Jump to content
IGNORED

Healing from abusive father


Recommended Posts


  • Group:  Members
  • Followers:  4
  • Topic Count:  6
  • Topics Per Day:  0.00
  • Content Count:  10
  • Content Per Day:  0.00
  • Reputation:   22
  • Days Won:  0
  • Joined:  08/15/2017
  • Status:  Offline

I am trying very hard to repent of everything and walk the narrow road but there is this spiritual connection with my father that I just can't break. You see, my father was very abusive to my family and he is ice-cold emotionally. He has never had any friends, he has a major personality disorder... my mother is a very loving mother but my father is the complete opposite. I am trying to be my own person in Christ and walk with God but I just can't get past wounds from him in my childhood, and how much he instilled fear into me... I was terrified of my father as a kid. I am not making this thread to put down my dad, I am making this thread to try and heal because my father is a sick, tormented man and I just can't seem to break any emotional ''ties'' I have with him... I was messed up as a teenager and early 20s and now in my late 20s im trying to finally break ''free'' from any negative ties I have with him but they are rooted so, so deeply... I hated my father for a long time for what he did to me as a kid but I have come to forgive him and even love him, but I just cant go near him because I will open up doors to depression and fear if I do.

 

I inherited some traits naturally from my father like poor social skills, ignoring/disrespecting people, they are generational curses and I KNOW they are wrong and I am trying soooo hard to change and NOT be like my dad but it is rooted in so deep... I never ''grew up'' and became my own person

 

What do you guys suggest/ How can I get my life on with God and cut all negative ties with my family/

Edited by GApeach678
  • Loved it! 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Members
  • Followers:  3
  • Topic Count:  6
  • Topics Per Day:  0.00
  • Content Count:  70
  • Content Per Day:  0.03
  • Reputation:   97
  • Days Won:  0
  • Joined:  08/08/2017
  • Status:  Offline

I'm sorry for how you've suffered. I have a very similar past in many respects, though it wasn't from a sociopathic father thankfully. I have to say, the way you talk about "negative ties" sounds suspiciously New Age. If you've ever had any sort of involvement with occultic practices, please drop that kind of thinking and move as swiftly as you can in God's direction! He is omnipotent; He has already destroyed satan's power. Don't worry too much about inherited or learned traits if you're not willfully sinning: these things are based in genetics and psychology; they're not "curses," and there's nothing wrong with being who you are even if it doesn't correspond to expected/average social "norms." There is no need for you to fear the devil, only to have nothing to do with him and leave him no entrance into your life. Too much fear is definitely an entrance, as I can attest from experience.

I'm sorry I can't elaborate any further without triggering myself. If you don't already have one, I strongly suggest you find an able, well-informed pastor (or therapist) to help you through these issues.

I think they're more psychological than anything else. If you've chosen Christ, the devil cannot interfere with that (though of course he'll try to trouble you in his impotence because lying and scaring is all he can do). But of course that doesn't mean past abuse magically stops affecting you psychologically.

Hatred and fear are not spiritual connections; it's quite natural (though unhealthy) for you to feel those emotions toward a child abuser. Letting go has to involve therapy of some kind, almost certainly. At the very least, you need to work through these things a lot more than you obviously have, with a trusted, empathetic guide who will let you air things out without judgment and without interfering with the natural, sometimes painful and unruly healing process.

Lastly, you mentioned your father is a tormented man. I hesitate to say this, and I could very well be wrong, but...sociopaths generally aren't tormented about their condition. Of course, he could certainly be tormented about other things, like external circumstances that prevent him from getting exactly what he wants when he wants it (because sociopaths feel so entitled, etc.), and maybe that's what you meant. And I'm not sure what sort of abuse you're talking about here, either, so that could definitely be another big proof of sociopathy. But I assumed it was primarily emotional and physical abuse, with things being worse than average because of his extreme coldness. If this is the case, are you quite sure he is a sociopath? I know they're real; I've had the misfortune of knowing two, actually. But it's also possible that he might have some completely different problem. Even Aspies can seem extraordinarily cold to ordinary people, though they're rarely as heartless as they can come off.

Just a thought...you say you love him, but if he's a real sociopath, he can't love you (because they can't experience empathy). I only say this because I've seen some people reactively label their parents out of extreme (though understandable) anger, fear, pain...sometimes inaccurately. Sociopaths get pleasure out of causing others pain - it's malice, not simply "hardness," and they can use people easily like objects, even little children, because they just feel no human connection with anyone. If they seem to, it's faked to get what they want. They also tend to be irresponsible with money, "never faithful," and self-aggrandizing. If that's him, I'm very sorry, and that would definitely be a sociopath. If that seems beyond his level, though...it may be worth some more study. 

God bless and guide you.

