Is it too late for me?

[flipflop2234]

So I started going to church at a really young age and I was put into the grade school program at the mega church near our home. I don't remember how or when I was saved but I always believed in Jesus just because that's what I was told by my parents. I followed the example that my parents did and just treated religion as a sort of chore that you do on Sundays. As I Grew into the middle school progran started attending a church camp once a week every year (mostly because the camp was extremely fun of the church aspect) for that one week I was always super "on fire for God" and wanted to be a good Christian. Of course having very shallow roots I always fell away to my own childish endeavors with very little  Christian role models  in my family and no huge push from my family. I got a refresher every year at camp just to repeat the cycle "I want to be a great Christian" and then just going back to the world. I hardly knew the Bible at all and just prayed to accept Jesus at Camp every year and I thought that that would suffice for my salvation. I basically took God grace  for granted, and concluded that  if I believed in Jesus  that was enough and I could do whatever else as long as it wasn't "too bad". This definition was of course from my own moral ideas rather than God's. I stopped going to Camp when I was 13 and my family also slowly stopped attending church regularly. I no longer had constant reminders of God but Christianity was always in the back of my mind and I had the distant constant thought that it was right and that I should become a devoted Christian someday....but not now of course. I kind of ignored it all throughout my high school career and would revisit it every once in awhile but never really cared too much. When I was taking a tour of the Capitol building my junior year of high school, we heard a code red over the loudspeaker and it was said that somebody in the building had a gun. I was so afraid because I didn't feel right with God so I just downloaded a Bible app on my phone where we were hiding and just started to read and promise God that I would be a good Christian from then on. I made it out of the building fine and kind of forgot about how scared I was. Fast forward to my senior year of high school and I really started to open up the good book. It was slow but I was just reading through the gospel at my own pace but got discouraged here and there. There was finally a point where I started to genuinely try to abstain from all the sin that I was knowingly doing that was forbidden in the Bible. That's where I am right now. I have been reading the Bible lot and joined  a good bible-believing Baptist Church. I now realize the true gospel. We are saved by grace through faith and not our own works. We can only please God with faith and your good works should be evidence of your faith and obedience to God, not your means of salvation. I was mistaken in thinking that the head knowledge that Jesus is Lord was enough and that I could just keep on sinning as much as I wanted. After reading parts of the bible  such as Hebrews 6:4-8 and other warning such as when Esau was rejected in his repentance though he "saught it with tears". I wonder if I am beyond repentance. Ever since my slow but sure repentance I have quit looking at pornography , quit cheating in school, started volunteering even after not needing volunteer hours, and I've been trying to take captive of my thoughts and judge my actions by what God's word tells me to do. I was doing ok until I came to warning passages such as these

"lest there be any fornicator or profane person like Esau, who for one morsel of food sold his birthright. For you know that afterward, when he wanted to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought it diligently with tears"
Hebrews 12:16‭-‬17 NKJV

"For it  is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted the heavenly gift, and have become partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, if they fall away, to renew them again to repentance, since they crucify again for themselves the Son of God, and put Him to an open shame."
Hebrews 6:4‭-‬6 NKJV

For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a certain fearful expectation of judgment, and fiery indignation which will devour the adversaries.
Hebrews 10:26‭-‬27 NKJV

Then He spoke many things to them in parables, saying: “Behold, a sower went out to sow.  And as he sowed, some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds came and devoured them.  Some fell on stony places, where they did not have much earth; and they immediately sprang up because they had no depth of earth.  But when the sun was up they were scorched, and because they had no root they withered away.
Matthew 13:3‭-‬6 NKJV

and they've just made me feel scared as if God is given up on me and my own deceitful heart is fooling me into thinking that I am in fellowship with him. Of course I fear God and his wrath and that's part of the reason I obey him, but I really want to love him. I have prayed that he would turn my fear into the perfect love that is said to drive out fear. When trying to impress one of my atheist peers before putting down my firm roots, I said that religion was made up by men to find meaning in life. I feel horrible about this and I feel as if I've betrayed God and that this would be impossible to forgive because I had already heard the gospel and accepted it. I can't remember ever truly believing in aetheism and I know that less than 2 months after my exchange with my peer I was still reading my Bible. I doubt that I really meant this because of the fact that I am so drawn to God in the present but it doesn't change the fact that I said it and the possibility scares me . I just wanted to know what you guys think of my situation and what your perspective on it is. Do fit the picture of an apostate as described? Am I in the same boat as Esau? Has God rejected my plea for fellowship and mercy asked on the basis of his son's perfect sacrifice because of my actions?  

[wingnut-]

It is never too late as long as you still draw breath.  God wants no one to perish, and He is merciful and just, He loves you.  Continue seeking out His will for you, and you will find the peace you desire.  Don't let the enemy fool you, he is always trying to trick every believer into thinking God does not love them, but God is love.

