Looking for fellowship *Reposted from the Welcome Section*

[MBias]

Hi, everyone! 

My name is Michelle, and I am 26 years old. I am married to a wonderful man, and I have 2 overweight cats haha. I don't really know what else to say about myself, haha, but I'd be glad to answer any questions. Now to get started: 

I am new to this site and so eager to be here to have fellowship with you all! I am having a rough time right now. Something I am ashamed of as it’s a terrible trial for me. I keep saying it’s a trail. I am fairly new in Christ. I have been a believer since I was little, but didn’t truly come to Christ until this year. I was a sinful believer, as sad as that sounds. I really only prayed to God when I needed something or was super scared. I had a strong urge inside myself to start going to church and to thank God for all my blessings – you know before something bad happened (which I know is not how God works haha, but that was my mind last year). I did not thank God as I was putting it off and putting it off, although it was a simple prayer away. I also never started going to church. My life was just getting more and more sinful as I gave into some temptations. That’s when it hit – on the night of March 15, I fell into a great despair and depression. I became very clinging to my husband, poor him. I didn’t know what could help, not even my husband could help me, and I knew in my spirit I had to turn to God. I started attending church, praying, and spending at least an hour a day with God in devotion. I was still very selfish in all this as I was only focused on getting better and not truly on my relationship with God. It eventually grew that wanting a relationship and I finally felt my time was not wasted. Soon, my eagerness of my devotional time dwindled and it started feeling like a chore. I started doing it less and less as I was feeling better and better. God freed me from my depression, the worst time of my life, and this is how I thank Him. So saddening. I started skipping church some and now I haven’t gone to church in over a month. I felt like I could not open up to anyone there, although they were extremely nice and welcoming people.

Anyway, when I first had my depression, I started experiencing conflicting thoughts about God, bad things. Things I disagreed with but they kept popping up in my thoughts. I prayed for God to soften my heart to give me more faith. God helped me so much, and I rarely ever experienced conflicting thoughts. I really struggled with it thinking “Oh, how can God still love me when I think these terrible things about Him! Things I don’t think are true!” “These thoughts are unforgivable!” One day, I woke up and had this random thought, that I know to be from the Holy Spirit, I thought “God loves me. God forgives me.” It truly felt it! I was so thankful and thanked and praised God, but I didn’t start going to church more or anything. I was very selfish and still focused on myself and my happiness in this world. However, now, it’s bad and worse! I am miserable! I keep thinking that I am a wretch! A fool! Like God describes people like me in the bible. I pray for this to go away and I calm victory over this trail. I, now, struggle with if God would forgive me again, especially now that it’s worse, in my opinion. I just would love to hear any experiences that are similar to mine because when I hear struggles I hear people talk about struggles with the world and not with God. It’s very hurtful, saddening, and I truly am miserable! I know to cling to God! I am back to being a dedicated Christian! I love God and desperately want to have an amazing relationship with God!! I don't really know what to expect as far as feedback, but I am just happy to have you all to share it with!!! I am just truly happy to share this as it is a lot to keep it inside myself! Thank you, everyone! Thank you for reading! I hope God blesses your day! <3 Thank you again!

Michelle 

  *Sorry for the bad grammar, just typing away haha.  

[GandalfTheWise]

I'm new myself here on this forum.  FWIW, I've been a Christian for upwards of 40 years now.  Here's the advice I'd have given myself 40 years ago about walking with God if I could have.

1. You are a unique creation of God meant to reflect His glory in a unique way.  There are things you will have in common with all other Christians, but there are some things that will be unique to you.

2. Figure out how you (in your uniqueness) are meant to walk with God.  I know some people that have been on the same Bible reading and prayer schedule for decades and been greatly blessed by it.  Speaking for myself, I go through definite seasons of my life where one things flows naturally for a time, I grow, I'm blessed by it, and it goes great.  But then that season ends and I need to move on to the next one.   I once went through a season of reading the Bible through once per month for about 4 or 5 months.  On the 5th time through, the one month reading plan slowly fizzled into a 6 month plan and ended up dying out before I finished.  I've had seasons of regularly getting up for a few hours of prayer and meditation every morning.  After about 6 months, I was simply forcing myself to do it and falling asleep and daydreaming.   It took me many years to learn that God made me in a way where I have definite ebbs and flows in my spiritual life where one particular spiritual discipline (e.g. bible reading, prayer, meditation, study, whatever) comes to the forefront for awhile.  I've learned to ride the waves so to speak.

3. The Christian life is about being a Christian more than it is about doing things.  I spent the first 3 decades of my Christian walk completely worried about my "calling" and what God wanted me to be doing.  It's only been the last decade that I've spent more focus on "being" a Christian rather than worrying about a giant spiritual to-do list.  I walked in a bondage of always being worried about measuring up to God's standards for ministry and bearing fruit and being found worthy of His calling on my life.  About 10 years ago, I finally understood that the big things God had put onto my heart when I was young were not goals or a calling, but rather promises that He would bring about as I walked with Him and grew.

 

Hang in there.   I won't say "God's got a great plan for your life, if only you are a good enough Christian", but rather "God's created you to be a unique person meant to walk with Him in a way unique to you.  He will show Himself to the world through you in a unique way.  Learn to walk with Him.  He's a patient and loving Guide and Teacher Who wants to spend time with you and mold you into a unique work of art and treasure."  

