Toxic relatives are still interfering with my personal life.

[NostalgiaGuy]

Hello there, it's been a while since I posted here. I went through alot of change since the last post, but to be honest it feels like my situation has only gotten worse. 

My current understanding is that I have toxic family members that are being more invasive and actively getting involved with my personal life and poisoning potential relationships that I make personally. What leads me to believe this was the several personal confrontations and arguments with them last year that tuned for the worst, and them making subtle hints that they know more about me than I thought they knew. The family knows me personally my entire life, they know I have been a complete loner with no social experience and all the bad stuff I did they don't mind to gossip about it like they're keeping a roster waiting to expose it to the next person I talk to. My experience the past two years have been terrifying with jobs and involvement with church ministries, and the only explanation is that they have had some involvement.

I told you all the last time when I worked, they used to snooped my room while at work to find some sort of dirt to gossip through the family, and several times they did make stuff blow up. I changed locks and now they're using gossip to ruin my relationships outside the family as well. Somehow they're using this tool as a standard to keep me in this terrible situation. Of all the corrupt stuff that goes on in our family, I don't know why I am a target(maybe easy target?). I haven't even done half the stuff most people in the family committed and still feel like I'm waking on eggshells

See, what most people fear about building a social life is if the other person will like them in the end, and then that person also finds confidence after some social opportunities with trial and error. What I have is family members that are ACTIVELY sharing my personal life entirely to the new communities I meet before I even get to know them personally. Right now am talking to another woman for the second time in my life and so far feel like relatives have already compromised this relationship. I don't feel like I can truly be honest with her and feels like she already been told about me in the questions and suggestions she asks me. One strong example that relatives may be monitoring  me was this past weekend, I told no one that I was going to the city for a meetup to talk to complete strangers from an online website about computer stuff, really mechanical computer keyboards. Somehow relatives knew about it and the ones that I do not get along with was the first to call me about it, which scared me how fast they knew. I even had a social media account under a vague pseudonym get attention with random people who  knew stuff about me, talking about odd stuff like the area where I lived to my involvement with my church. Turned out a relative somehow knew about that account which I deleted. I faced the same things with the past two jobs. The former job led to harassment and other employees somehow eavesdropping on my personal conversations during breask, got to the point that they left their materials in my work area and I went to my supervisors about it. They wanted me to come in that following Monday to asses the situation. I could not believe that my relatives would leak stuff to my work which I was harassed for. Usually stuff like this a handful of times would be normal for the average Joe, but this have been consistent with me for the past two years. Right now Hopefully this will not be a life thing.

What I did do before some of these instances to get my facts right was research on possible ways this could be happening, and found out that smartphones are basically spying devices. Somehow Just knowing your phone number/service provider anyone can track calls, texts, GPS and phone activity without any extensive work(three relatives actually brag about how they can track someone with just their number). Heck, even all a person needs to snoop on you is a good connection with someone who works for your phone service provider. I have an iPhone and went into detail about such potential activity. Apple Store and my service provider argued with the scam that "iPhones are immune to viruses like spyware", but my experience has suggested otherwise.

Last year I joined a ministry at our local church that I tried several times before to join in. After finally joining, the initial two months were cool, they shown me the inns and outs on operation during services and helped out on some projects during the months up to December. Of course word got around the family that I am involved in the church. There wasn't strong evidence that there was something going on at the moment, but I did notice that members started to become passive with me, but that was no big deal. Somehow after another two more weeks they began to mention personal stuff about me and brought up stuff that I never shared, stuff that my family would only know. This went on for another month and felt like mind games the moment I make it into the door  of the ministry. I backslid out of the service and haven't been back yet, mainly because the members were completely ignoring me to the point I had to force their attention and they were fake with me in the end. Three months after I left they sent a text this past week that they missed me and was worried. I replied back that I was sorry and was going through some mental stuff and would be there the weekend. They did not even respond to my text and left me hanging. I did meet them after service and they still acted like they didn't even know me, like nothing changed between us so I just left again. A coincidence that same day's sermon the pastors made statements that they knew such activity exists in the church, but don't let that be a reason to leave a ministry or something so I might try and go back and try another ministry when I find myself right.

