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Forgive a cheater yes or no


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I knew for a while almost a year something was up with my husband.

I met him a six years ago
and when we were engaged 5 years ago I saw that he was Facebooking his ex girlfriend asking her how she was doing and etc. I confronted him about it he said he deleted her from Facebook and stopped messaging her. 
A few months later I just happened to have a gut feeling and looked at his phone and he was still messaging her this time not on Facebook but via his phone. 
A few weeks after that I found out he was facebooking a friend that he used to like he told me to meet her at a bar. 

He begged me for forgiveness he wanted to get married he apologized and stated that he was thinking of his ex girlfriend because her mother died and for his family friend he wanted to innocently catch up with her.

I did so many things for this guy, helped him get his first apartment, his first teaching job, learn to drive, first car, and etc. 

I fell for the excuses forgave him got married and now have a 2 year old son.

This summer he told asked me what would I do if he cheated? That I couldn't blame him. Something along those lines, I was shocked. 

Then 2 months ago we bought a luxury car I wanted to drive it he stated that it is his car it is in his name why do I want to drive it. (CRAZY, I am his wife and mother of his son).

Fast forward to Feb/March 2017, this man posted seriously innappropiate photos of one his classmates, he is pursuing his masters, at her birthday party. I was disturbed by the photos and asked him to take it down he did not immediately; but several hours later after I asked multiple times he did. I was alarmed

A few days after that I got access to his phone and saw all the pictures on his phone and a video of the same girl and it was focused on her chest. My heart dropped I realized that he really did have a sexual attraction to this person and probably had sex with her. 

The NEXT day I went into his phone again and saw text messages to another woman this time his coworker. about 30-40 text messages a day, asking her what she wanted for breakfast, her favorite foods, that he had a dream about her, quoting scriptures, saying that he would pray for her.(Stuff he doesn't do for me). He doesn't even want to go to church or pray or read the bible with me. What really got me is that he told her that he had a dream about her that God stated her name 3 times. 

I was and still am very upset I feel betrayed, we are in counseling he admitted that he wasn't sure if he wanted to be married since the summer time and that is when his coworker was first hired. 

I don't trust him. I did alot for him, when I met him he was working part-time renting a room and I did everything for him becuase I loved him and now within 5 years he is a teacher, in masters program, went from renting a room to an apartment, and owning a house, knows how to drive and etc. 

I am not the type to clean up a man and etc, but I fell in love with him and my gift is organization and etc. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with someone who was committed and loyal to me. When we were engaged he showed me that he wasn't but I fell for the apology. Now we are married and I clearly see that he most likely had sex and that he is a PHONY.

I am so conflicted I am a Christian and wanted to be married for life. Has anyone here forgiven their husband and/or significant other and they have changed and you lead a good life. 

The lying and the phoniness scares me to death it is so scary and I feel like he has had sex with another person and I am so scared what my life has become. 

 
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Dear Lizam,

I am a man, and even I am shocked that another man could do something so hateful, hypocritical and nasty. Please know that I am interceding for you to receive comfort and love from the Holy Spirit and for him to receive his reward (or cursing as necessary) from God. I have been through the divorce process with a cheating spouse. The bad news is that it hurts more than one can describe; the good news is that God's grace and love overcomes it every time. First, please recognize that according to I Corinthians 7:14, you sanctify your husband and child...no matter what they have done. That means you have held them as holy unto the Lord. It also means, practically, that you have offered them up to God to deal with and have no more responsibility for them (other than the basic maintenance functions of life).

At this juncture, when you are betrayed, abused, accused, etc. it is hard to discuss forgiveness...the pain is fresh and on-going and it is going to get much worse. However, forgiveness is NOT for him...it is for you so that God may begin to heal you and lift you up and restore you. What you are experiencing is NOT the abundant life promised in John 10. However, forgiveness is a process and God will honor your choice to forgive him. The process is like this: first, choose to forgive him for his sins against you; second, do this despite your inner hurts and wounds; you don't have to "feel" forgiveness; third, recognize that forgiveness may have to be extended 70 x 7 times before your heart feels forgiveness. Forgiveness is complete when you can truly bless him without regret in your heart. Sometimes this takes years. But again, forgiveness is NOT about him...it is about YOU!!!

