetite, and I can't focus on any of my hobbies. I really miss my girlfriend, and oddly I feel that this breakup makes me realize how much I really love her. I was really lucky to have had a relationship with such a wonderful girl. I felt like I have always been very independent in my previous relationships but now without her I feel lost.

One thing about me is that I am an extremely hard worker and I don't ever give up in anything I believe in until I have exhausted all realistic possibilities. I like to have a general plan to the direction in my life - like the next steps I'll take. I still have my hobbies and career that I want to focus on, but I'm trying to decide what I should do with my ex girlfriend. I feel like that we have so much untapped potential together, but at the same time I feel like she deserves someone much better then me. I don't know if I should respect her wishes in breaking up or if I should chase her again. I have tried asking God for guidance, but I'm still relatively new to being a Christian so I feel like my connection is him is not very strong. I guess I just don't know what to do.

Your first mistake was cheating on any girlfriend. That shows that you are fickle and not committed. She left for a reason. I do not know the details of the argument you had and I can not get two sides of this story since you are the only one giving your side. I try and not make a final opinion of the situation until I can hear both sides of the situation.

Do you think you are a committed born again Christian? Do you think you have really given your life to Christ? Do your actions and your words reflect that? Did your actions and words reflect that to your girlfriend? You need to give this whole situation to God. He will help you through it.  Time will heal.

This is what a Christian boyfriend should look like:


Humble and teachable: The Bible tells us that a righteous man, or a wise man, will take instruction gladly, even when it hurts him (Psalm 141:5; Proverbs 9:9, 12:15). A righteous man evidences a willingness to be corrected by Scripture and a tendency to love and listen to those who can teach him from the Scripture.

Honest: Do his actions agree with his words? The Bible says that a righteous man is characterized by honesty in his personal and business dealings (Ephesians 4:28). In addition, when he makes a promise, a Christian man keeps his promise, even when it hurts (Psalm 15:2-5). In short, his character should be one of integrity.

Selfless: The Bible speaks specifically to husbands when it tells them to love their wives as they love their own bodies, just like Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25-28). A Christian boyfriend should begin to exhibit this kind of care and love for his girlfriend long before marriage. Love is easy in the romantic beginning stages, but a Christian boyfriend should be the kind of man whose behavior and intentions will be loving in all kinds of circumstances (1 John 3:18).

Able and willing to provide: The Bible says that a man who doesn’t provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). Provision doesn’t necessarily mean “bringing in a lot of money.” The issue is whether he takes responsibility for the welfare of his wife and children. It is important for women to grasp the seriousness of this verse. A man who doesn’t want to provide is very hard for a woman to respect, and if a wife struggles to respect her husband, marital troubles will go beyond the material. A woman’s respect for her husband and a man’s love for his wife are interdependent and life-giving to a marriage (Ephesians 5:25-32).

Willing to proactively protect: Both physically and emotionally, women tend to be weaker and more easily hurt than men. They need to be understood and protected and cared for in a proactive way. A good Christian boyfriend is a man who will look out for and care for his girlfriend and carry this passion for protecting her on into marriage (1 Peter 3:7).

https://gotquestions.org/Christian-boyfriend.html

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7 hours ago, kwikphilly said:

Blessings Sam

    Welcome t o Worthy,sorry about your girlfriend problems but let' s put that on the back burner,just for a moment,okay?

I'm a bit more concerned about " who" or "how"  you are LEARNING about Christianity & what it means to you to be a DEVOTED Christian,let us begin there so we have a good Understanding,,,,, devotion or dedication to Christianity or any WORKS of our own does not lead us to the Grace of God,Reconciliation or grant us any kind of forgiveness    If you are "learning" about Christianity I dso ;hope your "church friends"  are pointing you in the right direction,to the foot of the cross

   You can learn all about doctrines & all about Jesus and that means little,Christianity is a Personal & Intimate Relationship with God,,,,,only through  FAITH in the knowledge of WHO Jesus is,knowing HIM...not ABOUT HIM    All the "devotion" needed was by Him,He is sop devoted to YOU that HE took y our place on that cross because HE LOVES YOU.....there is no Relationship with God but through Christ Jesus,in Him,by Him & through Him....that is Christianity,......& Faith comes by hearing the Word of God.....

   Okay ,back to the girlfriend(now ex)   I am going to give you the exact same advice I gave my own child,my son & the same advice I would give anyone who has their hearts & minds focused on secondary things.......give it a try but it must be in all sincerity & with an earnest heart,& God knows your heart my friend.......

    God MUST be FIRST & FOREMOST in our lives ,Jesus must LORD our lives,,,,,,,we must be totally reliant & dependent on Him if we want a life filled with Peace,Love,Joy,Comfort......it is a completeness that cannot be FILLED by any human    This girl may or may not be the one God has for you & "good for her" that she is not willing to be with a non-Christian......I don't know anything much about her but I do know a lot about living a life more Abundant in Christ and that in this world we see that one plus one equals 2.....God has much more for us than this w4orld offers,one plus one equals 3 PLUS,a half & a half does not equal a whole,it leaves a whole     When you have a complete person in Christ & put them together with another complete person in Christ you wind up with a DOUBLE PORTION,make sense?

