Jump to content
IGNORED

Husband went to strip club


Recommended Posts


  • Group:  Members
  • Followers:  0
  • Topic Count:  1
  • Topics Per Day:  0.00
  • Content Count:  4
  • Content Per Day:  0.00
  • Reputation:   0
  • Days Won:  0
  • Joined:  08/07/2017
  • Status:  Offline

I am that husband!  In 2011 my mother passed away, then in 2012 my aunt (just one year older than) passed as well as a same age cousin that I was close with.  I needed a lot of attention from my wife but received some but little and only on her terms and times.  Having asked for loving attention a letter number of times and hardly received any.  I was very upset and depressed.  I just lost it and went to a local strip club several times in a week.  My with found out and confronted me about my whereabouts and I lied about it at first then finally came clean.  She was very upset twice, once for lying and once for going to the club. It took almost a year for her to calm down.  Our intamancy was ok but I wanted more and more and she was only when she was ready.  Now to 2017, my wife started to feel real bad with medical problems but refused to go to the doctor.  Then I slipped, fell and broke my ankle Jan 31 and was laid up and not upright and mobile until June.  She pushed through her medical problems and did all she could. In early July I was very interested in snuggling and cudling but we only found time for a 6 day period then her medical problems flared up and everything I did was wrong.  My depression and anger was getting to me, she was being very confrontational with family members one-on-one which I could not handle menantely, and I expressed my problem and asked her to stop the confrontations.  She did not stop!  The other big problem in our house is that my 90 year old father is living with us and requires our attention to feed him every day and some other small problems, all which was hitting me hard in my mind and my wife was not happy about the whole situation. A week ago on Saturday our daughter and grandson was at the house and a big problem came up.  I tried to be calm and should have left but didn't. A big confrontation occurred and I lost it and left.  I was so frustrated and spent the day going to a couple of strip clubs.  Only had any dances in one of them.  When I finally came home nothing was said but Sunday morning everything came to a head.  "Where were you yesterday?". "I went to girly bars." "Thanks for telling the truth but . .". You cheated on me. You brought another women into our marriage. (43 YEARS)  You were told 5 years ago never to do that again.  You have STDs and who knows what else.  You cheated on me. You broke a motral sin.  You will never touch me again.  This is the second time you did this to me.  MY thoughts on this is that I did not have a sexual affair, did nothing to get any STD's, and I do not consider this cheating.  I felt a need for female attention and this was the only way I knew how to get some.

We are probably done as a couple - 43 yrs married - I am 69 she is 67.  We have tried to talk but every time it ends in a heated argument.  Also we have probably had sex 5 or6 times in the last 10 years.  I have ED so intercourse is out of the question and I thought that intense snuggling and touching and feeling was hopefully enough for both of us, I know it was enough for me.

Should she kick me out.  We now know it was a mutual problem, the percentages we agree to disagree. 

HELP WE NEED OPINIONS!!!!

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Royal Member
  • Followers:  34
  • Topic Count:  1,989
  • Topics Per Day:  0.49
  • Content Count:  48,687
  • Content Per Day:  11.89
  • Reputation:   30,342
  • Days Won:  226
  • Joined:  01/11/2013
  • Status:  Offline

52 minutes ago, Arbykeen said:

