Adara Posted January 5, 2017 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 74 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 45 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/15/2016 Status: Offline Share Posted January 5, 2017 Just now, gdemoss said: I read it again after your accusation. I can definitely see how one might be able to see it that way. I was offering a view from a different perspective. I am on the other side of some major abuse done against me and I found my answer through dying to self. Doing so also won my abuser over and ended some of the abuse. My wife is/was abusive. She is working to grow and God is doing a marvelous work in her heart but he is not finished. I do understand that there is a tremendous strain on any person who is in this position. My wife was an unfaithful woman among other abusive things. She has still not been able to confess Christ yet though I have led her to a faith that God is. I am in a similar position as the op. I deal with very sick abusive/abused people regularly. I help them to see their own faults rather than focus on the wrong doing of others. Most abused people are in the relationships they are in because they made decisions based upon self that later put them in a place to be harmed. The truth sets them free if they are able to receive it. Victims generally remain victims and the cycle of abuse continues. I am sorry you have had to deal with this as well. What works with one person may not work with the next. I am glad this approach is working for you, however, it may not work for her. I believe she should seek God's will ultimately, but if it is destroying her then i feel like she should separate for a while. And this is my opinion as well, it's really between her and God. I apologize if i approached it in the wrong way, but as a survivor of abuse myself, i feel very strongly about this kind of topic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdemoss Posted January 5, 2017 Group: Royal Member Followers: 8 Topic Count: 59 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 4,402 Content Per Day: 0.99 Reputation: 2,154 Days Won: 28 Joined: 02/10/2012 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/26/1971 Share Posted January 5, 2017 10 minutes ago, Adara said: I am sorry you have had to deal with this as well. What works with one person may not work with the next. I am glad this approach is working for you, however, it may not work for her. I believe she should seek God's will ultimately, but if it is destroying her then i feel like she should separate for a while. And this is my opinion as well, it's really between her and God. I apologize if i approached it in the wrong way, but as a survivor of abuse myself, i feel very strongly about this kind of topic. Thanks for the apology. If I could count how many times I did the same thing! But what do we pray? God forgive me as I forgive others. Agreed. No cookie cutter solutions. Separation is often good so that each person can gain perspective. My confession is that I am also a recovered abuser. Most of the things my wife does I end up pointing her to a time in my past where I did those same things to people then explain what happened to cause me to stop. She does what I did and is delivered too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adara Posted January 5, 2017 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 74 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 45 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/15/2016 Status: Offline Share Posted January 5, 2017 2 minutes ago, gdemoss said: Thanks for the apology. If I could count how many times I did the same thing! But what do we pray? God forgive me as I forgive others. Agreed. No cookie cutter solutions. Separation is often good so that each person can gain perspective. My confession is that I am also a recovered abuser. Most of the things my wife does I end up pointing her to a time in my past where I did those same things to people then explain what happened to cause me to stop. She does what I did and is delivered too. Prayers for you and your wife! God bless you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willa Posted January 5, 2017 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 68 Topic Count: 186 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 14,228 Content Per Day: 3.33 Reputation: 16,652 Days Won: 30 Joined: 08/14/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted January 5, 2017 Part of the problem is that unbelievers with your husband's temperament often hate Christians. So they try to destroy our faith and even prevent us from following Christ. Mat 5:10 Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Mat 5:11 "Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Mat 5:12 Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. Mat 5:44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, Mat 5:45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. Jhn 15:20 “Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO ALLOW CHRIST IN US TO LOVE THEM AND FORGIVE THEM. HE DIED FOR THEM AS WELL. TO FORGIVE THEM DOES NOT MEAN WE ARE SAYING THERE TREATMENT IS OK. IT IS HAVING PITY OF THEM AS SINNERS WHO ARE BEHAVING LIKE SINNERS. Mat 6:14 "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Mat 6:15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Mat 9:13 “But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice. For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance. Luk 6:32 “But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. Rom 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT WE ARE TO BE DOORMATS. WE STAND UP TO THEM ON THE INSIDE IN THE SPIRIT OF GOD'S POWER AND AUTHORITY. WE PRAY THAT GOD MIGHT SOFTEN THEIR HEARTS AND OPEN THEIR EYES. HE MAY NOT HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR YOU TILL YOU STAND UP TO HIM SHOULD HE DEMAND THAT YOU DO SOMETHING THAT IS AGAINST YOUR CONSCIENCE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DayByDay Posted January 29, 2017 Group: Nonbeliever Followers: 1 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 28 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 32 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/29/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted January 29, 2017 Divorce. You made a mistake. Admit it. Move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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