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readytogiveup

Seeking legal seperation after 16 years-6 kids,4 mnths pregnant. Emotionally abusive husband

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Hello all, I'm very new here..looking for support/advice from fellow Christians!

I was with him for 16 years. During this time we "seperated" numerous times. I would admit him back after seeing his struggles. It would hurt my soul to see him hurting. Even though when he said the most monstrous things to me,didn't hurt HIS soul one bit 😢 I wanted to fight for my marriage,since he was and always will be the love of my life. But unfortunately he is Bipolar and let Satan use this far to often. I tried to be understanding but the cuts just got deeper with time. He got so mean and so verbally and emotionally abusive,it started to affect our children.

Fast forward to 2 years ago...I let him move back in because he promised me a list of things... Everything was very good for a while.. But when he would get very upset,he'd aim to kill with his words.

Each of us had our roles at home. I carried all expenses pertaining to the family...rent,car,utilities,toiletries,cell phones-EVERYTHING. He handled household needs like cleaning,cooking,laundry. It worked for everyone,but when he would have an episode,he'd throw it in my face!( the I do everything and you do nothing card).

Towards the end, I went and got a loan for a car he said he needed in order to work for Uber. Handed him 4500 for down payment from a savings account we weren't supposed to touch.. He promised he would pay it back and never screw me over with failed payments.(since he had with prior car I put myself on the line for). Long story short, he's very behind on payments,they called me saying they're ready to repossess! He left almost 4 months ago and not a dime for child/spousal support. Found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after he left. -which I love my kids but we both promised we were DONE. I was blessed with 4 b, 4 g so it was a perfect even team. I had plans to travel out of state to do a summer gig that was financially beneficial to our family. That was out the window soon as I saw a positive test due to how ill I got. Our last child was only 3 months old!

I got very depressed. And to make matters worse,he'd text me with interrogating,accusing,assuming remarks. Most of the time very rude and abusive.

He hates me and accuses me of his failures and tells me I'm on my own now since I kicked him out ☹ What was I supposed to do, if even after I got him the vehicle he refused to be"pressured" to work! After I brought up the conversation and reminded him he had promised to help,he exploded in such a way,I had no other option but to ask him to leave.

Throughout the years,every time he left, I NEVER asked him for financial support. Even let him take our only vehicle,leaving me and children on foot. But I'm kinda tired of taking the fall. And since I am presently unable to work,due to pregnancy(nobody will hire me) and due to what it would cost for childcare, I feel he should finally step up!

So, I need advice. This a very hard and painful process for me. I don't believe in divorce but my heart can't take any more injury. Any advice greatly appreciated..especially from anyone who knows the steps behind the legal process. Thank you kindly for reading. God bless

  • Praying for You! 1

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BK1110    2,899

Welcome, and so sorry to hear of your deep troubles!

Can you tell us a bit about yourself? Do you trust Jesus as your Lord and savior? Do you regularly attend a church gathering and interact with other Christians in your area?

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Posted (edited)

hi there! Bk1110, Thank you for your reply😍 ABSOLUTELY... My faith is what has me still standing.

I do not belong to a church. We are non denominational bible based. The Lord has given me strength through the toughest times,and provided for me and my kids numerous times. I don't doubt he will get me through this as well. I just wanted so much to do it in a Christian manner. I never asked for or demanded my kids dads help before. But I think enough is enough and he needs to know that . I REALLY DO NEED HELP. And he should be helping. I am trying to be patient and am feeling bad taking him to court,but at the same time feel like he's taken advantage of my compassion and non desire to burden anybody...

So I am trying to get opinions and advice

Edited by readytogiveup

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da_man1974    554

I don't think you should feel bad at all if you take him to court.  He is not upholding his obligations.  You need to do what is best for you and your kids.

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HAZARD    2,973
23 hours ago, readytogiveup said:

Hello all, I'm very new here..looking for support/advice from fellow Christians!

I was with him for 16 years. During this time we "seperated" numerous times. I would admit him back after seeing his struggles. It would hurt my soul to see him hurting. Even though when he said the most monstrous things to me,didn't hurt HIS soul one bit 😢 I wanted to fight for my marriage,since he was and always will be the love of my life. But unfortunately he is Bipolar and let Satan use this far to often. I tried to be understanding but the cuts just got deeper with time. He got so mean and so verbally and emotionally abusive,it started to affect our children.

Fast forward to 2 years ago...I let him move back in because he promised me a list of things... Everything was very good for a while.. But when he would get very upset,he'd aim to kill with his words.

