30 Days Love Your Wife {Better} Challenge? (A shout out to MeN)

[missmuffet]

I would be concerned if any man has an issue with this "love your wife" article.

[GoldenEagle]

*October 4th (Tuesday)
Day 4. Kiss your spouse the first time you see them in the morning. Tell her she is beautiful and that you love her.

Song of Solomon 4: 11
11 Your lips drip nectar, my bride;...
honey and milk are under your tongue;
the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon.

Suggested Prayer: Pray for God to help your wife remember she is beautiful and how much He loves her! Pray for God to help you love her better.

Spend some time in prayer with your wife tonight. It can be as short as a few minutes or as long as you feel led. #LoveYourWifeBetterChallenge

[GoldenEagle]

*October 5th (Wednesday)
Day 5. Give 3 reasons you appreciate your spouse. Think through it before you do so. Say: “I appreciate you because __________________, _______________________, and _____________________ .” Make sure to make eye contact and your tone sincere.

Proverbs 16:24
Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

Suggested Prayer: Pray for God to help your wife to feel loved and appreciated! Pray for God to help you to remember both the little and big things she does. Pray for Him to help you encourage her.

Spend some time in prayer with your wife tonight. It can be as short as a few minutes or as long as you feel led. #LoveYourWifeBetterChallenge

[GoldenEagle]

20 hours ago, gdemoss said:

Jon, not surprised it is confusing. I am learning so much these days that I did not previously know.  

What you have presented is a 'cookie cutter' program of one size fits all 'challenge' to men that is supposed to help them improve their relationship with their wives.  It ignores the reality that people and situations are diverse and things simply cannot be applied like a recipe to spruce up a marriage.

Eccl 3 teaches us that depending upon conditions proper actions can be exactly opposite one another.  A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing.  I have learned that I can actually hurt my wife my presenting her with affection, gifts or even face to face time under the wrong conditions.

I have a covenant agreement of marriage with my wife.  She desired to be with me.  I laid out a detailed agreement before her and said if she agreed then I would be with her.  First and foremost we would be married and no sex before marriage.  She would agree that my God would be her God and my people would be her people.  She would confess that Genesis 3:16 was true, that she had a desire to rule over me and that God gave me headship of our household.  We would have a 51%/49% partnership where whatever I decided would be the end decision on all matters both big and small.  

I hold myself to be accountable to God via his word in my treatment of her.  I have had many relationships, all of which failed miserably due to bad advice from well intentioned sources combined with my own ignorance of or refusal to accept the truth.  My current marriage is strong unlike the others because I have trusted God instead of self.

Selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of the destruction of the marriages I see dissolve.  

Here is motive tester I use:

"I am going to (insert action) so that (insert desired result) because I believe it is God's will for me."

I find that when I test my motives and see that the action being taken is for the purpose of personal gain that the sentence is rejected by my conscience.  It isn't about what I do so much as why I do it.  

Today I am learning to love my wife.  Sometimes that requires me to be critical of her.  Sometimes it requires me to tell her she needs to go away from me until her countenance is right.  Sometimes it requires me to embrace her.  Sometimes it requires me to ignore her but other times to give her my undivided attention.  The list of requirements to love my wife are long and depend upon conditions present.

The same God who led them out of captivity to the promised land also destroyed them that believed not though he be a merciful and tender God.  He who chastens them that he loves and scourges every son he receives.  I am required to love my wife as Christ loved the church for sure but how did he answer her when she was being foolish?  "Get thee behind me Satan for thou art an offense to me", "my grace is sufficient for you for my strength is made perfect in weakness".  

God give you the knowledge of his will for you in your marriage, Jon, and the power to carry it out.  

Gary thanks for being open and honest about what you are going through. I guess I kind of saw this more of as a challenge to pick and choose what would work best for your spouse. I have taken this into consideration (people & situations are diverse) and once guys get some “easy wins” will be encouraged to really evaluate what makes their spouse tick while trying to understand her primary love language. On Day 7  the challenge is to determine what your spouses primary love language is.

 

For example, I really enjoy physical touch and quality time. My wife loves words of affirmation and quality time. So hugs, kiss, holding my hand is very important to me. She really likes to be encouraged with words. This can be verbally or through letters which she really enjoys

Even then how we define quality time is different though. She enjoys talking, me putting all electronics away, and me maintaining eye contact with her. To her, that is quality time.

I enjoy talking too but also like doing things together such as playing board games, going on dates, etc. Doing stuff together I guess is still quality time to me I guess.

 

When guys build momentum with days 1-6 (Help, Don’t Correct, Hug, Kiss & tell you love her, Appreciate, and a hand-written note) the hope is they will likely be interested in doing something much harder: Understanding why and how our wives feel love is key.

