Jump to content
IGNORED

My Marriage & Divorce Testimony


Recommended Posts


  • Group:  Members
  • Followers:  1
  • Topic Count:  5
  • Topics Per Day:  0.00
  • Content Count:  97
  • Content Per Day:  0.04
  • Reputation:   50
  • Days Won:  0
  • Joined:  08/31/2017
  • Status:  Offline

I understand and agree about all of this being temporary.

Yet, it still hurts and grieves me that my spouse slandered me and told lies in order to justify her leaving and divorcing me. She chose to take the little negative in the marriage and turn it into hate and resentment. Instead of searching for the good and asking God to turn us both into better spouses, she took the low road and let evil and vindictiveness take over.

It's just so shocking and sad that she turned so wicked and destroyed a marriage. A women and spouse I loved. That's what hurts me the most...

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Members
  • Followers:  1
  • Topic Count:  5
  • Topics Per Day:  0.00
  • Content Count:  97
  • Content Per Day:  0.04
  • Reputation:   50
  • Days Won:  0
  • Joined:  08/31/2017
  • Status:  Offline

Slander by people in general is something to be expected in today's times but slander by my then wife was something that cut deep. When she got up and bolted from our marriage, that hurt deeply. Who does that? Just abandons ones marriage with no warning and no just cause and then refuses any attempts of Godly and Biblical restoration? Then to find out she slandered me was another deep cut.

I would always speak highly of her to others. I would never slander her. Even though she had many flaws, many sins and did things to hurt me at times. I never spoke ill of her to others. To do so is not only ungodly but sinful and evil, when a spouse goes around speaking ill and telling others lies and fabrications in order to seek sympathy, create a false narrative or some type of vengeance on the other spouse.

They say and it's true. The closest ones to hurt can and do hurt us the most.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Members
  • Followers:  1
  • Topic Count:  5
  • Topics Per Day:  0.00
  • Content Count:  97
  • Content Per Day:  0.04
  • Reputation:   50
  • Days Won:  0
  • Joined:  08/31/2017
  • Status:  Offline

On 10/18/2017 at 10:56 AM, DesertSW said:

Slander by people in general is something to be expected in today's times but slander by my then wife was something that cut deep. When she got up and bolted from our marriage, that hurt deeply. Who does that? Just abandons ones marriage with no warning and no just cause and then refuses any attempts of Godly and Biblical restoration? Then to find out she slandered me was another deep cut.

I would always speak highly of her to others. I would never slander her. Even though she had many flaws, many sins and did things to hurt me at times. I never spoke ill of her to others. To do so is not only ungodly but sinful and evil, when a spouse goes around speaking ill and telling others lies and fabrications in order to seek sympathy, create a false narrative or some type of vengeance on the other spouse.

They say and it's true. The closest ones to hurt can and do hurt us the most.

That's why she also wanted to erase me from her memory and act like I never existed. What better way to not have to face what destruction and hurt you caused. Just act like it never happened.

Of course this is another level but the Germans did this type of "psychology" during and after WWII. The German citizens KNEW what was going on and of the atrocities the Nazi SS command was doing. Yet, they ignored it and acted like nothing was happening. Out of sight - out of mind. They believed if they just didn't look that way where the smoke was billowing from the death camps, they could rewrite reality and act like they were not part of this atrocity.

My wife wanted no contact. She wanted nothing that reminded her of me and our 12 year marriage. She chose to erase me from her mind and not deal with what destruction and pain she left in her wake.  I wasn't the only victim of this mindset. She did this to our pets which she abandoned, our friends, our pastor, our church and even her career which she abandoned and left her child students without a teacher for that school year. They had to scramble and higher subs to fill spots and the students were left with sub-standard revolving teachers for that school year.

She signed a contract promising to teach that year but broke her contract. Of course she also broke her marriage contract and covenant vow with me and God. What was another promise to break for her? She broke so many promises not only to me but to those I mentioned above.

In her own writings she would say, "my dad would tell me that I wouldn't finish things in my life, that I always abandon things". Those were her own words. Yes, she can now add to her resume that she abandoned her spouse and her marriage without even attempting for God to heal the marriage. She just didn't care and didn't want to deal with it. What better way than just cut and run away and act like it never happened. Truly appalling behavior by someone who wrote me and told me hundreds of times "I love you, always and forever" and "you are a good and loving husband, thank you for taking care of me and loving me"

Yet, she abandoned me and the marriage and moved a thousand miles away by her parents, acting like the past 12 years never happened.

 

On 10/18/2017 at 10:56 AM, DesertSW said:

 

 

Quote

 

 

Edited by DesertSW
spelling
Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Diamond Member
  • Followers:  4
  • Topic Count:  48
  • Topics Per Day:  0.01
  • Content Count:  2,491
  • Content Per Day:  0.55
  • Reputation:   1,457
  • Days Won:  1
  • Joined:  10/23/2011
  • Status:  Offline
  • Birthday:  02/02/1971

it is good to reach out and talk about it. Next, can you consider giving it all to God?  The hurt, the anger, the lost feeling, let God take it all. Pray God's will over her, even if you have no contact. 

You need not defend yourself over untruths. God gets it all out in the light all on His own. Only thing you have to take responsibility for is forgiving, and even in that we rely on God to supply us with the ability. He is faithful. God bless you. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

  • Group:  Members
  • Followers:  1
  • Topic Count:  5
  • Topics Per Day:  0.00
  • Content Count:  97
  • Content Per Day:  0.04
  • Reputation:   50
  • Days Won:  0
  • Joined:  08/31/2017
  • Status:  Offline

A song that makes me tear up is by Johnny Cash - 'Hurt'

https://youtu.be/vt1Pwfnh5pc     (click for video)

Can't watch the video and listen to the lyrics without crying. It's actually a really deep look at himself (Cash) and all of humanity. Very relevant lyrics to sin, the fall, death and mans eternal purpose. It's more Christian based than some modern Christian songs out there.