[Wayne222]

Hi Michelle welcome to worthy. I found out number one the Lord Jesus really loves me no matter if I have a good day of devotion or one that's self serving. The more for me that over the years I finally realize that God loves me and cares deeply in and through Jesus his son the more I wanted to be with him in a devoted way. I love to now go down on my face in praise and prayer before him. There are always good days and bad days. He never leaves me on the bad days. One thing is important to me is reading the scriptures everyday.  His word is food and drink for me which I cannot do without. The other day I read in Ephesians that we are accepted in the beloved. That made me feel so good inside. This life I found out is a walk with God. And you cannot stop walking. You have to walk. Like a baby it's hard but as you get strong it's easier. Enoch walk with God and it says he please God. And God took him into heaven without death. Another thing is I found I need to vision the hope of christ. The hope of eternal life. The hope of a new heaven and a new earth. The hope of the city of God where I will live with the righteous. I am very glad God has been working in your life. I have gone through a lot of what you wrote. It is the holy spirit showing you that he loves you when you woke up that time.  The book of James says draw near to me and I will draw near to you. I think he is letting you feel bad inside to draw you to seek him. He does that in many ways. This world is very temporary.  And our own life's are short and temporary. Only the things of God are really important and last forever. We can die way before our time. It's good to be close to our Father in heaven.  God's blessings on you.. 

[Marilyn C]

On ‎24‎/‎08‎/‎2017 at 11:06 AM, MBias said:

Hi, everyone! 

My name is Michelle, and I am 26 years old. I am married to a wonderful man, and I have 2 overweight cats haha. I don't really know what else to say about myself, haha, but I'd be glad to answer any questions. Now to get started: 

I am new to this site and so eager to be here to have fellowship with you all! I am having a rough time right now. Something I am ashamed of as it’s a terrible trial for me. I keep saying it’s a trail. I am fairly new in Christ. I have been a believer since I was little, but didn’t truly come to Christ until this year. I was a sinful believer, as sad as that sounds. I really only prayed to God when I needed something or was super scared. I had a strong urge inside myself to start going to church and to thank God for all my blessings – you know before something bad happened (which I know is not how God works haha, but that was my mind last year). I did not thank God as I was putting it off and putting it off, although it was a simple prayer away. I also never started going to church. My life was just getting more and more sinful as I gave into some temptations. That’s when it hit – on the night of March 15, I fell into a great despair and depression. I became very clinging to my husband, poor him. I didn’t know what could help, not even my husband could help me, and I knew in my spirit I had to turn to God. I started attending church, praying, and spending at least an hour a day with God in devotion. I was still very selfish in all this as I was only focused on getting better and not truly on my relationship with God. It eventually grew that wanting a relationship and I finally felt my time was not wasted. Soon, my eagerness of my devotional time dwindled and it started feeling like a chore. I started doing it less and less as I was feeling better and better. God freed me from my depression, the worst time of my life, and this is how I thank Him. So saddening. I started skipping church some and now I haven’t gone to church in over a month. I felt like I could not open up to anyone there, although they were extremely nice and welcoming people.

Anyway, when I first had my depression, I started experiencing conflicting thoughts about God, bad things. Things I disagreed with but they kept popping up in my thoughts. I prayed for God to soften my heart to give me more faith. God helped me so much, and I rarely ever experienced conflicting thoughts. I really struggled with it thinking “Oh, how can God still love me when I think these terrible things about Him! Things I don’t think are true!” “These thoughts are unforgivable!” One day, I woke up and had this random thought, that I know to be from the Holy Spirit, I thought “God loves me. God forgives me.” It truly felt it! I was so thankful and thanked and praised God, but I didn’t start going to church more or anything. I was very selfish and still focused on myself and my happiness in this world. However, now, it’s bad and worse! I am miserable! I keep thinking that I am a wretch! A fool! Like God describes people like me in the bible. I pray for this to go away and I calm victory over this trail. I, now, struggle with if God would forgive me again, especially now that it’s worse, in my opinion. I just would love to hear any experiences that are similar to mine because when I hear struggles I hear people talk about struggles with the world and not with God. It’s very hurtful, saddening, and I truly am miserable! I know to cling to God! I am back to being a dedicated Christian! I love God and desperately want to have an amazing relationship with God!! I don't really know what to expect as far as feedback, but I am just happy to have you all to share it with!!! I am just truly happy to share this as it is a lot to keep it inside myself! Thank you, everyone! Thank you for reading! I hope God blesses your day! <3 Thank you again!

Michelle 

  *Sorry for the bad grammar, just typing away haha.  

Hi Michelle,

Pleased to meet you & see your lovely smiling face with your `funny` hubby. Now it sounds to me like you are in the midst of a spiritual house cleaning time. And you are being tossed to & fro wondering what is of me, the world or God. Relax, rest in your spirit, for the Holy Spirit really only addresses one thing at a time, that we need to look at. Don`t try to juggle all your balls in the air at once, meaning all the things you think need addressing.

Actually the Holy Spirit is more concerned with our attitudes, and then of course the actions follow. We try and get all tidied up on the outside but those pesky balls keep falling down. So, relax, rest, and just live your life with an ear to that quiet `nudge` that will highlight what needs attention.

Remember we are the pupils, and the Holy Spirit is the teacher. No good us trying to fix ourselves. Learn to listen. If we are all in a state of hyper fix it mode we can`t hear anything but our own tension, so...relax, rest and learn to listen.......

During your normal day, a nudge will make you aware of something, and oh the joy when we give that over to the Lord and He helps us on our way.

All the best, dear sis, Marilyn.