I Corinthians 13:4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

 

God bless

[kwikphilly]

Blessings flipflop

   Welcome to Worthy,I look forward to speaking with you in one of our Discussion Forums so I would be able to ask some questions....the Q& A is an "Answer Forum" so I do not like to make any assumptions.THe Outer Court is for unbelievers,seekers & guest to ask us about our Faith,Jesus,Christianity....You might be a Christian but quite frankly it seems you are not really sure about that yourself so I would have to ask "Who is Jesus to you?"

   I don't know if you are under the impression that you are Saved by your own efforts....you've said you want to be a "good Christian",you are "trying" to abstain from sin and other things that lead me to believe you've not yet "met" Jesus......my friend,Christianity is a personal & intimate Relationship with God in Christ,we come to Jesus at the foot of the cross and by BELIEVING Who He is & that His Finished Work on the cross was all for YOU.....that is were we ask "forgiveness" & can leave our sin,transgression & iniquity right there and begin life Born Again......your heart must be repentant,He Knows your heart and by your Faith in WHO HE IS(Your Lord & Savior) you Receive Gods Grace by which you are SAVED.......

   An Apostate is one who renounces their Faith,you must have it in the first place to abandon it......it doesn't sound like you have ever come to the "Faith" to begin with....you may have heard about Jesus but it seems you don't know Him    To become reprobate is to grieve the Holy Spirit,it is blasphemy  You are also taking Scripture out of context an misapplying it ....Fear is not of God

Quote

King James Bible
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.       2 Timothy 1:7

 Too late? You've not even started yet imo.....I would suggest you start at the beginning,go to the Book of John and seek Gods Face,see how very much Jesus loves you & really seek Him with all of your heart ,mind & soul......if you have not asked Him into your life as Lord & Savior ,do so now and ask Him forgiveness 

Quote

King James Bible
In Whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His Grace;       Ephesians 1:7

Then you can begin your walk with Jesus,learning Who you are in Him......no matter how hard you ""try to judge your actions by what Gods Word tells you to do" will not help you to "renew your mind" because you first have to die to yourself.......taking captive your thoughts is not what you think it is.....you take them captive "to the obedience of Christ" & not to what you think you are mandated or obligated to be doing.....it is "in Christ" & in His Authority that we can operate by the Power of the Holy Spirit....more simply put "Walking in Spirit  & in Truth is accessing the Heart & Mind of Christ"    You are transformed into a new Creature in Christ Jesus,this does not come by works or head knowledge,not from theology ,reason or academics......it comes by surrendering your will to Christ Jess,submission,trust,reliance....RELATIONSHIP

                                                                                                                  With love-in Christ,Kwik

                                                                                      (I sent you a PM with posting infolook forward to talking with you in the Forums)

[George]

It sounds as if you're dealing with -- Can I be restored?  I wrote a devotional on the subject and I believe it'll be helpful for you.

Can anyone be restored?

Galatians 6:1 Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.

There is a fascinating true story about the Apostle John narrated by the early church "Father", Eusebius, well worth reading.

The account goes that the elderly John took an affection and interest in a young man from Ephesus and subsequently entrusted him to the care of a bishop in the vicinity, and that, after a season, this young man became entangled with a band of criminals, and was corrupted by them, finally becoming their leader. When John returned after some time to search for the young man, expecting to find him spiritually well and maturing, the bishop despondently informed John of his fate.

Eusebius wrote, "The apostle tore his clothing, beat his head, and groaned, 'A fine guardian I left for our brother's soul! But get me a horse and someone show me the way.' He rode off from the church, just as he was. When he arrived at the hideout and was seized by the outlaws' sentries, he shouted, 'This is what I have come for, take me to your leader!'"

"When John approached and the young leader recognized him, he turned and fled in shame. But John ran after him as hard as he could, forgetting his age, and calling out, 'Why are you running away from me, child – from your own father, unarmed and old? Pity me, child, don't fear me! I will give account to Christ for you, and if necessary, gladly suffer death and give my life for yours as the Lord suffered death for us. Stop! Believe! Christ sent me.'"

"The young man stopped, stared at the ground, threw down his weapons and wept bitterly. Flinging his arms around the old man, he begged forgiveness, baptized a second time with his own tears…[John] led him back and did not leave him until – through prayer, fasting, and instruction – he restored him to the church."

What an awesome story! I've used this story many times when talking to the despondent backslider who believes he can no longer be forgiven.

Be an example of His love! No matter how far someone believes he has strayed from or even deserted the Lord – he can always be restored! Perhaps, while reading this message, the Lord is reminding you of a person with whom you can share this story. Just possibly, you are the one that God wants to use to bring about his/her restoration. If so, I trust that reading of the Apostle John's loving example, you've been inspired by the compassion and grace the Lord Himself feels toward His "prodigals" and moved by His Spirit to go out in faith...and rescue the lost sheep!