Each of us had our roles at home. I carried all expenses pertaining to the family...rent,car,utilities,toiletries,cell phones-EVERYTHING. He handled household needs like cleaning,cooking,laundry. It worked for everyone,but when he would have an episode,he'd throw it in my face!( the I do everything and you do nothing card).

Towards the end, I went and got a loan for a car he said he needed in order to work for Uber. Handed him 4500 for down payment from a savings account we weren't supposed to touch.. He promised he would pay it back and never screw me over with failed payments.(since he had with prior car I put myself on the line for). Long story short, he's very behind on payments,they called me saying they're ready to repossess! He left almost 4 months ago and not a dime for child/spousal support. Found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after he left. -which I love my kids but we both promised we were DONE. I was blessed with 4 b, 4 g so it was a perfect even team. I had plans to travel out of state to do a summer gig that was financially beneficial to our family. That was out the window soon as I saw a positive test due to how ill I got. Our last child was only 3 months old!

I got very depressed. And to make matters worse,he'd text me with interrogating,accusing,assuming remarks. Most of the time very rude and abusive.

He hates me and accuses me of his failures and tells me I'm on my own now since I kicked him out ☹ What was I supposed to do, if even after I got him the vehicle he refused to be"pressured" to work! After I brought up the conversation and reminded him he had promised to help,he exploded in such a way,I had no other option but to ask him to leave.

Throughout the years,every time he left, I NEVER asked him for financial support. Even let him take our only vehicle,leaving me and children on foot. But I'm kinda tired of taking the fall. And since I am presently unable to work,due to pregnancy(nobody will hire me) and due to what it would cost for childcare, I feel he should finally step up!

So, I need advice. This a very hard and painful process for me. I don't believe in divorce but my heart can't take any more injury. Any advice greatly appreciated..especially from anyone who knows the steps behind the legal process. Thank you kindly for reading. God bless

 

Hi readytogiveup and welcome. Never give in, stay with Jesus and continue to be you, God will help, protect and reward you and your children. Rely on the Father in Jesus Name and He will draw you up out of this.

Read Psalm 18, especially verses 16 to 24;

 16, He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters.
    17, He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me.
    18, They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the LORD was my stay.
    19, He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.
    20, The LORD rewarded me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands hath he recompensed me.
    21, For I have kept the ways of the LORD, and have not wickedly departed from my God.
    22, For all his judgments were before me, and I did not put away his statutes from me.
    23, I was also upright before him, and I kept myself from mine iniquity.
    24, Therefore hath the LORD recompensed me according to my righteousness, according to the cleanness of my hands in his eyesight.

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17 hours ago, da_man1974 said:

I don't think you should feel bad at all if you take him to court.  He is not upholding his obligations.  You need to do what is best for you and your kids.

Hello. I thank you kindly for your reply and encouragement. The Lord bless you

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9 hours ago, HAZARD said:

 

Hi readytogiveup and welcome. Never give in, stay with Jesus and continue to be you, God will help, protect and reward you and your children. Rely on the Father in Jesus Name and He will draw you up out of this.

Read Psalm 18, especially verses 16 to 24;

 16, He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters.
    17, He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me.
    18, They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the LORD was my stay.
    19, He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.
    20, The LORD rewarded me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands hath he recompensed me.
    21, For I have kept the ways of the LORD, and have not wickedly departed from my God.
    22, For all his judgments were before me, and I did not put away his statutes from me.
    23, I was also upright before him, and I kept myself from mine iniquity.
    24, Therefore hath the LORD recompensed me according to my righteousness, according to the cleanness of my hands in his eyesight.

Indeed! The Lord is what sustains us... That is a beautiful Psalm. Very appreciative you sent it to me. God bless

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BK1110    2,899
On 8/23/2017 at 1:59 AM, readytogiveup said:

I do not belong to a church. We are non denominational bible based.

I would seriously advise getting connected with a local group of believers if at all possible.

"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." -- Hebrews 10:24-25

God doesn't want us to go it alone. Not only can they help spiritually and emotionally, but many branches of the body will have more "practical" resources to help those in your situation. God bless!

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HAZARD    2,973
12 hours ago, readytogiveup said:

Indeed! The Lord is what sustains us... That is a beautiful Psalm. Very appreciative you sent it to me. God bless

 Hi again ready, Thank you. I hope this might help you in your spiritual battle. A long post but read it at your leisure, God bless and keep you. If your not a member of this church, your in the wrong one, according to Scripture, its that simple.

