Advice needed from wise women of God

[Guest]

16 hours ago, Intercessor Ginger said:

It's very unfortunate you have gotten into the situation like this,  but I don't see how it's your fault since you were deceived by this man. This is likely a pattern of his and I'm sure that he's done it over and over again.

 I understand how you feel guilty and want to share this information with his wife but honestly, I don't believe it is your place to do any further damage in this wreck of a marriage.

Who knows what's really going on there ? It's very hard for a woman not to have some kind of idea that something like this is going on with her husband.

Since you've already broken it all off, and I'm sure you've repented for your part in this, I would stay as far away from this person as you possibly can.

.......If she doesnt tell ,she is not being completely truthful. She would be going along with the lie that she knows is hurtful. While you may say that its very hard to not know a man is cheating;you are assuming.  Its takes alot of guts to do the right thing and staying quiet is not the right thing to do. I think it is the cowardly thing to do and God hates a coward. It is on her conscience so I think she should free her conscience and be loving to another human being. By telling the wife her part in what happened and warning her,she is possibly saving the wife from alot of heart ache. This may be the first step in the marriage being restored. Who knows?  By her telling the wife she is not just thinking about herself but she is being selfless. Isnt that what christianity is all about? 

[Guest]

There is wisdom in the multitude of council. 5 out of 7 say tell her. Id go with the majority garnering that all 5 are mature righteous bible thumping Christ followers! And since that is the kind of person you sought out; yeah,go with the majority . May The Lord teach you what to say in the hour. In Christ precious name,Amen. Blessings

[Anonymous Aristotle]

On 5/16/2017 at 8:29 PM, Randal said:

I recently found that the man I've been dating for sometime is actually married. He does in fact travel a lot for work, so it made sense when he was gone. Obviously I have left, but I'm torn about whether or not I tell his wife. I feel I've taken too much from her already, and I don't want to hurt her. But I would want to know. I think my heart is pure in my thought to tell her, but I'm afraid it might be to hurt him. I just keep thinking of all the doubts, and all the questioning, and I wonder if she's going through that too

That happened to me when I was 19. A gorgeous guy had moved to my city and we met one night in a bookstore. We dated for 5 months and then out of nowhere he dropped me. 

I found out from his best friend whom I saw at the grocery store two days later that he was married. When he transferred to my city his wife was too in love with her career to go with him. She stayed in the city where they lived together trusting him in his career move. 
It was so shocking to be dropped like that and I couldn't imagine how she felt being betrayed as she had been and not even realizing it. At least I knew I was betrayed and by who and for what reason. His wife moved to our city to be with him after her job transferred her to a satellite office there. 

I would pray about this if I were you Randal. I doubt you are the first women he has committed adultery with. When a man cheats on his wife I think it is a sign that he really doesn't want to be married. Because it certainly is a sign he doesn't respect her. Just as he didn't respect you when he lied to you from the beginning. As did Clark when we met. 

If I were the wife I would want to know. How many women did he betray his wife with before you? You'll likely never know. But his wife very likely doesn't know at all that he betrays their vows. It isn't fair to her. If she knows she can decide what she wants to do. And since this is on your heart I think you know what you want to do already. God's speed. 

 

[Intercessor Ginger]

I obviously don't agree 

2 hours ago, Blueyedjewel said:

.......If she doesnt tell ,she is not being completely truthful. She would be going along with the lie that she knows is hurtful. While you may say that its very hard to not know a man is cheating;you are assuming.  Its takes alot of guts to do the right thing and staying quiet is not the right thing to do. I think it is the cowardly thing to do and God hates a coward. It is on her conscience so I think she should free her conscience and be loving to another human being. By telling the wife her part in what happened and warning her,she is possibly saving the wife from alot of heart ache. This may be the first step in the marriage being restored. Who knows?  By her telling the wife she is not just thinking about herself but she is being selfless. Isnt that what christianity is all about? 

I obviously don't agree with this advice. I don't agree that this individual is a coward, selfish, nor do I think getting further involved in the destruction, of this marriage is the right thing to do.

I would most definitely not delve further into a marriage in which you have no part. There should be no guilt, Jesus carried our guilt and our shame.

The guilty party here is the husband and the responsibility for speaking is his. If the marriage is to be restored it's between that husband and that wife.

 

[sheya joie]

Ok, here's my story: Shortly after my husband died, a married friend of his (supposedly a Christian) propositioned me. Seriously, he was trying to talk me into an affair with him! I was shocked and horrified, and I wanted desperately to inform his wife (I had always liked her and merely tolerated him). However I had no way of contacting her without running the risk of winding up talking to him instead.

