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Married to a pawn...


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I know that I shouldn't say or even think this, but it sometimes feel like I am married to a pawn in the devil's hand (probably am). It has been getting worse and worse for months or few years now, but every time something happens it's like a new low for my husband. Narcissistic bully control freak compulsive liar...doesn't even begin to describe him. My spiritual life is almost non existent as I am tired of hoping praying crying fearing (not physical abuse but the terrible influence he has on those under his mighty destructive hand is enough to break anyone emotionally!).

21 years of marriage and I won't give up, but I have no hope. I am struggling with severe depression as a result but are not on medication. How hard must life knock a person before God intervenes??? I know we are not promised an easy life, but this is making me physically sick. 

Not even sure why I am writing this. Maybe to rant. Maybe to ask for prayer. I don't know. 

esther

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I will pray for you and I also urge you to seek a christian counselor and remember that God does not want you to suffer and eperation sometimes is called for.  I dont know but I urge you to get some help.  God bless you

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Love you, Es. Pray for you every day

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Praying~!

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1 hour ago, ~esther~ said:

I know that I shouldn't say or even think this, but it sometimes feel like I am married to a pawn in the devil's hand (probably am). It has been getting worse and worse for months or few years now, but every time something happens it's like a new low for my husband. Narcissistic bully control freak compulsive liar...doesn't even begin to describe him. My spiritual life is almost non existent as I am tired of hoping praying crying fearing (not physical abuse but the terrible influence he has on those under his mighty destructive hand is enough to break anyone emotionally!).

21 years of marriage and I won't give up, but I have no hope. I am struggling with severe depression as a result but are not on medication. How hard must life knock a person before God intervenes??? I know we are not promised an easy life, but this is making me physically sick. 

Not even sure why I am writing this. Maybe to rant. Maybe to ask for prayer. I don't know. 

esther

The problem is always me.  Never them.  They are their own problem.

Death to self is the answer.

You sound very much alive unto self and suffering as a direct result.  You don't have too.  

I pray God will bring counsel into your life outside of the Internet to lead you away from selfish personal desire which the adversary, the devil, uses to continually hurt and destroy us.

Spiritual warfare is very real.  The battlefield is the mind (heart) where SELF is the target. Our troubles are of our own making, they arise out of our SELVES.

God help you see that your husband is not your problem.  

My wife is never my problem.  Being alive unto my SELF is always my problem.  I don't need her to change in order to be OK. I need to die to SELF to be OK.

God love you!

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WOW, that has to be hard. I am praying for you and for your husband. It sounds like only God can fix this.

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8 hours ago, ~esther~ said:

Not even sure why I am writing this. Maybe to rant. Maybe to ask for prayer. I don't know. 

Esther,

This is clearly a rant, but since you have expressed yourself in public, you need to hear some hard truths.

1. How is it that you did not assess your husband's character BEFORE you got married?

2. How is it that you did not seek out some godly elders already, to sit down with both of you to address these matters?

3. How is it that you have allowed yourself to live with A MONSTER for so many years?

4. What is it in your own makeup that refuses to bring this intolerable situation to an end?

You need not respond to any of these questions publicly.  Rather, it is time to sit down and (a) assess yourself and (b) take concrete steps to bring this to an end by whatever means are right and proper.

Every problem has a solution, so it is time to look for solutions.

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Seek God's direction and intervention. Hard truths may have a place after a relationship of trust is built, without that it's only condemnation. 

Don't look back, only seek God. 

Praying,

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8 hours ago, ~esther~ said:

I know that I shouldn't say or even think this, but it sometimes feel like I am married to a pawn in the devil's hand (probably am). It has been getting worse and worse for months or few years now, but every time something happens it's like a new low for my husband. Narcissistic bully control freak compulsive liar...doesn't even begin to describe him. My spiritual life is almost non existent as I am tired of hoping praying crying fearing (not physical abuse but the terrible influence he has on those under his mighty destructive hand is enough to break anyone emotionally!).

21 years of marriage and I won't give up, but I have no hope. I am struggling with severe depression as a result but are not on medication. How hard must life knock a person before God intervenes??? I know we are not promised an easy life, but this is making me physically sick. 

Not even sure why I am writing this. Maybe to rant. Maybe to ask for prayer. I don't know. 

esther

What was he like before you married him? Has he been like this from the beginning?Do you think he is suffering with a mental illness? Often depression shows itself as anger especially in men.  Do you have children? Are you a Christian? Is your husband a Christian? Your husbands behavior towards you is probably making your mental illness worse. Why do you want to go on and allow this man to make your life miserable? God does not want you to be miserable. As long as you stay he knows that you will continue to be his door mat.It would take a lot of courage to separate yourself from this man. I was in an abusive relationship for 25 years. I am now very sorry that I stayed as long as I did. It did a lot of damage not only to me but our children. Will he go to counseling? My guess it that he will not. Have you thought of a legal separation? That way he might realize that you will not tolerated his behavior. This man is not the husband that God wants him to be. If he really loves you and wants to continue to be married to you he knows he will have to do some changing. Please do not give up on God and praying for help. You need to put all of this in God's hands and ask Him for direction and guidance in all of this. I will pray for you. :th_praying:

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