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Married to a pawn...


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17 hours ago, ~esther~ said:

I know that I shouldn't say or even think this, but it sometimes feel like I am married to a pawn in the devil's hand (probably am). It has been getting worse and worse for months or few years now, but every time something happens it's like a new low for my husband. Narcissistic bully control freak compulsive liar...doesn't even begin to describe him. My spiritual life is almost non existent as I am tired of hoping praying crying fearing (not physical abuse but the terrible influence he has on those under his mighty destructive hand is enough to break anyone emotionally!).

21 years of marriage and I won't give up, but I have no hope. I am struggling with severe depression as a result but are not on medication. How hard must life knock a person before God intervenes??? I know we are not promised an easy life, but this is making me physically sick. 

Not even sure why I am writing this. Maybe to rant. Maybe to ask for prayer. I don't know. 

esther

 
 
 
 
 

Dear Esther,

I can read and feel  you pain  , you  don't know of what to do next , know  that the only one who can give you hope and peace is God , I don't know how strong your faith is but after so many years you're still with your husband , don't give up on God , He can rescue your marriage and He can soften your husband ,please give it all to God  and be the woman Gods wants you to be and He will answer your prayer and please don't put  any guilt on yourself that it's your fault that your husband the way he is because it's not your fault. ( is easy to do )

Esther, please pray and have all expectations from God  ,He  cares for you and He can make things new ,let it be between God and you and tell Him everything,every thought you have , He will give you the strength you need to carry on , pray for your husband night and day  , pray that God will give you love for him and love him the way God loves him, you will see changes. 

Pray that God will change you to be the woman He wants you to be..

John 15:7 - If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 - Pray without ceasing.

1 John 5:14-15 - And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask anything according to his will, he heareth us

Principles of Marriage
…13And if a woman has an unbelieving husband and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.!1 Cor. 7:14

Esther, the most important thing here is your relationship with God as He alone can and will help you! 

Love and prayers , Angels

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Thanks all. Separation or divorce is not and never will be an option. We got married when both were unsaved. I am saved. He is not. It's extremely hard some days and other days I can cope. I also knowthat it's worse than usual because of my lack of relationship with God - entirely my own doing. I know God won't let go, but I am in a very bad place emotionally and spiritually at the moment and feel overwhelmed. Thanks for the support and advice and prayers.

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10 hours ago, ~esther~ said:

Thanks all. Separation or divorce is not and never will be an option. We got married when both were unsaved. I am saved. He is not. It's extremely hard some days and other days I can cope. I also knowthat it's worse than usual because of my lack of relationship with God - entirely my own doing. I know God won't let go, but I am in a very bad place emotionally and spiritually at the moment and feel overwhelmed. Thanks for the support and advice and prayers.

 
 

Esther , we were both unsaved when we got married, I was saved first  and my husband saved much later, by your testimony and living for Jesus ,you can win your husband to the Lord ,be faithfull and live everyday praying in the Spirit , your husband will see the change in you~~

If you don't feel right in your relationship with God ,start reading the Bible again and start maybe with the book of John? Your love for God will grow and your relationship can easily be restored ,there's nothing more important in this life then to walk with Jesus ,on our own we can't do anything but with God we can move mountains! 

 Esther, God is waiting for you to cast your burden on Him!

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.Psalm 55:22

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On 12/30/2016 at 2:35 AM, angels4u said:

Esther , we were both unsaved when we got married, I was saved first  and my husband saved much later, by your testimony and living for Jesus ,you can win your husband to the Lord ,be faithfull and live everyday praying in the Spirit , your husband will see the change in you~~

If you don't feel right in your relationship with God ,start reading the Bible again and start maybe with the book of John? Your love for God will grow and your relationship can easily be restored ,there's nothing more important in this life then to walk with Jesus ,on our own we can't do anything but with God we can move mountains! 

 Esther, God is waiting for you to cast your burden on Him!

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.Psalm 55:22

:emot-hug:

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15 minutes ago, ~esther~ said:

:emot-hug:

:emot-hug: Love you girl,how was your day?

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What you said says alot. My spiritual life is almost non existent. That is a big problem. Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. Then his help will be swift. Even if your husband did not change you would have peace in your heart. Jesus said my peace i give you not like the world gives. In the world you will have troubles. So even through troubles remain in our lifes we do have the peace that christ gave us. Which partly is the right to go to God. We can go to him at any time because of christ. We are not alone. Get close to God and remain there. And keep christs commandments. Read John 14 through chapter 15. I  am not saying its not hard to cope with a partner that is outside of Gods will. But God will use that in some way.

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On ‎12‎/‎28‎/‎2016 at 7:57 AM, gdemoss said:

The problem is always me.  Never them.  They are their own problem.

Death to self is the answer.

You sound very much alive unto self and suffering as a direct result.  You don't have too.  

I pray God will bring counsel into your life outside of the Internet to lead you away from selfish personal desire which the adversary, the devil, uses to continually hurt and destroy us.

