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Hello, guys!
I know it's a common problem, I've read a dozen of Christian articles on that topic, for half an year I've been trying to accept it and be okay with it. Trying to find the pros of a non-virgin girlfriend, telling myself I'm the better man, that she is with me and that's all that matters, that it's not a sin against me, but God Himself and He is no less hurt than me in that whole situation. But I just cannot accept it. It hurts like hell and ruins our relationship.
I've talked with her a few times, and then I just gave up on that, pretending everything is okay, that a true man with confidence is not affected by such "minor" things etc. But I just can't. And she's not a Christian, by the way, so she sees nothing wrong with it, never apologized and never said sorry for that, and I'm sure she knows how painful it is for me. And... really, I can't blame her, her mind doesn't work like that. But I just can't take it anymore.

Do you guys have something to say about that? Any advice? Should I leave her and pray for my soul, cause I made some mistakes in that relationship too, I thought everything is going to be okay but it just became worse? Should I "team up" with God and forgive her, and most importantly HOW?

Thank you in advance (for the spiritual guidance)! And thank you for keeping the faith alive!

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Blessings Paul

    Welcome to Worthy.....tough one,I'll say!   Paul,the thing is (& you said it yourself) "Should I forgive her like God does"   Now thats the tough one imo because I would not ne so quick to say God Forgives her since you say she sees nothing wrong with anything she's done,she has not asked forgiveness & MOST of all,she is not a Christian.....so what does that mean,it means she is not Reconciled back to God,she has not been forgiven because she has not come to the foot of the cross to the ONLY WAY,the Truth & the Life that brings us to the Father and the GRACE of God!

     I think the bigger issue is that she is not a Christian,the Word of God warns us against our being yoked with an unbeliever.....for our own good,thats a rough start   How hard it is to forgive ,we need the Heart & Mind of Jesus to truly forgive those that ask forgiveness & even more so for those that trespass against us & do not want forgiveness!!!! Why would you want to be with someone who has no regard for your feelings?She can't possibly understand what thet means to you because her heart has not yet been Convicted as yours has......

     You asked "Should I leave her & team up with God"......seems like you have considered the option & so I say "Yes,but not for the sake of THAT relationship" but for the RElationship that should be first & foremost in your life.....you & Jesus!

    Lets pray the young ladys heart be softened that she may Receive the Word of God and Salvation through Christ Jesus.....it should be VERY easy to forgive her & pray for her because as it stands her eternity is in grave danger & not because of her promiscuity......her sin is not against you,she is at enmity with God

Quote

Matthew 6:33King James Version (KJV)

33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

                                                                                   With love-in Christ,Kwik

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It's an individual decision. Most women today have had sex, just as most men have. Women, especially young ones, equate sex with love while most men equate sex with sex. I don't know what it is that bothers you so much about this woman having had sex in the past, except maybe the desire to "be her first." You may never find a woman like that in this day and age, but if it is that important to you, and you can't get past it, than you need to move on as the relationship will never work out in the long run.

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3 hours ago, Paulie said:

Hello, guys!
I know it's a common problem, I've read a dozen of Christian articles on that topic, for half an year I've been trying to accept it and be okay with it. Trying to find the pros of a non-virgin girlfriend, telling myself I'm the better man, that she is with me and that's all that matters, that it's not a sin against me, but God Himself and He is no less hurt than me in that whole situation. But I just cannot accept it. It hurts like hell and ruins our relationship.
I've talked with her a few times, and then I just gave up on that, pretending everything is okay, that a true man with confidence is not affected by such "minor" things etc. But I just can't. And she's not a Christian, by the way, so she sees nothing wrong with it, never apologized and never said sorry for that, and I'm sure she knows how painful it is for me. And... really, I can't blame her, her mind doesn't work like that. But I just can't take it anymore.

Do you guys have something to say about that? Any advice? Should I leave her and pray for my soul, cause I made some mistakes in that relationship too, I thought everything is going to be okay but it just became worse? Should I "team up" with God and forgive her, and most importantly HOW?

Thank you in advance (for the spiritual guidance)! And thank you for keeping the faith alive!

Are you a Christian? Then you know that the Bible tells us that we should not have a relationship with a nonbeliever or marry a nonbeliever because then we would be unevenly yoked. End of discussion.

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Hey Paulie,

Going to be honest here, and I hope you would want nothing less.

