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Broke a promise to God in worse than just a normal way.


benl

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A few years ago I was really struggling with OCD in the form of obsessing over worrying about getting HIV. I was worried about getting it even in mundane everyday living sort of ways, like a bug flying in my eye for example.
I'd been tested multiple times within a year and was losing my mind over worrying about it. After saying it was the last time I'd get tested so many times, I decided to try to force myself to stop getting tested for stupid reasons. So, I promised God I wouldn't get tested unless it was a real risk and if I broke this promise to send not just me to hell, but everyone I loved too. I actually dared God to do it in a really maniacal way.

I think you know where this is going... I had an incident a couple weeks later in which there was some extremely small likelihood of risk and a couple people on forums recommended getting tested. I know almost all doctors would've said there's essentially zero risk in this situation, but I knew there was an absurdly unlikely possibility of it. So, I went and got tested, feeling that it satisfied the caveat built in to my promise that it was possibly a legitimate risk.
Fast forward a few months to when I returned to Canada after living abroad for 2 years. HIV was still occupying 1/2 of my waking thoughts, so I decided that I'd get tested one last time and then only allow myself a test once a year from then on out or something. And, at the time I figured since I'd basically already broken my promise I may as well get tested even though there was no legitimate concern I had HIV, just wild OCD fuelled paranoia.
So, I got this test and then from there I was able to slowly make my tests more and more infrequent. But in the process of doing so I broke a promise to God in which I dared him to send me and my loved ones to hell. Now I'm left wondering if I should try not to love anyone in my life; no kids, no wife, push away friends and family, etc. Because isn't there now a possibility God will follow through on that? If so, I am literally causing the eternal suffering of everyone I care about. So, isn't it worth it for me to live a miserable life alone & empty inside instead of potentially causing this everlasting harm?
What is the best & right thing for me to do in this terrible, stupid situation?
What does the bible say, if anything, about this kind of thing? Is God not quite vengeful in the Old Testament?
Please no answers just trying to make me feel better, I actually want to do what's right here, even if it means killing myself.

Thanks,
Terrible Selfish Idiot.

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:emot-heartbeat:

Welcome~!

~

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?g And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’

For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:25-34 (English Standard Version)

~

Praying~!

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Our Father does not allow us to make covenants with Him.  He makes them with us.  If we were able to conceive these so called. . . . .  perfect deals, then why would we need Him?  We can't condemn others to hell no more than we can sponsor  them into Heaven. 

So speaking of Testing . . . . .  this was a good test for you to understand and gain the wisdom that we should not rest on our own capabilities, but rather trust in Him to give us strength to resist such temptations.  I also wonder, how much do these tests cost anyway?  How can you afford them?               God Bless you.

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I'll start by saying a person's own sin is what condemns them to hell, not anything to do with anyone else. If they have accepted Jesus as their savor and decide to follow God, they will go to heaven; if not, they will go to hell. Period, end of story. Something you did or said will never have any bearing on that. At all.

As for you, you have sinned, clearly. That puts you in the same boat as every other person who has ever lived. Repent of that sin, ask God to forgive you, ask Him to help you to not sin that way again, and ask Him to give you peace of mind and spirit with this HIV fear.

Most of all, though, are you saved? Have you accepted Jesus as your savor and committed your heart and mind to Him?

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You have actually called a curse down upon yourself and your family.  Galatians speaks about curses.

Gal 3:13  Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, "Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree"—

Gal 3:14  so that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we might receive the promised Spirit through faith.

All of are under the curse of being sinful and bound for hell.  But when we ask Christ Jesus be our savior Redeemer, He saves us from the curse of the law which is death in hell.  He gives us eternal life in Him.  So all your family who receive Christ as Savior and Lord of their lives will also be redeemed from the curse, because Jesus died and took the punishment for our sin.

From Got Questions.Org

Question: "What does the Bible say about keeping your vows / oaths?"

Answer: 
There are about 30 biblical references to vows, most of which are from the Old Testament. The books of Leviticus and Numbers have several references to vows in relation to offerings and sacrifices. There were dire consequences for the Israelites who made and broke vows, especially vows to God. 

The story of Jephthah illustrates the foolishness of making vows without understanding the consequences. Before leading the Israelites into battle against the Ammonites, Jephthah—described as a mighty man of valor—made a rash vow that he would give to the Lord whoever first came out of doors to meet him if he returned home as the victor. When the Lord granted him victory, the one who came out to meet him was his daughter. Jephthah remembered his vow and offered her to the Lord (Judges 11:29-40). Whether or not Jephthah should have kept this vow is dealt with in another article. What this account shows us is the foolishness of rash vows. 

Perhaps this is why Jesus gave a new commandment concerning vows. "Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.' But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No ,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one" (Matthew 5:33-37).

The principle here is clear for Christians: do not make vows, either to the Lord or to one another. First, we are unable to know for sure whether we will be able to keep vows. The fact that we are prone to the errors in judgment which are part of our fallen nature means that we may make vows foolishly or out of immaturity. Further, we don’t know what the future will bring—only God does. We don’t know what will happen tomorrow (James 4:14), so to make a vow that we will do or not do something is foolish. God is the one in control, not us, and He “works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). Knowing this, we can see that it is unnecessary to make vows and that it indicates a lack of trust in Him. Finally, Jesus commands that our word be sufficient without making vows. When we say “yes” or “no,” that’s exactly what we should mean. Adding vows or oaths to our words opens us up to the influence of Satan whose desire is to trap us and compromise our Christian testimony.