So I prayed and asked the LORD to have her get in touch with me. A good bit of time went past, and one day she called me! I didn't know what to say or how to tell her what her husband had done.

Turned out she'd called me to tell me know her husband had passed away. So I just offered her sympathy and said nothing about his unGodly offer. She was already reeling from losing him; why should I add to her grief?

Anyway, my counsel would be to leave it in the LORD's hands and see if He makes an opportunity for you to warn her.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Intercessor Ginger said:

I obviously don't agree 

I obviously don't agree with this advice. I don't agree that this individual is a coward, selfish, nor do I think getting further involved in the destruction, of this marriage is the right thing to do.

I would most definitely not delve further into a marriage in which you have no part. There should be no guilt, Jesus carried our guilt and our shame.

The guilty party here is the husband and the responsibility for speaking is his. If the marriage is to be restored it's between that husband and that wife.

 

Im so glad she didnt take your advice! 

Edited June 11, 2017 by Guest

[kwikphilly]

Blessings

    Honestly,my immediate reaction was"No,don't tell her!"  I can't see how hurting someone can do any good & someone else pointed out that she most likely knows her husband is not faithful & she is just in denial about it.....Now that was my"re-action" & we do know NEVER to do anything on impulse or with our own hearts & minds......With the Heart & Mind of Christ you MUST seek the Lord Direction & if you cannot "HEAR" anything then do not DO anything....

   I understand you broke it off,I think the wise thing to do would be to talk with this man about Jesus and coming clean with his wife,is he,by any chance,professing to be a Christian? I would talk to him ,thats for sure........I know I would not go to the wife unless the LOrd Instructed me to do so....        With love-in Christ,Kwik

[1to3]

Hello Randal;

 

I've read through all posts and my opinion is on the side of those choosing to not get further involved,

Go repent of your own sins/fornication etc and to take care of your own self, restore back your own heart and soul with God and make sure you have no STD's and go on your knees and thank the good Lord nothing worse happened to your life. It may take a year or so to find out that you are clear of any kind of STD as HIV can lie dormant for a while, so can herpes. and it may even take longer to rebuild your relationship with God. But that is what takes good courage to do and God will restore you back in His favor.

About the man who cheated, do you really know this man?

He could be a predator type. having social pathological traits living dishonestly in his ways . -Unstable-

That makes him unstable and you never know what an unstable man can do.

If he finds out you told his wife, he could possible come back after you to harm you.

Also the wife may not take to kindly hearing from you and even though you may feel you are innocent of all of this, the wife may not take to kindly to you.

Again you do not know what kind of woman she is, or what kind of reaction she may have.

She could even come back and try to find you and make your life miserable.

There are many different scenarios that could possibly play out if you decide to go ahead and spill the beans to his wife, and they won't be good.

There in nothing cowardly of not getting more further involved. Getting further involved in my opinion is really no longer your business and could possibly bring further harm.

Unless of course, this man has transmitted STD's to you, then yes you need to inform the wife, again you do NOT have to contact or get involved directly with the wife personally, you can have your doctor call and give her the message that she should get tested to make sure she is o.k. so she can take care of her own health, other than that, in Gods wisdom, I would not go further involved any deeper than you already are in.

And if you have no STD's,  it may be wiser for you to just silently pray for your own salvation( as your were not correct in fornicating with this man out of marriage) and let go and let God handle in His own way, the lives of this couple you inadvertently got mixed up with. And stay as far away from that married man as possible.

 

Just yesterday there was an American documentary of a woman who found out her husband was cheating on her and found out that the girl who the husband was cheating with was on the highway, so she decided to confront the "other woman" on the highway, by driving up close to her car and asking her to stop her car. the other woman did not stop her car and so the wife decided to ram into the car several times, the husband somehow was on a motorcycle following the vehicles and when he tried to pass his wife's car, he ended up being hit by the wife's car and it through him off the curb and he ended up dying.

The wife was accused of murder but finally got only two years in prison under the crime of passion clause. The wife who is now serving a two year prison sentence says she still loves her husband, I doubt she thinks much of the "other woman".

Its all pretty crazy, but we live in a very crazy world, with a lot of people who don't follow a christian lifestyle or have a daily living relationship with Christ Jesus in their hearts.

 

Randal, child of God, we live in a CRAZY world satan filled.

As Christian we should always be :Living to Please God

The bible tells us to lead quiet and peaceful lives.