Other stuff that I tried to help with my situation is asked one of the pastors at church for guidance. After the first meet, I couldn't get in contact with him again. I've read some self help books that did not help much. I have Joseph Prince's book "Right Believing" and read it twice with various notes and still didn't help. There was a week long test the book gave to look immediately to Jesus and his grace whenever negative thoughts came, I really had a hard time with that. So I had two psychiatrist work with me over the situation and neither helped, only prescribed me meds that severely sedates me throughout the day and my last checkup they didn't even adjust the dosage. So I prayed over the situation since his entire situation with toxic relatives have been going on for five years now, but never actually was resolved. Right now it feels like the enemy has been continually victorious over my life. I'm afraid to use my phone to do anything now. I suggested getting a regular"dumb phone", but was told it's very vulnerable to tapping and monitoring. It's hard to pass this over just as some mental illness, because when I shown all my texts to my mother and sister from these relatives and communities they can't even make sense of it.

One last thought is something my political science teacher taught us, was that people are naturally factious and oppressive, they joined together for a common hate or organization to oppress others. Examples such as Nazi Germany, KKK and even have been very popular in smaller instances especially online in the form of some stalking or cyber bullying(guaranteed what might be happening to me).  

 

 I'm just really lost, because I'm the only person this is happening to in the family and since other's don't have the same situation or experienced it, they're feeding me some fallacy of composition because this is an abnormal situation. Thoughts? 

 

[NostalgiaGuy]

Hello there, it's been a while since I posted here. I went through alot of change since the last post, but to be honest it feels like my situation has only gotten worse. 

My current understanding is that I have toxic family members that are being more invasive and actively getting involved with my personal life and poisoning potential relationships that I make personally. What leads me to believe this was the several personal confrontations and arguments with them last year that tuned for the worst, and them making subtle hints that they know more about me than I thought they knew. The family knows me personally my entire life, they know I have been a complete loner with no social experience and all the bad stuff I did they don't mind to gossip about it like they're keeping a roster waiting to expose it to the next person I talk to. My experience the past two years have been terrifying with jobs and involvement with church ministries, and the only explanation is that they have had some involvement.

I told you all the last time when I worked, they used to snooped my room while at work to find some sort of dirt to gossip through the family, and several times they did make stuff blow up. I changed locks and now they're using gossip to ruin my relationships outside the family as well. Somehow they're using this tool as a standard to keep me in this terrible situation. Of all the corrupt stuff that goes on in our family, I don't know why I am a target(maybe easy target?). I haven't even done half the stuff most people in the family committed and still feel like I'm waking on eggshells

See, what most people fear about building a social life is if the other person will like them in the end, and then that person also finds confidence after some social opportunities with trial and error. What I have is family members that are ACTIVELY sharing my personal life entirely to the new communities I meet before I even get to know them personally. Right now am talking to another woman for the second time in my life and so far feel like relatives have already compromised this relationship. I don't feel like I can truly be honest with her and feels like she already been told about me in the questions and suggestions she asks me. One strong example that relatives may be monitoring  me was this past weekend, I told no one that I was going to the city for a meetup to talk to complete strangers from an online website about computer stuff, really mechanical computer keyboards. Somehow relatives knew about it and the ones that I do not get along with was the first to call me about it, which scared me how fast they knew. I even had a social media account under a vague pseudonym get attention with random people who  knew stuff about me, talking about odd stuff like the area where I lived to my involvement with my church. Turned out a relative somehow knew about that account which I deleted. I faced the same things with the past two jobs. The former job led to harassment and other employees somehow eavesdropping on my personal conversations during breask, got to the point that they left their materials in my work area and I went to my supervisors about it. They wanted me to come in that following Monday to asses the situation. I could not believe that my relatives would leak stuff to my work which I was harassed for. Usually stuff like this a handful of times would be normal for the average Joe, but this have been consistent with me for the past two years. Right now Hopefully this will not be a life thing.

