Christian Dating Confused

[James1991]

Hello everyone my name is James I am 26 years old. I have been seeing this girl over a year now who is 26 years old, she is an amazing person who i get along very well and she is very strong in her faith. The problem is my mother disapprove of me dating her  and marrying her and the reason being is my girlfriend is not a strong decision maker and my girlfriend allows little things to affect her. For example if my girlfriend gets into an argument with her parents it affects her mood. And another reason my mother doesn't want me to date or marry because she suffered from depression from her last job which my mum feels that her depression can affect a marriage if we decide to get married. This girl has been amazing to me, looking for jobs and encouraging me. I know she is not perfect but Is this a good reason why you would not want to marry someone. I have told my mum to meet her in person but she refuses .

Thanks

God Bless

[woundeddog]

never date anyone you meet in your therapists waiting room.  If she has issues with stability-- being a white knight-- is not a good idea-you won't be able to correct her issues - chances are a relationship is not what she needs to stabilize--- Moms are usually pretty smart-- they can see things that a young man may not--- If you are still living at home--- listen to her advise

[The_Patriot21]

ive been married to a woman for 10 years....and yes, if she gets into an argument it affects her mood. guess what, when I get into an argument with my mom, it affects my mood, and i garentee it affects yours to. It may affect each of us differently.

None of us are perfect, we ALL have our shortcomings, and MANY suffer from depression, that should NOT be a factor in whether to marry or not. The first thing you should consider, is whether or not God wants you to marry. number one, every time. you two should seek whether God wants you two to marry. Second, is whether you two feel like you are ready to make that commitment, to become one for the rest of your lives, good or bad, and go from there.

[BK1110]

If you're looking for someone who is "perfect," you're going to be alone forever.

Have you asked God what he wants? You need to follow God's will, not yours, or your girlfriend's, or your mother's. Pray daily and ask God to show you His will and help you to follow it.

[James1991]

2 hours ago, BK1110 said:

If you're looking for someone who is "perfect," you're going to be alone forever.

Have you asked God what he wants? You need to follow God's will, not yours, or your girlfriend's, or your mother's. Pray daily and ask God to show you His will and help you to follow it.

Amen Brother

[Zoltan777]

On 8/26/2017 at 9:26 PM, James1991 said:

Hello everyone my name is James I am 26 years old. I have been seeing this girl over a year now who is 26 years old, she is an amazing person who i get along very well and she is very strong in her faith. The problem is my mother disapprove of me dating her  and marrying her and the reason being is my girlfriend is not a strong decision maker and my girlfriend allows little things to affect her. For example if my girlfriend gets into an argument with her parents it affects her mood. And another reason my mother doesn't want me to date or marry because she suffered from depression from her last job which my mum feels that her depression can affect a marriage if we decide to get married. This girl has been amazing to me, looking for jobs and encouraging me. I know she is not perfect but Is this a good reason why you would not want to marry someone. I have told my mum to meet her in person but she refuses .

Thanks

God Bless

Before marriage every man should be independent and be able to make decision one their own. If you are still under the influence of your mom especially at age 26 it can lead to some serious problems later on in your marriage.

How does your mom know what kind of person that girl is if she has never met her? It sounds like you are the one who is not sure.

But it's not fair for that girl that you are still hesitating after a year. I think it's time to make up your mind.

[missmuffet]

On 8/26/2017 at 6:26 PM, James1991 said:

Hello everyone my name is James I am 26 years old. I have been seeing this girl over a year now who is 26 years old, she is an amazing person who i get along very well and she is very strong in her faith. The problem is my mother disapprove of me dating her  and marrying her and the reason being is my girlfriend is not a strong decision maker and my girlfriend allows little things to affect her. For example if my girlfriend gets into an argument with her parents it affects her mood. And another reason my mother doesn't want me to date or marry because she suffered from depression from her last job which my mum feels that her depression can affect a marriage if we decide to get married. This girl has been amazing to me, looking for jobs and encouraging me. I know she is not perfect but Is this a good reason why you would not want to marry someone. I have told my mum to meet her in person but she refuses .

Thanks

God Bless

So you and your girlfriend are both born again Christians? It sounds like your girlfriend is not a very strong person. Dating someone for a year is not very long. Maybe you should get to know her for a longer time before you marry her. You do need to consider if you marry this woman that her mental health will be something that will be a disadvantage. Also it sounds like your mother is not a very mature person. Is your mother a Christian? There may be some problems between you and your girlfriend and your mother should you marry this woman. You need to consider that. If you are a praying person you should give this to God and ask Him to guide and direction you on this.