 

 

Edited by Daughter of God
Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Royal Member
  • Followers:  55
  • Topic Count:  104
  • Topics Per Day:  0.02
  • Content Count:  9,214
  • Content Per Day:  1.50
  • Reputation:   10,376
  • Days Won:  4
  • Joined:  06/05/2007
  • Status:  Offline
  • Birthday:  06/12/1974

53 minutes ago, GApeach678 said:

I am trying very hard to repent of everything and walk the narrow road but there is this spiritual connection with my father that I just can't break. You see, my father was very abusive to my family and he is ice-cold emotionally. He has never had any friends, he has a major personality disorder... my mother is a very loving mother but my father is the complete opposite. I am trying to be my own person in Christ and walk with God but I just can't get past wounds from him in my childhood, and how much he instilled fear into me... I was terrified of my father as a kid. I am not making this thread to put down my dad, I am making this thread to try and heal because my father is a sick, tormented man and I just can't seem to break any emotional ''ties'' I have with him... I was messed up as a teenager and early 20s and now in my late 20s im trying to finally break ''free'' from any negative ties I have with him but they are rooted so, so deeply... I hated my father for a long time for what he did to me as a kid but I have come to forgive him and even love him, but I just cant go near him because I will open up doors to depression and fear if I do.

 

I inherited some traits naturally from my father like poor social skills, ignoring/disrespecting people, they are generational curses and I KNOW they are wrong and I am trying soooo hard to change and NOT be like my dad but it is rooted in so deep... I never ''grew up'' and became my own person

 

What do you guys suggest/ How can I get my life on with God and cut all negative ties with my family/

Well one question is do you have to be around him? do you live with him? If you don't have to be around him I would get my mind right with the Lord( put on all the armor of the Lord) and take a break from being around him until your strong in the Lord and all his might. But if you have to be around him like living with him then it gets a little more difficult. In that case I would try to stay away from him by staying in different areas of the house or whatever until you know you can withstand all of the Fury darts easyly.

  Just build up on God's love, understanding, wisdom. The Spirit of the most high will show you how to deal with him.Agape and Praying now

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Royal Member
  • Followers:  34
  • Topic Count:  1,989
  • Topics Per Day:  0.49
  • Content Count:  48,687
  • Content Per Day:  11.89
  • Reputation:   30,342
  • Days Won:  226
  • Joined:  01/11/2013
  • Status:  Offline

2 hours ago, GApeach678 said:

I am trying very hard to repent of everything and walk the narrow road but there is this spiritual connection with my father that I just can't break. You see, my father was very abusive to my family and he is ice-cold emotionally. He has never had any friends, he has a major personality disorder... my mother is a very loving mother but my father is the complete opposite. I am trying to be my own person in Christ and walk with God but I just can't get past wounds from him in my childhood, and how much he instilled fear into me... I was terrified of my father as a kid. I am not making this thread to put down my dad, I am making this thread to try and heal because my father is a sick, tormented man and I just can't seem to break any emotional ''ties'' I have with him... I was messed up as a teenager and early 20s and now in my late 20s im trying to finally break ''free'' from any negative ties I have with him but they are rooted so, so deeply... I hated my father for a long time for what he did to me as a kid but I have come to forgive him and even love him, but I just cant go near him because I will open up doors to depression and fear if I do.

 

I inherited some traits naturally from my father like poor social skills, ignoring/disrespecting people, they are generational curses and I KNOW they are wrong and I am trying soooo hard to change and NOT be like my dad but it is rooted in so deep... I never ''grew up'' and became my own person

 

What do you guys suggest/ How can I get my life on with God and cut all negative ties with my family/

Your father needs your prayers. You do not need to be around your father and cause more damage.He has a very serious illness and I don't know what that is. Yes, that kind of parenting from your father can leave scars and much baggage. But if you pray to God and ask Him to help you forgive your father it will take a lot of grief and some of that negative baggage you are carrying around away.That does not mean that you have to have a relationship with him. I do not believe in generational curses and I do not believe that the Bible teaches that. You do not say if you are a man or a woman.I am assuming that you are a woman but I am not sure. A negative relationship with a mother or father can damage your future relationships you will have such as girlfriend/ boyfriend, husband or wife. You may also carry on those negative feelings to your children should you have any. I suggest that you get some Christian counseling and get some of these feelings out in the open along with giving all of these feeling to God. I will pray for you :th_praying:

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Royal Member
  • Followers:  18
  • Topic Count:  21
  • Topics Per Day:  0.01
  • Content Count:  11,715
  • Content Per Day:  4.64
  • Reputation:   9,752
  • Days Won:  106
  • Joined:  04/29/2017
  • Status:  Offline

6 hours ago, GApeach678 said:

I am trying very hard to repent of everything and walk the narrow road but there is this spiritual connection with my father that I just can't break. You see, my father was very abusive to my family and he is ice-cold emotionally. He has never had any friends, he has a major personality disorder... my mother is a very loving mother but my father is the complete opposite. I am trying to be my own person in Christ and walk with God but I just can't get past wounds from him in my childhood, and how much he instilled fear into me... I was terrified of my father as a kid. I am not making this thread to put down my dad, I am making this thread to try and heal because my father is a sick, tormented man and I just can't seem to break any emotional ''ties'' I have with him... I was messed up as a teenager and early 20s and now in my late 20s im trying to finally break ''free'' from any negative ties I have with him but they are rooted so, so deeply... I hated my father for a long time for what he did to me as a kid but I have come to forgive him and even love him, but I just cant go near him because I will open up doors to depression and fear if I do.

 

I inherited some traits naturally from my father like poor social skills, ignoring/disrespecting people, they are generational curses and I KNOW they are wrong and I am trying soooo hard to change and NOT be like my dad but it is rooted in so deep... I never ''grew up'' and became my own person

 

What do you guys suggest/ How can I get my life on with God and cut all negative ties with my family/

Praying for you and your dad!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...