What I did do before some of these instances to get my facts right was research on possible ways this could be happening, and found out that smartphones are basically spying devices. Somehow Just knowing your phone number/service provider anyone can track calls, texts, GPS and phone activity without any extensive work(three relatives actually brag about how they can track someone with just their number). Heck, even all a person needs to snoop on you is a good connection with someone who works for your phone service provider. I have an iPhone and went into detail about such potential activity. Apple Store and my service provider argued with the scam that "iPhones are immune to viruses like spyware", but my experience has suggested otherwise.

Last year I joined a ministry at our local church that I tried several times before to join in. After finally joining, the initial two months were cool, they shown me the inns and outs on operation during services and helped out on some projects during the months up to December. Of course word got around the family that I am involved in the church. There wasn't strong evidence that there was something going on at the moment, but I did notice that members started to become passive with me, but that was no big deal. Somehow after another two more weeks they began to mention personal stuff about me and brought up stuff that I never shared, stuff that my family would only know. This went on for another month and felt like mind games the moment I make it into the door  of the ministry. I backslid out of the service and haven't been back yet, mainly because the members were completely ignoring me to the point I had to force their attention and they were fake with me in the end. Three months after I left they sent a text this past week that they missed me and was worried. I replied back that I was sorry and was going through some mental stuff and would be there the weekend. They did not even respond to my text and left me hanging. I did meet them after service and they still acted like they didn't even know me, like nothing changed between us so I just left again. A coincidence that same day's sermon the pastors made statements that they knew such activity exists in the church, but don't let that be a reason to leave a ministry or something so I might try and go back and try another ministry when I find myself right.

Other stuff that I tried to help with my situation is asked one of the pastors at church for guidance. After the first meet, I couldn't get in contact with him again. I've read some self help books that did not help much. I have Joseph Prince's book "Right Believing" and read it twice with various notes and still didn't help. There was a week long test the book gave to look immediately to Jesus and his grace whenever negative thoughts came, I really had a hard time with that. So I had two psychiatrist work with me over the situation and neither helped, only prescribed me meds that severely sedates me throughout the day and my last checkup they didn't even adjust the dosage. So I prayed over the situation since his entire situation with toxic relatives have been going on for five years now, but never actually was resolved. Right now it feels like the enemy has been continually victorious over my life. I'm afraid to use my phone to do anything now. I suggested getting a regular"dumb phone", but was told it's very vulnerable to tapping and monitoring. It's hard to pass this over just as some mental illness, because when I shown all my texts to my mother and sister from these relatives and communities they can't even make sense of it.

One last thought is something my political science teacher taught us, was that people are naturally factious and oppressive, they joined together for a common hate or organization to oppress others. Examples such as Nazi Germany, KKK and even have been very popular in smaller instances especially online in the form of some stalking or cyber bullying(guaranteed what might be happening to me).  

 

 I'm just really lost, because I'm the only person this is happening to in the family and since other's don't have the same situation or experienced it, they're feeding me some fallacy of composition because this is an abnormal situation. Thoughts? 

 

[MorningGlory]

My thoughts are that you should move out, distance yourself from your relatives, and live independently.  I'm not sure how anyone could tell every single person you meet all about you though.  That would be very, very difficult and, unless your relatives are really tech savvy, probably isn't happening.  Have you tried counseling about your situation?

[sheya joie]

This is why my husband moved us a thousand miles away from family. *sigh*

[NostalgiaGuy]

2 hours ago, MorningGlory said:

My thoughts are that you should move out, distance yourself from your relatives, and live independently.  I'm not sure how anyone could tell every single person you meet all about you though.  That would be very, very difficult and, unless your relatives are really tech savvy, probably isn't happening.  Have you tried counseling about your situation?

