BK1110 Posted August 17, 2017 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 22 Topic Count: 86 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 6,857 Content Per Day: 2.42 Reputation: 9,580 Days Won: 4 Joined: 07/18/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/10/1986 Share Posted August 17, 2017 Relating to your original question, I'd suggest you look up Voddie Baucham's teachings on love and marriage on Youtube. It could be very enlightening and helpful to you in this regard. God bless! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willa Posted August 18, 2017 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 68 Topic Count: 185 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 14,224 Content Per Day: 3.33 Reputation: 16,647 Days Won: 30 Joined: 08/14/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted August 18, 2017 On 8/16/2017 at 3:31 AM, Paulie said: Alright, so I kinda messed up what I was trying to say. Of course I don't think I come before God (don't recall writing this). And as for the spirituality - yes, of course Christianity is the only way, I know that. I just meant for our lives here, that there are some good people who are spiritual and stuff and are just confused, not necessarily evil. They are capable of doing good and helping others, so it's kinda sad they're that confused and discouraged to accept God (as their Savior), cause they're not bad people. And yes, there are many fake Christians, but whatever, it's up to them. Well.. not exactly, it can be very misleading and they can push you away from faith, instead of helping you build one. Which is kinda evil. And you can call me fake too if you want, I don't mind. Hopefully I still got time to repair my friendship with God, so to speak. We don't merit heaven by anything we do. Salvation is a gift from God. It is a free gift. Jesus paid for your salvation and your peace with God by His own blood which was shed on the cross. He died for your sins and the sins of the world, but He was totally without sin in His own life. He is the only person to ever have kept the law perfectly and earn salvation. God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself. People go to hell by rejecting or neglecting God's free gift through Jesus Christ. We go to heaven by receiving Him into our lives as Supreme Authority over us--our Lord and our King, and our Savior. He said "I am the way, the truth and the life. No man comes to the Father but by Me." Heb 2:1 AMP SINCE ALL this is true, we ought to pay much closer attention than ever to the truths that we have heard, lest in any way we drift past [them] and slip away. Heb 2:2 For if the message given through angels [the Law spoken by them to Moses] was authentic and proved sure, and every violation and disobedience received an appropriate (just and adequate) penalty, Heb 2:3 How shall we escape [appropriate retribution] if we neglect and refuse to pay attention to such a great salvation [as is now offered to us, letting it drift past us forever]? For it was declared at first by the Lord [Himself], and it was confirmed to us and proved to be real and genuine by those who personally heard [Him speak]. Heb 2:4 [Besides this evidence] it was also established and plainly endorsed by God, Who showed His approval of it by signs and wonders and various miraculous manifestations of [His] power and by imparting the gifts of the Holy Spirit [to the believers] according to His own will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTC Posted August 18, 2017 Group: Royal Member Followers: 18 Topic Count: 200 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 2,795 Content Per Day: 0.65 Reputation: 1,502 Days Won: 1 Joined: 06/25/2012 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/26/1952 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Paulie, I wish I knew your age. When I was a teen I wanted to marry a virgin and back then it was still a strong possibility. By the time I was 25 it wasn't much of a possibility anymore. It took me several yrs to realize if I ever did get married she probably wouldn't be a virgin. Btw, I never got married but this isn't why. It just wasn't part of God's plan for my life. I drove a cab for 10 yrs and discussed this with many young people. I was surprised the old double standard still exists. Guys want to marry virgins but when they go out partying they want a girl who will sleep with them. You can't have it both ways. In my whole pretty long life I only knew 1 woman who stayed a virgin until she got married at 40. I don't like that this girl sees nothing wrong with her sexual activity. I wonder how old she is. Another strange thing is I knew 1 girl, mid 20's, who had so many abortions she was using abortion as a form of birth control. At least that bothered her. She was a friend, not a gf. Just in case you were wondering. Unless you live in Muslim country you have to realize most girls over 21 have had sex. You have to come to terms with that. If you can't don't get married. We aren't all meant to be married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paulie Posted August 19, 2017 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 8 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/15/2017 Status: Offline Author Share Posted August 19, 2017 18 hours ago, JTC said: Paulie, I wish I knew your age. When I was a teen I wanted to marry a virgin and back then it was still a strong possibility. By the time I was 25 it wasn't much of a possibility anymore. It took me several yrs to realize if I ever did get married she probably wouldn't be a virgin. Btw, I never got married but this isn't why. It just wasn't part of God's plan for my life. I drove a cab for 10 yrs and discussed this with many young people. I was surprised the old double standard still exists. Guys want to marry virgins but when they go out partying they want a girl who will sleep with them. You can't have it both ways. In my whole pretty long life I only knew 1 woman who stayed a virgin until she got married at 40. I don't like that this girl sees nothing wrong with her sexual activity. I wonder how old she is. Another strange thing is I knew 1 girl, mid 20's, who had so many abortions she was using abortion as a form of birth control. At least that bothered her. She was a friend, not a