Now, that does not mean you let him walk all over you with his infidelity. You have biblical grounds for divorce. You have all the evidence you need to justify it. My recommendation is that you get with your Pastor and counselor and make them aware of what you have found. Let them help you confront him because it is certain.....for some time he has NOT been honoring his covenant with you, whether or not he has actually had sex with other women. It is vital for you to stop this relationship and its toxic results. From what you have related, he is a a serial womanizer. He will not change. If you "forgive and forget", how much more damage will you suffer when he goes back on his word. It is obvious that his Christianity is suspect because the conversations and pictures on his phone are inappropriate....no matter what explanation he gives. Pictures of breasts, clothed are not, saved on his phone indicate something in his heart other than Agape love.

While he may well be praying for another woman, the fact that he does not pray for you or minister to your needs indicates he is involved in spiritual adultery, so not only has he violated you, he has violated God. That is why he must be confronted by whomever he respects in spiritual authority.

Now, for your safety and well-being, you must locate a source of assistance to provide you with emotional and spiritual support. In addition, you must consider legal counsel, fiscal counsel and any other form of support you can quickly arrange. You will need a network of people who support and love you in order to survive the long, nasty, painful time ahead. I do not know whether divorce is what God wants for you, but it is clear that your husband has continually violated the sanctity of his marriage and flaunted it in front of you. What most likely will happen if you confront him, is that he will (misguidedly) blame it on you and judge himself to be the victim. This is why you need third parties who can speak "truth" to both of you.

My heart grieves because your child is going to suffer through this and be torn. This should not be. However, having been through this myself (it took 11 years to be totally healed), I can recommend the counsel of your Pastor and the love of your local church. Please continue to pray and trust in Jesus. I will intercede for you and will be interested for updates.

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Break it down: You can't trust him.

Is that how you want to live? How is he with you when his mind is with another woman at all?

 

If you know you can do better only you can do something to change where you are. God's light be with you. 

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If he's cheating on you then you have every right, according to Jesus and the scriptures, to divorce him for that reason. Let me say though that even if you can't keep being married to him, you should, and must, in fact, forgive him. That's different than staying with him, though. You can forgive him for wronging you and yet still divorce him.

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Once a cheater, always a cheater.

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Blessings Lizam

  I get the impression that you tried to make this fellow what you wanted him to be.....it doesn't seem he was very motivated,ambitious or driven ....maybe you stirred those things up in him or maybe he simply tried to do what pleased you,I don't really know.....whats more important is not the physical attractions,emotions or anything carnal.....what is important is the spirit......our hearts desires,are they for God FIRST,doesn't sound like a priority here......I'm being honest & only saying what I hear from what you have shared,I heard nothing about your or his RELATIONSHIP with God in Christ......You mentioned you are a Christian & wanted to be "married" for life.....why?Because you love this man because "why",Because you believe it pleases God,you are supposed to be or what?Why do you believe you should be married for life,does it matter to "who" or help me to understand  why you got married to this man in the first place.........were you both CHristians?

   I'm asking these questions because you spoke about "reading rthe Bible",praying" & going to church",,,like a "to do" list .....Christianity is a Relationship & that is the Relationship each of you need to be focused on before you can even begin to work on your relationship as husband & wife,if you are both not on board I cannot see how it can be resolved,if you both want to find comfort,peace,forgiveness,repair,restoration and truly be one flesh,in CHrist you CAN......

    I have a very dear friend,A Godly Spirit Filled woman,her husband of many years(who is a church elder) is also a Born Again  Believer...he fell into temptation and committed adultery.......well,they got divorced and THEN her "ex"husband wanted to give it another try,he wanted his wife back.....my friend was prompted by Holy Spirit to give him another chance.....she FORGAVE from the very beginning,she even went to the "other woman" to tell her she knew about the affair,firgives her & will pray for them both......,..,THese are 2 people who are Complete in Christ,they listen to Gods Still Small Voice,,,,he fell,she TRusted God all along,was never ,not at any time,not in PEACE.........LOng story short,they are a Living Testimony to the LOVE,Mercy,Compassion of our Loving Father....nothing is impossible for God ......