I tried a bunch of stuff, honestly. I'm still not able to move out as much as I want to distance myself, I made myself too dependent on my mother and vise versa, so financially it is not possible right now. Much of the advice that I got told me that moving out would solve much of the stuff that I am experiencing, but I tried working towards that goal the year after the first time I posted here back in 2015 but my job was not paying enough so right now it is not financially possible to do that.

I was in counseling for over a decade and my last counselor was no help at all. It was like she couldn't understand that families could be toxic and wasn't helpful with my situation even if she looked at it mentally or not. The core overall issue has been my mental state when it comes to socializing. This situation here is just an escalation because I am not the "ideal" guy in the family in his mid 20's being in several relationships with groups of friends or involved in social circles. Therefore since my family can't brag about me or complement me doesn't hold them back from being despot gossipers. Didn't know I brought this kind of attention to myself which is really stressing me out.

I do believe the family members doing this are VERY tech savvy. I changed the lock on my door to a $200 deadbolt from Finland, advertises as a high security lock and used it on my door. After a year of owning it, I noticed stuff still missing out of my bedroom. Posted on a forum with several locksmiths who know their way around locks and told me that there was no way that it was being picked or manipulated. At the moment I just don't know. Now I got an iPhone because it was considered a more secure mobile platform immune to viruses or spyware, yet some relatives were able to talk to me about content on the phone(notes, photos, apps) and were spot on. I did not have it out of my possession the whole time I owned it, seemed like it didn't matter how secure Apple claims their phones are. They found a way in all my stuff, just to mess with me.

Just seems like the most unlikely worst case scinerio is happening to me and since that is the case, it's hard for me or others to understand. 

[Guest BacKaran]

Hi,

I have distanced myself from my siblings and son and I know it's hard if you still live at home.

I had a counselor who told me if you aren't better by 10-12 sessions, I'm not doing my job. I only saw him for 6 and he helped me alot. Please try another psychiatrist, not a therapist or regular counselor.

Change the way you answer their questions or comments.

I used a book called Lifescripts fur trying to get a raise at my job. The book tells you what to do when you get certain responses and in the end my only choice was to leave the job.

I applied this script to family...

Sisters would always ask a question. Hi, whatcha doing? Then suck me in to babysitting when I didn't want to.

My older sister was flustered t when I said I can't babysit and she said, but you're not doing anything. I said, correct. I'm not doing anything but getting some coffee and relax on the deck with a book. I'm sure you can find a neighbour to help you....

I gave myself the confidence to say no. If you don't want to answer their questions say, sorry, I'd rather not discuss it with you.... Keep saying that. If they get mad and snide, walk away.

You always have an out... Walk away, I'm busy, I've got to go, I'd rather not talk to you about it... And keep firm to it!

I had butterflies in my stomach when I had that converts with my sister but I had practiced saying no I can't babysit or dogsit etc.

My younger sister had my life planned out for her daughter's wedding. She said, you can come watch dad while we see our daughter for a week, you can bring dad to and from the wedding and we will be home two days later....

I said my health is bad, I didn't know if I could attend the wedding and if Dad fell, she should ask our older brother to watch dad, he could lift dad if he fell.

I was a doormat until I learned I only need to please God. I honor my dad but my siblings are now ostracizing me which is fine with me. Less drama, less stress and it is working.

Blessings to you to find a godly psychiatrist and work on stand up for your self!

?

[MorningGlory]

1 hour ago, NostalgiaGuy said:

I tried a bunch of stuff, honestly. I'm still not able to move out as much as I want to distance myself, I made myself too dependent on my mother and vise versa, so financially it is not possible right now. Much of the advice that I got told me that moving out would solve much of the stuff that I am experiencing, but I tried working towards that goal the year after the first time I posted here back in 2015 but my job was not paying enough so right now it is not financially possible to do that.