gf. Just in case you were wondering. Unless you live in Muslim country you have to realize most girls over 21 have had sex. You have to come to terms with that. If you can't don't get married. We aren't all meant to be married. I'm 24, she's 30. And I know that it gets close to impossible, though there are still chances. See, there are certain qualities in that particular woman I love and cherish, and I think this is much more important than her sexual past (which is laughable by today's standards, I mean people her age had like 10-20 partners. Even teens here in my country aren't virgins so... yeah. About the double standards... I too can't stand them. It's exactly what you said, men are even proud they slept with as many women as possible. I don't get it... But I guess I don't have to look at it that way, I mean her past. They were serious about what was happening with them at the time, nobody used no one, so it's all good. Now, I can be the better provider in every other aspect of her life, cause... I don't think anyone of us cares about sex itself that much. And if it happens for us to split up, whatever, as you said - there's nothing wrong with staying single for the rest of your life. It's not like you're alone, you have God. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTC Posted August 19, 2017 Group: Royal Member Followers: 18 Topic Count: 200 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 2,795 Content Per Day: 0.65 Reputation: 1,502 Days Won: 1 Joined: 06/25/2012 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/26/1952 Share Posted August 19, 2017 3 hours ago, Paulie said: I'm 24, she's 30. And I know that it gets close to impossible, though there are still chances. See, there are certain qualities in that particular woman I love and cherish, and I think this is much more important than her sexual past (which is laughable by today's standards, I mean people her age had like 10-20 partners. Even teens here in my country aren't virgins so... yeah. About the double standards... I too can't stand them. It's exactly what you said, men are even proud they slept with as many women as possible. I don't get it... But I guess I don't have to look at it that way, I mean her past. They were serious about what was happening with them at the time, nobody used no one, so it's all good. Now, I can be the better provider in every other aspect of her life, cause... I don't think anyone of us cares about sex itself that much. And if it happens for us to split up, whatever, as you said - there's nothing wrong with staying single for the rest of your life. It's not like you're alone, you have God. Here's an interesting fact from neuroscience we only learned not that long ago. We used to think the brain was done growing at about 21. The latest thinking is the brain keeps growing until 25 to 26. So you may think differently in 2 years but your gf's brain isn't going to change physically. Here in the USA a 30 yr virgin would be hard to find. The problem isn't that she's not a virgin the problem is it bothers you. I had a cousin who married a girl who only had sex with 1 guy before him. I guess it was 1974 and even back then that wasn't so bad. But it bothered him. It bothered him so much he went to a hypnotist. That bothered me. I don't like allowing someone else to control our will. I would have rather seen him go for 5 yrs of psychotherapy if necessary. I don't think the hypnosis worked and my cousin's life didn't go well. If you're going to keep seeing this girl you have to get to a point where her past sexual experiences don't bother you. That's a hard thing to do. But if you can't do it I don't think you should keep seeing her. The other issue is will she ever be happy with just 1 man. I've know both men and women who could never stay with just 1 person. I was once deeply in love with a woman like that. She claimed if Mr. Right came along she'd stop sleeping with other men. But I was friends with her about 10 years and to this day I wonder what became of her. Like your girl she saw nothing wrong with all her sexual partners. But when you deeply love someone you can convince yourself you don't care. At least you're questioning yourself. Considering you're only 24 maybe you should look for a woman with morals like yours. Nowadays many people don't marry until they're 30. IMO it shows you're smart maybe even wise. In my day being single at 30 said there was something wrong with me. Nothing was wrong with me, as I said, it wasn't God's will for me to be married. At 65 I'm convinced of that, otherwise it would have happened. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest shiloh357 Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 On 8/15/2017 at 9:11 AM, Paulie said: Hello, guys! I know it's a common problem, I've read a dozen of Christian articles on that topic, for half an year I've been trying to accept it and be okay with it. Trying to find the pros of a non-virgin girlfriend, telling myself I'm the better man, that she is with me and that's all that matters, that it's not a sin against me, but God Himself and He is no less hurt than me in that whole situation. But I just cannot accept it. It hurts like hell and ruins our relationship. I've talked with her a few times, and then I just gave up on that, pretending everything is okay, that a true man with confidence is not affected by such "minor" things etc. But I just can't. And she's not a Christian, by the way, so she sees nothing wrong with it, never apologized and never said sorry for that, and I'm sure she knows how painful it is for me. And... really, I can't blame her, her mind doesn't work like that. But I just can't take it anymore. Do you guys have something to say about that? Any advice? Should I leave her and pray for my soul, cause I made some mistakes in that relationship too, I thought everything is going to be okay but it just became worse? Should I "team up" with God and forgive her, and most importantly HOW? Thank you in advance (for the spiritual guidance)! And thank you for keeping the faith alive! If she is not a Christian, then you would be violating biblical teaching by being in a relationship with her in the first place. She is not repentant of her sin and sees nothing wrong with what she did and that means she will commit the same sin again, and may