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daily joke thread

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KPaulG    11,584
On 12/1/2016 at 7:37 PM, Omegaman 3.0 said:

On the contrary, she was quite smart. She just made the rookie officer out to be a liar, to discredit his claim that she had been speeding!

:24:

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warrior12    899

Teacher had  a drawing contest at school with a fist place prize.  All the kids got down to drawing airplanes, firetruck, waterfall ect. This one kid, could not come up with anything and it was very close to the time limit for the contest.  The teacher announced, this is the last minute and the kid did not have anything on his white sheet of paper, so he just placed a dot with his pencil and handed in the paper.  

The teacher correcting the paper saw this and asked the kid, what did he drew.   The kid answered, miss this is a bird flying high in the sky and difficult to see.  first prize for ingenuity. 

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Joefizz    150

I heard this joke/true story from my uncle he said he knew of funny church true story,here goes...

there was a church with a pastor and congregation that was bothered by a liquor store being across the street and the pastor would boldly proclaim "we are gonna run that liquor store out of business" and after awhile of praying about this and declaring they all would "run the liquor store out of business"so the pastor got to wondering why the liquor store hadn't gone out of business and seemed to be doing fine somehow so he went to ask the manager of how this could be after so long,saying"how are you still in business?we have prayed for this place to close down and for you here to move on to another location,and the manager replied"well actually if you all at the church stopped buying alcohol here then we would run out of business!"because they were the only ones going to the liquor store,noone else!

so the moral and irony of the story is to know the circumstances of what you pray for before praying for God's intervention because otherwise nothing is accomplished,that's the funniest religious joke I know that is hilarious yet true!

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Zoltan777    70
Posted (edited)

I know a joke. Not that good but it's okay.

A businessman will have to leave for a business trip to Russia during Christmas. At home he had an argument with his wife and to calm her down he offers her 'I am going to send you the best present ever!!!!! It's going to be soooo special I promise that you will forget that I am not at home.' So after that finally she let him go.

He flies off and when he was in Russia searching in a Market for the best present he saw a parrot for $10.000. 'That's must be special!' he thought so he asked the seller. 

- Why this parrot cost $10.000?

- Because it's not just an ordinary parrot. - the seller answered - It was the top secret project of the Russian government which cost them $1 million but because they couldn't use him they want to sell it. This parrot can talk in 10 different language fluently, and sing all the top chart music. He can do the housework, cleaning and playing on piano. He was trained to give you a Thai massage or protect your house against robbers. It is a truly talented bird that is capable of learning almost ANYTHING that you want him to do.

The businessman was amazed so he bought the parrot straight away and send it back to his wife. At Christmas day he phones up his wife:

- Have you got your Christmas present?

- Yes, I have and thank you sooo much!!!!

- Did you like it?

- Yes, it was wonderful and amaziiing and I am just speechless truly!!!!

- And.... what did you like the most about it?

- It taste soooo much better than the turkey.

Edited by Zoltan777
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Reinitin    1,436

I almost choked today when it came from a 87 year old preacher. Methodists are just the baptists that learned how to read:)

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HAZARD    2,926
What did the Proud Mexican fire chief call his two sons.
 
Hose-A, and Hose-B.
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