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21 AND MY CHRISTIAN MOM STRICTLY DOESN'T ACCEPT MY CHRISTIAN BOYFRIEND, HOW TO FIX THIS IN A CHRISTIAN WAY? SHOULD I MOVE OUT?


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I am 21. I never had a boyfriend before. My parents have always overprotected me by not letting me have any contact with the opposite sex. I spent so long without guys contact that I spent 4 years in depression thinking that I was lesbian because I had feelings for some girls in high school and never fell for a guy before. My family wasn't here for me and I tried to kill myself several times. But now that I am in college, I met some guys and I started to have crushes and realized that its a different feeling and that I am not actually gay. During this moment that I started to talk to guys, my mom started to become closer and ask a lot of questions about my guy friends. But I realized that whenever I liked someone and wanted to give them a chance, she always found a reason why and told me that I like guys too much, I am promiscuous and all. 
5 months ago I met this christian african guy who really likes me. He's too years younger than me. 19 and I am 21. I would like to give him a chance and when I told my mom she started to srceam at me with anger all the time, she came to the point of beating me up over that and told me that If I accept to be his girlfriend that he won't be welcomed at home. But this guy is like my bestfriend, I got mad after this last fight which happens a couple days ago, than I said yes to the guy. My mom says that she doesn't like him because he's african and he's lazy (because he likes to play and go out all the time and take few classes with not that good grades) ) and he doesn't have a job yet. I like him because he's a christians with good manners, he's willing to wait for marriage to have sex, is playful, don't smoke or drink, makes me happy, really likes me plus he said that he will look for a job and applied for more classes. At my college we need to work in other to gain practice hours before we able to graduate. So I am 2 years in advanced because I work at school better and faster. Even though he started only 1 semester after me. My dad was killed last year so my mom would like to remarry and live her life, so she told me that she won't be able to keep me here for too long and I have to get married fast with 3-4 years and have kids and that this christian guy won't be able to marry me that soon so I should find someone else. My mom makes my life impossible since and keeps on treating to kick me out of the house. WHO SHOULD I CHOOSE!? WHAT SHOULD I DO? WHAT WOULD BE A CHRISTIAN WAY OF SOLVING THIS ISSUE? SHOULD I MOVE OUT AND GET A STUDIO SINCE I JUST GOT A JOB AND STAY WITH HIM? OR SHOULD I LIVE HIM AFTER A WEEK RELATIONSHIP AND LIVE WITH MY MOM? PLEASE HELP ANYONE! I am feeling so depressed from this situation.
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I moved this thread here so you wold get Godly advice, not advice from those who do not follow God.  I am changing your grouping so you can post here.

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19 is way to young for any guy to marry.  Wait until he graduates and is established in a good paying job.  Most guys don't demonstrate much responsibility until they are 23-25 and their career is established.  Then they are ready to take the leadership in your home. He can be your best friend till then but not a live in,  Maintain your integrity.  If you need a room mate, find a girl  who is a Christian.  

Meanwhile, focus on your studies and on the Lord.  Read your Bible and pray daily.  Your mom wants what is best for you.  You need to honor her advice about this.  :You also need to be on your own to get a sense of what it takes to manage a household and finances like rent and utilities, insurance, food, etc.  For both of your sakes you need to wait to marry.  You will also have food and cultural differences since he is African.  Is he a citizen of your country?  If not are you prepared to move to Africa and live in his culture? 

We married when I was 18 and he was 21, and we were in constant turmoil.  We fought terribly over these things--money, in-laws, moving often due to temporary jobs.  Then we had a fire at night that destroyed all we had (he had no shoes, shirt or jacket, I had only shoes and a robe.  We didn't even have a tooth brush.)    Stuff happens and life is not easy.  You both need to be mature enough to handle the trials that will come your way and to lean on God in faith during those times. 

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Be practical and responsible. `You're 21, no one needs to tell you what to do with your life. Your mom will always love you especially if you make your own decisions no matter how they turn out. Life is always a learning curve.

There is good rebellion and bad rebellion. Good rebellion is making decisions about your future because you know it to be good and a thoughtful decision. Bad rebellion is to make a decision to get back or hurt someone as a motive. You're the one who ultimately losses.

Time to grow up. There is so much packed in your post it's hard for me to believe this isn't spam of some sort.

 

Edited by Zemke
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@Willa @Abby-Joy Thank you so much for your advice! I don't find anyone around me to guide me. You both have one thing in common. You suggested that I stay best friends with this guy, but I accepted to be his girlfriend a week ago. Should we go back to being friends? And if yes, for how long? And should I ask my mom to help me pay a one bedroom apartment for now until I find a female christian roommate to leave with which will be more affordable? I wanted to live in the African guy's neighborhood is that a good idea? his neighborhood is near how college, 20 mns walk, I don't know how to cook and the young african man was willing to teach and help, plus I'll be able to see him more easily.

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  • 4 weeks later...

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My heart breaks hearing the difficult situation you are in. I know your mom loves you but no one should put their hands on you in anger. I am sorry that she beat you up - you don't deserve it and you don't deserve an ultimatum. Ultimately, this ultimatum makes you think that you have very little options but in Christ you have many choices and God is able to direct your steps. As you pray to your heavenly Father, be confident that he will respond to you. You can move out and have christian roommates who are females and they will be a great support to you and you to them. Talk to your pastor and get surrounded by the love of Jesus. There are so many options. You have worked hard and you have been diligent in your studies and you will reap the reward. The Bible tells us to obey our parents and while this was not something I did well, I see the wisdom of this scripture in my older years. If your mom doesn't want you to be with this guy then obey - trust God to change your mom's heart if this is the husband he has for you. Paul Washer talked about his experience of wanting to marry his now wife, but her dad said no (he was not a believer and certainly didn't want her to marry a pastor) - so he accepted it and broke the relationship off in respect to her father, a few months later the same man contacts Pastor Washer and told him that he never met a man with that integrity and he wanted him to marry his daughter. It seems impossible, but think about it - God is leading you and while your mom may not be perfect she is still your mother and if God is using her to give you a sign to stay away from this guy then you want to obey and when your mom affirms that this young man is a gentleman you will know that God's hand was on the situation. I hope you will find that the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord and as you continue to seek God's voice and obey - then you will make wise choices that don't just feel good for a moment, but will multiply joy and blessings beyond your expectations.

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dont let your mom decide for you who to marry and when....leave that up to God. If its Gods will, it will work itself out in due time. In the mean time, it maybe best to move out, does your college have any dorms?

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