   I do not know Gods Will for either of you,I don't know if He brought you 2 together or gave you enough signals & stop signs when you decided to marry but I do know that God is ABLE to do ANYTHING..........it is His Will that is BEST for us.........Sometimes things like this end up being a TEstimony of HIs Miraculous Healing & Restoration,sometimes there is another Purpose for His Calling,this is between you and Him,you must seek Him,His Face before HIs Hand,,,,,,,

                                                                                             With love-in Christ,Kwik

In the animal kingdom leopards dont change their spots,in the world once a cheater always a cheater......in Christ we are Born Again,all things made NEW

                                                               

                                 

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On 3/14/2017 at 1:10 AM, Lizam said:

I knew for a while almost a year something was up with my husband.

I met him a six years ago
and when we were engaged 5 years ago I saw that he was Facebooking his ex girlfriend asking her how she was doing and etc. I confronted him about it he said he deleted her from Facebook and stopped messaging her. 
A few months later I just happened to have a gut feeling and looked at his phone and he was still messaging her this time not on Facebook but via his phone. 
A few weeks after that I found out he was facebooking a friend that he used to like he told me to meet her at a bar. 

He begged me for forgiveness he wanted to get married he apologized and stated that he was thinking of his ex girlfriend because her mother died and for his family friend he wanted to innocently catch up with her.

I did so many things for this guy, helped him get his first apartment, his first teaching job, learn to drive, first car, and etc. 

I fell for the excuses forgave him got married and now have a 2 year old son.

This summer he told asked me what would I do if he cheated? That I couldn't blame him. Something along those lines, I was shocked. 

Then 2 months ago we bought a luxury car I wanted to drive it he stated that it is his car it is in his name why do I want to drive it. (CRAZY, I am his wife and mother of his son).

Fast forward to Feb/March 2017, this man posted seriously innappropiate photos of one his classmates, he is pursuing his masters, at her birthday party. I was disturbed by the photos and asked him to take it down he did not immediately; but several hours later after I asked multiple times he did. I was alarmed

A few days after that I got access to his phone and saw all the pictures on his phone and a video of the same girl and it was focused on her chest. My heart dropped I realized that he really did have a sexual attraction to this person and probably had sex with her. 

The NEXT day I went into his phone again and saw text messages to another woman this time his coworker. about 30-40 text messages a day, asking her what she wanted for breakfast, her favorite foods, that he had a dream about her, quoting scriptures, saying that he would pray for her.(Stuff he doesn't do for me). He doesn't even want to go to church or pray or read the bible with me. What really got me is that he told her that he had a dream about her that God stated her name 3 times. 

I was and still am very upset I feel betrayed, we are in counseling he admitted that he wasn't sure if he wanted to be married since the summer time and that is when his coworker was first hired. 

I don't trust him. I did alot for him, when I met him he was working part-time renting a room and I did everything for him becuase I loved him and now within 5 years he is a teacher, in masters program, went from renting a room to an apartment, and owning a house, knows how to drive and etc. 

I am not the type to clean up a man and etc, but I fell in love with him and my gift is organization and etc. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with someone who was committed and loyal to me. When we were engaged he showed me that he wasn't but I fell for the apology. Now we are married and I clearly see that he most likely had sex and that he is a PHONY.

I am so conflicted I am a Christian and wanted to be married for life. Has anyone here forgiven their husband and/or significant other and they have changed and you lead a good life. 

The lying and the phoniness scares me to death it is so scary and I feel like he has had sex with another person and I am so scared what my life has become. 

 

Ouch. Forgiveness is for us. So we don't become bitter or wounded in our soul. I think maybe you should study on forgivness a bit it it a work of Christ in us not actually a license for people with evil intentions to wound us over and over again with out our objection. 

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I am sure that I always replied to this. Did someone delete my post?

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