Shy Christian Posted February 22, 2017 Group: Junior Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 23 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 198 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 57 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/03/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted February 22, 2017 Last week I got a letter in the mail from a child I gave up for adoption at birth almost 40 years ago. She wanted to know if it was me and was looking for her medical history. I only have one other child, almost 30, who still lives with me. We're obviously very close. He doesn't know about this. I'd like to e-mail this lady and ask to see childhood pictures out of curiosity to see if she looks like me and I will give her information if she wants it. If I tell my son, this may upset him to find out he had a half sibling all this time that he never knew. He still wouldn't have a relationship with her because she is in another state. Maybe he'd rather not know. I don't know whether to disclose this to him or not. What do you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheya joie Posted February 22, 2017 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 7 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 2,054 Content Per Day: 0.29 Reputation: 351 Days Won: 2 Joined: 03/15/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted February 22, 2017 All I can think is pray about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted February 22, 2017 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,990 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,688 Content Per Day: 11.83 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted February 22, 2017 You should pray about it before you make a move and give yourself some time. It is between you and God. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow Posted February 22, 2017 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 29 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,672 Content Per Day: 0.47 Reputation: 2,124 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/31/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted February 22, 2017 1 hour ago, Shy Christian said: Last week I got a letter in the mail from a child I gave up for adoption at birth almost 40 years ago. She wanted to know if it was me and was looking for her medical history. I only have one other child, almost 30, who still lives with me. We're obviously very close. He doesn't know about this. I'd like to e-mail this lady and ask to see childhood pictures out of curiosity to see if she looks like me and I will give her information if she wants it. If I tell my son, this may upset him to find out he had a half sibling all this time that he never knew. He still wouldn't have a relationship with her because she is in another state. Maybe he'd rather not know. I don't know whether to disclose this to him or not. What do you think? Hi Shy Christian Just before my Mum passed away a couple years ago, a brother i never knew about surfaced...Mum had been carrying this "Big Secret"...My only thoughts, when i found out was for my Mum and that She had been carrying this 'shame' or burden alone for so many years...I think you are the one carrying the 'guilt' and you feel 'shame' no one else does it is just so personal for you that you think you will be judged...I am confident that if your son is a Christian there will only be thoughts of love and sorrow for you having carried this burden alone for so long.. God bless you Snow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willa Posted February 22, 2017 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 68 Topic Count: 185 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 14,224 Content Per Day: 3.34 Reputation: 16,647 Days Won: 30 Joined: 08/14/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted February 22, 2017 I would want to see evidence; if there is none, submit DNA for proof. It would be tragic to get his hopes up and then dash them if it turned out to be false. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kindle Posted February 22, 2017 Group: Royal Member Followers: 53 Topic Count: 88 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 4,064 Content Per Day: 1.37 Reputation: 3,748 Days Won: 8 Joined: 02/23/2016 Status: Offline Share Posted February 22, 2017 1 hour ago, Snow said: Hi Shy Christian Just before my Mum passed away a couple years ago, a brother i never knew about surfaced...Mum had been carrying this "Big Secret"...My only thoughts, when i found out was for my Mum and that She had been carrying this 'shame' or burden alone for so many years...I think you are the one carrying the 'guilt' and you feel 'shame' no one else does it is just so personal for you that you think you will be judged...I am confident that if your son is a Christian there will only be thoughts of love and sorrow for you having carried this burden alone for so long.. God bless you Snow I agree with snow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kindle Posted February 22, 2017 Group: Royal Member Followers: 53 Topic Count: 88 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 4,064 Content Per Day: 1.37 Reputation: 3,748 Days Won: 8 Joined: 02/23/2016 Status: Offline Share Posted February 22, 2017 2 minutes ago, Abby-Joy said: I feel excited for you... I know it must be very painful depending on the circumstances surrounding the adoption. I have children that I didn't get to raise and would love to meet them again someday if the Lord saw fit to reconnect us. I love Snow's reply, because it gives a view from experience of having learned this his mother was carrying this burden for so many years. I agree with him ... if your son is a Christian and if he loves you, I think he would want to know and support you through getting to know her. I have 5 children that I raised, and all of them have been given the truth of some very difficult life situations and circumstances... all at age appropriate levels, and the older they grew, the more I've been able to share with them, because I started when they were young. I believe holding secrets is tricky .... there are some things that are just personal to you and do not need to be told/shared with children... but the things that could potentially affect them, I've tried to share enough with them at age appropriate levels that they weren't left in the dark. And as such, if any of my children who were taken from me years ago ever found me and contacted me... I would be able to tell my children because our relationships have been pretty open when it comes to things like that. Obviously, pray ....I hope we've been of some help to you... I agree with Abby too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shy Christian Posted February 23, 2017 Group: Junior Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 23 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 198 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 57 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/03/2006 Status: Offline Author Share Posted February 23, 2017 My son is rather stoic and, as a male, would not be as empathetic as another female would on this subject as he has no idea what it's like to be a mother. I don't expect him to "feel" for me on the subject...and that's OK. I'm more worried about HIS feelings. I don't want him to look at me badly for being a teen mom. I don't want him to feel less important/special because he's not my "only". I've been praying but haven't had a "lightbulb" moment where it seems God is telling me what to do. Actually, I never feel that on any subject...I pray, but still go round and round about to do... Anyway, if I DO decide to let him know, do you think reading him the letter she sent would be a good way? It's quite self-explanatory and heartfelt and she seems like a lovely person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BacKaran Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 My hubby speed my son at age 6 and at age 8, I told our daughter he was adopted.... She wasn't ready... She yelled he is not! He's my brother... So we let it go until she was a teen, it went much better... A friend of mine gave up her baby boy and left an open trail for him. He found her after 19 years and they have a good friendship. She's Maggie, not mom and they all get along! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shy Christian Posted February 24, 2017 Group: Junior Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 23 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 198 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 57 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/03/2006 Status: Offline Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 I'm tempted to read my son the letter this weekend and then respond to her. Any more opinions??? Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts