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Sometimes violence makes me happy


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Dearest gerbilwoman,

I feel you. Sometimes your own brain and body betray you and the only thing that feels right or pleasing is violence. That is a problem when the violence is visited upon others...or even yourself. For now, I think you would like a practical solution to directing your violence in a safe direction. And I have some ideas.

First, you seem to be aware of when this happens, so that is a good thing. There are not too many authorized or legal ways to deal with violence. However, depending on what your urges are, you may be able to direct them safely. If you feel the need to hit things, perhaps you should go to a driving range and hit golf balls. You can hit those as hard as you want and if you need to hit 2 buckets instead of one bucket, you can swing until you can't lift the club anymore. Bowling is another good option...the only thing is, you can't be worried about your score. You could hit your pillow or go into your closet and cuss and hit your pillow until your violent urges pass.

Then you need to sit down and read some Bible and pray. Once you have your violent urges expressed, you need to make progress by some reading and prayer to get God into you now that the violence is out. It's like a trade. You get out the bad stuff and then allow God to put into the good stuff. But the key is to develop the habit of following the bad with the good. Over time you will begin to enjoy the good stuff so much that the desire to be violent will diminish. Either that or you will become a professional golfer and earn enough to hire a therapist....LOL.

 

Blessings

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Thank you for that suggestion No.  

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Gerbil Woman,

In this day and age, with all the technology we have, you should be able to find a pastor who will minister to you without you being able to be "in" church. I run an informal ministry called "The Oasis" from my facebook page (stephen george). I say informal because I have about 7 or 8 people who fellowship online whenever they have needs or want to tell about victories. The most important part is that when someone posts a prayer request, they get prayer until we hear that God has answered.

Jesus wants you in fellowship with the Body of Christ. That way we get the benefit of how He has blessed and gifted you and you get the benefit of our prayers and corporate worship. The important thing is that we not allow ourselves to be separated and singled out by that old rascal, the devil.

There IS healing available for you. We just have to figure out together how to get you into Jesus' presence in order to "love you to abundant life". This forum is a blessing and I hope His presence is blessing you here.

 

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  • 3 months later...

Hi there, no judgment at all here from me. I have worked with many autistic people in my life and my adopted nephew is also autistic. With the different medications I would Google each one asking percentage of violent side affects to medication a,b,c,d etc so you can isolate. They may be able to prescribe something to reduce side effects believe it or not. Also you can learn about your various conditions you mentioned and do a symptom checked of each diagnosis. Impulse control can be very difficult to handle but being aware of it is the first step. It's important to know your triggers. If you feel triggered by a child's behaviors it's important to develop a list of coping tools. Have your toolbox ready every time you go o out (mental toolbox, sometimes even a notebook is helpful). List all of your coping strategies and the pros and cons of what would happen if you did lose your temper and happened to hurt someone. If you find you cannot control yourself being around someone who is  a trigger for you, remove yourself from that environment altogether. Safety and welbeing first you and for others.  

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  • 2 weeks later...

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On 11/7/2016 at 3:32 PM, gerbilwoman said:

First off, please don't judge me, I'm trying to change.  

I have high functioning autism.  As a result I have trouble with emotional regulation and impulse control and sometimes have meltdowns.  When I was younger I'd often hit my parents if I was overwhelmed by a situation.  I still do this occasionally but I'm really trying to stop.  I've never given them any serious injuries.  I used to always feel terrible afterwards.

However, more recently, I'm finding sometimes violence makes me happy.  I've read violent stories for pleasure.  I'm fighting the urge to do this right now.  Also, for about a year now I've had thoughts of hurting child family members.  One in particular annoyed me last Thanksgiving and I feel an urge to get back at him.  Also, I used to play with knives.

I don't think this is my autism anymore.  I do have some mental illnesses and hormonal imbalances and as a result am on 7 medications.  I'm wondering if this could be either from another condition or be a med side effect.  I'll talk to professionals but if its from a med I don't think there is any way to know which one since I'm on so many.  Enjoying the violence or wanting to be violent isn't who I used to be.  I used to be vegan I was so anti-violence to living things and I still limit the animal products I eat.  Prayers please, if that's not too much to ask?  

Please do not take any medical advice off an online forum, and please seek God's voice and specific path forward for you and your life.

Every medication I have ever taken to regulate some sort of emotional or mental "imbalance" or whatever they want to call it these days, when I was in the world, only worsened my symptoms, because there was nothing wrong with me, my issues were external circumstance but larger than that my problem was that I was not fully surrendered to our Lord Jesus Christ.

The Greek word for "Saved" (God's will for all mankind) is "Sozo" and that word literally means, "Saved, healed, delivered, and made completely whole." That is God's will for you and your life. That is what God did for me... 3.5-years of suicidal tendencies, rage, depression, and addiction broken off in a LITERAL moment when I truly came to Jesus Christ. Seek His voice. Seek His face. Seek His will; His specific will for your life by following His still, soft, perfect voice of love. We all hear voices, anyone who tells you they don't hear demonic voices in their head is either a liar or okay with what those voices are speaking and accept it as themselves. Here's the point: God TOO is speaking! I would encouraging you to search out the teaching on YouTube by myself, called "14 Keys to Hearing God's Voice with Overflowing Confidence" this teaching will change your life if you put into practice what is spoken in there, especially the prayer journal and asking God what He wants to talk about during your prayer time keys.

I am here for you if you would like to talk further. I would be happy to disciple you and help you realize your identity and the fullness of being a DAUGHTER of the all-high God in Heaven!

God bless you, in Jesus' mighty name and be free, I command every evil and tormenting spirit out of you, in Jesus' mighty name! NOW, in the name of Jesus!!!!!!! Be whole, Holy Spirit, fill her from head to toe, right now, in Jesus' mighty name! Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Father! Thank you, Holy Spirit! You are free now. Rest in Him in peace. God loves you, dearly. -Daniel

Edited by Daniel_Quartararo
typo
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Thank you everyone and I'm sorry for neglecting this board.  I went off a medication and things seem to have resolved themselves.  I'm back to my regular caring self!

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Praise God for improvement and healing!

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On 7/27/2017 at 8:04 PM, gerbilwoman said:

Thank you everyone and I'm sorry for neglecting this board.  I went off a medication and things seem to have resolved themselves.  I'm back to my regular caring self!

Hello and praying for you!

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@BK1110 Yes.

@NOONE7 Thank you!

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