   Sometimes God allows us to have broken relationships & achy hearts,it is simply a red flag to warn us that something is missing,there is a void and He draws us unto Himself,,,,,let Him Fill your void & change the desires of your heart,I promise you cannot find greater JOY than in His Grace & LOVE,,,,,,then,if SHE is "the one" then no mountain or ocean will get in Gods Way of His Will for you.....you do have to listen for guidance & direction though but really,TRUST GOD

I will tell you very briefly,no promise that this will happen to you......my son took my advice,he sought Gods Face,he turned all his attention to having a Relationship in Jesus...he asked Holy Spirit to reveal to him his own heart & change it if he had the wrong desires..........out of the blue,some months later,the ex called & said she could not stop thinking about him,,,,,today they are married with 3 kids      And I tell you this,if he did not "get the girl" it wouldn't have mattered because he found completeness,FREE in Jesus!                                   With love-in Christ,Kwik

 

I too am more concerned about where you stand with God. 

I heard the word cheat several times.  Most people that cheat in non marital relationships with will cheat in marriage.  However that can change with a changed heart, a heart for Jesus.  I know you said you are saved but your relationship with Christ is not that strong.  I would concentrate more on that then I would anything else.  When your solid in that everything else will fall into place and you can go forward in other plans.  

Remember the Bible says not to be unequally yoked to an unbeliever.  When you do start heading in that direction make sure this girl is also a believer, because if she is not your going to go through the same thing you just came out of .

Putting God first will make the road straight for everything else.

Blessings, RustyAngeL

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8 hours ago, kwikphilly said:

Blessings Sam

    Welcome t o Worthy,sorry about your girlfriend problems but let' s put that on the back burner,just for a moment,okay?

I'm a bit more concerned about " who" or "how"  you are LEARNING about Christianity & what it means to you to be a DEVOTED Christian,let us begin there so we have a good Understanding,,,,, devotion or dedication to Christianity or any WORKS of our own does not lead us to the Grace of God,Reconciliation or grant us any kind of forgiveness    If you are "learning" about Christianity I dso ;hope your "church friends"  are pointing you in the right direction,to the foot of the cross

   You can learn all about doctrines & all about Jesus and that means little,Christianity is a Personal & Intimate Relationship with God,,,,,only through  FAITH in the knowledge of WHO Jesus is,knowing HIM...not ABOUT HIM    All the "devotion" needed was by Him,He is sop devoted to YOU that HE took y our place on that cross because HE LOVES YOU.....there is no Relationship with God but through Christ Jesus,in Him,by Him & through Him....that is Christianity,......& Faith comes by hearing the Word of God.....

   Okay ,back to the girlfriend(now ex)   I am going to give you the exact same advice I gave my own child,my son & the same advice I would give anyone who has their hearts & minds focused on secondary things.......give it a try but it must be in all sincerity & with an earnest heart,& God knows your heart my friend.......

    God MUST be FIRST & FOREMOST in our lives ,Jesus must LORD our lives,,,,,,,we must be totally reliant & dependent on Him if we want a life filled with Peace,Love,Joy,Comfort......it is a completeness that cannot be FILLED by any human    This girl may or may not be the one God has for you & "good for her" that she is not willing to be with a non-Christian......I don't know anything much about her but I do know a lot about living a life more Abundant in Christ and that in this world we see that one plus one equals 2.....God has much more for us than this w4orld offers,one plus one equals 3 PLUS,a half & a half does not equal a whole,it leaves a whole     When you have a complete person in Christ & put them together with another complete person in Christ you wind up with a DOUBLE PORTION,make sense?

   Sometimes God allows us to have broken relationships & achy hearts,it is simply a red flag to warn us that something is missing,there is a void and He draws us unto Himself,,,,,let Him Fill your void & change the desires of your heart,I promise you cannot find greater JOY than in His Grace & LOVE,,,,,,then,if SHE is "the one" then no mountain or ocean will get in Gods Way of His Will for you.....you do have to listen for guidance & direction though but really,TRUST GOD

I will tell you very briefly,no promise that this will happen to you......my son took my advice,he sought Gods Face,he turned all his attention to having a Relationship in Jesus...he asked Holy Spirit to reveal to him his own heart & change it if he had the wrong desires..........out of the blue,some months later,the ex called & said she could not stop thinking about him,,,,,today they are married with 3 kids      And I tell you this,if he did not "get the girl" it wouldn't have mattered because he found completeness,FREE in Jesus!                                   With love-in Christ,Kwik

 

 

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Blessings and Welcome  To Worthy Sam,

I read about what is going on in your life, I agree the  with the Godly advice  that had been  said to you , question to you is!!!!!!! when you say you are cheating on your girlfriend cheating in what way? remember if you say you have surrendered your life to Jesus there is no room for cheating, I'm not condemning you just trying to understand when you say you are cheating, may I ask why you feel you have to cheat on your girl friend? I pray you have a chat with her and  ask her to forgive you, if you love her as you mention you can still be her friend.

Sometimes when we have break up we don't understand there are lessons we have to learn in all this, one thing when some persons are hurting they call upon God more and the minute things get back to normal most of the time persons forgets God who helped them to be healed, I like the advice you have been given, please follow them inspect your walk with God allow God to speak to you, listen take His instructions lean not unto your own understanding and God will direct your part, looking forward to hear your testimony and you may help others when they are in the same situation. Kwikphily put it just right, Rusty Angle hit it right also when she remind you about being unequally yoked, the question asked about the characteristics of a Godly boyfriend, examine yourself, read your word apply and you will get great Godly counsel.

I know others will be praying for you .

Love you with the love of the Lord Jesus Christ.

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