Victorious1 Posted May 12, 2017 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 4 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 2 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/12/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted May 12, 2017 I apologize from the start. I'm not sure if I'm in the correct forum. If not, please still dont disregard this matter of my heart. I looked on Google for a Christian forum site I could join to get godly counsel from someone. The matter: I've been married almost 2 years. I was a virgin when I married. I had my yearly female exam and was contacted by a nurse that I had an abnormal pap smear which showed I have a STD called HPV. I confronted my husband about it. To add, during our courting season I had asked if he had ANY STD's as he confessed to being "out there" with many women before he was saved and delivered. He said a female did accuse him of giving her HPV but that she herself was "out there" as well. My husband apologized and said he didn't know about it. But, I'm not sure of how to take this situation because I feel like if he had the slightest inclination that the accusing female could be right that he would've expressed that to me and though there is no test for men for this disease we still could've pursued some help. I had accepted his apology but I find myself being upset about this still (as I found out March 2016) and feeling like he knew it prior to me getting it. I'm not sure of what I need to do to settle this because it seeming to linger in my mind. And, I don't want to harbor this in my heart and become bitter and envious. I just need some godly counsel if anyone can help. Thanks and God bless! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Patriot21 Posted May 15, 2017 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 28 Topic Count: 338 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 15,707 Content Per Day: 2.46 Reputation: 8,523 Days Won: 39 Joined: 10/25/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/27/1985 Share Posted May 15, 2017 well, honestly, if you feel he is telling the truth, the best thing for you two right now is to forgive him, and move on with your life, seek treatment or whatever. People make mistakes, and you did marry him for better or for worse. You can't go back in time and change things-but you can change what you do now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wingnut- Posted May 15, 2017 Group: Royal Member Followers: 39 Topic Count: 101 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 7,673 Content Per Day: 1.31 Reputation: 7,358 Days Won: 67 Joined: 04/22/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted May 15, 2017 I think forgiveness is crucial for the one who is wronged, for your own healing. If you carry this matter in your heart it will continue to eat at you, and almost certainly do irreparable harm to the marriage. By your own admission you were aware that he was not pure going into this, and unfortunately that has come back on you. I cannot say what he knew or didn't know, and honestly you cannot say for sure yourself. I will keep you both in prayer, and would suggest that maybe some form of counseling would be helpful. God bless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted May 15, 2017 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,991 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,689 Content Per Day: 11.81 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted May 15, 2017 On 5/11/2017 at 10:05 PM, Victorious1 said: I apologize from the start. I'm not sure if I'm in the correct forum. If not, please still dont disregard this matter of my heart. I looked on Google for a Christian forum site I could join to get godly counsel from someone. The matter: I've been married almost 2 years. I was a virgin when I married. I had my yearly female exam and was contacted by a nurse that I had an abnormal pap smear which showed I have a STD called HPV. I confronted my husband about it. To add, during our courting season I had asked if he had ANY STD's as he confessed to being "out there" with many women before he was saved and delivered. He said a female did accuse him of giving her HPV but that she herself was "out there" as well. My husband apologized and said he didn't know about it. But, I'm not sure of how to take this situation because I feel like if he had the slightest inclination that the accusing female could be right that he would've expressed that to me and though there is no test for men for this disease we still could've pursued some help. I had accepted his apology but I find myself being upset about this still (as I found out March 2016) and feeling like he knew it prior to me getting it. I'm not sure of what I need to do to settle this because it seeming to linger in my mind. And, I don't want to harbor this in my heart and become bitter and envious. I just need some godly counsel if anyone can help. Thanks and God bless! If you truly were a virgin when you got married there is no question that the STD came from him. He should have been tested before you married him and had sexual relations with him. Especially if he confessed to " being out there". There is an epidemic on our world today of STD's. I think you need to give this whole situation to God with much prayer. Have you and your husband discussed this and have you expressed your feelings to him of how you feel? Communication, openness and honesty are very important in a marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willa