1 Thessalonians 4:11
…10And indeed, you are showing this love to all the brothers throughout Macedonia. But we urge you, brothers, to excel more and more 11and to aspire to live quietly, to attend to your own matters, and to work with your own hands, as we instructed you. 12Then you will behave properly toward outsiders, without being dependent on anyone.…

 

Also there in the Twelve 12 program, that was once upon a time based on biblical standings that a christian group called the "oxford group" took from the bible to make the 12 Steps to help people find recovery of body soul and mind and that are used in Anonymous recovery groups.

 

Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

 

 

I  believe in your case getting further involved would be going into unknown territory that could possibly back fire.

 

 

Take care of yourself. There is POWER in prayer. There is POWER in prayer to the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, through His only begotten Son Christ Jesus, who told the lady sinner  who was about to get stoned until Christ Jesus said: Who among you is without sin cast the first stone, and to the lady caught in sin Christ Jesus said :Go and sin no more lest a worse sin fall upon you.

John 8:7

 

So I am on the side of those telling you NOT to get further involved.

In Christ Jesus,

Our Lord, Savior, Redeemer;

1to3

 

Edited June 11, 2017 by 1to3
typos

[Guest]

Alot of what you said is merely supposition.  You nay sayers want to paint a picture of doom to strengthen your case of her protecting HER own self . Forget the poor woman who  is suffering at the hand of a cheater and his mistresses!! Living a life pleasing to God is to be truthful always no matter the circumstances. The adulteress, if she is wise, can call anonymously . If the husband tells the wife who she is ,I am positive God will provide provision because she has honored God by being merciful and honest to the wife who has been cheated on. God is not going to leave her swimming in a water of sharks if she has obeyed precepts of truth and mercy.

You naysayers are basically saying: CYA. That is the worlds way and not Gods.  The word of God backs me up and it doesnt back you.

Lets say you hit a car in a parking lot but noone saw you . You did put a few scratches on the car . The car isnt as it was before you hit it. You had to get to work so you couldnt stick around and wait for the owner of the car you hit. The owner doesnt know it was [you] so do you just go on your merry way [because they COULD have a gun and THEY COULD kill you] or do you leave a note with your # so your insurance can take care of the damage ? Same principle but rather this situation of adultery is far more serious. Truthfulness is truthfulness. PERIOD.

Continuing on with ones life while knowing something extremely important that another needs to know and staying quiet  is not what God would have us do because  is in essence,LYING.

This is not only about honesty but mercy. By humbling herself and telling the woman what happened,she is being merciful! We cant just assume the wife already knows! The first thing you learn in a court of law is that only facts are dealt with and not supposition!

The "world" prefers to insulate itself against the pains and calamities of others. 

Are we the world? Rhetorical question or is it? smh...

Matthew 5:7 Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy.

James 2:13: "For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment."

Proverbs 21:13 cites a practical example of this principle in action: "Whoever shuts his ears to the cry of the poor will also cry himself and not be heard."

"But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where [the injured man] was. And when he saw him, he had compassion on him, and he went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine; and he set him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. On the next day, when he departed, he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said to him, ‘Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, when I come again, I will repay you.' So which of these three [the priest, the Levite or the Samaritan] do you think was neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?" And [the lawyer] said, "He who showed mercy on him." Then Jesus said to him, "Go and do likewise." (Luke 10:33-37)

"Mercy begins with the way we feel about or toward each other and moves toward merciful acts. God loves us and has an outgoing concern for us. If God so loves us, then we ought to love each other (I John 4:11). Thus, we are bound to forebear with one another and act kindly, in mercy. Anybody focused on himself as the center of the universe will have a difficult time thinking kindly of others, and unity will be difficult, if not impossible. It is no wonder, then, why so much divorce occurs, as well as division in other areas of life. A focus on the self does not allow much room for humble, kind and compassionate thoughts of service for others."

Phill 4:12 11I am not saying this out of need, for I have learned to be content regardless of my circumstances. 12I know how to live humbly, and I know how to abound. I am accustomed to any and every situation — to being filled and being hungry, to having plenty and having need. 13I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.…

 

And finally lets look at peace. By doing all that one can do in mercy and truth; peace will reside in their house!

Every jot and tittle have been dealt with honoring God by following his precepts  throughout the entire situation.

 

 

 

Blessings

Edited June 11, 2017 by Guest

[Srnityblu]

trust in the Lord. Seek Him and concentrate on healing. When the timing is right God will reveal to his wife what she needs to know. If you were to tell her and she isn't ready then what you have done is created a stumbling block for her and uprooted her heart from something she still holds dear. As a wife who has been cheated on, I cannot thank God enough for sharing the truth with me when I was ready and not before.