I am that husband!  In 2011 my mother passed away, then in 2012 my aunt (just one year older than) passed as well as a same age cousin that I was close with.  I needed a lot of attention from my wife but received some but little and only on her terms and times.  Having asked for loving attention a letter number of times and hardly received any.  I was very upset and depressed.  I just lost it and went to a local strip club several times in a week.  My with found out and confronted me about my whereabouts and I lied about it at first then finally came clean.  She was very upset twice, once for lying and once for going to the club. It took almost a year for her to calm down.  Our intamancy was ok but I wanted more and more and she was only when she was ready.  Now to 2017, my wife started to feel real bad with medical problems but refused to go to the doctor.  Then I slipped, fell and broke my ankle Jan 31 and was laid up and not upright and mobile until June.  She pushed through her medical problems and did all she could. In early July I was very interested in snuggling and cudling but we only found time for a 6 day period then her medical problems flared up and everything I did was wrong.  My depression and anger was getting to me, she was being very confrontational with family members one-on-one which I could not handle menantely, and I expressed my problem and asked her to stop the confrontations.  She did not stop!  The other big problem in our house is that my 90 year old father is living with us and requires our attention to feed him every day and some other small problems, all which was hitting me hard in my mind and my wife was not happy about the whole situation. A week ago on Saturday our daughter and grandson was at the house and a big problem came up.  I tried to be calm and should have left but didn't. A big confrontation occurred and I lost it and left.  I was so frustrated and spent the day going to a couple of strip clubs.  Only had any dances in one of them.  When I finally came home nothing was said but Sunday morning everything came to a head.  "Where were you yesterday?". "I went to girly bars." "Thanks for telling the truth but . .". You cheated on me. You brought another women into our marriage. (43 YEARS)  You were told 5 years ago never to do that again.  You have STDs and who knows what else.  You cheated on me. You broke a motral sin.  You will never touch me again.  This is the second time you did this to me.  MY thoughts on this is that I did not have a sexual affair, did nothing to get any STD's, and I do not consider this cheating.  I felt a need for female attention and this was the only way I knew how to get some.

We are probably done as a couple - 43 yrs married - I am 69 she is 67.  We have tried to talk but every time it ends in a heated argument.  Also we have probably had sex 5 or6 times in the last 10 years.  I have ED so intercourse is out of the question and I thought that intense snuggling and touching and feeling was hopefully enough for both of us, I know it was enough for me.

Should she kick me out.  We now know it was a mutual problem, the percentages we agree to disagree. 

HELP WE NEED OPINIONS!!!!

 

 

Are you a born again Christian? Going to a strip club when you are married feeds the lust of the flesh and it is a sin 1 John 2:16. You have had an emotional affair on your wife. You cheated on her. There are different ways to cheat on your spouse. It does not have to be a physical affair.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Worthy Ministers
  • Followers:  23
  • Topic Count:  155
  • Topics Per Day:  0.02
  • Content Count:  7,464
  • Content Per Day:  1.02
  • Reputation:   8,810
  • Days Won:  57
  • Joined:  03/30/2004
  • Status:  Offline
  • Birthday:  12/12/1952

That would be my question, are you a born again Christian?  What Missmuffet said is so true.  The Blble says that if a man even thinks of a woman in a lustfull way he has already committed adultry with her.

Jesus is the great healer and can restore anyone or anything.  He is where you need to be turning your attention to.  Fall fully into His care and get into the Word of God.  Find a good Bible believing church and claim your marriage back from the enemy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Senior Member
  • Followers:  25
  • Topic Count:  41
  • Topics Per Day:  0.01
  • Content Count:  726
  • Content Per Day:  0.15
  • Reputation:   575
  • Days Won:  0
  • Joined:  07/22/2010
  • Status:  Offline
  • Birthday:  12/30/1974

You guys need to seek counseling.  I think your wife is sinning by withholding intimacy from you and you are sinning by going to strip clubs.  it appears that there are deeper problems in your lives and in your marriage.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Royal Member
  • Followers:  34
  • Topic Count:  1,989
  • Topics Per Day:  0.49
  • Content Count:  48,687
  • Content Per Day:  11.89
  • Reputation:   30,342
  • Days Won:  226
  • Joined:  01/11/2013
  • Status:  Offline

32 minutes ago, da_man1974 said:

You guys need to seek counseling.  I think your wife is sinning by withholding intimacy from you and you are sinning by going to strip clubs.  it appears that there are deeper problems in your lives and in your marriage.

We really do not know the whole picture.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Senior Member
  • Followers:  25
  • Topic Count:  41
  • Topics Per Day:  0.01
  • Content Count:  726
  • Content Per Day:  0.15
  • Reputation:   575
  • Days Won:  0
  • Joined:  07/22/2010
  • Status:  Offline
  • Birthday:  12/30/1974

4 minutes ago, missmuffet said:

We really do not know the whole picture.

