Boy problems

[Sarah8]

27 minutes ago, da_man1974 said:

I heard it said once that 80% of men struggle with lust.  The other 20% lie about it.

Still not dismissing what he had done.  But if he loves you he will be willing to do what it takes to get this problem taken care of.

You should have him read Worthy of Her Trust.  You may want to look for a book called "Every Heart Restored".

If I were to pruse the relationship or even if I just wanted to provide him with some Christian guidance as we part ways. Would any of that material help me go about it? Do you know of anything I should read to prepare myself for that sort of conversation? It may sound childish but im really not very comfortable talking about the subject.

[da_man1974]

I am not sure if they would help you part ways.  The books more give you a guideline of how to grow past this.  I know the Worthy of Her Trust book was written by a man who had cheated on his wife MULTIPLE times.  And through the grace of God and hard work and counseling they were able to overcome it.  But it is ultimately your decision whether you want to work on this or not with him.

You are still young and should not rush into marriage if you don't feel that this is the right man for you.  But I think you need to spend some time in prayer and with healthy women in real life to sort all of this out.  You are right in feeling betrayed.  But I know a number of people who have gone through what you are going through and find out that with counseling and hard work, the man that they were ready to give up on ended up being a great guy and a spiritual leader of their home.

[Sarah8]

I can take as much time as I want to consider all the options and make the right decision. I'm playing with the idea of telling him something to the effect of I'm ending the relationship but if he wants to be with me I may give him another opportunity to court me in the future after he's gone though counseling and beaten the addiction. But he shouldn't contact me until he's given it over to god and cleared his mind of impuritie. 

Even though I still trust him to be honest with me I don't know anything about this and I doubt it's something easy to let go over. How would I know for sure he has overcome it?

[da_man1974]

8 minutes ago, Sarah8 said:

I can take as much time as I want to consider all the options and make the right decision. I'm playing with the idea of telling him something to the effect of I'm ending the relationship but if he wants to be with me I may give him another opportunity to court me in the future after he's gone though counseling and beaten the addiction. But he shouldn't contact me until he's given it over to god and cleared his mind of impuritie. 

Even though I still trust him to be honest with me I don't know anything about this and I doubt it's something easy to let go over. How would I know for sure he has overcome it?

That is a good point.  I think his actions will speak.  If he says something like I am praying about it. Then that would be a flag that he isn't too concerned about you or the issue.  But if he is going to meetings, praying, seeing a counselor, etc.  Then that is showing that he is actively working on the problem.

Also, if you do leave him as you posted, it may be the step that makes him wake up and realize that he does need help for his addiction.

[shanee]

18 hours ago, Sarah8 said:

Hello, I'm about to vent but before I do I know what the Bible says about impure and lustful thoughts. I also know that no one is perfect. However without any background information, if your goal was to find a parter who was strong in faith, would you purse a relationship with someone who's mind has been soaking up filth on the Internet for years?

My whole life I've dreamed of marrying a good Christian man who's as strong in his faith as I am or stronger. I've watched all my friends get married and start raising families and at 27 years old I still haven't found Mr right. Are my expectations to high? Does he even exist? I don't know. I've shamelessly preyed about this topic since about the time I hit puberty and became interested in dating. I'm fairly sure I attract the wrong type of guys and intimidate the good ones because the majority of men I've dated were put off once they decided I was actually serious about waiting until marriage. I've been in 3 serious relationships that lasted more than a few months but they didn't work out for one reason or another.

I met James on Christian mingle and I've really fallen for him. We've been dating for around 6 months and he's a joy to spend time with. We share many of the same beliefs and even though he isn't a virgin he seemd like he was pleased that I was waiting for marriage. That seems to be something alot of guys try to tolerate more than actually praise me about or encourage me to continue. He comes from a Christian family who are wonderful people everything seemed like it was perfect. I've actually been really hoping he would propose to me soon. 

So the other day he texted me saying he wasn't feeling well and was taking the rest of the day off work. I decided to suprise him and took the rest of the day off too. I picked up some stuff to make chicken soupe and a couple movies and headed to his apartment. To my surprise I walked in to find him on his couch thoroughly enjoying himself to Internet fantasy girls. I allowed the awkward moment to stretch out as long as possible as he made himself presentable and then we talked about it. For quite a while.

