Toxic relatives are still interfering with my personal life.

[bryan]

Based on what you write here and not knowing any history or context, my first thought is to ask about your options right now for life and career.  Are you in college and tied to a physical location for a while?  Feel free to message me privately if you'd like to talk about mechanical keyboards (model M) or IT and telecom topics.  

[Fidei Defensor]

You are not alone. Toxic families are common. Jesus Christ had a toxic family:

"Then Jesus went home, and once again a crowd gathered, so that He and His disciples could not even eat, And when his family heard it, they went out to seize him, for they were saying, “He is out of his mind.” (Mark 3:21). These family members are the children of Mary and Joseph (Matthew 1:25, Matthew 6:3-4) and they did not believe in Jesus, and here they tried to sieze him and told the crowds that He is crazy!

"Then Jesus' mother and brothers came to see him. They stood outside and sent word for him to come out and talk with them. There was a crowd sitting around Jesus, and someone said, "Your mother and your brothers are outside asking for you." Jesus replied, "Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?" Then he looked at those around him and said, "Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does God's will is my brother and sister and mother." (Mark 3:31-35). Here Jesus disowns his family, because before these verses, they had just tried to seize him and called him crazy. So you have evidence that it is alright to disown you family, Jesus Christ our God and Savior (Titus 1:23, Colossians 2:9) did it.

^"But soon it was time for the Jewish Festival of Shelters, and Jesus’ brothers said to him, “Leave here and go to Judea, where your followers can see your miracles! You can’t become famous if you hide like this! If you can do such wonderful things, show yourself to the world!” For even his brothers didn’t believe in him.  Jesus replied, “Now is not the right time for me to go, but you can go anytime. The world can’t hate you, but it does hate me because I accuse it of doing evil. You go on. I’m not going^[a] to this festival, because my time has not yet come.” After saying these things, Jesus remained in Galilee." (John 7:2-9). Here Jesus saw how toxic his family was that He even chose not to go the Festival of Shelters (Tabernacles) with them, and shows up later alone. This is comforting if you do not want to travel with family members.

Aside from these direct disintegration of family in Jesus' own family, we have promises from Jesus that he will tear families apart:

"And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or property, for my sake, will receive a hundred times as much in return and will inherit eternal life." (Matthew 19:29)

"Truly I tell you," Jesus replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields--along with persecutions--and in the age to come eternal life." (Mark 10:29-30)

"Truly I tell you," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God
will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life." (Luke 18:30).

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, even their own life--such a person cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple" (Luke 14:26-27)

"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me." (Matthew 10:37).

"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn "'a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law--Your enemies will be right in your own household!" (Matthew 10:34-36)

The hope of New Family

"Don't let anyone call you 'Rabbi,' for you have only one teacher, and all of you are equal as brothers and sisters." (Matthew 23:8)

"So now Jesus and the ones he makes holy have the same Father. That is why Jesus is not ashamed to call them his brothers and sisters." (Hebrews 2:11)

"Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, set your minds on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess." (Hebrews 3:1)

"So now you Gentiles are no longer strangers and foreigners. You are citizens along with all of God's holy people. You are members of God's family." (Ephesians 2:19 NLT).

"Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith." (Galatians 6:10)

"So we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another." (Romans 12:5)

"Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." (1 Corinthians 15:58)

" There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children of Abraham. You are his heirs, and God's promise to Abraham belongs to you." (Galatians 3:29).
 

Edited May 3, 2017 by Fidei Defensor

[Fidei Defensor]