 

Paul never taught Jesus + some church brings salvation, Paul never taught Jesus + certain sacraments brings salvation, Paul never taught Jesus plus legalism brings salvation, Paul never taught Jesus + purgatory brings salvation, Paul never taught circumcision brings salvation,

 

Paul taught only Jesus + nothing else brings salvation.


We cannot do anything, or add anything to all Jesus, the Father and the Holy Spirit did to save mankind. 
All we need do is believe in Him and in Him who sent Him.
Galatians 1: 6, I marvel that ye are so soon removed from him that called you into the grace of Christ unto another gospel:
    7, Which is not another; but there be some that trouble you, and would pervert the gospel of Christ.
    8, But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed.
    9, As we said before, so say I now again, If any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed.
    10, For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.
    11, But I certify you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached of me is not after man.
    12, For I neither received it of man, neither was I taught it, but by the revelation of Jesus Christ.
 
Jesus Christs church is not a building or a particular religious group with some special name?  The new Testament Church, of which Jesus Christ is the head is a called out body of people of all nations who have been born again and who have lived a true Christian life and died in the faith. It also includes all those who are alive in Christ today. This present church is called the "ekklesia" of the New Testament times, called out of this world to evangelize the world in this age.
The church, in its largest signification is the whole company of redeemed in all ages, in Heaven and in Earth (Eph. 3:1-11; Heb. 12:23). It is the spiritual people who have been made members of the universal family of God. The church in this sense is the body of Christ, and it does not consist of saved and unsaved. It is not a group of individuals associated together for social and benevolent purposes, as seems to be on every hand in most worldly church gatherings. It is the body of people indwelt by God through the Holy Spirit and through whom God works in the world.
The church is a supernatural body of believers filled with the presence and power of God as individuals conform to the gospel of Christ. The church is like a family in its social life, yet is unlike a family in its formation. Each local church is a part of the universal church in the broad sense.  However there are many in local churches that do not belong to the body of Christ, and therefore they are not a true part of the universal church of the New Testament.

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On ‎8‎/‎24‎/‎2017 at 2:50 PM, HAZARD said:

 Hi again ready, Thank you. I hope this might help you in your spiritual battle. A long post but read it at your leisure, God bless and keep you. If your not a member of this church, your in the wrong one, according to Scripture, its that simple.

 

Paul never taught Jesus + some church brings salvation, Paul never taught Jesus + certain sacraments brings salvation, Paul never taught Jesus plus legalism brings salvation, Paul never taught Jesus + purgatory brings salvation, Paul never taught circumcision brings salvation,

 

Paul taught only Jesus + nothing else brings salvation.


We cannot do anything, or add anything to all Jesus, the Father and the Holy Spirit did to save mankind. 
All we need do is believe in Him and in Him who sent Him.
Galatians 1: 6, I marvel that ye are so soon removed from him that called you into the grace of Christ unto another gospel:
    7, Which is not another; but there be some that trouble you, and would pervert the gospel of Christ.
    8, But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed.
    9, As we said before, so say I now again, If any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed.
    10, For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.
    11, But I certify you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached of me is not after man.
    12, For I neither received it of man, neither was I taught it, but by the revelation of Jesus Christ.
 
Jesus Christs church is not a building or a particular religious group with some special name?  The new Testament Church, of which Jesus Christ is the head is a called out body of people of all nations who have been born again and who have lived a true Christian life and died in the faith. It also includes all those who are alive in Christ today. This present church is called the "ekklesia" of the New Testament times, called out of this world to evangelize the world in this age.
The church, in its largest signification is the whole company of redeemed in all ages, in Heaven and in Earth (Eph. 3:1-11; Heb. 12:23). It is the spiritual people who have been made members of the universal family of God. The church in this sense is the body of Christ, and it does not consist of saved and unsaved. It is not a group of individuals associated together for social and benevolent purposes, as seems to be on every hand in most worldly church gatherings. It is the body of people indwelt by God through the Holy Spirit and through whom God works in the world.
The church is a supernatural body of believers filled with the presence and power of God as individuals conform to the gospel of Christ. The church is like a family in its social life, yet is unlike a family in its formation. Each local church is a part of the universal church in the broad sense.  However there are many in local churches that do not belong to the body of Christ, and therefore they are not a true part of the universal church of the New Testament.

so good to see someone who understands.. Alot of times I have been questioned about not belonging to a church. We have a personal relationship with the Lord,and that is the important thing. I refuse to go to a church because I'm in need! Would that not be convenience? Therefore would I be attending for the right reasons? Thank you again for your reply

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