It turns out he does this multiple times a week and has been for years. Now I've had weak moments myself on occasion but I can't believe he has this sort of addiction. I'm so foolish, I really just can't believe he's been filling his head with filth all this time instead of saving himself for me. I don't know if this is a sign from God that he isn't meant for me or if maybe I'm 27 years old and single and should deal with it. I'm so hurt by this and I can't even really explain why to myself its a betrayal. Maybe it's my sin of pride idk but I'm proud I haven't given in to eurges of the flesh and lord knows it hasn't been easy for me to fight the temptation all these years. Then to find out he's going off and playing with himself whenever the mood strikes him after all we said about our faith and living as god wants us too. I'm rambling I know, I've just known him as a godly man all this time and I find out he's been fantasizing about other women the whole time I've known him. It really makes me feel cheap and at the moment I'd be embarrassed to stand before the Lord with him.

I'm really emotional right now and maybe I'm being crazy and overzelious but I feel like I'd be less in the eyes of God if pursued this relationship. That's my gut instinct anyways. I've grown so attached to him though and I'm so tired of being alone. There is a big part of me that's saying I should just accept it because no one is perfect or maybe even try to help him break the habit. I really wish I could talk to some of my friends about this but the embarrassment would kill me for sure.

Lord please put your arms around me and sooth my heart. Help me to do your will as I walk the path.

Hello,the thing that makes me think this might be a red flag is that you have been  dating him for 6 months and him never bringing  this up...especially after words like this"all we said about our faith and living as god wants us too."

you say"Now I've had weak moments myself on occasion but I can't believe he has this sort of addiction" does that mean you have done this same thing while dating him without telling him?

 

[Sarah8]

59 minutes ago, shanee said:

Hello,the thing that makes me think this might be a red flag is that you have been  dating him for 6 months and him never bringing  this up...especially after words like this"all we said about our faith and living as god wants us too."

you say"Now I've had weak moments myself on occasion but I can't believe he has this sort of addiction" does that mean you have done this same thing while dating him without telling him?

 

Not for years now but there were quite afew occasions in my late teens early twenties where I allowed myself to get caught up in improper situations that led to me uh taking matters into my own hands. I suppose I wouldn't have told him if I had though, I would have felt guilty about doing it in the first place. It was more a statment to point out that I'm human too and fall short of the glory of God. It's really not so much about the one act itself as it is that he does it all the time and seeks adult material online to help him reach his goal... and mostly that he's been doing it for years. That is a problem. 

After my encounter with him he was really open about everything and I got the impression that he felt guilty about it. I was sort of in shock at the time so I'm not sure. I'm almost ready to talk with him again and I'm just going to let him know how I feel about it and what I would expect if he wanted a future with me. Then I'll wait see how enthusiastically he works towards overcoming this.

 

[shanee]

6 hours ago, Sarah8 said:

Not for years now but there were quite afew occasions in my late teens early twenties where I allowed myself to get caught up in improper situations that led to me uh taking matters into my own hands. I suppose I wouldn't have told him if I had though, I would have felt guilty about doing it in the first place. It was more a statment to point out that I'm human too and fall short of the glory of God. It's really not so much about the one act itself as it is that he does it all the time and seeks adult material online to help him reach his goal... and mostly that he's been doing it for years. That is a problem. 

After my encounter with him he was really open about everything and I got the impression that he felt guilty about it. I was sort of in shock at the time so I'm not sure. I'm almost ready to talk with him again and I'm just going to let him know how I feel about it and what I would expect if he wanted a future with me. Then I'll wait see how enthusiastically he works towards overcoming this.

 

Hello,o ok...i think i understand a little more now...Take what i say with a grain of salt because i dont think i know much about relationships.I myself would feel guilty for not  telling about my sin,especially after 6 months.

from reading your first post on this in the welcome area i would slow it way down with him  at the least...I just dont want you to be with someone that God doesnt want you with.

i understand people have issues but to hide that for so long seems so wrong to me...And not only that,what  i get from the welcome post is that he takes what you say lightly( im guessing Spiritaul stuff) and thats real bummer.

i mean if i were you i would slow it way down and test the Spirit...