I was in counseling for over a decade and my last counselor was no help at all. It was like she couldn't understand that families could be toxic and wasn't helpful with my situation even if she looked at it mentally or not. The core overall issue has been my mental state when it comes to socializing. This situation here is just an escalation because I am not the "ideal" guy in the family in his mid 20's being in several relationships with groups of friends or involved in social circles. Therefore since my family can't brag about me or complement me doesn't hold them back from being despot gossipers. Didn't know I brought this kind of attention to myself which is really stressing me out.

I do believe the family members doing this are VERY tech savvy. I changed the lock on my door to a $200 deadbolt from Finland, advertises as a high security lock and used it on my door. After a year of owning it, I noticed stuff still missing out of my bedroom. Posted on a forum with several locksmiths who know their way around locks and told me that there was no way that it was being picked or manipulated. At the moment I just don't know. Now I got an iPhone because it was considered a more secure mobile platform immune to viruses or spyware, yet some relatives were able to talk to me about content on the phone(notes, photos, apps) and were spot on. I did not have it out of my possession the whole time I owned it, seemed like it didn't matter how secure Apple claims their phones are. They found a way in all my stuff, just to mess with me.

Just seems like the most unlikely worst case scinerio is happening to me and since that is the case, it's hard for me or others to understand. 

They must be high level hackers because even the FBI couldn't crack the IPhone of that terrorist in San Bernardino.  I am pretty tech savvy myself and I do use an IPhone but I'd have no idea how to access private information on someone else's phone!  If they are getting into your online accounts that are password protected they have to be as good as Gucifer (who was arrested, btw).  But, come on, if they are stealing from you and sabotaging you online and on your job, you need to find some room mates, move out and leave no forwarding address because these people do not have your best interests at heart.  I feel for you, I really do, and I hope you can break away and find happiness in your life.  I will pray for you, NostalgiaGuy.

[NostalgiaGuy]

43 minutes ago, MorningGlory said:

They must be high level hackers because even the FBI couldn't crack the IPhone of that terrorist in San Bernardino.  I am pretty tech savvy myself and I do use an IPhone but I'd have no idea how to access private information on someone else's phone!  If they are getting into your online accounts that are password protected they have to be as good as Gucifer (who was arrested, btw).  But, come on, if they are stealing from you and sabotaging you online and on your job, you need to find some room mates, move out and leave no forwarding address because these people do not have your best interests at heart.  I feel for you, I really do, and I hope you can break away and find happiness in your life.  I will pray for you, NostalgiaGuy.

I completely understand what you say(and thank you for your prayers).  What I'm experiencing I can't explain the abnormality of it all. I took the appropriate steps to help rule out suspicion. 

When I meet my new therapist soon, I'll assess this situation and ask for advice on moving out will be my top priority.

 

Again, thank you.

[NostalgiaGuy]

On 3/15/2017 at 5:17 PM, BacKaran said:

Hi,

I have distanced myself from my siblings and son and I know it's hard if you still live at home.

I had a counselor who told me if you aren't better by 10-12 sessions, I'm not doing my job. I only saw him for 6 and he helped me alot. Please try another psychiatrist, not a therapist or regular counselor.

Change the way you answer their questions or comments.

I used a book called Lifescripts fur trying to get a raise at my job. The book tells you what to do when you get certain responses and in the end my only choice was to leave the job.

I applied this script to family...

Sisters would always ask a question. Hi, whatcha doing? Then suck me in to babysitting when I didn't want to.

My older sister was flustered t when I said I can't babysit and she said, but you're not doing anything. I said, correct. I'm not doing anything but getting some coffee and relax on the deck with a book. I'm sure you can find a neighbour to help you....

I gave myself the confidence to say no. If you don't want to answer their questions say, sorry, I'd rather not discuss it with you.... Keep saying that. If they get mad and snide, walk away.

You always have an out... Walk away, I'm busy, I've got to go, I'd rather not talk to you about it... And keep firm to it!

I had butterflies in my stomach when I had that converts with my sister but I had practiced saying no I can't babysit or dogsit etc.

My younger sister had my life planned out for her daughter's wedding. She said, you can come watch dad while we see our daughter for a week, you can bring dad to and from the wedding and we will be home two days later....