end up trying to talk you into committing the same sin with her. You will have to decide if you are going to put God first or not. But keep in mind that God will hold you accountable for that decision. You need to find a godly woman and not someone who could shipwreck your walk with Christ. Don't do anything that will end up keeping you from having a visible testimony of Christ before the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paulie Posted August 20, 2017 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 8 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/15/2017 Status: Offline Author Share Posted August 20, 2017 13 hours ago, JTC said: Here's an interesting fact from neuroscience we only learned not that long ago. We used to think the brain was done growing at about 21. The latest thinking is the brain keeps growing until 25 to 26. So you may think differently in 2 years but your gf's brain isn't going to change physically. Here in the USA a 30 yr virgin would be hard to find. The problem isn't that she's not a virgin the problem is it bothers you. I had a cousin who married a girl who only had sex with 1 guy before him. I guess it was 1974 and even back then that wasn't so bad. But it bothered him. It bothered him so much he went to a hypnotist. That bothered me. I don't like allowing someone else to control our will. I would have rather seen him go for 5 yrs of psychotherapy if necessary. I don't think the hypnosis worked and my cousin's life didn't go well. If you're going to keep seeing this girl you have to get to a point where her past sexual experiences don't bother you. That's a hard thing to do. But if you can't do it I don't think you should keep seeing her. The other issue is will she ever be happy with just 1 man. I've know both men and women who could never stay with just 1 person. I was once deeply in love with a woman like that. She claimed if Mr. Right came along she'd stop sleeping with other men. But I was friends with her about 10 years and to this day I wonder what became of her. Like your girl she saw nothing wrong with all her sexual partners. But when you deeply love someone you can convince yourself you don't care. At least you're questioning yourself. Considering you're only 24 maybe you should look for a woman with morals like yours. Nowadays many people don't marry until they're 30. IMO it shows you're smart maybe even wise. In my day being single at 30 said there was something wrong with me. Nothing was wrong with me, as I said, it wasn't God's will for me to be married. At 65 I'm convinced of that, otherwise it would have happened. Well, you're right, once again. Some people don't see that as such a burden, some people do. I don't understand some of the troubles other couples are having, so it's very subjective. But I'm going to keep trying my best to overcome it. Without doing stupid things, of course, cause... yeah, sometimes you feel betrayed and want to get even, but that's hardly the wisest thing to do. You'll only disappoint yourself and start hating yourself for the things you do/did. And I'll start talking seriously with her about Christ and the Bible, after I remove the "log in my own eye" first, of course. If I Can't do it, and if God Won't do it - we'll split. It's never too late. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paulie Posted September 1, 2017 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 8 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/15/2017 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 1, 2017 Some updates. I doubt my case is important to you but I just wanted to share it. We broke up. I feel like now is absolutely the rightest time to fix my relationship with God, start anew, as a new person, ask for forgiveness for all my past mistakes and sins and choose a different path for my life. @JTC, I'll try to abstain from relationships from now on. With each relationship I lose more than I earn. Yes, it is an experience and you can grow as a person, learn from the mistakes, but it just drains you more and more on a psychological and spiritual level. I get less and less emotional. And I don't want to drain myself no more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTC Posted September 1, 2017 Group: Royal Member Followers: 18 Topic Count: 200 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 2,795 Content Per Day: 0.65 Reputation: 1,502 Days Won: 1 Joined: 06/25/2012 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/26/1952 Share Posted September 1, 2017 I consider the people on this board as friends so you're important. There's nothing wrong in taking a break from dating. Often it's the best thing to do. And you're right that a relationship shouldn't be so draining. It shouldn't be hard work. Of course you have to work at having a happy marriage, I know people who have them say that. They say you have to work at it. But not to the point where it wears you out. From what I noticed all my life when Miss Right comes along she won't just go away. The woman has to work at the relationship too. You have many years to find the right girl. And it should be better if you're both Christians. At least it should be better if you both have the same values. Especially when it comes to sex and relationships. It's not good when 1 person thinks many partners is just fine and the other doesn't. That kind of thing will kill a relationship every time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omegaman 3.0 Posted September 1, 2017 Group: Graduated to Heaven Followers: 57 Topic Count: 1,546 Topics Per Day: 0.21 Content Count: 10,320 Content Per Day: 1.41 Reputation: 12,323 Days Won: 9 Joined: 04/15/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/05/1951 Share Posted September 1, 2017 5 hours ago, Paulie said: Some updates. I doubt my case is important to you but I just wanted to share it. We broke up. I feel like now is absolutely the rightest time to fix my relationship with God, start anew, as a new person, ask for forgiveness for all my past mistakes and sins and choose a different path for my life. I think you have made the best possible choice there, and it will bear much good fruit as you live your life, just hang in there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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