Correct.  But we know enough to know that they need counseling.  Both of them have some hurts that need to be dealt with.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Worthy Ministers
  • Followers:  22
  • Topic Count:  86
  • Topics Per Day:  0.03
  • Content Count:  6,828
  • Content Per Day:  2.43
  • Reputation:   9,555
  • Days Won:  4
  • Joined:  07/18/2016
  • Status:  Offline
  • Birthday:  11/10/1986

As others have asked, are you both born again Christians? Do you regularly attend church? Do you have a Christian support group of fellow believers?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Wanda01

You asked for opinions, so I am going to give mine.

As a wife of a husband who has betrayed our vows, my trust, but most importantly, his walk with God, I cannot urge you strongly enough to get into the Word, pray, come to a place in your heart that you aren't just sorry for the mess that's been made, but for the actions that got you here. You can only take responsibility for your part in it, but that's a good place to start.

I am assuming of course, that you are born again. If not, what's stopping you? God is merciful and quick to forgive you of anything you have ever done. 

Your wife needs to see that you are truly sorry. Not just paying lip service to it. By your actions, she will know if you are truly repenting for what you did, and she will be watching, believe me! Once she sees that you have truly repented and are no longer doing the things that got you to this point, I do believe her heart will be softened. 

The trust has been broken and it will take time to rebuild it. I personally do believe that your marriage can be saved, but it will take work on both your parts.

All the best to you. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Members
  • Followers:  0
  • Topic Count:  1
  • Topics Per Day:  0.00
  • Content Count:  4
  • Content Per Day:  0.00
  • Reputation:   0
  • Days Won:  0
  • Joined:  08/07/2017
  • Status:  Offline

To all.  We are NOT born again Christian's.  We both believe in GOD.  She was raised Catholic but does not go to mass very often (mostly funerals and weddings) I do not attend church because of problems with organized churches in the past. I support anyone who goes to church but it's not for me.  My wife and I had a great marriage for many years but in the later years a lot of things happened, on both sides.  Her interest in intimate contact really diminished mine did not.  I tried to be intimate but there was almost always an excuse and after so many "NO's" I asked less, I still tried but less often.  After my losses in 2011 & 2012 I needed and wanted her but she still had excuses.  A physical affair was not an option so I opted for a strip club and that was enough.  After that it took awhile but I thought we were doing OK. Her attitude changed but I just lived with it I still loved her.  This year many things happened not related to this subject but that put more strain on both of us. We were both irritated and she was not feeling well and our communication was broke.  We have now agreed on that. Then the day I was broke mentally and left for the strip club. Two weeks of pure HELL for both of us, much soul searching and lots and lots of words - not all pleasant.  We now have calmed down and agreed to dis-agree.  I can only hope that each of you have a great sex life with your husbands because that is in the Bible also.  Let those free of sin cast the first stone.  Just remember that the only PERFECT man was hung on the cross!

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Arbykeen said:

Let those free of sin cast the first stone.  Just remember that the only PERFECT man was hung on the cross!

Interesting. Thats usually what those who are not reborn again do, cherry pick a scripture that they THINK serves them best at any given moment when speaking to those who are reborn again! . The natural man cannot discern the things of the spirit. You came here for advice and you got it. The most important eternal decision you and your wife can make is to seek the LORD. Come in humility and contriteness. Start reading the word of God (especially matthew,mark,luke and hon, romans and hebrews to start) and ask God to save you.  Blessings

The ABC’s Of Salvation

A. Christ DIED for you – Romans 5:8
B. Christ PAID your sins in Full – 2 Corinthians 5:21, 1 Peter 2:24
C. BELIEVE(Trust In Completely) on Christ ALONE for salvation – John 3:16, Acts 16:31, Ephesians 2:8,9, 1 Cor. 15:1-4
Repent! For the kingdom of Heaven is at hand! Matthew 4:17

“For the wages of sin is death(Eternal Torment In Hell & The Lake of Fire); But the Gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ Our Lord”. Romans 6:23

IT IS THAT SIMPLE – THE GOSPEL TRUTH

Edited by Guest
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...