Issues with Friends

[Adaeze]

I recently had a very beloved friend of mine tell me that she was pregnant. She is not yet married but she and her fiancee are planning to be married in a few weeks. I loved this friend and looked up to her as an example of a good, Christian woman but she has sinned and I feel very disappointed by this turn of events. She and her fiancee led a bible study and they were wondering if they should step down because they knew that their transgression was a bad one. She asked my opinion on the subject after telling me about the pregnancy. I told her that if they had earnestly repented and stopped sinning that there was no reason for them to step down. I also told her that if they needed to step down to take care of the baby then I would be in total agreement. I love her as a friend but am still disappointed. I guess I need time to process it. Any advice on how to deal with this issue?

[MorningGlory]

1 hour ago, Adaeze said:

I recently had a very beloved friend of mine tell me that she was pregnant. She is not yet married but she and her fiancee are planning to be married in a few weeks. I loved this friend and looked up to her as an example of a good, Christian woman but she has sinned and I feel very disappointed by this turn of events. She and her fiancee led a bible study and they were wondering if they should step down because they knew that their transgression was a bad one. She asked my opinion on the subject after telling me about the pregnancy. I told her that if they had earnestly repented and stopped sinning that there was no reason for them to step down. I also told her that if they needed to step down to take care of the baby then I would be in total agreement. I love her as a friend but am still disappointed. I guess I need time to process it. Any advice on how to deal with this issue?

Yes, encourage your friend to repent and to marry the child's father.  I said 'encourage' not lecture.  Her transgressions are to be judged by God alone.  We do not have that authority.  As for being disappointed, be that, but realize that we ALL trip up at times and will need forgiveness.  If you cannot get beyond their transgression the friendship will not survive.

[missmuffet]

1 hour ago, Adaeze said:

I recently had a very beloved friend of mine tell me that she was pregnant. She is not yet married but she and her fiancee are planning to be married in a few weeks. I loved this friend and looked up to her as an example of a good, Christian woman but she has sinned and I feel very disappointed by this turn of events. She and her fiancee led a bible study and they were wondering if they should step down because they knew that their transgression was a bad one. She asked my opinion on the subject after telling me about the pregnancy. I told her that if they had earnestly repented and stopped sinning that there was no reason for them to step down. I also told her that if they needed to step down to take care of the baby then I would be in total agreement. I love her as a friend but am still disappointed. I guess I need time to process it. Any advice on how to deal with this issue?

If the couple are leading a Bible study they are living a big huge sin. I would not attend the Bible study. If they asked me if they should step down I would tell them that they should and why and what the Bible tells us about sex before marriage and living together before marriage. In order for them to make it right and live in the eyes of God they would need live apart and no longer live together. They would need to get married and then ask Jesus Christ into their lives to be their Lord and Savior and repent. I would possibly keep this lady as a casual friend but not a best friend. That would make you unevenly yoked and we are not supposed to take advise from those who are not born again Christians and living a life God wants us to live.

[missmuffet]

7 minutes ago, MorningGlory said:

Yes, encourage your friend to repent and to marry the child's father.  I said 'encourage' not lecture.  Her transgressions are to be judged by God alone.  We do not have that authority.  As for being disappointed, be that, but realize that we ALL trip up at times and will need forgiveness.  If you cannot get beyond their transgression the friendship will not survive.

The Bible does not tell us not to judge. We are not to judge hypocritically.  John 7:24

[adoptedtwice]

Thanks, MorningGlory Finally saw it..

 

[Adaeze]

1 minute ago, missmuffet said:

If the couple are leading a Bible study they are living a big huge sin. I would not attend the Bible study. If they asked me if they should step down I would tell them that they should and why and what the Bible tells us about sex before marriage and living together before marriage. In order for them to make it right and live in the eyes of God they would need live apart and no longer live together. They would need to get married and then ask Jesus Christ into their lives to be their Lord and Savior and repent. I would possibly keep this lady as a casual friend but not a best friend. That would make you unevenly yoked and we are not supposed to take advise from those who are not born again Christians and living a life God wants us to live.