You are not alone. Toxic families are common. Jesus Christ had a toxic family! The Gospels records that Jesus had to deal with an unbelieving and even cruel family, "Then Jesus went home, and once again a crowd gathered, so that He and His disciples could not even eat, And when his family heard it, they went out to seize him, for they were saying, “He is out of his mind.” (Mark 3:21). These family members are the children of Mary and Joseph (Matthew 1:25, Matthew) and they did not believe in Jesus, and here they tried to sieze him and told the crowds that He is crazy! "Then Jesus' mother and brothers came to see him. They stood outside and sent word for him to come out and talk with them. There was a crowd sitting around Jesus, and someone said, "Your mother and your brothers are outside asking for you." Jesus replied, "Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?" Then he looked at those around him and said, "Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does God's will is my brother and sister and mother." (Mark 3:31-35). Here Jesus disowns his family, because before these verses, they had just tried to seize him and called him crazy. So you have evidence that it is alright to disown you family, Jesus Christ our God and Savior (Titus 1:23, Colossians 2:9) did it. "But soon it was time for the Jewish Festival of Shelters, and Jesus’ brothers said to him, “Leave here and go to Judea, where your followers can see your miracles! You can’t become famous if you hide like this! If you can do such wonderful things, show yourself to the world!” For even his brothers didn’t believe in him.  Jesus replied, “Now is not the right time for me to go, but you can go anytime. The world can’t hate you, but it does hate me because I accuse it of doing evil. You go on. I’m not going to this festival, because my time has not yet come.” After saying these things, Jesus remained in Galilee." (John 7:2-9). Here Jesus saw how toxic his family was that He even chose not to go the Festival of Shelters (Tabernacles) with them, and shows up later alone. This is comforting if you do not want to travel with family members.

Aside from these direct disintegration of family in Jesus' own family, we have promises from Jesus that families will fall apart: "And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or property, for my sake, will receive a hundred times as much in return and will inherit eternal life." (Matthew 19:29) "Truly I tell you," Jesus replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields--along with persecutions--and in the age to come eternal life." (Mark 10:29-30) "Truly I tell you," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life." (Luke 18:30). "If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, even their own life--such a person cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple" (Luke 14:26-27) "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me." (Matthew 10:37). "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn "'a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law--Your enemies will be right in your own household!" (Matthew 10:34-36). It is evident that there are circumstances when Christ will cut you out of your family, particularly if they are against Jesus, or want to obstruct your relationship with Him.

Thankfully, what family we lose "blood is not thicker than water," we shall receive a new family in this life and in the next:  "Don't let anyone call you 'Rabbi,' for you have only one teacher, and all of you are equal as brothers and sisters." (Matthew 23:8)  "So now Jesus and the ones he makes holy have the same Father. That is why Jesus is not ashamed to call them his brothers and sisters." (Hebrews 2:11) "Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, set your minds on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess." (Hebrews 3:1)  "So now you Gentiles are no longer strangers and foreigners. You are citizens along with all of God's holy people. You are members of God's family." (Ephesians 2:19 NLT). "Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith." (Galatians 6:10) "So we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another." (Romans 12:5) "Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." (1 Corinthians 15:58), "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children of Abraham. You are his heirs, and God's promise to Abraham belongs to you." (Galatians 3:29). We receive a new family in Christ Jesus, those are the saints, believers, and church in this life. There are also those who wait for us in heaven and coming new Earth (Revelation 21:1-4). As Jesus said, we shall receive one hundred percent more than we have lost (Mark 10:29-30) and our new family is a better family, because it is a family of fidei (faith) and we know that they shall definitely be with us in paradise, and the coming kingdom of God!

This world says blood family is "the most important thing," but they are wrong. Your family of origin, your linage and living members can become your enemies, "Your enemies will be right in your own household." (Matthew 10:36). It is a blessing to have believing family who supports you in your faith walk, but if yours happens to be toxic, remember that Jesus Christ who is God and Savior (Titus 2:13, Colossians 2:9) had a toxic family too. Truly the author of Hebrews is right, "This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings (tempations) we do, yet he did not sin." (Hebrews 4:15). You are not alone, Jesus knows what it is like to have a family who does not believe in you, and who even tries to hinder and marginalize you. Christ cut them off, save for Mary who was seen at the cross (John 19). You are not alone, Jesus who made everything (John 1:3, Colossians 1:16) was rejected by his family. God was rejected by his family, and so He knows just what you are going through. Turn to Him, and he shall help you endure this heart ache, and rejection. Only Jesus can sooth the wounds family leaves behind.