Analysis of a survey of 1800 unmarried persons between 18 and 29 years of age, taken in December of 2009 by the Guttmacher Institute and The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unlanned Pregnancy, indicated the Evangelical Christians in the surveyed group were 1.8 times more likely to have abstained from sex that this age group as a whole.

Now, it is a little encouraging that that is the case, we should realize that Evangelicals, are probably more likely to be conservative in this area, that most other Christians, and one would think than non-Christians, for the most part.

That does not sound like evangelicals, are really doing that great a job of exercising self control. Add to that, that this statistic is based on what people were willing to admit to in a survey, so it could be even worse.

If that doesn't discourage you enough, let me restate the results another way:

Of those unmarried young young adults survey, 89% of those admitted to having sex, and 80% of Evangelicals did. These were in the U.S., i only hope that Christians in other conutries are better behaved and take God more seriously.

I had to admit this as dirty laundry to the world that wants to expose us as hypocrits, but I am not willing to lie or cover up the truth about it, that would also be hypocritical,

So why bring this up at all? Your desire or expectation to marry a virgin, is all well and good. You can certainly insist upon it, if that is your conviction. However, as a somewhat practical matter, it might be more realistic, to just stay unmarried, than to expect that you will actually find a virgin, and to know with certainty, that she is indeed one, no matter what she says.

If you do fine one of the 11 in 100 (among Evangelicals) that actually is a virgin, there is no guarantee, that she will concent to marry you. Think of this in terms of how many women you actually interview for the job in a year, and you might come to the conclusion that you are in for a long wait!

If you open up your search not non-Christians (as you apparently have) your chances of her being a virgin are even less. I think you are not being realistic in your expectations, but more to the point, what about other sin? Is it only her sexual experience that concerns you. Did she disrespect her parents? Whas the ever angry without cause? Dis she ever steal a paperclip from her work place? Did she ever lie about anything? Has she ever driven over the speed limit? Need I go on, or do you think that there is more than one sin you could be asking about, besides a woman's virginity?

What about yourself? Are you sinless? You know, Christians are not supposed to be so judgmental about not Christians, they don't really know better, they are not spiritually discerning, and do not have the same source of conviction (the Holy Spirit) living in them.

I would suggest to you that you might want to spend more effort, in being the right person than finding the right person. I also (saving the best for last) agree with Kwikphilly (though I will be more direct or blunt about it) that if you are a Christian, you really have no business dating non Christians, unless it is just for having a friendly get together, but you should have no intention of partnering with not believers, whether that be business, or marriage or whatever. Be selective, lest they drag you down or form relationships that can never be in full agreement.

Bottom line though, move on, and do not make marriage a priority, but be willing to accept what God brings you that is within His will, in His timing, meanwhile, work on being the right person for her!

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Thank you for the replies, but I don't judge people on whether they are or are not Christians. I mean, yeah, it is cool to have friends who believe in Jesus, but I think spirituality matters more than what exactly you believe in, as long as it is something good and brings good to Earth. I prefer Muslims and Jews, even Eastern religions to atheists to be honest. 
Not all non-Christians are evil. They may very well be discouraged, depressed, and have like a thousand reasons not to have the greatest relationship with God. Given the fact we live in such a dehumanized society, it is pretty normal for the average person to doubt the things we know. Of course, that is Not an excuse, but I can see why there are so much non-believers. Most of them are evil, yes, they enjoy sinning and being disgraceful to God, BUT there are humans, who are perfectly fine (I even know people who are not Christians better than some Christian acquaintances I know) and I don't doubt their actions are out of love and respect, and not seeking personal benefits.

@Omegaman 3.0 Thank you for the honesty, I've thought about that and it's really not that bad of a choice. There's nothing bad in being single for the rest of your life, Apostle Paul has already said it. But when you love someone, you can't just really give up on them like that, you know?
 

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3 hours ago, Paulie said:

Thank you for the replies, but I don't judge people on whether they are or are not Christians. I mean, yeah, it is cool to have friends who believe in Jesus, but I think spirituality matters more than what exactly you believe in, as long as it is something good and brings good to Earth. I prefer Muslims and Jews, even Eastern religions to atheists to be honest. 
Not all non-Christians are evil. They may very well be discouraged, depressed, and have like a thousand reasons not to have the greatest relationship with God. Given the fact we live in such a dehumanized society, it is pretty normal for the average person to doubt the things we know. Of course, that is Not an excuse, but I can see why there are so much non-believers. Most of them are evil, yes, they enjoy sinning and being disgraceful to God, BUT there are humans, who are perfectly fine (I even know people who are not Christians better than some Christian acquaintances I know) and I don't doubt their actions are out of love and respect, and not seeking personal benefits.