 

Thanks. They are currently living apart and have repented over what happened. Apparently, it was a one-time thing but once was enough for her to get pregnant. They also plan to be married in three weeks. I'm trying to get over my own disappointment. I don't plan to stop attending the bible study because, in my eyes, they have repented. I'm just trying to get over the fact that I held this lady up as a mentor and now I feel disappointed. I guess disappointment is a natural feeling in this situation, right?

[missmuffet]

50 minutes ago, Adaeze said:

Thanks. They are currently living apart and have repented over what happened. Apparently, it was a one-time thing but once was enough for her to get pregnant. They also plan to be married in three weeks. I'm trying to get over my own disappointment. I don't plan to stop attending the bible study because, in my eyes, they have repented. I'm just trying to get over the fact that I held this lady up as a mentor and now I feel disappointed. I guess disappointment is a natural feeling in this situation, right?

It sounds like they are making Christian choices. We are all sinners. Jesus Christ died on the cross for us when we were still sinners. I would be on alert during the Bible study and make sure my discernment is on high alert. People disappoint us in this life. I don't trust anyone. That is sad but I have been disappointed too many times. When I observe Christian fruit and very good character, integrity, morals and values then I will trust them. But that has happened very few times.

[NOONE7]

9 hours ago, Adaeze said:

I recently had a very beloved friend of mine tell me that she was pregnant. She is not yet married but she and her fiancee are planning to be married in a few weeks. I loved this friend and looked up to her as an example of a good, Christian woman but she has sinned and I feel very disappointed by this turn of events. She and her fiancee led a bible study and they were wondering if they should step down because they knew that their transgression was a bad one. She asked my opinion on the subject after telling me about the pregnancy. I told her that if they had earnestly repented and stopped sinning that there was no reason for them to step down. I also told her that if they needed to step down to take care of the baby then I would be in total agreement. I love her as a friend but am still disappointed. I guess I need time to process it. Any advice on how to deal with this issue?

Great advice that you gave your friend Adaeze.  Keep on praying for them and it seems to me that you are treating your friend well and gave them solid advice with repented and turn to JESUS.  My main advice is keep praying for your friend and treat her how you would like to be treated.

[Neighbor]

23 hours ago, Adaeze said:

Thanks. They are currently living apart and have repented over what happened. Apparently, it was a one-time thing but once was enough for her to get pregnant. They also plan to be married in three weeks. I'm trying to get over my own disappointment. I don't plan to stop attending the bible study because, in my eyes, they have repented. I'm just trying to get over the fact that I held this lady up as a mentor and now I feel disappointed. I guess disappointment is a natural feeling in this situation, right?

Right? No, I don't think it is. You held her up, perhaps too high, and have learned she is flawed in that she is short of perfection. - Just as all are.

She has held you up as a friend, and confided her plight with you.  She has trusted you to be her friend when she needs one.

What is there of agape love extended to her in her dilemma ? Only you know that. But to judge her unworthy of respect and friendship because she burned with passion and is pregnant doesn't seem compassionate friendship. She is to love her child and her husband to be. She doesn't need condemnation from "Christian" friends.

She may indeed be better off  to stop teaching a Bible class, for now, not so much because of her failure ot be perfect, but because others are led to make  judgement upon her.  If we each abandon the other over our sin we we have no  company whatsoever.

 Embrace your friend, she needs it. And so do you.

 

[Adaeze]

I guess that you were right in that I was very quick to condemn. I shouldn't have put her up on a pedestal, either. Now that she's had a chance to tell her immediate family, her future mother-in-law, and most of her close friends she is going to have to make decisions about stepping down from her leadership roles at her church. I just hope that she doesn't face a lot of condemnation from that arena. She is a dear-hearted lady who teaches sunday school at her church and I'm afraid that if the parents of her students find out that she might be judged pretty harshly by them.

Now I need to start planning the baby shower and enlist the help of other friends of mine. The ladies of her future husband's church seem like they'd be willing to help as well and I might be able to enlist her husband's godmother. It's just her church that I have to worry about. I think that there is a big chance she might change churches though, in order to be able to worship with her hubby. This pregnancy did not come at an opportune time for either of them. They are both poor students and she is lucky to have health insurance. It's also rather difficult for them because her family is several states away and his family is in another country.