If we have made a vow foolishly and realized we cannot or should not keep it, we should confess it to God, knowing that He is “faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). A broken vow, while serious, is not an unforgivable matter if taken to the Lord in true confession. God will not hold us to vows made imprudently, but He expects us to obey Jesus and refrain from making vows in the future.

 

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On 5/3/2017 at 11:44 PM, benl said:

A few years ago I was really struggling with OCD in the form of obsessing over worrying about getting HIV. I was worried about getting it even in mundane everyday living sort of ways, like a bug flying in my eye for example.
I'd been tested multiple times within a year and was losing my mind over worrying about it. After saying it was the last time I'd get tested so many times, I decided to try to force myself to stop getting tested for stupid reasons. So, I promised God I wouldn't get tested unless it was a real risk and if I broke this promise to send not just me to hell, but everyone I loved too. I actually dared God to do it in a really maniacal way.

I think you know where this is going... I had an incident a couple weeks later in which there was some extremely small likelihood of risk and a couple people on forums recommended getting tested. I know almost all doctors would've said there's essentially zero risk in this situation, but I knew there was an absurdly unlikely possibility of it. So, I went and got tested, feeling that it satisfied the caveat built in to my promise that it was possibly a legitimate risk.
Fast forward a few months to when I returned to Canada after living abroad for 2 years. HIV was still occupying 1/2 of my waking thoughts, so I decided that I'd get tested one last time and then only allow myself a test once a year from then on out or something. And, at the time I figured since I'd basically already broken my promise I may as well get tested even though there was no legitimate concern I had HIV, just wild OCD fuelled paranoia.
So, I got this test and then from there I was able to slowly make my tests more and more infrequent. But in the process of doing so I broke a promise to God in which I dared him to send me and my loved ones to hell. Now I'm left wondering if I should try not to love anyone in my life; no kids, no wife, push away friends and family, etc. Because isn't there now a possibility God will follow through on that? If so, I am literally causing the eternal suffering of everyone I care about. So, isn't it worth it for me to live a miserable life alone & empty inside instead of potentially causing this everlasting harm?
What is the best & right thing for me to do in this terrible, stupid situation?
What does the bible say, if anything, about this kind of thing? Is God not quite vengeful in the Old Testament?
Please no answers just trying to make me feel better, I actually want to do what's right here, even if it means killing myself.

Thanks,
Terrible Selfish Idiot.

Joh 3:16  For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. 
Joh 3:17  For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. 
Isa 1:18  Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. 
And Welcome to Worthy

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You are HIV positive!

Now what?

What if a test does come back positive?

Will that change anything about  your OCD? Or is there another issue that is the cause of your behavior, one that will not change  with the arrival of a positive test result?

 

During the early days of AIDS awareness, we were all  rather scared, and extremely excessively cautious! We were the funeral directors that got the call to come pick up the human remains and prepare it for funeral and burial/cremation. We knew near nothing except do not have any accident  nor  cutting  of self while doing our  responsibility  our job. Don't even inhale! Talk about instant OCD behaviors, wow! We hardly wanted to look at each other  at first. Until; we learned more and more, and ever more about HIV transmission, living with the condition etc. Over the years it has changed considerably and such handling is a matter of routine caution, not near panic.

All that to suggest:

Perhaps greater education  about the disease will also help you to be calmer about it.

Perhaps even involving yourself in  providing good service, company, and help, to someone  that has  a positive and active situation  with AIDS.

I suggest facing down the demons that are plaguing you so right now.  Pray, read the Bible, think, pray some more, and  ask our Lord Jesus  for the strength to work even with your great fear. Work for the good of someone that may  be in need of help and care that has AIDS today. Ask of God for you to be very bold even  with your fears, rather than to ask that your fears go away without any change within you as to your own actions and behaviors around this disease.

 And be absolutely sure to fill the void that may come as you  do work helping someone,fill yourself with the word of God, read,  read,  and read some more, and pray and think upon the word of God, in order to fill yourself so that  no demon of doubt may come to take up residence within you.

That is my take on what you have shared here.

May God give you  great courage and strength that you will overcome this weakness. Amen

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I would say consider the story of Jonah in the bible, specifically Jonah 4:11. Jonah was upset that God did not destroy those people, but God basically described the situation, that he has only ever had our best interest in mind, and would forgive anyone who truly repented. What does it mean to repent towards God? Pray and read the bible to learn of Gods personality, and more importantly, what he wants you to do. This takes patience and humility.

Edited by Gluttonous Winebibber
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Praying for you.

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Others have provided much better answers to your question I'm sure but my advice is to just trust in God to take care of everything. It sounds like a simple answer but it's one that can guide you through your whole life no matter what difficulties you face. I'm not sure where you are on your journey but if you literally dedicate your life to serving Jesus Christ in all your actions it will change your prospective. By being a servant to God's will and making it your highest priority all the worries you have can be laid at his feet and washed away. 

Use his word as your shield and when you feel the need to flip the lights on and off 16 times before you enter a room or open and shut the door 12 times take out the bible and read a while. It will build up your knowledge and help guide you on your path. Eventually you may come to realize that you no longer need to do any of those things because God has filled your heart and his will is your will.

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