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Freebird

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Basically trying to learn godly ways of living with an alcoholic husband who is a womanizer without becoming angry or numb.

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I wish I knew what to say to this other than a lot of prayer, will be praying for you as well.

God bless

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Freebird,

My dear, you have a real challenge. While the alcoholism is a terrible burden to bear, you cannot help but be angry at the womanizing because that tears at the very basis of your marriage. And feeling numb is not a desirable outcome either because if you become numb to your husband, you will have a tendency to become numb to God as well....and that is NOT good.

According to I Corinthians 7:14, " 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy." That means that, as a believing wife, you are now sanctifying your husband, which is a high and holy calling. Just because you sanctify him though, does not make you responsible for his sins (alcoholism and womanizing), nor does it relieve him of his guilt. When you sanctify someone, you dedicate them as holy to God....which means that God is now responsible for them. He gets the job of fixing them...which is His job anyway.

Now, because of the nature of your husband's sins, he is transmitting a LOT of sickness to you in the form of stress and potentially in the form of physical or emotional abuse. When you are trying to be holy and pure, that sort of thing really discourages you. My response is that you first find a church with people willing to just pray for you and love on you. That will feed your spirit and soul and provide a source of divine love "with skin on". That love is supposed to come from your husband, but he is not giving it to you...so the church should. If you are experiencing financial or physical trauma as a result of anything he is doing, please seek counsel from a pastor, lawyer or even a Christian psychologist. You DO NOT want to stay in an unsafe relationship.

Assuming you are "working through", you need to spend time every day in the Bible. These are the words of God Himself and they will provide food for your soul and food for your heart. Besides, God blesses those who read and study His word. That will build your knowledge of godly ways the quickest. If there is a bible study or women's bible study available once a week, put that on your schedule. That will do 2 things: first, it will provide you with fellowship and prayer support and second, it will provide you with knowledge and learning.

Last, find a way to be thankful. Start with the little things, and build up. God appreciates it when we are thankful. I am sure there are some blessings you have or even things you are working on. Gratitude often leads to joy, which is spiritual strength, which is what you need to deal with your husband.

As I am sure you have found out, nagging him about his "issues" isn't really working. So here is what you do. First, hold him accountable for things that he is responsible for. Tell him once and only once (unless it is life threatening). After that, take the issue directly to God and speak your mind. God can handle it. Remind God of His promise to fix your husband. Let out all the anger you have for your husband on God. When you have all the emotion out, wait in silence and let the Holy Spirit fill you with the sweetness of His presence. Once you are fully sweet, you can deal with anybody. Stay focused on God even if NOT doing something might cause the rent to be late or something similar. When things fall apart, you will have a clear indicator of what he is or is not going to do. At THAT point, you protect yourself and do what you must.

REMEMBER: the goal of the exercize is to win your husband to Christ. If that is not possible, your husband will make his own decision.

Be blessed. We are all in prayer here.

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As Wingnut has said, prayer prayer prayer. With all the stories I've heard about wives seeing the turnaround in their husband's lives, prayer is the one constant. Sometimes it take years or even decades. Sometimes it never happens. But it is the Holy Spirit who moves and primes the heart for God, not us. Prayer is often all we can do...but we should never think of it as some last, desperate, weak resort. Prayer has very real power.

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there is one solution to any problem not only in humanity but the problem of our sinful heart and despondency of it....Jesus Christ. I don't know if you know Him as your Savior but He is the only one who can mend brokenness, suffice joy in Him, bring peace in times of trouble, give guidance and counsel in times of uncertainty, hope when all seem hopeless, faith when there is no other place to seek, comfort when nothing else will do, love for He alone can give perfect unconditional love, joy for He says that His yoke is light....and in the end....there can only be victory in all circumstances in Him for He is our Victor!There is nothing we can do to change our circumstances; but  our Savior can change how we can view those circumstance and how we respond to them.  prayers for you my friend.

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Oh free that sounds heartbreaking. Sounds like you still love him and are wishing he would change. It also sounds like he needs someone to set firm boundaries with him. I would suggest seeing an experienced counselor, and finding a christian support group for women in your situation. I know of an online one if you want to message me. Will keep you in prayer :emot-heartbeat:

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On ‎7‎/‎13‎/‎2017 at 7:46 AM, Freebird said:

Basically trying to learn godly ways of living with an alcoholic husband who is a womanizer without becoming angry or numb.

Believe it or not... the answer lies in relationship of individual with God Himself! All that can or will occur here is relegated to a secondary importance and is also formed into that which passes away without any recollection of such in eternity... Literally setting aside all things in this place and seeking God with all that we are in mind, will, emotion is key to overcoming this begin we all have began in. You will find when you actually begin this statement will make much sense but not until- you cannot fix sin nor understand it's purpose it simply must be put from all reasoning and reform your thoughts, values, life completely from The Word of God. Prayed... Love, Steven

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Depending on what you mean by "womanizer," it might be time to end the relationship.  Adultery can be a reason for divorce, especially when it happens multiple times.

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On 7/13/2017 at 7:46 AM, Freebird said:

Basically trying to learn godly ways of living with an alcoholic husband who is a womanizer without becoming angry or numb.

Praying~!

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On 7/13/2017 at 5:46 AM, Freebird said:

Basically trying to learn godly ways of living with an alcoholic husband who is a womanizer without becoming angry or numb.

Check out your local Al-Anon groups and go to a meeting. These members learn how to live with alcoholics and deal with anger or any other issues that arise from alcoholism. 

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