Spiritual warfare is very real.  The battlefield is the mind (heart) where SELF is the target. Our troubles are of our own making, they arise out of our SELVES.

God help you see that your husband is not your problem.  

My wife is never my problem.  Being alive unto my SELF is always my problem.  I don't need her to change in order to be OK. I need to die to SELF to be OK.

God love you!

woah...that is some very harsh judgement and ignorance right there.

If you have never been in an emotionally abusive relationship, you can't understand. But you can at least try.

It's psychological torment and dealing with it every single day is VERY hard and it breaks you down.

That sounds very good and spiritual until you are put into such a situation! Yes, dying to self is something a follower of Christ should practice, but it does not mean you have to let people walk all over you and abuse you. Nor does it mean that abuse will not cause you pain and agony even if you do die to self.

You use your wife as an example that the problem is always you. Obviously your wife treats you well.

if Esther was being hit, kicked, thrown around, etc., by her husband...would you still say it's her problem?

Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, if not more so. It's an all out attack and abuse on your mind and soul.

It is by no means selfish to hurt or express that hurt. If only you knew..

 

Edited by Adara
thought of something else to add
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On ‎12‎/‎28‎/‎2016 at 2:54 PM, Ezra said:

Esther,

2. How is it that you did not seek out some godly elders already, to sit down with both of you to address these matters?

3. How is it that you have allowed yourself to live with A MONSTER for so many years?

4. What is it in your own makeup that refuses to bring this intolerable situation to an end?

You need not respond to any of these questions publicly.  Rather, it is time to sit down and (a) assess yourself and (b) take concrete steps to bring this to an end by whatever means are right and proper.

Every problem has a solution, so it is time to look for solutions.

to answer question 2, I would say probably out of fear. An abusive relationship is hugely based on silence and the fear of what will happen if you tell someone else.

for question 3 -- that is a question so many people ask a victim of abuse. "why didn't you just leave him?" It really is not that easy. Usually, when you begin a relationship with the person you would never guess that they could be capable of such awful things. They are charming, caring, they are a wonderful person. Gradually they begin to abuse you..in little ways that you brush off or start believing it doesn't matter. They tell you that too and often make you doubt your perception of reality. It happens so gradually, that when it turns to full on abuse you begin to feel like you deserve it. Like it's somehow your fault. You are controlled and trapped.

I can hope and pray that she will find the strength to at least separate from him.

Edited by Adara
spelling error
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On ‎12‎/‎28‎/‎2016 at 6:15 AM, ~esther~ said:

I know that I shouldn't say or even think this, but it sometimes feel like I am married to a pawn in the devil's hand (probably am). It has been getting worse and worse for months or few years now, but every time something happens it's like a new low for my husband. Narcissistic bully control freak compulsive liar...doesn't even begin to describe him. My spiritual life is almost non existent as I am tired of hoping praying crying fearing (not physical abuse but the terrible influence he has on those under his mighty destructive hand is enough to break anyone emotionally!).

21 years of marriage and I won't give up, but I have no hope. I am struggling with severe depression as a result but are not on medication. How hard must life knock a person before God intervenes??? I know we are not promised an easy life, but this is making me physically sick. 

Not even sure why I am writing this. Maybe to rant. Maybe to ask for prayer. I don't know. 

esther

my heart goes out to you Esther. I've been in abusive situations before, so I can relate.

I think the best thing for both of you would be to separate. Give you a chance to find some healing away from the chaos, and him a chance to think over his actions.

I will pray for you. Seek the Lord and His strength <3

If you ever need a listening ear, I am here!

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10 minutes ago, Adara said:

woah...that is some very harsh judgement and ignorance right there.

If you have never been in an emotionally abusive relationship, you can't understand. But you can at least try.

It's psychological torment and dealing with it every single day is VERY hard and it breaks you down.

That sounds very good and spiritual until you are put into such a situation! Yes, dying to self is something a follower of Christ should practice, but it does not mean you have to let people walk all over you and abuse you. Nor does it mean that abuse will not cause you pain and agony even if you do die to self.

You use your wife as an example that the problem is always you. Obviously your wife treats you well.

It is by no means selfish to hurt or express that hurt. If only you knew..

I read it again after your accusation.  I can definitely see how one might be able to see it that way.  I was offering a view from a different perspective.  I am on the other side of some major abuse done against me and I found my answer through dying to self.  Doing so also won my abuser over and ended some of the abuse.

My wife is/was abusive.  She is working to grow and God is doing a marvelous work in her heart but he is not finished.  I do understand that there is a tremendous strain on any person who is in this position.  My wife was an unfaithful woman among other abusive things.  She has still not been able to confess Christ yet though I have led her to a faith that God is.  I am in a similar position as the op.

I deal with very sick abusive/abused people regularly.  I help them to see their own faults rather than focus on the wrong doing of others.  Most abused people are in the relationships they are in because they made decisions based upon self that later put them in a place to be harmed.  The truth sets them free if they are able to receive it.  Victims generally remain victims and the cycle of abuse continues.

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