I said my health is bad, I didn't know if I could attend the wedding and if Dad fell, she should ask our older brother to watch dad, he could lift dad if he fell.

I was a doormat until I learned I only need to please God. I honor my dad but my siblings are now ostracizing me which is fine with me. Less drama, less stress and it is working.

Blessings to you to find a godly psychiatrist and work on stand up for your self!

?

Yes I understand where I have to limit the people to please and focus on God. Really a main reason I got back involved in church. To be honest I have made myself dependent on my mother and vise versa.

This situation is very rare and over the series of coincidences that lead me to believe relatives are stalking me and whatever toxic group they're involved in may be bigger than I think. It's just hard to pass this under as some form of bad paranoia from the consistent count of coincidences, though I am able to stem everything to one close narcissistic relative that I don't get along with at all. Everything just leads back to him and last year he admitted his involvement after several confrontations. He talked about the countless connections that he have and how he can circulate things online to where it can really cause career and life destruction.

I have several books, two of them by pastors Rick Warren and Joseph Prince.  I'll will have to find that Lifescripts book you have, but all these self-help books have not helped me with this situation. I even watched a program on TBN about toxic thinking that really went hand-in-hand with Joseph Prince's "The Power of Right Believing" . I didn't see a change in my life with the new information and just feel really lost at the moment. Books, therapists, and psychiatrists have not helped with the situation over the course of ten years. What the psychiatrists want me to believe is that this is a mental issue no matter my experience, I tried to show them the weird texts relatives sent me and they did not want to see them. So they changed my medication several times and I felt no change in my life whatsoever. Since this is a rare situation, and "if they saw it as true" they won't believe it and will go with the most common explanation believing this may need medical treatment.

And last, moving away seems more distant the more I think about it, I'm in debt from three years of college and hospital bills treating a "supposed mental illness" has brought my credit down significantly. Being in this house(as much as it is a blessing to be able to live here) still feels like being in bondage in a seat for the devil to work his ways over me with no stops. I have given this problem to God several times and seems like the enemy have grown stronger and more consistent over the past five years. The devil is robbing me of a social life and worried about making another step. I'm in my mid 20's and never had a friend or been in a relationship. As much as this is a red flag seems to others, there is relatives that are comfortable it and actively watching my activity. I was told what the devil meant for evil God turns for good, but still concerned how this can be changed for the better.

To be honest, things lead me to believe they're spying on my life through my phone because everything I use it for, they have knowledge about( the contacts, social media accounts I made under vague pseudonyms, notes, and photos). They use it against me to snoop through my life and turn relations toxic, which even happened with the church members as I mentioned before.

I don't want to be pessimistic BacKaran,but my mind is really messed up over this. Most mornings I try to find some peace and go along with my day. I did find encouraging words when reading Psalms and I just want to know that I can meet people and can become involved without relatives playing God over my life. 

[NostalgiaGuy]

Hello everyone, I just came across a terrifying discovery of what I am going through. There's an umbrella term called "Gang Stalking" that exactly describes my situation.

"Predatory Gangstalking is an umbrella term describing a series of techniques utilized by organized crime and corrupt networks to instill mental instability within a victim with the intent to discredit, sabotage, harass, extort and even drive a victim to suicide.

Techniques such as mind games, perception manipulation, organized stalking, covert harassment, constant surveillance and even worse, electronic harassment are used to push a victim to mental instability.

This optimized combination of techniques forms a type of psychological warfare presently used by organized crime and corrupt networks in business and government. The fact that proving one’s targeting can be very challenging and also that there is very little law enforcement support and training allows predatory gangstalking to be extremely effective and covert.

A victim of predatory gangstalking can have their reputation, credibility, careers, relationships and entire life put into ruins; even being pushed to suicide."

 

I don't know what to do. The several episodes that extended outside the family over the past five years has been evident of this. I feel so exposed, trapped and alone. It literally says that the authorities can't do anything about this and my church members have betrayed me, where do I go with this? Help please?