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Should I share big secret with son?


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Last week I got a letter in the mail from a child I gave up for adoption at birth almost 40 years ago.  She wanted to know if it was me and was looking for her medical history.  I only have one other child, almost 30, who still lives with me.  We're obviously very close.  He doesn't know about this.  I'd like to e-mail this lady and ask to see childhood pictures out of curiosity to see if she looks like me and I will give her information if she wants it.  If I tell my son, this may upset him to find out he had a half sibling all this time that he never knew.  He still wouldn't have a relationship with her because she is in another state.  Maybe he'd rather not know.  I don't know whether to disclose this to him or not.  What do you think?

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All I can think is pray about it.

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You should pray about it before you make a move and give yourself some time.  It is between you and God.

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1 hour ago, Shy Christian said:

Last week I got a letter in the mail from a child I gave up for adoption at birth almost 40 years ago.  She wanted to know if it was me and was looking for her medical history.  I only have one other child, almost 30, who still lives with me.  We're obviously very close.  He doesn't know about this.  I'd like to e-mail this lady and ask to see childhood pictures out of curiosity to see if she looks like me and I will give her information if she wants it.  If I tell my son, this may upset him to find out he had a half sibling all this time that he never knew.  He still wouldn't have a relationship with her because she is in another state.  Maybe he'd rather not know.  I don't know whether to disclose this to him or not.  What do you think?

Hi Shy Christian

Just before my Mum passed away a couple years ago, a brother i never knew about surfaced...Mum had been carrying this "Big Secret"...My only thoughts, when i found out was for my Mum and that She had been carrying this 'shame' or burden alone for so many years...I think you are the one carrying the 'guilt' and you feel 'shame' no one else does it is just so personal for you that you  think you will be judged...I am confident that if your son is a Christian there will only be thoughts of love and sorrow for you having carried this burden alone for so long..

God bless you

Snow

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I would want to see evidence; if there is none, submit DNA for proof.  It would be tragic to get his hopes up and then dash them if it turned out to be false.

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1 hour ago, Snow said:

Hi Shy Christian

Just before my Mum passed away a couple years ago, a brother i never knew about surfaced...Mum had been carrying this "Big Secret"...My only thoughts, when i found out was for my Mum and that She had been carrying this 'shame' or burden alone for so many years...I think you are the one carrying the 'guilt' and you feel 'shame' no one else does it is just so personal for you that you  think you will be judged...I am confident that if your son is a Christian there will only be thoughts of love and sorrow for you having carried this burden alone for so long..

God bless you

Snow

I agree with snow

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2 minutes ago, Abby-Joy said:

I feel excited for you... I know it must be very painful depending on the circumstances surrounding the adoption.  I have children that I didn't get to raise and would love to meet them again someday if the Lord saw fit to reconnect us. 

I love Snow's reply, because it gives a view from experience of having learned this his mother was carrying this burden for so many years.  I agree with him ... if your son is a Christian and if he loves you, I think he would want to know and support you through getting to know her. 

I have 5 children that I raised, and all of them have been given the truth of some very difficult life situations and circumstances... all at age appropriate levels, and the older they grew, the more I've been able to share with them, because I started when they were young.  I believe holding secrets is tricky .... there are some things that are just personal to you and do not need to be told/shared with children... but the things that could potentially affect them, I've tried to share enough with them at age appropriate levels that they weren't left in the dark.  And as such, if any of my children who were taken from me years ago ever found me and contacted me... I would be able to tell my children because our relationships have been pretty open when it comes to things like that. 

Obviously, pray ....I hope we've been of some help to you... 

 

I agree with Abby too

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My son is rather stoic and, as a male, would not be as empathetic as another female would on this subject as he has no idea what it's like to be a mother.  I don't expect him to "feel" for me on the subject...and that's OK.  I'm more worried about HIS feelings.  I don't want him to look at me badly for being a teen mom.  I don't want him to feel less important/special because he's not my "only". 

I've been praying but haven't had a "lightbulb" moment where it seems God is telling me what to do.  Actually, I never feel that on any subject...I pray, but still go round and round about to do...

Anyway, if I DO decide to let him know, do you think reading him the letter she sent would be a good way?  It's quite self-explanatory and heartfelt and she seems like a lovely person.

 

 

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Guest BacKaran

My hubby speed my son at age 6 and at age 8, I told our daughter he was adopted.... She wasn't ready... She yelled he is not! He's my brother... So we let it go until she was a teen, it went much better...

A friend of mine gave up her baby boy and left an open trail for him. He found her after 19 years and they have a good friendship. She's Maggie, not mom and they all get along! 

 

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I'm tempted to read my son the letter this weekend and then respond to her.

Any more opinions???

Thank you.

 

 

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