Posted May 16, 2017 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 68 Topic Count: 186 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 14,242 Content Per Day: 3.33 Reputation: 16,652 Days Won: 30 Joined: 08/14/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted May 16, 2017 No one blames you for feeling hurt and betrayed, even if he believed he didn't have it. He will have to live with himself for having given it to you and put you at risk for other disease due to his promiscuity. But as others have said, what is done is done, you can't go back and undo it, you have to deal with what is. Your marriage won't survive if you can't forgive. Bitterness will destroy you and even if you were to remarry, the bitterness will affect that marriage as well. Heb 12:15 ESV See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; Forgiveness is a decision you make. No one is without sin. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. No one is righteous, no not one. In fact, the sin of unforgiveness and bitterness might be worse in God's eyes than his sin and what he did to you. So my advice is that you confess your bitterness and ask your husband to forgive you. Then make a habit of forgiving before it gets dark--that same day. Keep short "lists". It is one of the keys of a long and happy marriage. Eph 4:26 NKJV “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath Eph 4:27 nor give place to the devil. Praying that God bless you and help you deal with this all according to His will, and that He give you His strength and His love to help you overcome your pain and grief. Love, Willa--married 54 years Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnD Posted May 16, 2017 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 0 Topic Count: 905 Topics Per Day: 0.19 Content Count: 9,646 Content Per Day: 2.02 Reputation: 5,831 Days Won: 9 Joined: 04/07/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted May 16, 2017 On 5/12/2017 at 0:05 AM, Victorious1 said: I apologize from the start. I'm not sure if I'm in the correct forum. If not, please still dont disregard this matter of my heart. I looked on Google for a Christian forum site I could join to get godly counsel from someone. The matter: I've been married almost 2 years. I was a virgin when I married. I had my yearly female exam and was contacted by a nurse that I had an abnormal pap smear which showed I have a STD called HPV. I confronted my husband about it. To add, during our courting season I had asked if he had ANY STD's as he confessed to being "out there" with many women before he was saved and delivered. He said a female did accuse him of giving her HPV but that she herself was "out there" as well. My husband apologized and said he didn't know about it. But, I'm not sure of how to take this situation because I feel like if he had the slightest inclination that the accusing female could be right that he would've expressed that to me and though there is no test for men for this disease we still could've pursued some help. I had accepted his apology but I find myself being upset about this still (as I found out March 2016) and feeling like he knew it prior to me getting it. I'm not sure of what I need to do to settle this because it seeming to linger in my mind. And, I don't want to harbor this in my heart and become bitter and envious. I just need some godly counsel if anyone can help. Thanks and God bless! STDs can be the biggest indicator of infidelity. But they can also be dormant for a number of years. As you said, and I believe I recall (from Dr. James Dobson / Focus on the Family warnings about the human papilloma virus) that it is not detectable in men (only in the women they infect). Your husband may have genuinely believed he was not responsible for giving HPV to the woman who claimed he did (self denial, writing it off to her being "out there"). Which has come home to roost on him. The simple solution is to truly forgive. But that's not to say it is easy to do. HPV, herpes, HIV etc. are for life (the remainder of one's life). So it's a very big deal. Here's the thing... your true forgiveness is not about your husband. It's about you. Forgive and free yourself from the bonds of bitterness and distress and anger and on and on... Plus you have to hit the erase button every time reminders comes up or you'll be right back in the think of bondage. Is this a divorceable offense? In the eyes of mankind, any reason is a good reason... but you have to decide if you want to go that course (to start over... albeit as an HPV carrier yourself forever) and how this choice works between God and you. Don't let pompous pious individuals horn in between you and your God on such matters. But consider this, the damage is done. Paying him back by leaving won't satisfy you in the long run and the reasons you fell in love in the first place will come back to haunt you. But if you can't forget and forgive... and the very sight of the guy stirs up resentment you cannot get past or get rid of... It becomes a matter of 'can you live with this or not?' Only you can answer that. Just FYI I am pro-marriage all the way but I understand there are extenuating circumstances (as God did even in the Law): Matthew 19:8 (NIV84) 8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. Perhaps pointing out these extremes may help you face that you have to radically deal with your feelings (or they will keep popping up like weeds). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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