I would disagree with you that marriage is to be a 51%/49% proposal or covenant. Instead, to me it seems to be more of a 100% and 100% endeavor. Perhaps so many look at it this way and that is why there's so many troubles in marriages today. I'm glad your current marriage is very strong.

I’m very glad you are seeking to trust God and using the Bible as your guide though. Trusting God instead of ourselves is key. Again, this challenge is pointing men to praying for their wife more, reading God’s Word more, engaging their wife more, and praying together. I’m not sure how that could go wrong but I trust God to lead you in your marriage.

Funny enough a friend of mine and I came up with this challenge idea. Our wives have done multiple ones like this in the past. We just thought we’d share it with others. Kind of like if the shoe fits wear it type thing. If not, then no problem.

Blessings brother on you and yours.

In Christ,
GE

[GoldenEagle]

The 5 love languages come to mind here. Particularly useful when engaging your spouse:

Words of affirmation
One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build up. Solomon, author of ancient Hebrew Wisdom Literature, wrote, "The tongue has the power of life and death" (Proverbs 18:21, NIV). Many couples have never learned the tremendous power of verbally affirming each other. Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation, such as: "You look sharp in that suit." or "Do you ever look incredible in that dress! Wow!" or "I really like how you're always on time to pick me up at work." or "You can always make me laugh."

Quality time
Giving someone your undivided attention. If your mate's primary love language is quality time, they simply want you, being with him and spending time together.

Receiving gifts
A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, "Look, he was thinking of me," or, "She remembered me." You must be thinking of someone to give him or her a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought. It doesn't matter whether it costs money.

Acts of service
Doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. You seek to please your spouse by serving her, to express your love for her by doing things for her. Consider actions such as cooking a meal, setting a table, emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming, changing the baby's diaper, taking out the trash, picking up a prescription, keeping the car in operating condition — they are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love.

Physical touch

Holding hands, kissing, embracing and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one's spouse. For some individuals, physical touch is their primary love language. Without it, they feel unloved. With it, their emotional tank is filled, and they feel secure in the love of their spouse.

[GoldenEagle]

*October 6th (Thursday)
Day 6. Write your spouse a hand-written or typed up letter. It can be as long or short as you’d like. Mail it off today so they get it hopefully no later than next week.

Song of Solomon 4:9-10
9 You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride;...
you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes,
with one jewel of your necklace.
10 How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride!
How much better is your love than wine,
and the fragrance of your oils than any spice!

Suggested Prayer: Pray for God to help remind your wife of your love. Pray for God to help you be a kinder husband.

Spend some time in prayer with your wife tonight. It can be as short as a few minutes or as long as you feel led. #LoveYourWifeBetterChallenge

[GoldenEagle]

6 hours ago, Redemption79 said:

because you believe it is God's will for me? do you mean you decide yourself whether that is the case, or do you ask for guidance of the Holy Spirit?

there is nothing more deceitful, beside the father of all lies, than our own sinful nature.

Redemption who are you talking to here? I don't follow your post comment at all.

God Bless

Ge

[GoldenEagle]

On October 7, 2016 at 2:56 AM, Redemption79 said:

because you believe it is God's will for me? do you mean you decide yourself whether that is the case, or do you ask for guidance of the Holy Spirit?

there is nothing more deceitful, beside the father of all lies, than our own sinful nature.

 

7 hours ago, Redemption79 said:

sorry, which part of mine post that was unclear?

anyway I was talking about our flesh is very deceptive, for example we are very good at rationalize our own sinful desires (myself included)

that is why i think it is important to bring our hearts before the Lord and allow Him illuminate what is really going on in our hearts, beside asking Him for guidance, that is

 

Your first post was to Gary. Where did he tell you what he believed was God's will for your life?? What are you talking about here? Because who believes it is God's will for you? I don't understand the comment "there is nothing more deceitful, beside the father of all lies, than our own sinful nature."

Were you directing that comment to me or to GDMoss?

God bless,
GE

[GoldenEagle]

*October 8th (Saturday)
Day 8. Since yesterday you determined what your spouses’ primary love language(s) are, use this information to do something for them today. (See link below)

1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

Suggested Prayer: Pray for God to continue to help you love your wife better. Pray for God to help give you strength to love your wife as she likes or prefers to receive love.

Spend some time in prayer with your wife tonight. It can be as short as a few minutes or as long as you feel led. #LoveYourWifeBetterChallenge

[gdemoss]

On 10/7/2016 at 3:56 AM, Redemption79 said:

because you believe it is God's will for me? do you mean you decide yourself whether that is the case, or do you ask for guidance of the Holy Spirit?

there is nothing more deceitful, beside the father of all lies, than our own sinful nature.

Excellent point!  This only works through the guidance of God through the Holy Spirit. 

My sin nature is about me.  The Holy Spirit is about the whole.  If it is selfish, dishonest, fearful orself-seeking it is of the devil not God.  

Good call!