Some of the lyrics that hit me to the core are:

"Everyone I know goes away in the end"

"You can have my empire of dirt"

 

 

Edited by DesertSW
Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Members
  • Followers:  1
  • Topic Count:  5
  • Topics Per Day:  0.00
  • Content Count:  97
  • Content Per Day:  0.04
  • Reputation:   50
  • Days Won:  0
  • Joined:  08/31/2017
  • Status:  Offline

I did NOT give up on loving my spouse

I did NOT give up on the marriage

I did NOT give up on the marriage vows & oath I made & swore before God

I did NOT give up on her

 

LOVE NEVER FAILS (1 Corinthians 13:8)
LOVE KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS (1 Corinthians 13:5)

 

She gave up on loving her husband

She gave up on the marriage

She violated and abandoned her marriage vows & oath she made & swore before God

She gave up on me

 

It's not about blame but about the truth in what happened. Whether she will realize it soon or maybe years later but in due time the Holy Spirit will convict her of what she has done. How she conducted herself as a wife and as a Christian. How she chose sinful divorce over Godly reconciliation and restoration. How she violated her vows and oath that she made before God. That is something God does not take lightly.

Violating an oath & vow you make before God is a serious sin. God relates His relationship to us as a marriage. What if God decided to break His relationship to us? That is something your soul's fate depends on. It's not something that is to be taken lightly.

She left me all alone but God will see me through. God knows my heart and I never wanted to divorce. She chose that path, not me. I wanted Godly healing and reconciliation.

 

 

Edited by DesertSW
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

  • Group:  Worthy Ministers
  • Followers:  30
  • Topic Count:  265
  • Topics Per Day:  0.07
  • Content Count:  13,128
  • Content Per Day:  3.50
  • Reputation:   8,461
  • Days Won:  12
  • Joined:  12/21/2013
  • Status:  Offline
  • Birthday:  10/06/1947

On ‎31‎/‎10‎/‎2017 at 2:31 PM, DesertSW said:

 

Hi DesertSW,

My heart goes out to you as you have been betrayed quite deeply. The Lord knows exactly what that is like as He was betrayed & deserted by His brethren, those that walked close to Him for many years.

My thoughts concerning your situation are - that you should put it all on the altar to the Lord, meaning that it is with the Lord and you don`t keep looking at it, touching it, remembering it. We must ALL go on, through the damage and fall out around us and keep looking forward & upwards,, not like Lot`s wife looking back, and being paralysed by memories and bitterness.

There are many evil spirits at large and your case is one that was affected by such. They are out to `rob, kill and destroy,` and people lose their proper mental abilities and no reasoning can change them. Go forward and see what the Lord would have you do for others and not get lost in the quicksand of despair.

Praying for you, Marilyn.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Group:  Diamond Member
  • Followers:  23
  • Topic Count:  7
  • Topics Per Day:  0.00
  • Content Count:  1,000
  • Content Per Day:  0.37
  • Reputation:   1,655
  • Days Won:  1
  • Joined:  11/27/2016
  • Status:  Offline
  • Birthday:  12/08/1950

Hello DesertSW

I just read Marilyn's post and couldn't have put it better, but just had to add this little bit, as I am one of those people who want to wrap everyone up in cotton wool.

Are you still thinking about this all the time? Don't let it consume you.  Are you able to bring your mind back to focussing on the Lord Jesus Christ and trying to keep your mind there; meditating on scripture, talking to the Lord about this and, importantly, praying for others.  Have you tried volunteering?  I find volunteering takes our minds off our own problems and helps to bring a balance in our thought patterns.

You have some help at church.  The counsellors understand your situation, and are probably praying for you.  I can't imagine how bad it must have been but you can't stay there.  Look up, your Redeemer liveth, He will help you even if it takes a while.  We will pray for healing. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

  • Group:  Members
  • Followers:  1
  • Topic Count:  5
  • Topics Per Day:  0.00
  • Content Count:  97
  • Content Per Day:  0.04
  • Reputation:   50
  • Days Won:  0
  • Joined:  08/31/2017
  • Status:  Offline

A good book for married Christian couples to read is Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. My then wife refused to even read the book, which shows how much she really cared to have God heal the marriage and have God intercede. She put in ZERO effort to see the marriage succeed and heal.

Another good ministry is Jeff & Alyssa Bethke

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 months later...

  • Group:  Royal Member
  • Followers:  12
  • Topic Count:  75
  • Topics Per Day:  0.01
  • Content Count:  3,399
  • Content Per Day:  0.43
  • Reputation:   1,307
  • Days Won:  1
  • Joined:  09/01/2002
  • Status:  Offline

Quote

So now I stand here a year later still deeply hurt by the divorce. A black mark on my testimony as a Christian. Most people think when a Christian divorces it's because of infidelity or physical abuse. In my case, neither happened but I am marked as a failed Christian marriage.

 

There is no black mark upon you.. You have done all that was possible to reconsile with your wife.. She has failed you and God...  And if any church members put their own black mark upon you then they are the ones who have the black mark upon them..

God is not a black mark giver to His adopted Children and is always forgiving.. But in this divorce case there is nothing for Him to forgive your for.. There is something for Him to forgive your wife and the others who played their part in helping lead your wife to divorce you..  But in regard to this divorce you have done no wrong..

 

Quote

I only trust God and His Word. Everything else is just dust in the wind.

 

Yep... God is the only One we can trust 100% without any doubts ...  Been that way all our lives..

  • Thumbs Up 1
  • Loved it! 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...