Edited May 3, 2017 by Fidei Defensor

[Guest BacKaran]

That's why I love them from afar! Oh my older sister is a killer too... Brothers are regular standoffish Norwegians, don't say much and humor is sarcastic. Love them too from afar ?

[walla299]

On 3/15/2017 at 1:37 PM, sheya joie said:

This is why my husband moved us a thousand miles away from family. *sigh*

That's pretty effective. I come from a military family, so we were usually on another continent from the toxics in the rest of the family. This was before the internet, so it was supremely effective, because those causing the drama were too cheap to call long distance to the UK or Germany! Sometimes love from a distance is the healthiest thing you can do.

[1to3]

On 2017-03-19 at 0:52 AM, NostalgiaGuy said:

I don't know what to do. The several episodes that extended outside the family over the past five years has been evident of this. I feel so exposed, trapped and alone. It literally says that the authorities can't do anything about this and my church members have betrayed me, where do I go with this? Help please?

You are NOT mentally ill, you are a child of God whom God loves and wants you well.

On the other hand, your family have made you the scapegoat of the family and unfortunately your mother is probably the one who got you dependent on her for her own selfish needs.

The whole family set up you are in is completely toxic.

You can't change your family but with Gods help you can WAKE -UP back to Christ consciousness. The work that that involves is more to do about allowing the Holy Spirit of God to work within you, by becoming totally honest with yourself and become willing to let God help you to drop all your resentments with your family and learn to not get so affected by them. When you learn this by Gods help working in you, you will become able to distance yourself from those toxic people in your surroundings and family .

Right now you are co-dependant.

Remaining co-dependant ( with family, friends, co-workers, church members, other) will keep you sick and unhappy

Until you understand what that means and break free form it, you will keep setting yourself up for people to walk all over you.

This will keep you in a trap. But you can become free and get well.

First and most importantly, you need to find back your TRUE self that God always intended for you to be. Until that happens you will be in for a very rough ride that will never get better.

 

I would like to share a site for you to consider: FHU.com

This man Roy Master who operates FHU.com (Foundation of human understanding), knows very well your type family problem, and could very much help you. You can also call in his radio advice line at:  1-800 866-8883 or call his office at 1 800 877-3227.

 

 

 

Edited May 4, 2017 by 1to3

[Guest]

I come from an extremely dysfunctional family in which both of my parents were alcoholics and child abusers. My family was essentially as I call it crazy. I truly felt had I not physically moved out of my parents home at 18, I would be dead. I can say that with all sincerity, it was that serious. My parents literally tried to sabotage everything I did from saving money for school, to getting and keeping a job, to actually getting too my job. My father even prevented me from getting a driver's license because I refused to hit my own dog when he ran in front of our station wagon. So I moved out with basically suit cases and $3700 dollars to a college which I paid for. I eventually got a part time job right away and lived in a rooming house. I had to make very tough choices. It was either me living, or them destroying me. I was so depressed living in that house, to me it was either leave or commit suicide. I could see no other way out, it was that bad. That sounds dramatic, but for 16 years of my life, both of my parents participated in abusing me and my siblings and I just couldn't take it anymore.

So this is my two cents. When the rubber meets the road so to speak, you have to make choices and you have to decide HOW you participate in those choices. Because I was a teenager I didn't have any rights of my own but as soon as I turned 15 I was saving up to get out of that house as soon I possibly could. As soon as I turned 18, despite my parents constant thwarting my decisions, I was able to get into the university and get out of that house. So you have to decide for yourself, what's the payoff? Because there are payoffs for all the decisions we make in our lives, both good and bad. If I had stayed in my dad's house, he would have paid for me to go to school, gotten me a car, but also I would have been at his mercy for all kinds of abuse and I just couldn't allow myself to get abused anymore. So what's the payoff for you, and are you willing to make the tough choices necessary to get up out of your mothers house? Do you really want change in your life, or are you willing to compromise? These are the tough choices we have to make with extremely toxic family members. It doesn't sound like anything positive is coming from living with your mother except financial and a sense of familial duty. Are you willing to put your health first, or be at the whims of your families abuses and be their boxing bag?