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Dealing with toxic inlaws


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In the beginning of my marriage and while I was dating I was around my In laws often. But after marriage things got so toxic. My brother in law and sister in law for years was rude would not return calls or messages. Not even to make play dates. My mother in law goes out of her way to ignore me and be rude to me. 

I don't want to sound judgemental but my husbands family is unstable for the following reasons below and because they have been so rude to me I stay away and don't trust them to even baby sit my child

Mother may have a mental illness due to language barrier I wasn't able to detect it before but now I see her behavior and etc over the years she may suffer from personality or mental disorder. She is rude and very belittling and I don't like being around her

father has MAjor depressive disorder and is impulsive blames me when his son can't or won't give him money every time he asks

Sister has molested all 3 of her brothers my husband included. My toddler does not go around her. She has some sort of personality disorder too

one of his brothers is a drug dealer and doesn't care to come around his brother my husband and never met my child who is a toddler although we live in the same city?

other brother claims to be a Christian but is a trouble maker spreading gossip about me to mutual friends and his family

he does have nice family members but because of those things above I have stayed away I do want my child to know his inlaws but because of the above I stay away.

 

my child goes around them once every 2 months or so.

 

what would you do in my situation

 

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It may well be that the only Christ they will ever see is in you... now the onus lies really on who?

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The molestation and drug dealing stands out as being a current danger.  The behavioral parts sound like they could cause harm as well.  It sounds like you're doing what you can to protect your child, husband, and marriage in general.  Minimizing contact and access to the toxic relatives make sense.  

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On 7/14/2017 at 2:26 AM, Lizam said:

In the beginning of my marriage and while I was dating I was around my In laws often. But after marriage things got so toxic. My brother in law and sister in law for years was rude would not return calls or messages. Not even to make play dates. My mother in law goes out of her way to ignore me and be rude to me. 

I don't want to sound judgemental but my husbands family is unstable for the following reasons below and because they have been so rude to me I stay away and don't trust them to even baby sit my child

Mother may have a mental illness due to language barrier I wasn't able to detect it before but now I see her behavior and etc over the years she may suffer from personality or mental disorder. She is rude and very belittling and I don't like being around her

father has MAjor depressive disorder and is impulsive blames me when his son can't or won't give him money every time he asks

Sister has molested all 3 of her brothers my husband included. My toddler does not go around her. She has some sort of personality disorder too

one of his brothers is a drug dealer and doesn't care to come around his brother my husband and never met my child who is a toddler although we live in the same city?

other brother claims to be a Christian but is a trouble maker spreading gossip about me to mutual friends and his family

he does have nice family members but because of those things above I have stayed away I do want my child to know his inlaws but because of the above I stay away.

 

my child goes around them once every 2 months or so.

 

what would you do in my situation

 

Sorry you are going through this.  Pray for them and help them as you can.  Share the gospel with them, when you can.  I will be praying for you.

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On 7/14/2017 at 2:26 AM, Lizam said:

In the beginning of my marriage and while I was dating I was around my In laws often. But after marriage things got so toxic. My brother in law and sister in law for years was rude would not return calls or messages. Not even to make play dates. My mother in law goes out of her way to ignore me and be rude to me. 

I don't want to sound judgemental but my husbands family is unstable for the following reasons below and because they have been so rude to me I stay away and don't trust them to even baby sit my child

Mother may have a mental illness due to language barrier I wasn't able to detect it before but now I see her behavior and etc over the years she may suffer from personality or mental disorder. She is rude and very belittling and I don't like being around her

father has MAjor depressive disorder and is impulsive blames me when his son can't or won't give him money every time he asks

Sister has molested all 3 of her brothers my husband included. My toddler does not go around her. She has some sort of personality disorder too

one of his brothers is a drug dealer and doesn't care to come around his brother my husband and never met my child who is a toddler although we live in the same city?

other brother claims to be a Christian but is a trouble maker spreading gossip about me to mutual friends and his family

he does have nice family members but because of those things above I have stayed away I do want my child to know his inlaws but because of the above I stay away.

 

my child goes around them once every 2 months or so.

 

what would you do in my situation

 

Are you and your husband Christians? You did not see any of this dysfunction before you married your husband? You have a choice you can either subject yourself to their behavior or keep your visits brief and do not go visit them often. If you are a Christian and a praying woman I would suggest that you pray for that family. That their heart will be opened to Jesus Christ.

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On 7/14/2017 at 4:26 AM, Lizam said:

In the beginning of my marriage and while I was dating I was around my In laws often. But after marriage things got so toxic. My brother in law and sister in law for years was rude would not return calls or messages. Not even to make play dates. My mother in law goes out of her way to ignore me and be rude to me. 

I don't want to sound judgemental but my husbands family is unstable for the following reasons below and because they have been so rude to me I stay away and don't trust them to even baby sit my child

Mother may have a mental illness due to language barrier I wasn't able to detect it before but now I see her behavior and etc over the years she may suffer from personality or mental disorder. She is rude and very belittling and I don't like being around her

father has MAjor depressive disorder and is impulsive blames me when his son can't or won't give him money every time he asks

Sister has molested all 3 of her brothers my husband included. My toddler does not go around her. She has some sort of personality disorder too

one of his brothers is a drug dealer and doesn't care to come around his brother my husband and never met my child who is a toddler although we live in the same city?

other brother claims to be a Christian but is a trouble maker spreading gossip about me to mutual friends and his family

he does have nice family members but because of those things above I have stayed away I do want my child to know his inlaws but because of the above I stay away.

 

my child goes around them once every 2 months or so.

 

what would you do in my situation

 

pray for them but have personal bondries to keep my self out of any drama. Try to own them as my own family now because "your mother and your brother" followed by a problem they are causing is a subliminal attack abd blame on your husband who you love.

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