@Omegaman 3.0 Thank you for the honesty, I've thought about that and it's really not that bad of a choice. There's nothing bad in being single for the rest of your life, Apostle Paul has already said it. But when you love someone, you can't just really give up on them like that, you know?
 

Paulie, who do you think  of Jesus is and what does He means to you?

This is an important question ,did you ever thought of where you're going when you die?

If you stand before Jesus why would He let you in heaven?

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What did the Lord Jesus say to those who condemned the woman caught in adultery?  He who is without sin among you cast the first stone!  They all left.  To the woman He said, go and sin not more.   

Should this woman find faith and forgiveness in Jesus Christ,  she would be like the unclean meat being offered to Peter.  And God said what we shouldn't consider something unclean that God has declared to be clean.  Anyone forgiven by God is a new person with no past. Clean.  But as others have said, the real issue is that you have chosen someone who has not embraced Christ.  As to this God says what fellowship does a believer have with an unbeliever, and what fellowship does God have with satan?  Two different value systems.  You would never truly have a good marriage because you would always be pulled in opposite directions if you are a true Christian. 

Have you surrendered every area of your life to God, and to the advice of His Word?  The bible tells us to not do stuff that will bring us grief and misery.  I call them "thou shalt not jump off the cliff" signs.  If you defy God, you are in for a world of hurt.  Please reconsider both your choices and your attitudes toward women who are not perfect.  No one is perfect and you won't find a perfect spouse.  But you need to find a woman who is committed to serve the Living God.  A marriage will only really work when God is at the center of your lives and you can pray aloud together about concerns.  

 Nearly 25% of young girls have been molested in our nations, and nearly 20% of young boys.  This is shocking.  But add to those the ones who have been raped as teens or young adults, and you will find a whole lot of hurting people who need God's love to heal.  Fortunately God came for those who need His healing, not for those who have no need.  He chooses "damaged goods" and second hand people to be His own family, to love and make into a new creation.

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7 hours ago, Paulie said:

Thank you for the replies, but I don't judge people on whether they are or are not Christians. I mean, yeah, it is cool to have friends who believe in Jesus, but I think spirituality matters more than what exactly you believe in, as long as it is something good and brings good to Earth. I prefer Muslims and Jews, even Eastern religions to atheists to be honest.

"Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." -- John 14:5-6

"Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness. Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it." -- Matthew 7:21-27

Jesus makes it very clear that Christianity is the only acceptable "religion," and that all other ways lead to death. He even goes so far as to say that many people who claim to be Christians, many who claim to follow Him and speak His name and do His work will be rejected.

"Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few." -- Matthew 7:13-14

We are called to believe in Christ. It is not simply a belief in His existence, but a deep faith in Him for our salvation, a faith that leads to real change in our hearts and lives, a faith that leads to complete rejection of all other doctrines and religious teachings. If there is a way to heaven other than accepting Jesus as savior and living for Him, then He died in vain.

I say this not out of judgement but out of concern for you; I think you have far bigger problems than your girlfriend not being a virgin. She's not a Christian and, frankly, by your own admission, you don't sound like one, either. Growing up going to church or reading the Bible or giving to the poor doesn't make one a Christian; only accepting Jesus as one's savior and relying on justification by faith in Jesus alone makes one a true Christian, and truly saved. You may believe that "spirituality matters more than what exactly you believe in," but Jesus made it clear that what exactly you (truly) believe in is all that matters.

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Alright, so I kinda messed up what I was trying to say. Of course I don't think I come before God (don't recall writing this). And as for the spirituality - yes, of course Christianity is the only way, I know that. I just meant for our lives here, that there are some good people who are spiritual and stuff and are just confused, not necessarily evil. They are capable of doing good and helping others, so it's kinda sad they're that confused and discouraged to accept God (as their Savior), cause they're not bad people.
And yes, there are many fake Christians, but whatever, it's up to them. Well.. not exactly, it can be very misleading and they can push you away from faith, instead of helping you build one. Which is kinda evil. And you can call me fake too if you want, I don't mind. Hopefully I still got time to repair my friendship with God, so to speak. 

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