[vlad]

On 8/27/2017 at 4:26 AM, James1991 said:

Hello everyone my name is James I am 26 years old. I have been seeing this girl over a year now who is 26 years old, she is an amazing person who i get along very well and she is very strong in her faith. The problem is my mother disapprove of me dating her  and marrying her and the reason being is my girlfriend is not a strong decision maker and my girlfriend allows little things to affect her. For example if my girlfriend gets into an argument with her parents it affects her mood. And another reason my mother doesn't want me to date or marry because she suffered from depression from her last job which my mum feels that her depression can affect a marriage if we decide to get married. This girl has been amazing to me, looking for jobs and encouraging me. I know she is not perfect but Is this a good reason why you would not want to marry someone. I have told my mum to meet her in person but she refuses .

Thanks

God Bless

As I understand you live in the house of your mother. That is often a problem. You have to do what she says. If you live in your own apartment or house then you decide for yourself. 

Edited September 12, 2017 by vlad

[ravindran]

There are 2 questions here

- Should you obey your mom?

- Is it okay to date and marry someone who has suffered depression in the past

Generally saying, you should obey your mom. Honer your father and mother. You do not listen to their counsel, when it is not in alignment with God's will. Have you prayed about this relationship? How is your prayer life? How is your mom's prayer life? When I was at the age of marriage, I was not very close to God. My mom is a prayer warrior. I had an arranged marriage. But my mom prayed and knew exactly if that girl was in accordance with God's will. Now I am having a blessed married life. More than obeying your mom, it is a matter of whether this is prayed for and done in accordance with God's will

Regarding the second part, are you ready for a worst case scenario? Let's say after marriage, some fights come between you (which is for sure!!). And her depression makes thing worse. Are you ready to love your wife to an extent that it would not bother you at all? Think through that carefully. Get into it only if you are ready. Because this cannot be an excuse for you to break up marriage. You would be getting into it knowing the implications.

[Gemstone777]

On 8/26/2017 at 9:26 PM, James1991 said:

Hello everyone my name is James I am 26 years old. I have been seeing this girl over a year now who is 26 years old, she is an amazing person who i get along very well and she is very strong in her faith. The problem is my mother disapprove of me dating her  and marrying her and the reason being is my girlfriend is not a strong decision maker and my girlfriend allows little things to affect her. For example if my girlfriend gets into an argument with her parents it affects her mood. And another reason my mother doesn't want me to date or marry because she suffered from depression from her last job which my mum feels that her depression can affect a marriage if we decide to get married. This girl has been amazing to me, looking for jobs and encouraging me. I know she is not perfect but Is this a good reason why you would not want to marry someone. I have told my mum to meet her in person but she refuses .

Hi James!  

It's good for you to consider these things before making the commitment of marriage because that is a covenant relationship that you make before our holy God.  That's not something to take lightly.  If you are having doubts, the best thing to do is to pray to God for clarity and be faithful daily in talking to Him about your concerns.  

It's a little confusing that you think your girlfriend is great, but your mom doesn't approve of her, yet has never met her.   It appears you may have said some things about your girlfriend to your mom that negatively influenced her opinion of your girlfriend, since she has never met her.  You may want to ask yourself some tough questions and see if you also have a problem with your girlfriend's depression, arguments with her parents, and that she's not a strong decision maker, and then give honest answers.  There's an old saying, "Love is blind," and sometimes when you are in "love" you don't always see clearly the things you need to.  

After a year or so of dating someone you can usually get a pretty good feel of who that person is.  It's important for you to ask yourself if you can live with the negative aspects of your girlfriend if she doesn't change or improve.  Everyone comes into a relationship with strengths and weaknesses because we are all imperfect.  If you are looking for a perfect person, you will never find one.  You have to determine if you can live with her weaknesses even if she doesn't improve, or if they get worse. Marriage that honors God is for the long haul.  Mark 10:9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.   It's never good to go into a marriage thinking you can change someone.  You need to accept them as they are just as Christ does with us.

As others have said here, it's most important to know that God approves of this relationship, even over your mother.  Mothers are not all created equal, but the majority have at least some care for their children and want what's best for them.  Is your mom just looking out for your best interest, or is she overtly critical judging someone she has never met?  I do see a potential problem because if your mom refuses to meet her/doesn't like her, and they don't get along, it could make for a lot of heartache in the future.  These are all things that you need to consider.  

Two things that stood out to me is that you said your girlfriend had strong faith and she encouraged you.  Those both are so very important in a relationship!  You don't want to be unequally yoked, and you want a spouse that lifts you up.  If you decide to proceed with your relationship it's important for you to talk about things that will effect your future (spiritual matters, where you want to live, do you both wants kids, finances, and your goals/dreams for your life.)   The purpose of dating/courting is to get to know the person better and lead to marriage.  If you find yourself in a place where you can't see marrying this girl, then you should let her go as kindly as possible.  You don't want to play with other people's emotions, as you wouldn't want that done to you.  

If after all this processing and praying you feel led by God to pursue your girlfriend, then you may want to pray that God would change/soften your mum's heart towards her.  You definitely want to be respectful of your mum, but you are now a man and will have to make decisions for yourself. Ephesians 5:31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.  Prayers that you will make a wise decision and find peace in this matter.

In Christian love, Gem

Edited September 14, 2017 by gemstone777