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Relationship Advice..I don't know what to do


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Blessings David

   Welcome to Worthy,if my reply echoes what someone else said please forgive me but I didn't read the replies,most of them are a bit long for me,lol    I did see where you mentioned your age but I must say although you are very young you sound quite immature to me,I don't mean that disrespectfully ,I just say it as I see it and the reason I do that is because I care,I love you as my Brother in Christ & I feel very bad that your heart is aching....but you did it yourself my dear   Have no fear,God is Good & you just need to get a few kinks out & all will be well,whether or not you will"get the girl" ? I can't promise you that but I know that if you seek ye first the Kingdom of God....ALL things will be added!!!!

   You say you EACH have a GREAT RELATIONSHIP with God in Christ,right? Okay,prove it!!! It's time to walk your talk & put your Faith into ACTON my Brother!!!! If this relationship is truly Gods Will for you both then TRUST GOD,you certainly need to work out YOUR issues,most gals would be drained with a guy that doesn't share(talk),doesn't communicate well,interact & really pay attention when she is spelling it out for you.....no need to cry over spilled milk,you can't undo what is done but you can hand it over to our Heavenly Father & ask Him to help YOU.David,He knows the desires of your heart & only He knows if those desires are what they ought to be,thats between you & Him......maybe she is the girl for you,maybe not but either way you MUST TRUST God to lead you,direct you & Reveal your OWN HEART to YOU,,,,then if it is more a desire for her than for Him or what it should be,ask Him to change those desires & I tell you,He Will

   David,when we cast our cares on Jesus & truly ask for direction & help it doesn't matter what the "other person" is doing.....if she is the ONE then God Will present you with the right time & opportunity to approach her OR she will call.....if not you should still have His Joy,His Peace,His Comfort & everything you will EVER need to be a very Complete person in Christ Jesus...you see? God can soften the hardest of hearts,if you are meant for one another then she should love you & yearn for you just as much as y ou do for her,right?She poured out her heart,she tried with whatever she thought she could to convey to you what SHE needed,perhaps it's not what she needed but thought she wanted? You are going to have to TRUST God on this (& everything) I gave my own son the very same advice & he did get the girl but it doesn't always work that way and that is not the GOAL....the goal is this

Quote

King James Bible
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28

His Purpose is priority,you have to ask Him to show you.......she may or may not be in the picture,the enemy would like you to believe it was Gods Will to be with this girl & you BLEW IT......the devil is a LIAR Brother,God helps us even when we make mistakes,just ask .....condemnation is not from God so don't beat yourself up,simply learn from your mistakes & Holy Spirit Will guide you one step at a time from here,stay out of His Way & keep those eyes on JESUS

                                                                                                                              With love-in Christ,Kwik

Please,whatever you do don't keep begging the girl......thats not what any woman wants & when you chase like that it usually chases them away,if & when you should contact her,God Will show you if you are listening !!!!!!........

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Guest BacKaran

Dear David

My Mike and I were married at the same as as you two.

If you can talk with her again, write a list of what she expects. 

God must be first

Then the spouse

Then the children

Mike and I had two big fights during our marriage, really... The kind each one is pouring cuz they didn't get their way, lasted a few weeks and then we talked cuz it was ridiculous.  Another experience for us to compromise, make up and move on.

I wish you the best, please keep us informed! ?

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4 hours ago, heathorheather said:

@shel

Thank you for reading my story. I just turned 28 and she is 26. I believe that as well the energizing part. While there were habits and things that I didn't like it didn't bother me to the point where I was feeling drained. I didn't know she was this drained. Her telling me "let's talk" every time was a sign of her being drained and crying out, yet I was blinded to see it in that way. As with communication, yes I'm terrible at it. When she wants to talk I just answer simply. Even on the topic about our faith and the scripture, I just answer short and simple. 

lol maybe she needs a Jewish guy like my husband - so long-winded!!! Our relationship started out long-distance for 3 years. He worried we wouldn't have anything to talk about cause I hate talking on the phone.

There's nothing wrong with short and simple. Have you ever taken a personality inventory to help you understand yourself better and relate to others better?

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@kwikphilly

First thank you for taking the time to read. I agree with what you said, me being so introverted and not sharing reflects my immaturity in that aspect where I need to change. And yes, we all the the saying actions speak louder than words. I feel that during the relationship she tried to bring out my weaknesses and allowed me to face them with her but somehow I wasn't able to express that as much as I could to her. Who wouldn't be drained and tired when they've been spelling out for you. But again it's not that I didn't try to work on my weaknesses, I just approached the entire situation differently. I shared with her yet I still did things alone things like my daily qt in the morning. I thought I was doing the right thing by sharing a little more but me just have that wait period to only made me realized I was just again..doing it alone and not with her. During the wait week, everything just became more clear and a lot if it has to do with prayer. 

Yes, I don't blame God. I know that God gives and takes away, taken away because right now to allow to me clearly show me that God wasn't in the center, he wasn't the foundation. I also know that anything is possible through God. That's where my hope is. I can't do anything more or less myself cause I've already talked to her about all this (that I know what exact problem is, I know what we, or rather I need to do). All I can do is pray, talk to God. 

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@BacKaran

That's another thing we have in common. :laugh:

I wish I could talk to her a couple weeks ago. I wish I realized this a week earlier where this could have been prevented, where me coming first and suggesting "let's talk" could restore what she was losing from me. One moment it looks fine then the next something like this happens. You're right, God must be first and everything else will follow. I'm just disappointed that I lost that focus during the way and clearly realized it when too late. 

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@shel

I've never taken an actual test like that but I'm very good at relating with others in most cases. Maybe I keep myself too much even in the relationship where I thought I was sharing and expressing things, it just wasn't in the tradition sense where you can pick up on. Cause it's like jumping from a level 0 to 25 where most people when in a relationship the way the share and communication jumps from level 50 to 80 or higher. (I hope that made some sense)

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4 minutes ago, heathorheather said:

@BacKaran

That's another thing we have in common. :laugh:

I wish I could talk to her a couple weeks ago. I wish I realized this a week earlier where this could have been prevented, where me coming first and suggesting "let's talk" could restore what she was losing from me. One moment it looks fine then the next something like this happens. You're right, God must be first and everything else will follow. I'm just disappointed that I lost that focus during the way and clearly realized it when too late. 

take the whole thing and place it into the hands of the Lord.....

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@other one

thank you

that statement says it all 

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Some personalities fit together better than others. But the key to getting along is understanding and accepting each other's unique personalities, not necessarily trying to become someone you're not. The reason I suggest a personality inventory is that it may help you accept and understand yourself as an introvert, as well as other qualities you have. The better you understand and accept yourself, the better you can accept and understand others.

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I still go back to thinking actions will speak louder than words.  And don't push too hard on her.  That may cause her to push away even more.  But every once in a while just a quick text or something to say hi.  Not expecting anything in return.  

I do also think you need to break down your walls of introvertedness.  If you are really looking at being in a relationship with someone you should be able to be totally open and honest with them.  Just like praying together.  It may be uncomfortable at first but the longer you do it you will wonder why you hadn't done it sooner.  You can still pray by yourself also.  But praying together builds intimacy.

You can't work on everything to fix all at once.  It just didn't really seem like you were trying to fix what she wanted.  You were fixing things that seemed more comfortable to fix.  Sometimes being uncomfortable is extremely helpful.  

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