1Jn 4:1  Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world. 
1Jn 4:2  Hereby know ye the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesseth that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is of God: 
1Jn 4:3  And every spirit that confesseth not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is not of God: and this is that spirit of antichrist, whereof ye have heard that it should come; and even now already is it in the world. 
1Jn 4:4  Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. 
1Jn 4:5  They are of the world: therefore speak they of the world, and the world heareth them. 
1Jn 4:6  We are of God: he that knoweth God heareth us; he that is not of God heareth not us. Hereby know we the spirit of truth, and the spirit of error. 
1Jn 4:7  Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 
1Jn 4:8  He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. 
1Jn 4:9  In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. 
1Jn 4:10  Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 
1Jn 4:11  Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. 
1Jn 4:12  No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us. 
1Jn 4:13  Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit. 
1Jn 4:14  And we have seen and do testify that the Father sent the Son to be the Saviour of the world. 
1Jn 4:15  Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God. 
1Jn 4:16  And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. 
1Jn 4:17  Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world. 
1Jn 4:18  There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. 
1Jn 4:19  We love him, because he first loved us. 
1Jn 4:20  If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? 
1Jn 4:21  And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.

 if not back all the way out...but like i said i dont consider myself knowing much about relationships...im just commenting to try and help anyway. I just think there are so many red flags even in this short part of what you said earlyer about this

" He's very laid back about it or makes lite of things that I feel strongly about. Its clear that he isn't as strong in his faith as I am and I feel like I may be choosing him because I want to instead of because God wants me to. He is 28 and isn't a virgin but at this stage in my life I've resigned myself to the fact that unless I meet a monk I'm not going to find a guy who is. 

If you want Prayer on this i will no problem...take care God Bless

 

[NOONE7]

On 5/9/2017 at 9:31 PM, Sarah8 said:

Hello, I'm about to vent but before I do I know what the Bible says about impure and lustful thoughts. I also know that no one is perfect. However without any background information, if your goal was to find a parter who was strong in faith, would you purse a relationship with someone who's mind has been soaking up filth on the Internet for years?

My whole life I've dreamed of marrying a good Christian man who's as strong in his faith as I am or stronger. I've watched all my friends get married and start raising families and at 27 years old I still haven't found Mr right. Are my expectations to high? Does he even exist? I don't know. I've shamelessly preyed about this topic since about the time I hit puberty and became interested in dating. I'm fairly sure I attract the wrong type of guys and intimidate the good ones because the majority of men I've dated were put off once they decided I was actually serious about waiting until marriage. I've been in 3 serious relationships that lasted more than a few months but they didn't work out for one reason or another.

I met James on Christian mingle and I've really fallen for him. We've been dating for around 6 months and he's a joy to spend time with. We share many of the same beliefs and even though he isn't a virgin he seemd like he was pleased that I was waiting for marriage. That seems to be something alot of guys try to tolerate more than actually praise me about or encourage me to continue. He comes from a Christian family who are wonderful people everything seemed like it was perfect. I've actually been really hoping he would propose to me soon. 

So the other day he texted me saying he wasn't feeling well and was taking the rest of the day off work. I decided to suprise him and took the rest of the day off too. I picked up some stuff to make chicken soupe and a couple movies and headed to his apartment. To my surprise I walked in to find him on his couch thoroughly enjoying himself to Internet fantasy girls. I allowed the awkward moment to stretch out as long as possible as he made himself presentable and then we talked about it. For quite a while.

It turns out he does this multiple times a week and has been for years. Now I've had weak moments myself on occasion but I can't believe he has this sort of addiction. I'm so foolish, I really just can't believe he's been filling his head with filth all this time instead of saving himself for me. I don't know if this is a sign from God that he isn't meant for me or if maybe I'm 27 years old and single and should deal with it. I'm so hurt by this and I can't even really explain why to myself its a betrayal. Maybe it's my sin of pride idk but I'm proud I haven't given in to eurges of the flesh and lord knows it hasn't been easy for me to fight the temptation all these years. Then to find out he's going off and playing with himself whenever the mood strikes him after all we said about our faith and living as god wants us too. I'm rambling I know, I've just known him as a godly man all this time and I find out he's been fantasizing about other women the whole time I've known him. It really makes me feel cheap and at the moment I'd be embarrassed to stand before the Lord with him.

I'm really emotional right now and maybe I'm being crazy and overzelious but I feel like I'd be less in the eyes of God if pursued this relationship. That's my gut instinct anyways. I've grown so attached to him though and I'm so tired of being alone. There is a big part of me that's saying I should just accept it because no one is perfect or maybe even try to help him break the habit. I really wish I could talk to some of my friends about this but the embarrassment would kill me for sure.

Lord please put your arms around me and sooth my heart. Help me to do your will as I walk the path.

Lord I pray for this one and his addiction.  Help him put it under his feet in JESUS name! Amen!